


And suddenly there was a new door...

by MemberOfTheFates



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: A rollercoaster of hurt and comfort, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Guilt, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internal Conflict, M/M, Panic Attacks, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Movie, References to Thomas' suicide attempt, Talking, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Violence, Whump, author doesn't know how to write British people, but tries nonetheless, probably AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:55:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 141,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29510019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MemberOfTheFates/pseuds/MemberOfTheFates
Summary: Post movie: A series of fortunate unfortunate events leads to Mr. Bates’ early retirement and Lord Grantham being in dire need of a new valet at the same time at which Richard has to quit his job in London. Thomas really needs help realizing that he is and ever will be an important part of Downton Abbey. Fortunately there are many people who want to see him happy and who will go to great lengths to achieve that. Will the Downton staff and family accept who he really is, when it is right in front of their eyes? And will the constant risk, his relationship brings endanger everything he fought for?OR the one where each and every person in Downton Abbey learns how much it takes to care about Thomas Barrow.
Relationships: Thomas Barrow/Richard Ellis
Comments: 119
Kudos: 120





	1. Lemon Biscuits

**Author's Note:**

> I have to apologize because I know I wrote in the tags that this is Thomas Barrow/Richard Ellis and it really is, but it takes a while until I get there. First there are a few things Thomas has to deal with, but Richard will definitely show up later. I tried to stay close to the show but I know that I failed at some points so it’s probably best if you think of this as an AU that starts a few months after the royal visit. There are a few things I maybe should mention before getting started: For one thing Daisy and Andy aren’t married yet even though they are very keen on getting it done. On the other hand Phyllis and Mr. Molesley are indeed married (can you believe it, Molesley was faster than Andy?) and live at the teachers house in the village, but Phyllis still works at the Abbey. For some reason I completely forgot about Mary’s pregnancy until I had already written a great part of this so because apparently I am too lazy to edit, Lady Mary decided to wait a few years before she gives motherhood another shot. Anyhow Henry is pretty much absent for most of the story, so that fits rather well into this scenario. Additionally George is still six years old and Sybbie is ten because it benefits the story and I really have no clue which age they should be. Tom isn’t seeing anyone because another secondary storyline would have probably added 10000 more words to the already growing pile of what’s-still-missing.  
> I am not a native speaker so there might be mistakes, just as a warning. And just so you know, my knowledge about British English in general and 20th century British English in particular originates entirely from the Downton Abbey and Rivers of London fandom so there may be a few points of the story where it sounds as if the inhabitants of Downton Abbey are all secretly time travelers who were pretty much done with shitty 2020/2021 and really don’t know how to act British anymore. I apologize in advance.  
> This is a Thomas Barrow centric story but it’s not entirely from his perspective. It changes quite a lot to be honest and I hope it isn’t too confusing to follow. I also am very excited to say that once again my biggest strong suit branched out on its own to take over most of the story: people arguing with each other over a lot of different things. 
> 
> WARNINGS:  
> So prepare for Drama with a capital D and a lot (I mean a lot, a lot) of the usual period typical homophobia-bullshit that seems to be a terrible must-have in this fandom because lets be serious: We all love Thomas Barrow but unfortunately seeing him happy will always be a result of very very very much pain, hurt and whump, given the time he is living in. Rating may be too high, but better safe than sorry, I guess. There will also be a lot of swearing and a few instances of violence but nothing to graphic. To make up for all of that there will also be a lot of fluff and comfort and many of the characters in general acting just like pretty damn decent human beings. This is Downton Abbey after all.  
> A last thought: Unfortunately I am not good at writing smut so it won’t be that kind of a story, even though Thomas and Richard’s relationship will play a major part (okay, the major part) in it and I really love them together. I am just not the person to write the smut for it (Maybe I try a little but it will be the fade-to-black kind of smut. Sorry.). This story is more about how everything gets out and how the people around them react, including a few redemption-arch’s.  
> And now I hope that I am finished because these notes take up a lot of space and maybe I should stop writing about it and finally start with the bloody story (there we go, British people).  
> Comments are always welcome but you should know I sometimes suck at answering them. So without further delay: Enjoy reading!

If someone asked Thomas Barrow, currently butler of Downton Abbey, it could have been one of the best days of the year.

If someone asked Thomas Barrow, months later, it was certainly one of the most important days of the year, even if not one of the best. It was the day a long series of events, that led to a yet unexplained ending, started.

The weather was fabulous, the sun was shining since the early morning hours and not a single cloud darkened the sky over the grounds of Downton Abbey.

The Cawley’s decided to take advantage of the good weather and took their lunch outside in the sunshine. Sybbie and George joined them on the terrace/porch for tea in the afternoon and the atmosphere was generally light and carefree.

Andy just brought up a tray with George’s favourite lemon biscuits (And if the same someone who already asked the first question told Thomas Barrow, of all things on this earth, _lemon biscuits_ would play an essential part in the shaping of his future, he would have told them to take their medicine). The results were a delighted squeal, very sticky fingers and a frown from Lady Mary. 

“George, look what you have done. Now you have to go wash your hands and Nanny just left to take care of little Johnny.” She chided but even Thomas could see from his vantage point next to the terrace doors that she suppressed a small smile. The weather was just too good to be angry.

“Don’t be so dramatic, Dear.” Lady Grantham said lightly. “Barrow, you’ll go with George, won’t you?”

Thomas nodded and had to suppress a smile too. He was in an especially good mood because this morning another one of Richards letters had arrived. He still had a slight spring in his step when he thought about the fond words they exchanged.

Since Richard left Downton Abbey after the Royal visit, they wrote dozens of letters and Thomas had still so much to say. It was as if he finally found a person, he could tell everything, whether it was the usual Downton gossip, complains about his work, or his personal feelings. Richard simply seemed to have an ear for everything he wrote. After each letter Thomas felt like a completely new person. They just had so much to tell each other.

“Of course, Milady.” He said and took a step forward to pick up George from his chair at the table. The heir of Grantham was now six years old, just about tall enough to look over the table top in the dining room and capable of talking back to every single person in his vicinity (and it didn’t matter if it was the Dowager Countess, his Nanny, Mr. Carson or the postman) with a cheek that resulted in regular gasps and a lot of scolding.

He had also adapted the habit of following Thomas around which led to a very annoyed Nanny and the fact that a lot of Thomas’ work these days consisted of answering the questions of a six-year-old. And if there was one thing this child had (next to a lot of unnecessary toys) it was a vast number of questions.

For some reason, unknown to everybody, Thomas Barrow seemed to be the only person in the entire household of Downton Abbey, including George’s Mother, that could bring the nervous six-year-old down to some level of calmness.

Thomas surely didn’t know what was so different about his approach, when all he did was talk to Master George and treat him like any other adult member of the family. (Thomas was, of course completely oblivious to the fact, that that was exactly why George liked him so much. When Thomas talked to him, he felt like a real grown-up.)

“Why do I have to wash my hands, Mr. Barrow?” he asked now and leaned back when Thomas wanted to pick him up from his chair.

“Because you don’t want to touch the tablecloth with sticky fingers, Master George.” He answered calmly.

George was pouting now, as if the answer wasn’t satisfying. “And if I don’t care about the stupid tablecloth?” he asked and still refused to be picked up.

Thomas heard a little laugh from the side, where Sybbie ate her own lemon biscuits with far less racket.

Lady Mary sighed. “Oh George, just go wash your hands.”

But Thomas thought a moment about the question before answering. “Well, Master George, because then someone would have to put a lot of work into washing it. The sugar in lemon biscuits is quite sticky and difficult to clean out of a table cloth, you know?” That wasn’t really true, the house maids had no trouble with cleaning the table cloths, even if it was sugar that was sticking to them, but in this moment he allowed himself the little lie.

Georges eyes grew bigger. “Someone has to _wash_ the table cloth? Don’t you use a new one every day?”

Another suppressed laugh came from the side and Thomas was pretty sure that this one belonged to the Earl of Grantham who just managed to turn it into a cough halfway out. The rest of the family politely kept out of the conversation and seemed to be entirely too grateful, that Thomas was handling it.

Thomas still returned the boys look with a serious gaze. “No Master George, the maids wash it, just as your clothes and the sheets in your bed. That is why we shouldn’t make more work than necessary for them. They have a lot to do with a house this big. And if you can help them a little bit by washing your hands, you will do it, won’t you?”

He didn’t know whether this was the right approach, or if he was being to open in front of the family, but he was usually unable to not answer when George asked a question. And the family didn’t seem too concerned about his answers.

George seemed to think about that for a while before he shrugged. “I guess you are right.” He said and looked at his Mother with a dead serious expression. “I’ll go wash my hands, so the maids won’t have so much to wash today. I could also wear the same clothes tomorrow? Maybe that would help?”

Thomas couldn’t suppress a smile at Lady Marys slightly indignant face. He saved her by finally picking George up, who let him this time. “That is very generous of you, Master George, but it is still their job to wash your clothes. Let’s start with keeping the table cloth clean?”

George nodded but already seemed to be distracted by another question. “Does that mean that we also use _the same set of silverware_ every day? Don’t we have enough money to buy a new one?”

* * *

“I think Barrow handled that pretty well, don’t you think, dear?” Cora said, as soon as the butler left the terrace with the six-year-old in his arms who still talked his ear off on the way inside. Barrow continued to answer his questions with a calmness and patience that Mary never had. Sometimes Cora was a little bit sat, that her daughter didn’t have a warmer relationship to her son but she tried to do her best nonetheless.

Mary rubbed her temples. “I don’t know how he manages it. I am already at a loss of words, after an hour of listening to George’s questions, and Barrow does it the whole day. George follows him around and doesn’t stop talking. I once watched him arranging an entire dinner menu with Mrs. Patmore, _while_ showing George different sorts of fruits in the pantry. _I_ didn’t even know we had pineapple down there.”

“It’s a surprise the man still manages to do his work…” Robert said from behind his newspaper and he sounded a little bit disgruntled. “Maybe we should hire a governess. It shouldn’t be the butler constantly answering my grandson’s questions.”

“I think he does remarkably well with the children.” Cora inserted before she frowned. “George is a little bit too young for a tutor or to be send to a boarding school but a governess doesn’t seem to be a bad idea and if it just gives Mr. Barrow a bit of recreation, don’t you think Mary?”

“I think we could ask at the school in the village, if they can recommend someone. But I want to see them first. After the fright we had with Nanny West I refuse to let anyone near the children, if their references aren’t approved by me.”

“I agree, I won’t let such a person into this house again.” Robert said and folded his newspaper.

Sybbie looked up from her plate and frowned. “I didn’t like Nanny West.” She said and the adults exchanged guilty looks.

Cora leaned forward and took Sybbie’s hand in hers. “Don’t fret, my dear Sybbie. She won’t come back here.” She still had the woman’s vile words in her mind, when she walked into the nursery after Barrow had talked to her.

Sybbie smiled so brightly that the Dowager (if she were present at the moment) would have had to say a word or two, about the ladies in her days, who didn’t dare to show their teeth in this scandalous way. “I know that already.” The girl said cheery.

“And why is that?” Mary asked with a slightly arched brow.

“Mr. Barrow said he would personally _drum_ her out of the house if she ever dared to return. I am not quite sure where he wants to get a drum from, but I told him, he could always ask Mrs. Patmore for a pot and a cooking spoon.”

Robert choked on his tea. “Good Lord, that is a picture I will never get out of my head!” he gasped laughing and Cora had to agree inwardly that it was a very amusing thought, considering the butlers usual professional behaviour.

Mary smiled at her niece. “Well, Sybbie. Mr. Barrow would have my fullest encouragement.”

* * *

Thomas balanced George with one arm on his hip and opened the green door with the other. “Why are we going downstairs?” George asked immediately.

“I want to ask Mrs. Patmore what she planned for dinner tonight, Master George. You can wash your hands in the Servants hall.”

“Alright. Can I eat dinner with you tonight? I never ate dinner in the servant’s hall.”

Thomas laughed quietly. “I am afraid, this will not be possible, Master George.”

“Why not?”

“It’s not proper for the heir of Grantham to eat his dinner in the servant’s hall.” He replied and took the steps down into the basement with care. George was getting heavier and soon he wouldn’t be able to carry the boy anymore. He decided to enjoy it while it lasted.

“Why not?”

“That’s just the way it is, Master George. That is how it’s been for decades. I didn’t make the rules.”

“Well, the rules are dumb. When I am the Earl of Grantham, I will just change them and then we can all eat together in the dining room. Great grandma and Grandma and Grandpa and Mum and Mrs. Molesley and Andy and Sybbie. Everyone from downstairs and upstairs. And I guess Mr. Carson if we have to…”

Thomas didn’t comment, why this wasn’t possible for several reasons, the first and foremost that half of the people the boy mentioned would probably already be dead on the day George would become the Earl of Grantham. Instead he just smiled and envied how naïve children could be. Free from all the inevitable challenges and problems of life.

“I would like that Master George, but I very much doubt that your Great grandmother would like it.”

George crossed his arms in front of his chest when they reached the servants hall. “I can do what I want, when I am the Earl, and if I want to have dinner with my friends, I will do that.”

A warm feeling spread through Thomas and for a moment he could just stare at the boy in his arms and wonder how long it would take for him to realize that the world didn’t work this way. That was a sad thought. He hoped that George could keep these thoughts of a happier future for a very long time before reality destroyed them.

“I think you will be a fantastic Earl of Grantham.” Thomas said.

George beamed at him and wanted to ask another question but in this moment, they reached the servants hall, where Phyllis (yes, in his head it was still Phyllis, not Mrs. Molesley, thank you very much) sat at the table and worked on a ribbon from one of her Ladyships hats.

She smiled when she saw them. “Hello, Master George.”

He waved at her but seemed distracted by something on the floor and began to squirm like a worm in Thomas’ arms until he had to put him down, where the future Earl of Grantham immediately crawled under the table on his hands and knees.

“Master George, what did we say about helping the house maids by keeping things clean?” Thomas sighed but his heart wasn’t in it.

“But they have to wash my clothes anyways today, don’t they? You said so yourself! You just said I shouldn’t touch the tablecloth with sticky fingers!” Georges voice sounded muffled from under the table.

Thomas rolled his eyes. Phillis tried very hard not to laugh. “Well, they won’t like it to get stains out of your trousers either, Master George. What are you even doing down there?”

George came back up from under the table and triumphantly held up an envelope that looked a little wrinkled but otherwise undamaged.

Phyllis looked mildly amused. “What do you have there, Master George?” And in Thomas’ direction: “Are they already finished with the afternoon tea?”

Thomas couldn’t answer. His blood had gone cold as soon as he saw the envelope in Georges grip. His left hand immediately went to the inner pocket of his livery which was, like he had feared: empty. For three seconds he was just frozen on the spot until he heard George’s voice, that ripped him from his stupor.

“I don’t know, someone must’ve dropped it.”

He returned to the world just as Phyllis put out her hand, completely oblivious that Thomas was short before having a panic attack. “Let me see-“

Thomas reacted faster than he would have thought possible. In a matter of seconds, he was between George and Phyllis, grabbed the envelope out of Georges sticky fingers and put it back into the pocket of his livery.

Both of them stared at him. “You didn’t even look at it!” George said. “How do you know who it belongs to?”

Thomas felt the sweat soaking through the back of his shirt. It wasn’t George’s questions that made him nervous. It was the slight anxiety in Phyllis eyes. She knew he kept something from her.

“That’s because I dropped it this morning. It’s just a letter from London, about a wine delivery.” Well, at least two thirds of that were the truth.

George lost interest in the topic quickly. He shrugged and hopped over to the sink to wash his hands, which ended with his sleeves drenched in water and soap all over the front of his jacket, but Thomas had other problems at the moment.

Phyllis was still staring at him with narrowed eyes. “Didn’t we get a wine delivery, just last week?”

Thomas clenched his teeth. Why? Why was it that she had to be so bloody observant? He didn’t even know how he managed to keep this a secret for more than a few weeks. And here he was lying like a beginner. He knew the problem wasn’t, that he was a bad liar. He was simply tired of it. He did so much of it in his life, that he hadn’t any energy left for it.

Instead of thinking about another easy to see through excuse, he just sighed and rubbed his temples where a slight headache started to form. “Can we talk about this later?” he asked quietly.

Now she looked downright alarmed.

He held up a placating hand before she could say anything. “It’s nothing bad. I promise. After the afternoon tea in my pantry?”

She didn’t seem entirely convinced but she nodded after a second. “Alright.”

Thomas forced out a smile and turned to George. “Let’s go looking for Mrs. Patmore.” He said and George hopped down from the chair he dragged in front of the sink. From his sleeves the soap water dripped to the floor. He also somehow managed it to completely soak his trousers at the knees. Thomas had the suspicion that he did that on purpose. “If I think about it maybe we should make you presentable first.”

“Look, I cleaned my trousers! Now the house maids won’t have to wash them tonight!” George said delighted.

Phyllis turned a laugh into a cough behind him which earned her a sour look from Thomas.

“I think I am going to call Nanny, Master George. Your hands are clean but unfortunately what you need now is an entire wardrobe change.” The butler replied and felt the tiredness seep into his bones. He was already dreading the conversation with Phyllis and now George had managed to give him even more work. The life of a butler never got boring.

* * *

After handing George over to Nanny (who scolded him at length for spreading soap water all over his clothes) , explaining the boys absence to the family, standing next to the doors for thirty long minutes and then clearing up the terrace with a far too cheerful Andy on his heels he went to the butler’s pantry and sat down heavily in his chair.

The good mood after reading Richards letter was long gone. It wasn’t even the fact that he had to talk to Phyllis now, that kept haunting him. It was the thought that each and every member of the staff could’ve stumbled upon that letter and he would’ve been doomed. How could he have been so careless, so stupid to lose such an incriminating document?

Thomas had been many things in his life. He’d been a cunning, lying, scheming, sometimes cruel man, but he was rarely careless. If he thought back, there were only a hand full of moments when he had showed the same oblivion to danger and stupidity as he did with losing this letter today. It was the night he kissed Jimmy. It was in London with the Duke during the first season. It was with the boy from his class in the backyard of his father’s clock shop.

He knew what the pattern meant. There was only one explanation. He was falling for Richard Ellis. When his feelings got involved Thomas Barrow had a tendency to get careless, and he would put his shirt on a horse that someday that would be his inevitable downfall.

A knock at the door ripped him from his dark thoughts.

“Come in.” he said and sat up a little bit in his chair. There was no reason to be afraid of Phyllis’ reaction. He was thinking rational enough to know that. But there was a reason to be afraid of his own stupidity. Not everyone in this house was so open-minded.

Phyllis stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. She took the chair in front of the desk and her worried gaze landed on him.

He sighed. “Say what you want to say.”

“This letter wasn’t for a wine delivery.” She stated.

“No, it wasn’t.” Thomas answered truthfully and it felt good not to lie.

“I noticed that you received a lot of letters over the last weeks.”

“Yes.”

Both of them were silent for a moment. Her gaze was full of anxiety.

She stared at him.

He stared at her.

“Please tell me it’s not again _Choose your own path._ ” Phyllis finally blurted out.

Thomas flinched almost violently. “What?!”

Phyllis leaned forward over the desk and grabbed his hand. “I saw, that the letter was from London. I didn’t notice you looking sick again, but that doesn’t mean anything, does it? Are you writing to someone from the program? Are you still believing this absolute nonsense? Thomas, please, listen to me, this can’t be the way you see yourself! It isn’t right!”

Her face had turned red, her chest was heaving and she seemed to be completely determined to convince him.

Thomas stared at her for a few seconds before bursting into laughter. He couldn’t help himself. It was such a relief to see what she was thinking right now. That she would still support him, no matter who he was loving. It was as if a weight had been lifted from his chest.

Phyllis looked more than confused. “It isn’t that, Phyllis.” He said a little bit calmer and squeezed her hand which still grabbed his right hand in a vice like grip. She relaxed a little bit and took a shaky breath. It took a moment until she was in control of her voice again.

“Alright. I am glad to hear that. I hope you know, that the whole plan was a foolish idea and that I will be very angry if you ever do anything like that again.”

“I agree.” He said and smiled a little sadly. “I didn’t see it back then, but I see it now.”

She nodded slowly before she finally pulled back her hand and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “So, tell me what this is then. What are you keeping from me?”

Thomas sighed and pulled the envelope out of his jacket. He opened it, took the letter out, put it back into the inner pocket of his jacket and handed her the empty envelope.

Phyllis looked at him slightly confused before she dropped her gaze onto the paper and turned it around to read the return address on the back.

Her eyes widened slightly and she looked up at him again. “Richard Ellis.” She said. “He was the valet of his Majesty during the royal visit, wasn’t he?”

“The second valet.” Thomas corrected as if it was of any importance at the moment.

Her gaze drifted to the envelope again. “All these letters…”

Thomas didn’t reply. She would clearly figure it out herself after a while. No need to embarrass himself even further.

She looked up again and their gazes met. Slowly a small smile spread over her face. “You and him?” she asked.

Thomas shot a quick look to the door but it was still firmly closed. “I don’t know what it is yet.” He said quietly.

Now she nearly grinned. “But it _is_ something? When did this start? Did he write you after the royal visit?”

Thomas sighed. “Will you stop pestering me if I say yes?”

“I want to hear it, Thomas. I know you haven’t told anyone. Why not me?” she looked at him with big pleading eyes and a slight smile on her face.

“If I tell you now, we won’t lose another word about this after I’m finished.” He muttered and deep down an unexpected excitement to finally tell someone appeared. He suppressed it consequently. This couldn’t turn into a habit.

She smirked. “Just tell me, Thomas.”

He threw his hands into the air, dramatically. “Very well, as you know we met during the Royal visit. Lady Mary decided I wasn’t fit to do my job, so I decided there were better things to do than watching Carson stalk through the Abbey like he owned the place giving orders to _my_ staff, so I accepted an invitation from Richard to go to a pub in York. He wanted to visit his parents and join me after that. Then…let’s say it was an enlightening evening. We stayed in touch after the visit. That’s pretty much all there is to say about it.”

Phyllis looked like she knew there was more to the story, but she didn’t pry. “I am very happy for you.” She said instead. “When are you planning to see him again?”

Now the happy feeling he had felt not only seconds ago was gone entirely. “It is not that easy. He hasn’t much free time in the palace and it’s not as if the Cawley’s would let me vanish to London for a few days without a very good reason, that I do not have.”

Phyllis frowns. “There has to be a solution. Maybe he will be able to get a few days off to go visit his parents?”

“Probably not before Christmas.” Thomas shrugged. “It’s alright. I think we knew that this wouldn’t have any future when we started it. I am probably just waiting for him to tell me that the distance is too much.”

She looked sad but didn’t seem to have any other idea. They were both silent for a few seconds before Thomas remembered something. He put out his hand and Phyllis gave him the envelope back. “What are you doing?” she asked when he walked around the desk.

“What I should’ve done this morning. Destroying evidence.” He said after he threw the empty envelope into the fireplace at the wall. He stood there watching, while it slowly crumbled in the flames until nothing but ash was left. “Today was too close. Anyone could’ve found it. I have gotten careless over the last weeks, this can’t happen again.”

Phyllis eyes were sympathetic. “Not everyone is out to get you, you know that, don’t you?”

“Except that everyone is.” Thomas stared into the flames and wondered if there would come a day when a man could love another man without having to burn the evidence of it. He doubted it very much.

“Not in this house.” Phyllis replied quietly. “There are good people here.”

He turned around and snorted. “Yes, they are good enough to tolerate someone like me as long as they see no evidence in front of their eyes. What do you think they would do, if they couldn’t ignore it anymore? Would they still be good people?”

“Thomas, I really think this is unfair of you to say. They did a lot of good for you. You should have a little bit of faith.”

“So, you think they would still stand by my side, if something like this would get out? Do you really believe that, Phyllis?”

She stood up from her chair and approached him in front of the fireplace. He didn’t look at her. One of her hands squeezed his shoulder.

“Yes.” She said. “I do believe they would. And maybe a day will come when I can say to you that I told you so. There are more people on your side than you think.”

He turned his head and looked at her. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I never want to find out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A last note before I shut up and try to post the second chapter: The basic idea behind this was that Mr. Bates somehow got hurt and couldn’t work as Lord Grantham’s valet anymore so there was a free position and who would be better suited than a certain royal valet we already know. After that it slowly comes to light what kind of relationship Thomas and Richard have.  
> Well, at least I thought this was the root of the matter. So I sat down and began to write and somehow it turned into this monster fic, that got completely out of control, and now I have over 180 pages and 100,000 words (with many gaps in between, because I am dumb enough to write the stuff I really want to write first and worry about everything else later) and I don’t know what to do with it. I think it’s partly because of the unbelievable amount of characters in this, who all seem to have an opinion to share. I hope I will somehow manage to finish this, and I already thought of an ending. The problem, of course, is getting there. I am also studying and working while writing this so I don’t have a lot of time. And, yes: Here goes the promise I made to myself that I would not post this before it’s finished…


	2. An Unwelcome Guest

Two days later, when the staff had just sat down for breakfast Nanny came down the stairs from the upper floor.

Thomas looked up from his tea, when the usual talking around him suddenly stopped.

“Mr. Barrow.” The small and a little bit chubby woman panted out of breath. “Mr. Barrow, I cant find Master George and I thought, he may be down here with you?” her gaze wandered through the room as if she was expecting that the six-year-old would just jump out from under the table.

In the past few weeks she hadn’t had it easy with the future Earl of Grantham. Thomas usually knew, where the boy was at the moment, but that was only because his favourite occupation was following the butler around. The problem was, that even if Thomas did know where he was, his Nanny usually didn’t. George rarely told her where he went when he managed to escape her again. So Nanny had proceeded to just go looking for Thomas every time George sidled off.

Thomas frowned. “I’m afraid he isn’t here at the moment.”

Nanny’s eyes grew big as if she hadn’t even thought this could be a possibility. “But where _is_ he, if not with you?!” she asked and her voice was panicky.

Mrs. Hughes got up from her chair and went over to the distraught woman. “Here, just sit down for a moment and have a cup of tea. We will surely find Master George in no time.”

Nanny sank onto the offered chair and started to fan herself with her hand. “This boy will get me into an early grave…” she muttered under her breath.

Thomas got up from his own chair, without having even touched his breakfast. “I’ll go look for him. I think I know a few places, where he likes to hide sometimes.” He looked at the Nanny. “Did anything happen last night, that could’ve upset him?”

The woman frowned but shook her head. “Well nothing especially important. Lady Mary came upstairs after dinner to tell him, that she had found a new governess for him. I think she will arrive tomorrow.” Nanny didn’t seem very disturbed by this but Thomas saw immediately what was the problem here.

“A governess?” he asked and couldn’t keep his tone from getting icy. “I think I would’ve heard it first if the family decided to hire someone, given that I am responsible for the staff?”

Nanny blinked at him. He could feel the gazes of the other members of the staff and took a deep breath. Now was not the moment to make a scene. “Well it doesn’t matter now, does it? Don’t wait for me.” He turned around and left the servants hall before anyone else could say anything.

Thomas tried to suppress his anger, but it was very difficult. The Crawley’s had hired someone without even telling him about it? It really shouldn’t surprise him. They didn’t trust him with the same things they trusted Carson with. That was just how it was.

But now was not the time to pout over their actions behind his back, first he had to find Master George. He could imagine that the boy wasn’t happy to get a governess, even if it probably was a good idea. The child was full of mischief. Thomas just wished he had known about this and could’ve talked to George before he decided to hide from the world.

Fortunately this had happened before. George was a noisy and active child but he was also very easily hurt. Maybe it was because he never met his father and the relationship to his mother was colder than that of other children and their mothers. He was constantly looking for some warmth and comfort from the people around him and if he felt like someone wronged him he often decided that hiding was better than confrontation. Maybe it had something to do with the way the people around him sometimes fought with each other. Even though he was still a child he had seen a lot of bad things happening in this house. The adults often assumed that children didn’t notice the things they said, but George and Sybbie understood more than they thought. Thomas sometimes feared that it might result in lasting damages of the children’s personalities.

He took the main staircase to the upper floor of the Abbey and started to categorically look through the different hiding spots, he had found George in many times before.

The unused guestroom next to the nursery was empty.

So was the broom closet on the other side of the corridor.

When he looked behind the heavy curtains in front of the windows next to it, he noticed the door to the attics was slightly ajar.

He sighed quietly. How many times did he tell George, that it was too dangerous up there? It must have been at least five times he found him digging through some old chest with Christmas decoration eager to find a long lost treasure.

Thomas climbed the stairs and found George with his legs tugged in sitting in one of two old armchairs that were covered with sheets.

The two chairs were wooden monstrosities covered in beat gold and heavier than an automobile. Lord Grantham had refused to throw them out for years even though Lady Grantham hated the sight of them. Of course Lady Grantham had won the argument in the end when the children arrived and kept chewing on the golden armrests until someone decided it a safety risk and heaved the things to the attic where they resided ever since. And even though the children where far from their oral stage by now, the chairs stayed there. Lord Grantham had forgotten they existed and Lady Grantham had wisely decided not to remind him. Thomas was on Lady Grantham’s side of the argument, but only because _he_ would be the person who would haul the bloody things downstairs again, if anyone decided they needed their little reminder of the glorious old days back. Thomas wasn’t planning on dying with a broken neck on the attic stairs.

“Master George, are you alright?” Thomas asked now and approached the small boy cautiously. His face was buried in his arms.

“No.” the grumbled answer came but at least it didn’t sound as if tears were involved. That was a good sign.

Thomas sat down in the other armchair and busied himself with staring at a small spider that crawled over the armrest and imagining all the screams it would doubtlessly cause if he brought it with him to the servants hall. Mr. Molesley’s face would probably be priceless.

After two minutes of silence George seemed to loose his patience. He ripped his head from his arms and looked at Thomas with wide eyes.

“Did you know that Mum hired a _governess_ for me?!” he almost shouted and there was childlike anger in his voice.

Thomas shook his head. “I just heard it myself. Is that why you are hiding up here?”

George nodded and his lips began to tremble alarmingly. “She said I had to learn some manners and that I couldn’t follow you around until ‘the end of days’…” he sounded as if he had no idea what could be wrong with that.

Thomas lifted an eyebrow. “Well, I was surprised too, but your mother isn’t wrong. You know that many young children in big houses have a governess? It’s a good preparation for school and if you have questions you can always ask. I know you have a lot of questions,

Master George.”

“Yes! That’s what you are for!” his face was unhappy. “I don’t want a governess. I want _you_ to answer questions.”

Thomas smiled at that. A warm feeling spread through his chest. “That is very nice of you to say, but I am just a butler. I don’t know much about the things a governess could tell you. There are more things you should learn than just how this house works.”

George seemed to think about that for a moment. “But what if she is mean?” he asked quietly.

“A governess is like a teacher and teachers sometimes have to be strict, but if you think she is mean to you, you come to me or your mother and we will try to speak to her. How would that sound?”

The boy sighed still a little bit unhappy. “I guess I could try…”

“Very good, Master George. And if you have any problems you can still come to me. Its not as if I will be out of the house.” Thomas replied and stood up from his chair. “Shall we go downstairs again?”

George looked at him for a few seconds before he nodded seriously and hopped down from the chair. “Alright.”

Thomas smiled. “I think you will like it to have someone who has time to answer all your questions. You’ll see, Master George.”

The boy didn’t look convinced but at least he also didn’t look too unhappy anymore. “Can I come to the servants hall with you?”

“Of course. We should get you down there anyways. You gave Nanny quite a scare by just disappearing.” He crouched down in front of George for a moment and looked him in the eyes seriously. “Please promise me to tell at least one person when you want to hide next time. Someone should always know where you are in case something happens. There are many people in this house, who worry about you.”

George looked a little guiltily. “Alright, can I tell Sybbie? She wouldn’t tell anyone except in an emergency.”

Thomas smiled at him. “Of course.”

“Mr. Barrow?”

“Mmh?”

“How long did you need to find me?”

Probably ten minutes. “Oh, an eternity, Master George. This is a very good hiding place, but you should be very careful if you are up here.” He knew there would be no point forbiting him to go up to the attic. Children always found a way around rules. At least he knew where George would be the next time.

George grinned at him. “Good. Don’t tell anyone about it or I can’t use it anymore.”

“My lips are sealed, Master George.”

* * *

Thomas brought Master George down into the servants hall where Nanny gasped and hugged the boy to her chest, before giving him a good telling-off.

The other staff members had already finished their breakfast and after George had managed to grab a biscuit from the kitchen Nanny took him back upstairs.

Ten minutes later Mrs. Hughes and Thomas where the only ones left in the servants hall. Mr. and Mrs. Bates and Phyllis had gone upstairs to help the family dress for the day and Mrs. Patmore and Daisy where busy with the upstairs breakfast in the kitchen. Andy was nowhere to be seen but probably outside talking to the postman, who usually arrived after the staffs breakfast.

“Where was Master George hiding this time?” Mrs. Hughes asked with a small smile.

“I am sworn to secrecy.”

That made her smile even more but before she could say anything else Thomas had to damp her spirits. “Did you know that the family hired a new governess?” he asked.

Mrs. Hughes smile vanished. She sighed heavily. “Lady Mary told me yesterday. I thought you were already in the know. I think it was a very swift decision. They looked for someone from the village and apparently Mr. Molesley was able to recommend the woman, so an official advertisement in the paper wasn’t necessary.”

“Apparently.” Thomas said coldly. “They just forgot to mention it to me. Do you think they will also disregard me when they suddenly decide to hire a new butler? I will probably notice, when he shows up at the backdoor and demands the keys to the pantry.”

“Thomas, don’t be ridiculous. The family probably just didn’t want to burden you with this. A governess is strictly speaking not part of the downstairs staff.”

“And that allows them to make the decision without even informing me?” Thomas snapped. He had enough of this. How could it be, that they still didn’t trust him? “They never would have done something like this behind Mr. Carson’s back.”

Mrs. Hughes didn’t look happy. “No, I think they wouldn’t have. Just give them a little time, Thomas.”

“Time? I have been butler for almost a year and I worked in this house for two decades, don’t you think I earned a little trust?!” He didn’t care what she would say to that, he just turned around, stormed into his pantry and began flipping through ledgers furiously.

A knock at the door frame ripped him from his trance. “Mr. Barrow? There was a letter for you…” Andy was back with the post and he looked like he would like to be anywhere else right now.

Thomas sighed heavily. Andy had done nothing to him, he didn’t deserve to be snapped at and if he thought about it Mrs. Hughes didn’t either. He was still not able to control his anger.

“Yes, thank you Andy.” He smiled and took the envelope with Richards newest letter. At least one good thing that was happening today. “I’ll be out for the upstairs breakfast in a moment.”

Andy nodded, relieved that he wasn’t snapped at and turned around to leave. Thomas watched him a little guiltily before he opened the letter.

It was a detailed description of Richards day and started with him saying that he couldn’t wait for Thomas’ reply and decided to send another letter right after sending off the last one. He said that he missed Thomas at the end.

Thomas read it three times and his mood had lightened extremely when he finished it for the third time. There was a big smile on his face after he tucked the letter into his inner pocket. There it would be with him through the day. He liked to think of Richard in dark moments and most of the times it helped him suppress all the terrible thoughts.

He decided to write back this evening and for a wonderful moment he didn’t remember his doubts from two days ago. He just thought about this beautiful man, who waited for his reply. Who _missed him._ Maybe the doubts would come back, but definitely not today.

* * *

Phyllis came to his pantry later in the day.

“I heard from Mrs. Carson, that the family didn’t tell you about the new governess.” She said and looked a little guiltily. “I think that might be partly my fault.”

He leaned back in his chair and arched a brow at her. “And why is that?”

She sat down on the edge of the chair in front of his desk and sighed. “Well, Lady Mary asked me to speak to Joseph about it. She thought he could recommend someone from the village school and he could. One of the women works only a few hours at the school and was a governess before this position. He thinks she could be the perfect candidate for this position. I told Lady Mary about her and didn’t even think about going to you first. It didn’t occur to me, that they hadn’t told you yet.”

“And Lady Mary just decided to hire this woman without looking at her references?” he asked incredulous. After what they had been through with Nanny West he thought she would at least be a little more careful about the people she let into the house. Well, maybe he misjudged her mother instinct, if she even had one at all. The thought was not nice, but he refused to change the way he thought, on top of already constantly changing the way he acted.

Phyllis shook her head. “Of course she wants to meet the woman. But she is also inclined to trust Josephs judgement and give her a chance. I talked to him about her. He said she was a little strict, but a decent person and a great teacher. And I think strictness should be one of the main characteristics of a governess, don’t you think?”

Thomas snorted a little ironic. “Yes I guess, if _Mr. Molesley_ likes her she has to be a good choice.”

Phyllis frowned. “Please don’t be nasty, he is a good man.”

Thomas rubbed his eyes and sighed. “I know. But I would have liked it if at least one person in this house had deemed it necessary to tell me about this…”

“I am sorry, Thomas. It just all went so fast. Lady Mary seemed very determined to get this done before the weekend. I think she saw how George followed you around everywhere and wanted to take a bit of the workload off your shoulders. No one meant to offend you.”

“Very well, I guess it is done now.” Thomas acknowledged defeat “I am inclined to trust your husbands judgment, but I want to see her, when she arrives.”

Phyllis smiled. “Thank you, Thomas. That means a lot to me.”

“What time did you tell her to come to the Abbey tomorrow?”

“Oh, I think Joseph said she would come by in the late afternoon.”

* * *

The knock at the back door came right after they finalised the upstairs breakfast the next day.

Thomas and Andy had just finished bringing down the plates and Mrs. Patmore was complaining because the pantry was out of sugar, not mentioning with one word that she had been the one who forgot to order it in the first place. Thomas was about to send Albert to the village to buy a few packages, so he didn’t have to hear her complain anymore, when he heard the knock.

He looked at the clock, decided that it was too late for the postman, too early for the delivery, that should arrive today and far too early for the new governess. He opened the door with a frown.

In front of him stood the thinnest woman he had ever seen. She was almost as tall as he was, even though she wore flat shoes. She looked as if she simply didn’t eat on a regular basis. Her spidery fingers clutched a brown handbag and her dark green dress had an old fashioned cut. Her face was long and thin and her eyes were an intense green. It was impossible to tell how old she was because her hair was completely hidden under a grey hat. She probably could’ve been somewhere between thirty and fifty, if he would have had to guess. He had not much experience in judging women’s ages.

He blinked at her. “May I help you, Miss…?”

Her gaze turned a little bit sour when she looked him up and down over her long nose. “Mrs. And, I guess you’ll have to. You are the butler here, aren’t you?” she asked and he immediately knew that he didn’t like her.

“That is correct. And who are you, if I may ask?” he asked coldly.

She snorted. “I am the new governess, Mrs. Portley. Didn’t anyone tell you, that I would come today?” she looked him up and down again. “Oh what am I saying? Why would anyone bother?”

Thomas blinked. “Excuse me?”

Mrs. Portley simply ignored him. Instead of answering she just managed to somehow squeeze herself through the narrow gap between his arm and the doorway and stepped into the servants hall.

Thomas just stood there like a fool for a moment and tried to comprehend what had just happened when Mrs. Hughes came out of her sitting room and noticed her.

“Oh, hello. You must be the woman, applying for the position of the new governess.” She said and smiled at the woman. “It is very nice to meet you. I am Mrs. Carson, the housekeeper.”

And just like that the whole behaviour of Mrs. Portley changed. Suddenly there was a warm smile on her face. “Thank you so much, for the warm welcome Mrs. Hughes. My name is Mrs. Portley and I am indeed the new governess. My good friend Mr. Molesley recommended me for this position. I hope, that I don’t impose by being a little early. I wasn’t quite sure how long the walk up here would take.”

Well, that didn’t explain why she was _six hours_ early…

Mrs. Hughes shook her hand and smiled warmly, while Thomas still watched stunned. Did he dream the last seconds or did this woman just go through a complete transformation?

“You don’t impose at all, Mrs. Portley. I am very glad that you are here. Did you already meet Mr. Barrow? He is the butler of Downton Abbey.”

Mrs. Portley didn’t even look at him. “Yes, I met him.” She said shortly and Thomas could’ve sworn that her voice grew a little colder for a few seconds before she smiled again. “Well where is this little boy, I heard off?”

“Lets go over the formalities in my sitting room first, then I show you the house, you can meet the family and if there is still time left we go looking for Master George. He is a bright young boy, but I will not lie to you. It will probably not be easy to teach him.”

Mrs. Portley didn’t seem disturbed. “That is no problem. I have a lot of experience with cheeky children.”

Mrs. Hughes laughed and took the woman by her shoulder and without throwing another look in Thomas direction they disappeared into her sitting room and closed the door behind them.

Thomas stood next to the table in the servants hall and was frozen on the spot.

He still stood there when Andy came out of the kitchen and appeared next to his elbow two minutes later. He was chewing on a piece of toast, that was probably left over from the upstairs breakfast. Mr. Carson would’ve given him a dressing down but Thomas had other concerns right now. “Who was at the door, Mr. Barrow?”

Thomas shook himself from his trance and blinked. Maybe he dreamed the conversation. Maybe he just dreamt it… “I have really no idea, Andy.”


	3. The Face Behind the Mask

Thomas didn’t see the new governess for the next few hours, but every person he talked to and who had already met her, had nothing but good things to say.

Albert told him she helped him store the silver in the cupboards when he was juggling three tasks at once.

Daisy talked with her at length about the importance of education for women.

Mrs. Hughes said, Mrs. Portley came with a spotless upbringing and many excellent references and Phyllis laughed with her about Mr. Molesleys new moustache.

Slowly Thomas began to believe that he just imagined how unfriendly the woman had been to him. Maybe he just misunderstood her this morning?

After lunch he was sorting through a stack of inventory ledgers, trying to figure out where three of the silver spoons of the third best cutlery set had disappeared to, when the door to his pantry was thrown open without a knock. Thomas hand haltered over the inventory list, where he was about to write down a number.

He looked up and saw that it was the governess who was standing in front of his desk. “I was told by the housekeeper that I should speak to you before Master George’s first lesson. Apparently she thought I needed _your_ opinion on how to teach him.” Her tone of voice was sarcastic as if he was the last person she wanted to consult in the matter.

Thomas slowly put the pen down and got up from his chair. Without a word to her he walked over to the open door and closed it. Then he turned around and took a deep breath. No need to be dramatic. He obviously didn’t imagine her unfriendliness. It was time to get to the bottom of this argument.

“Why don’t you take a seat?” he asked completely polite and gestured to the chair in front of his desk.

She looked downright disgusted by the succession. “I am not planning on staying longer than absolutely necessary in this room.”

“Have I offended you in any way, Mrs. Portley?” he asked calmly still not giving in to his anger.

The woman laughed coldly and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “I assume you could put it that way.”

He narrowed his eyes and remained standing. She didn’t say anything else. Well if she really wanted to play nasty he could do that too. “Are you acting this impertinent with every superior or am I the exception here?”

“ _You_ are not my superior. I am working for his Lordship.” She snapped at him.

Thomas stared at her for a moment and he knew that the cold fury showed in his gaze. “I _am_ the butler of this house. You won’t get anywhere if you don’t listen to my orders. And if I think you are not qualified for this position you are out faster, than you can see.” He took a step closer and all the politeness was gone from his voice. “Either you tell me what problem you have with me right now and we try to dispose of it, or I will do everything in my power to get you out of this house. I don’t want someone as vicious as you near Master George, no matter how much you can pretend to be the friendliest person in town. Did I make myself perfectly clear?”

They stared at each other for a few more seconds and no one said a word. Her gaze was like stone. Thomas had his fists clenched at his sides.

“I won’t listen to orders by _someone like you_.” She finally said and he froze. Was she implying what he thought she was- “I suppose you won’t be here for much longer once everybody knows that you are a queer.”

Thomas didn’t say anything. He couldn’t. He feared that the smallest twitch could tell her that she was right. It was probably pointless. His silence alone was enough for her.

“You know the people in the village are not as stupid as the ones living in this house? We noticed years ago. I think it is a shame no one acted before. Someone like you shouldn’t be anywhere near children.”

Thomas took a step back and collided with one of the chairs in front of his desk. He had to reach out with one hand to steady himself. “I don’t know what-“

“-What I am talking about? Oh don’t be ridiculous. You know exactly what I am talking about. There may be no evidence for the police yet, but they wont turn a blind eye to this forever. If I were you I would be careful. People like to talk.”

Thomas paled even more. Did she just-

“I think I will go and do my job now. If I see you near Master George this wont end good for you.” And with that she turned around and left the room without looking back.

Thomas gasped for breath. What had just happened? What did just- He needed air…He had to get out of here. Right now.

He took his cigarettes and his lighter with shaking fingers and stumbled out of the pantry. He had to tell someone. He couldn’t- What if _she_ told someone? It wouldn’t matter if she told someone in the house, but what if she called the police? What if they found the letters? What if they decided they didn’t need any evidence? What if they talked to the police in York and made the connection that he was the man they arrested during the royal visit?

Without even noticing his feet had dragged him out of the backdoor and behind the garage where he immediately collapsed to his knees and started shaking uncontrollably. He didn’t even manage to light the cigarette. His back hit the stonewall and he tried to slow down his breathing. Why did this happen now? What did he do to deserve all of this? Why? Why? Why?

“Mr. Barrow?” Oh god Daisy…of all the people on the planet, of all the people in this house it had to be bloody _Daisy,_ who still had no clue about anything. And she had to be the one who found him panicking behind the garage like a lunatic.

“G-go away!” he got out and tried to get up but his legs were shaking too much.

Daisy’s eyes widened. “Oh no, are you hurt Thomas?!” she gasped and crouched down next to him. “Should I get someone to call Doctor Clarkson?!”

“Don’t!” Thomas snapped and grabbed her arm before she could get up again. “Please don’t!”

He tried to get his breathing under control and after a few long minutes he managed to calm down a bit. Richard. He had to think about Richard. Everything was fine. No one was dying. There had been worse days. The day his father had thrown him out of the house had been worse. The day the Duke had thrown the letters into the fire had been worse. The day that he was caught kissing Jimmy. The war. The day Edward died. The day Sybil died. The day he decided this life wasn’t worth living anymore. There were so many bad days in his life, this one wasn’t particular bad. It wasn’t. It really wasn’t. At least no one was dying. He wasn’t in jail yet. There was still hope.

He took a deep breath and realized that his hand was still around Daisy’s wrist. He let go of her quickly. “I’m sorry.” He got out and rubbed his hands over his face.

She still stared at him with wide eyes. “Thomas…” she said and he let the use of his Christian name slide. He had other things to worry about right now.

Another deep breath. He pulled a new cigarette out of his jacket, gratefully managed to light it this time and took three drags before he looked up at her. “I’m fine.” He said ironically. “Just a little panic attack. Nothing to worry about.”

“A p-panic attack? What happened?” she asked still looking desperate.

He stared at her with pleading eyes for a moment before he shook his head. “I will explain it to you, I promise. But for now you can’t tell anyone. I have to do something first.”

She didn’t look happy but finally agreed to keep it to herself.

“Go inside and if anyone asks, you didn’t see me. Mrs. Patmore will soon wonder where you went.”

She stood up and took the basket with wood that she had dropped on her way to him. “Please, tell me how I can help.” She said again.

“Later.” He said shortly and got to his feet with a great amount of determination.

Daisy pressed her lips together but nodded and walked back into the kitchen. Thomas knew he would’ve to tell her something later. She wouldn’t forget this. He hoped that he was still the butler when it was time.

For now he had to do something about the witch who called herself a governess. He wouldn’t let her use his secret against him. He wouldn’t let her ruin Master George with her vicious opinions. This had to stop now.

He knew he couldn’t just tell his Lordship. For a start no one would believe him that the friendly woman was a fraud.

And even if they believed him, why should they do anything? It was perfectly legal to think like her and painfully illegal to be like him. When it concerned the law she was right and he belonged in jail.

Even Lord Grantham couldn’t openly defend someone like him. He had to think about something else. Something that wouldn’t expose Downton Abbey to a scandal.

Somehow he had to bring her to do something that even the Crawley’s would think unacceptable, so they had to throw her out again. Fortunately Thomas Barrow had a lot of experience in this line of thought.

His first and best advantage was that she had no idea, that the Crawley’s already knew about his preferences. His second advantage was that he knew this house and the people in it. And no one could fool the Downton staff. They had just been through too much danger and chaos together. People formed a bound after that, and he would use it.

Of course he couldn’t do this alone. If he learned one thing from his past escapades it was that his biggest mistake in a lot of cases was not telling anyone about the problem. He needed help from at least one other person.

His feet let him back into the house, past the kitchen and the butlers pantry until he knocked against a door.

“Come in.”

He opened the door and stepped into Mrs. Hughes sitting room. She sat alone in front of the fire and had a letter in her lap, a cup of tea was standing on the side table.

She looked up at him and he imagined that she could see the determination and the cold fury in his eyes.

“Sit down.” She said, so he closed the door and sat down.

* * *

She listened to every word he told her without interrupting. He knew she would believe him because she did it before. The whole situation reminded him of the night she found him sobbing in the backyard, his clothes soaked in rain water. This wasn’t so different. Only this time he wasn’t sobbing. He already had his breakdown. Now the only thing left was the anger. He intended to use it.

He leaned back in his chair when he finished his story and waited calmly for her to answer.

Thomas couldn’t read what she was thinking alone from her face. There was not more than a slight frown indicating that she heard him at all.

“Well?” he asked. “Will you help me? If not that’s alright too. I respect it, if you don’t want to get involved in this. I just had to tell someone, who she really is. I don’t want Master George in her presence even if she somehow manages to take me out.”

 _Now_ there was an expression on her face. Determination. She got up from her chair walked to a small cabinet at the wall and pulled a bottle of something from a hidden compartment. Thomas arched a brow at her. “Mrs. Hughes!” he said with mocked surprise. “It is not even four in the afternoon.”

She didn’t answer. She just got two small glasses from somewhere, filled them to the brim and put one in his hand. Then she downed her own without even making a toast.

He just stared at her, when she refilled her glass.

After taking another sip she leaned back in her chair and looked at him. “Very well. What is your plan to get this woman out of our house, Mr. Barrow?” she asked. _Our_ house.

He downed his own glass and the Whiskey ran down his throat burning like the fire next to them.

“I think we have to get creative, Mrs. Hughes.”

* * *

Elsie walked up the stairs with a tray in her hands. She went through the green door into the entrance hall, crossed the main hall and knocked on the door to the small library.

“Come in.” a voice sounded.

Elsie stepped inside and placed the tray onto a small side table. Master George was sitting at one of the desks with a sheet of paper in front of him and a book next to him. Mrs. Portley was next to the window and seemed in the middle of a long explanation about the different geometric shapes.

Elsie never had heard that a six year old had to know something like this. Well, that wasn’t why she was here.

“I brought tea and biscuits.” She said politely. “Mrs. Portley, you’ve been working for two hours. I think you and Master George deserve a little break.”

“Yes a break!” George shouted and jumped up.

“Master George!” Mrs. Portley snapped before she obviously remembered Elsie in the doorway and lowered her voice. “Finish your exercise first. After that you can have a break.”

George sighed loudly and began scribbling something onto the piece of paper. After another minute he was finished, snatched a biscuit from the tray and was out of the door before one of the adults could hold him back.

“He is a whirlwind, isn’t he?” Elsie smiled.

Mrs. Portley led out a short chuckle that sounded somewhat false now that she really listened to it. “That is surely something the young man has to work on. But I think we will still make a gentleman out of him. He has the potential and the intelligence. Now he just needs a strong lead into the right direction.”

Elsie smiled politely. “I am sure you will be an excellent teacher.”

Mrs. Portley stood up a little prouder. “Of course. That is why I am here.”

“Well you must be thirsty after all the work. The tea is for you. Please help yourself!”

“Thank you.” Mrs. Portley said and Mrs. Hughes left the small library and closed the door behind herself. Hopefully this part of the plan had worked.

Elsie had never been a person, who enjoyed it to fool others but she agreed, that some situations required drastic measures. This was one of these situations. She was shocked about the things Thomas told her about the woman. It was out of the question that she had to disappear as soon as possible. The risk of scandal was the smallest of problems in Elsie’s eyes. This was concerning Thomas, so it was concerning all of them.

She walked back into the main hall. Master George sat in one of the armchairs and happily ate his biscuit.

“Master George.” Elsie said smiling and he looked up. “How would you like it to be part of a secret operation?”

His eyes grew bigger. “What operation, Mrs. Hughes?” For him, as for Thomas she would always remain Mrs. Hughes. It didn’t disturb her. She liked the reminder that she was still her own person even though she was married now.

She crouched down in front of him. “I want to find out how Mrs. Portley does at her first day. What do you think of her, Master George?”

Master George frowned and thought about that for a few seconds. “I don’t think that I like her. She pretends to be nice in one moment but she shouts at me in the next. Mr. Barrow said a governess should be strict, but I don’t think she should be _this_ strict. And she said a few funny things when I talked about him. I didn’t understand some of the words she said…”

Elsie had to force herself not to make an angry face at that. She knew George would notice that immediately.

“Do you want to help Mr. Barrow, Master George?”

George looked a little bit scared suddenly. “Is he in trouble?” he whispered.

“Maybe a little bit. You could help him, but only if you want to.”

Determination appeared on Georges small face. “I want to help him!”

Elsie got to her feet. “Do you remember what she said about Mr. Barrow?”

George frowned. “I think so, but I don’t know what it meant.”

Elsie nodded. “Well you could always ask your mother, she is a very smart woman.”

“Would that help Mr. Barrow?”

“I believe it would, Master George. Your mother is in the dining room, having her afternoon tea. Why don’t you go now?”

George ate the last piece of his biscuit and hopped down from his chair. “Won’t you come with me, Mrs. Hughes?”

“I have to do something else while you are there. Can you promise me something Master George?”

“What should I promise?”

“When your Mother decides to go talking to Mrs. Portley don’t go with her. Go down to the servants hall and get another biscuit from Mrs. Patmore.”

George looked confused but he promised and hurried away.

Elsie quickly turned and opened the green door. Thomas stepped out of the shadows.

“Did it work?” he asked tensed.

Elsie nodded. “Master George is on his way to the dining room and Mrs. Portley is still in the small library.”

Thomas clenched his teeth. “I don’t like it that we had to involve him in this, Mrs. Hughes. I don’t like it at all.”

She sighed. She was also not happy with this part of the plan. “You know I agree with you there, but he wanted to help and it was the only solution, Thomas. I am afraid the family won’t believe it from anyone else. And I told Master George to go downstairs as soon as he told his mother what Mrs. Portley said.”

“How did you know this would work? She could’ve said nothing to him about me.”

“People like her have always something to say. And George rarely stops speaking about you. It was obvious that she would lose control at some point with all that anger.”

He took a deep breath. “Do you think we made the right decision here?” he asked quietly.

Else put a hand on his shoulder. “It was right. And I would do it again every single day in my life.”

He smiled hesitantly. “Thank you for helping me. And for believing me.”

“The hardest part isn’t over yet.” She said seriously.

His expression turned dark. “I know.”

“You should go downstairs, Thomas.” Elsie added with a little bit of concern in her voice.

Thomas shook his head. “I think I have to be there for it to work.”

The housekeeper sighed. “I don’t like it but I suppose you are right.”

He nodded and opened the door to the small library. “Then shall we?”

Elsie tightened her shoulders and her expression turned determined. “We shall.”

She stepped through the doors into the small library. The first fact she noticed was that Mrs. Portley had just placed her cup of tea back onto the saucer. Good. Elsie suppressed the guilt she felt and reminded herself that she was helping Thomas with this.

The woman blinked. Her gaze was a little confused. There was colour high on her cheeks and her breathing went faster than normal.

“Mrs. Portley? Are you not well?” Elsie asked.

The woman looked up surprised and scowled when she spotted Thomas. “What is _he_ doing here? And where is Master George? I should finish our lesson.” She took a step in their direction and stumbled. Her hand shot out and grabbed onto the back of an elegant chair.

“I came to tell you, that you are dismissed.” Thomas said curtly and his voice remained calm and emotionless.

The woman laughed incredulously. “ _You_ are not able to dismiss me, I don’t work for you. I work for Lord and Lady Grantham.”

“Yes, we will get to that in a moment.” Thomas muttered.

Elsie decided to take part in the conversation. She knew that this whole scheme could turn ugly in a matter of seconds. She also knew that this was exactly what they were trying to achieve, but she couldn’t let Thomas deal with the woman alone.

“I don’t think you are the right person to teach the future Earl of Grantham, Mrs. Portley.” Elsie said calmly.

Mrs. Portley looked at her a little bit stunned. “What gave you reason to believe I wasn’t the right person? I did nothing wrong and I just got here. I think you should give me at least a chance to try.”

“I think certain sentiments have no place in a house like Downton Abbey.” Elsie replied and knew how ironic that sentence was, given the current situation. Many other people would’ve said exactly that to Thomas, if they knew about him.

As it was, Mrs. Portley completely missed the point. “Clearly you have no problem with me if you let a faggot be your butler.” She spat and that was the moment Elsie knew that she drank the tea. Otherwise she wouldn’t have been so openly insulting. It also had the effect that Elsie completely forgot the guilt she felt only seconds ago.

“Mrs. Portley!” She said enraged. “There is no reason to use such language in a civilised conversation!”

Thomas didn’t say anything to the accusation. He leaned back a little bit and tucked his hands in his livery pockets. There was no emotion on his face.

“Civilised?!” Mrs. Portley laughed again and it was a high and ugly laugh. “I wouldn’t call anything about this civilized! I didn’t suspect that you knew about this Mrs. Carson but clearly I gave you more credit than you deserved, if you decide to defend someone like _that._ ”

“And what exactly do you mean with that, Mrs. Portley?” Thomas asked mildly interested. Elsie knew that he was just trying to provoke the woman into saying these things. That didn’t mean that she liked it how he was throwing himself in the line of fire.

“ _You_ should be dismissed! There is no room in a civilised community for degenerates like you!”

“I don’t know what you are implying. I clearly don’t see myself as a degenerate. Maybe you are confused about something.” Thomas replied and arched a brow.

“You are the filth of the society!” Mrs. Portley shouted at him.

Thomas just looked at her mildly amused. “Societies filth? My, my, I think I missed something here…”

“You are an abomination of _nature! A mistake of god!”_ she screeched.

_“Mrs. Portley!”_

“I doubt that god had anything to do with it.” The butler replied.

“And you Mrs. Carson are as damned and wicked as him, if you decide to defend him!”

That was the first time Thomas seemed disturbed by what she was throwing at them. “Well _you_ should know about damnation, you pathetic old witch!” he snapped. Elsie felt flattered that he wanted to defend her and concerned because he hadn’t done the same for himself a few seconds ago.

“Burn in hell!” the woman yelled back.

Fortunately that was the exact moment the family chose to get involved.


	4. The New Door

Lady Mary was very satisfied with her newest addition to the Downton staff. Very satisfied indeed.

Mrs. Portley, the new governess was a competent, intelligent, friendly woman with the right amount of strictness in her tone. George would be in good hands with her. Mary hoped that the woman would make a gentleman out of her son, or at least manage to teach him some manners.

At the moment she sat in the dining room with her parents and Tom and enjoyed a cup of afternoon tea. She was a little bit annoyed, that Henry was still in London. These days her husband was outside of the house more days than not. The car business seemed to require it that he travelled more than ever before. If he was here she could’ve talked with him about George, but as it was she had to deal with her stubborn son on her own. It was a waste of effort anyway. No matter how hard he tried, George just didn’t like Henry very much. It was probably a bit strange that the butler was on better terms with her son than her own husband.

“I think Mrs. Portley was the right choice, Papa. She made a very good first impression.” Mary said.

Lord Grantham looked up from his newspaper at his daughter. “I think so too Mary, but I would’ve liked it if you informed Barrow first. Bates said he wasn’t happy to be almost the last one who heard about it.”

Mary snorted. “Well, I am sorry to have hurt his feelings, _again._ But a governess is strictly speaking not within his area of responsibilities. Besides Mrs. Molesley told me the woman is a close friend of Mr.Molesley. I think this is as good as a recommendation could get. And her references were spotless.”

Lady Grantham nodded. “I looked at them too. There is not a single negative comment.”

Mary raised an eyebrow at her mother. “You read the references, Mama?”

“I asked Mrs. Carson to show them to me. You know I want to have a say in the matter, who spends time with my grandchildren after the fiasco with Nanny West.” Lady Grantham said.

“Lets see whether she quits after a week of answering Georges questions.” Tom joked and Mary threw him a sour look.

She would have probably scolded him a little bit more for that, but in this moment the door opened and her son stepped through. “Mum?” he asked a little bit shy.

Mary looked at him stunned. “George! Don’t you have your lessons right now?” Had he already managed to escape somehow?

He stepped from one foot onto the other. “I have a break, but I wanted to ask you something.”

Mary just frowned, because answering questions should really be Mrs. Portley’s job by now, but Lady Grantham got up from her chair, went over to George and lead him to a free seat at the table. “What is it dear? You can ask us anything.”

George sat down, immediately began to swing his legs and seemed to think for a few seconds. “Mrs. Portley said some words that I didn’t understand.” He said finally.

“Well, why on earth didn’t you ask her what they meant?” Mary replied a little bit impatiently. You should think a governess would know how to handle answering the questions of a six-year-old.

“She seemed to be angry and I didn’t want to ask her…” George said quietly.

Her father folded his newspaper and devoted his entire attention to her son. Never a good sign. Especially not when he was busy reading the sports section. Her mother’s gaze got alarmed. “Why did she get angry, sweetheart?”

“I think it was because I kept talking about Mr. Barrow.” He said slowly.

Mary looked at Tom, who just shrugged and his gaze said something like: _Just because I worked for years next to the man, doesn’t mean that I automatically know what is happening every time someone mentions his name._ She thought he definitely should. Didn’t the servants _talk to each other_ downstairs? Then again, it was a long time ago, that Tom had been chauffeur and Barrow wasn’t particular liked back then.

“What did Mrs. Portley say, that you didn’t understand?” Mary asked with a sigh. It looked like she had to get to the bottom of this herself.

Now George seemed to think really hard. “She said something about not wanting to hear more about him. She called him ‘queer’ and ‘faggot’ and I think she said something about fairies…but I really don’t know what fairies had to do with anything.”

Next to the door, poor Andrew dropped the teapot he had just picked up from the sideboard. It splintered into a thousand pieces at his feet and left a big brown stain on the expensive Persian rug. No one reacted to the accident.

Someone could have heard a pin drop in the silence that followed. Mary blinked and opened her mouth but nothing came out.

She looked at her father for help but he was frozen in his chair.

Tom didn’t seem to be able to close his mouth anymore. He looked ridiculous.

“What does that mean, Grandma?” George turned to the only adult who seemed somewhat coherent enough to answer.

Her mother looked furious but she replied nonetheless. “These are very bad words and you shouldn’t use them ever again, George. Its probably best if you forget them. Mrs. Portley should have never said something like this.”

“But what do they _mean_?!” George asked insistent and a little bit confused, that his grandmother of all people seemed to be so angry over a few words.

“Andrew.” Her father said and his voice sounded like steel. “Please take George down to the servants hall, the lesson with Mrs. Portley is suspended until we cleared this up.”

Andrew woke up from his stupor and looked down at the dropped teapot. He opened his mouth.

“Leave it.” The earl said. “We take care of that later. Just make sure that everyone stays downstairs for a while.”

Andrew nodded quickly and took George’s hand to lead him out of the room. To Marys surprise her son didn’t even protest.

As soon as the door had closed behind the two of them her father exploded. “What the bloody hell!” he shouted and his fist smashed onto the tabletop and made two cups of tea spill over.

Tom flinched but he still looked stunned. “She didn’t…” he said incredulously.

“She knows…?” her mother said concerned.

Mary got up from her chair too. “She said those things in the presence of my _son._ ” The rage vibrated in her voice. “And now look what kind of questions he asks.”

The earl shook his head. “We can talk to George later. This could end in a disaster.”

“For Barrow. I think we should-” her mother began but no one listened.

“For the entire Abbey!” her father snapped. “This could be our downfall!”

“Oh, you don’t even care about Barrow?” Tom snorted.

“I refuse to let this woman anywhere near my son if this is her perception of education! Clearly she has no common sense mentioning such things in the presence of a child.” Mary said sharply.

“Think about the scandal…” her father muttered.

“Think about what it means for Thomas!” Tom threw in and surprised Mary with his fierceness. She never knew he even liked the man. Well there was no time to discuss sympathies _now._

“Would you all be quiet, I need to think!” Mary snapped.

“Well what is there to think, you should dismiss her immediately!” said Tom.

“Dismiss her? What if she talks?” the earl replied.

“I won’t let her anywhere near my son!” it was Marys turn again.

“ENOUGH!” Lady Grantham practically yelled and everyone stopped and stared at her. Until now Mary didn’t even know that her mother was able to yell.

Cora stood there in her elegant dress with her arms stemmed into her hips and on her face was a murderous expression. Mary knew from experience that her American side had taken over. “ _I_ won’t tolerate _this woman_ coming into _my_ house and threatening _my staff_ , speaking to _my grandson_ in this way. We will go down that corridor and we will find a way to dismiss her without exposing Barrows secret. You know as good as I that this isn’t just about a scandal. This house had many and its still standing. This is about a man’s life and I wont stand by while he is thrown into prison. I need you to be with me. Together we can get past this, but we need to do it _now._ And we need to do it _right.”_

Robert, Mary and Tom stared at her.

The Earl of Grantham was the first to speak. “You know that this could end in a scandal, Cora?”

Lady Grantham snorted. “Then we have to do everything in our power to prevent this outcome. The man is your butler and worked in this house for twenty years, he saved our daughter from a fire, for god’s sake, Robert.”

Lord Grantham thought about that for a moment before he sighed. “Of course my love. You are right. Of course.”

Tom nodded.

Mary sighed. “Fine, Mama I'll help you. As long as this woman doesn’t come anywhere near my son again.”

Lady Grantham smiled grimly. “Very well. Then let’s go now.”

And she set a good example by walking out of the dinning room. The other three exchanged another wary look before they followed.

They heard the shouting as soon as they opened the dining room door. “And you Mrs. Carson are as damned and wicked as him, when you decide to defend him!” The voice sounded like Mrs. Portley but there was not a single hint of friendliness left in it.

“Well _you_ should know about damnation, you pathetic old witch!” And that was without any doubt Barrow in a shouting match with the governess.

“ _Burn in hell!”_

“Oh Lord.” Her father groaned. “Maybe we should-Cora!“

Lady Grantham didn’t listen. She was already in the main hall.

They hurried behind.

The door to the small library was slightly ajar. Cora stepped inside without even hesitating.

Mrs. Portley was standing in front of the windows on one side of the desk in the middle of the room, Mrs. Carson and Barrow were standing on the opposite of the desk with their backs to the door.

“You aren’t thinking clearly!” Mrs. Carson said placating.

“Clearly?! Clearly?!” Mrs. Portley laughed like a maniac. Her hair was a mess, her eyes were glassy and her hands were pointing frantically at Barrow. “ _You_ are not thinking clearly defending _him!”_

One moment later Mrs. Portley noticed the four of them in the doorway. “Hah!” she shouted. “There you are! The family is here, perfect timing your Lordship, I have a surprise for you: Your butler is a bloody invert!”

Mrs. Carson gasped at this audacity.

“How dare you?!” Lady Grantham hissed.

Barrow turned to the door but he didn’t seem surprised in the least as if he expected them sooner. Mary thought he even looked a little bit relieved.

“I think this woman may have taken some sort of drug, your Lordship.” Mr. Barrow said completely calm without even reacting to the accusation that was thrown at him not seconds ago.

“Drug?! I’m not insane! Everyone knows about him! The entire village knows! You are just to blind to see it! Letting a degenerate live under your roof, taking care of your children! Well, now you know! Mr. Barrow, you will see. Hell is open for the likes of you and-“

“Stop it, woman!” Lord Grantham barked and Mrs. Portley stopped with big eyes and stared at him.

“Your lordship, he-“

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Lord Grantham cut her off. “I just know that you came into my house and started accusing my butler after you said words in front of my grandson no six-year-old should hear. I want you out of this house.”

“Your Lordship, I found these in her bag.” Mrs. Carson said and held up a small bottle with white powder, in her other hand was Mrs. Portley’s bag.

Robert got even more angry. “You brought drugs into my house?!”

“These aren’t mine!” Mrs. Portley yelled. “Your staff must have put them there! Don’t you see?!”

Lord Grantham shook his head incredulous. Lady Grantham looked disturbed. Tom and Mary just watched stunned.

“Oh.” Mrs. Carson said with surprise and pulled something else out of the woman’s bag. It were three silver tea spoons and in Mary’s eyes they looked more expensive than anything a teacher could ever afford.

Mary noticed how Barrow frowned at the spoons as if he hadn’t expected this turn of events.

“How dare you steal from us?” She snapped with fury.

“I didn’t-“ Mrs Portley began but didn’t get far.

“Leave my house.” Robert grit out between clenched teeth. “Right. Now.”

Mrs. Portley stared at him for a moment longer before she laughed. “Oooh, I finally understand it!” she shouted. “You already know! All of you! You already now that he is a faggot! You don't care about him, you just care about the scandal it would bring don’t you? You know you could just call the police? But maybe you people are in too deep already. Should I help you with it? I know the police looked for a reason to finally get someone from the Abbey for years. You always managed to get away with it. Two times with murder! And now with sodomy! You are living in a den of sin!”

Barrow didn’t look so relaxed anymore, his skin was getting very pale. He clearly realized just now that Lord Grantham could decide to chose avoiding a scandal over keeping a butler.

“Barrow, I think you should go downstairs.” Lady Grantham said softly.

He shook his head without a word but he took a small step back to bring more distance between the Mrs. Portley and himself. Mary didn’t know what he waited for. He should’ve gone at the first accusation.

Mrs. Carson’s gaze was also concerned. “Mr. Barrow, please go.” She said. “We will take care of this matter.”

He blinked at her but didn’t seem to have heard what she said.

“I say it one last time. Leave my house.” Robert snapped furiously.

“What keeps me from going to the police?” Mrs. Portley asked.

“They wouldn’t believe an insane kleptomaniac addict over our word.” Lord Grantham said.

“But it would be enough to start an investigation!” she said and smiled wolfishly.

“What do you want?” Mary spoke for the first time and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Money? A good reference? Anything else?”

Mrs. Portley leaned forward and stared directly at Thomas. “I want every single one of these degenerate queers to spend their lives in prison and their deaths in hell.”

A collective gasp went through the room.

For a few seconds no one knew what to say.

Then a small but fierce voice from the doorway cut through the silence. “You just said a very bad word to my friend. If you hurt Mr. Barrow I will go to the police and tell them you hit me because I couldn’t do one of the exercises. I say you hit me right in the face and then you will be the one who goes to prison, you crazy witch!” And then there was a book flying through the air and it hit Mrs. Portley into the shoulder, who stumbled back and crashed into the table behind her. The drugs finally seemed to do the rest, because a moment later she collapsed unconscious next to a bookshelf.

Mary turned around in shock and stared at her six-year-old son who himself stared at the woman on the floor. His gaze wandered around the room from adult to adult until it landed on Barrow. Tears filled Georges eyes. “I am sorry, I just was so angry that she said bad words to you…” he sobbed.

Barrow opened his mouth and wanted to make a step in his direction but before he could reach him George had turned around and ran out of the room, sobbing loudly, tears streaming down his face.

“George!” Mary shouted after him but he didn’t stop.

“ _God Lord,_ what has just happened?!” Lord Grantham gasped.

“I have to go after him!” Thomas said quickly and looked at the family as if he was just waiting for permission.

“What are we waiting for, Barrow?” Mary said and he nodded. “Papa, would you take care of this?” Without waiting for an answer or throwing another look at the unconscious woman or the other people in the room Lady Mary and Thomas Barrow hurried out of the library to follow George.

In the entrance hall they stopped for a moment. “Please tell me you know where he went, Barrow.” Mary said and couldn’t keep the hint of desperation out of her voice.

Thomas looked up the main staircase for a moment before his gaze was drawn to the front doors. He sighed. “I am afraid he is somewhere outside, My Lady.” He said and pointed to the slightly ajar door.

Mary sighed when she saw it had just began to drizzle outside. “And I have the wrong shoes.”

“I can go and look for him on my own, My Lady.” Barrow said and she could have sworn, she heard a little bit of disapproval in his voice. Maybe he thought her shoes where more important to her than looking for her son.

She arched a brow at her butler. “Some people make jokes, Barrow. You should try it sometimes.”

He looked at her as if he thought that this wasn’t quite the time for jokes. She secretly agreed with him but she couldn’t very well tell him, that this was her way of coping with her own concern.

Her son was somewhere out there and he just heard more terrible things than any child of his age should ever hear. She _had_ to talk to him.

She pushed open the front door and strode out onto the gravel, without even waiting for Barrow. She heard him follow close behind.

“Do you have any idea where he could’ve gone?” Mary asked again and let her eye wander over the green grounds of Downton Abbey. The sky was dark today and the drizzle hit her face in little drops. In not more than a few minutes it would turn into a proper downpour. George chose just the right time to run away into the rain.

Barrow stood next to her for a moment and gazed over the lawn, before a smile appeared on his face. “I know exactly where he is.”

And now he was the one who led the way. Mary followed his gaze and concluded that there was just one place he could mean. A few hundred yards from the Abbey, on the far side of the south lawn stood the old stone folly. Mary rarely went there but she saw now, that it would be a reasonable place for a child to play hide and seek. Not that she ever did that, but if she thought about it Edith and Sybbie probably played there sometimes.

“Fabulous.” She muttered, pulled her skirt a little bit up, so it wouldn’t be soiled in the wet grass and with a silent apology to Anna, followed Barrow onto the lawn. Her shoes slipped every few yards on the grass and she had to walk extremely careful which was nearly impossible because Barrow was almost running now and she tried to keep pace with him. She reached the decorative stone building a few seconds behind him and followed him over a small stone boundary.

“Master George?!” Barrow called.

“George?!” Mary repeated. “Please be here…” she muttered under her breath. The rain came in bigger drops now. Her dress was already soaked through.

“I found him, My Lady!” Barrow called and she skipped another corner and almost collided with him. Her foot slipped and his hand grabbed her upper arm faster than she could see and steadied her before she could fall.

Mary took a deep breath. “Thank you, Barrow.” She said when she stood upright again. He nodded and pointed to a stone arch a few feet over their heads. She could see that George sat huddled in a small opening of the stone wall. How he got up there she couldn’t possibly imagine. Maybe he climbed up from the other side of the wall.

“George! Come down there before you fall!” she called up and she saw that his head was buried in his arms. He shook it.

It was raining even harder now. Her hair was sticking flat to her head and Barrow didn’t look better. She got really annoyed. Couldn’t her son be more reasonable? Who wanted to be outside in this kind of weather? “You’re going to catch a cold if you don’t come down, George!” she shouted over the rain.

“My Lady, I think I could get up there. I don’t think he will come down by himself.” Barrow said next to her and it was difficult to understand him over the rain.

“Are you insane, Barrow?” she shouted back. “You are probably going to slip and break your neck! You are not the youngest anymore!”

He didn’t answer but she swore she saw him roll his eyes at her. Before she could do more than stare incredulous he already found a part of the wall, that wasn’t so slippery. She didn’t know he had experience climbing walls but by now she should really expect him to have a lot of aces up his sleeve. If the man was one thing it was unpredictable.

“Good god, be careful!” she shouted and blinked against the rain. A few seconds later he managed it to climb the wall and crouched down next to George under the stone arch.

She couldn’t hear what he said, but he talked for two minutes straight before George finally lifted his head from his knees and looked at him with big eyes. Barrow nodded and smiled lightly. Then he held out his hand for George to take.

Mary thought her son would shake his head again, because she knew he was stubborn. He got that from her.

To her utter surprise the child didn’t resist. Instead he threw himself into Barrows arms and buried his head in the butlers shoulder. After a few seconds Barrow said something to him and George nodded.

The boy reluctantly let go of his friend and Barrow jumped down the wall and landed next to her. He turned around and held out his arms. “You can jump now, Master George. I’ll catch you.” He called up to her son.

“Be careful, George!” she called up and shielded her eyes against the rain.

George sat down at the edge of the wall and let himself fall into Barrows waiting arms who caught him.

Mary took a relieved breath and touched her sons head. “Oh thank god.”

George buried his head in Barrows shoulder again. Mary felt a little sting at the reaction but she tried to ignore it. They had to get out of the rain, then she could talk to her son.

She said so to Barrow and he nodded. His livery was as soaked through as her dress by now. He held George close to his chest and they started to walk back to the house this time a little bit slower.

Fortunately Mary managed to get there without breaking her ankle because her shoes kept sinking into the muddy grass.

They hurried inside and were immediately greeted by Mrs. Carson, Anna and Andrew.

“Oh dear Lord, you are completely soaked through. Let me get a few blankets.” Mrs. Carson said and hurried away. A few seconds later she returned with three blankets, handed one to Mary and wanted to take George from Barrows arms but the boy refused to let go.

“Master George, you need dry clothes or you’ll catch a cold.” Mrs. Carson said and frowned.

Barrow took the blanket and wrapped it around the boys shoulders. “Mrs. Hughes is right, Master George.” He said quietly to the boy who just shook his head.

“I ask Mrs. Patmore to prepare a tea tray.” Mrs. Carson said and turned to go downstairs but only after she draped the last blanket around Barrows shoulders.

“My Lady, I will prepare a bath for you and tell Nanny to do the same for George.” Anna said.

Mary smiled at her. “Thank you Anna, we will wait in my mother’s sitting room.” She looked back at Barrow and sighed. “Well come on, Barrow. It doesn’t look like he wants to let go of you, so we have to bring you both somewhere warm.”

“Mr. Barrow do you want me to…” Andrew began and stopped there. He looked a little lost. Mary couldn’t blame him. The day had turned into an absolute disaster in a matter of minutes and even though Andrew had only been there for the beginning and had missed the main event, he had certainly seen the result. And maybe he had also heard the shouting downstairs.

“Please go and see, if his Lordship needs help in the small Library. And tell them that we found Master George but need a few minutes to talk to him.” Barrow said and Andrew nodded and hurried away.

Mary led the way into her mothers sitting room, which had the most comfortable chairs and the biggest fireplace. It was also a few rooms from the small library and that was one of the main reasons why she brought Barrow here. She didn’t want her son or the butler anywhere near this woman.

Mary wrapped the blanket a little bit tighter around her shoulders and sat down in one of the armchairs in front of the fire. She immediately felt the warmth and sighed relieved.

Barrow remained standing. “Sit down, Barrow.” She ordered calmly.

“My Lady the chairs will get wet…”

“They will survive. Sit down.”

He took the blanket from his shoulders and put it on the armchair before carefully sitting down with George still in his arms. Her son turned his face in the direction of the fireplace and snivelled a little bit.

Barrow stroked his hair. “Everything is alright Master George. You don’t have to see this woman again.”

“George, darling, are you alright?” Mary asked and touched his shoulder lightly.

Finally her son looked up. The expression in his eyes was a mixture of anger and sadness. “Is she gone, mum?”

“She will be gone very soon. I am sorry that you had to see this. Why didn’t you stay downstairs with Andrew, like we told you to?” Mary said and tried to keep her voice friendly. She was annoyed but she didn’t want George to know. If he just had stayed downstairs…they could’ve handled this.

“We heard her shout and she didn’t stop. You didn’t do anything, so I thought someone had to help Mr. Barrow…” George said and snivelled again. Mary sighed. So they had heard the tumult downstairs. No wonder, Mrs. Portley hadn’t kept her voice down.

Mary didn’t know what to say. Fortunately Barrow decided it was his turn.

“It was very kind of you that you wanted to help me, Master George, but sometimes a situation needs to be handled by adults.” He said. “But you did nothing wrong. There was no reason to run away.” His voice was steady. No hint of disapproval. Mary didn’t know how he was able to stay this calm.

“I thought that you were angry, because I came back upstairs. But I just really really wanted her to stop saying these things…” George said quietly and looked from the butler to his mother and back.

“It is probably the best if you just try to forget it, Master George.” Barrow replied and he couldn’t suppress the slight grimace when he remembered the whole scene.

“But _why_ was she so mean to you?” George frowned lightly.

And there it was. The question they couldn’t possibly have an answer to. Mary stared at Barrow and waited that he would say something deflecting or just tell George that he was still too young to understand but he did something that Mary wouldn’t have thought about in a hundred years. He answered truthfully.

“In a way, I am different than other people and there are some people who don’t like that. They think the world should be a certain way. That there are things that shouldn’t be different at all.” He seemed to think for a moment. “Like when you want to play hide and seek outside but Nanny thinks you should play with your toys instead. She is a good person so she understands that you don’t want to play with the toys because you want to play hide and seek so she lets you do that. But some people want it their way and if it isn’t done this way they get angry. They usually have a lot of anger, like Mrs. Portley. There is no reason for it, not really, because everyone lives his own life and as long as we don’t hurt each other I think we should live it how we want.”

George listened closely and after a moment of thinking about it he frowned. “But why do they get angry, when it isn’t their life? Why do they care? If I want to play hide and seek, I play hide and seek!”

Barrow sighed. “I think sometimes they are afraid. Things that are different can be scary to some people, because they don’t know what to do with them. So they try to avoid them and use anger to fight them.”

“But hide and seek isn’t scary at all!” George interrupted and Barrow laughed.

“No I guess it isn’t, maybe I need another example to explain it… imagine you go down the corridor on the first floor and you count the doors. Every day you get the same number of doors and you know exactly what rooms are behind them. What would you do when you go down the same corridor one day and there is a door, that wasn’t there before? Wouldn’t you be a little bit scared to see what is behind it because it is new?”

George knew his answer this time right away. “I wouldn’t be afraid to open it! I love new things, they are exiting!” he declared proudly.

Barrow smiled at that. “Well, Master George. Then it seems in this case, you are a rare exception.”

“What would you do, Mum?” George asked. “If there suddenly was a new door on the first floor?”

Mary looked at her son and Barrow seemed a little unnerved when he realized that she was still in the room. He threw her a wary look but Mary just smiled a little sneakily at George.

“I think doors can’t just emerge out of thin air, George. I think the door was always there and I just couldn’t see it before.” her answer came smoothly and without any thought.

Mary thought of herself as a very reasonable and structured person. Her emotions where easily identifiable. She always knew what she felt, when she felt something. Her attitude was crystal clear, she rarely was conflicted with her own decisions. There were things she was interested in and she put all her strength and confidence into these things . Then there were things she didn’t care about at all because she was simply not interested in them. In her opinion they didn’t matter to her so it was not necessary to waste her emotions or her strength on them. If she didn’t care, she didn’t get angry or sad or distressed. She simply didn’t care. She acknowledged that there may be people who thought these things were important or needed to be changed but Mary was completely fine with leaving them just the way they were. Why waste time and strength on changing them if she didn’t care?

It was only when she heard what she just said to her son, that she realised an important detail about the situation.

She truly didn’t care about Thomas Barrow’s love life.

“So you wouldn’t be scared at all? If there was a new door?” George added with a slight frown.

Mary looked at Barrow who’s expression was a mixture of stunned and incredulous. “Why should I be scared of something that was always there and never did any harm?”


	5. The Smartest Of Them All

George felt very guilty.

It was the middle of the night and he was lying in his bed and couldn’t sleep.

He knew it had been wrong to come back up into the small library, but Andy had looked so pale when he heard the shouting voices from upstairs and as soon as they had reached the servants hall, Daisy and Mr. Bates and Mrs. Bates and Mrs. Patmore had all asked what was happening.

So Andy had told George to wait in the butlers pantry while he went to talk to the others.

For a few minutes George had just sat behind the desk in Mr. Barrows chair (he liked to do that, when Mr. Barrow wasn’t here because he always felt very important then) and listened to the shouting that came from upstairs.

When it didn’t stop he decided to go up and defend his friend. It didn’t went like he thought it would. He shouldn’t have thrown the book, that much he knew, but he was just so angry.

After Mr. Barrow and his Mum had brought him back to the house and talked to him about it (George wasn’t stupid. They still hadn’t told him what was so different about Mr. Barrow, but he would find out) George had to take a bath.

His clothes were coated in mud and rainwater and now he was here, feeling very guilty. He knew that the housemaids took his clothes and would wash them in the morning. He didn’t want to make more work for them.

So he got up in the middle of the night and went down the stairs into the servants hall. He knew every room in the house from the many times he had played hide and seek with Mr. Barrow and Sybbie so he found the laundry room without any problem.

His dirty jacket was still lying in a basket to be washed the next day.

He took it out and decided to use the sink in the servants hall because he could reach it better than the one in the kitchen and he also didn’t want to make anything else dirty in there.

So he dragged a chair over, took the soap and began washing it in the sink. George was six years old and he never had washed any clothes in his whole live. In his opinion you probably just needed a lot of soap and a lot of water. Put both together and the dirt would disappear. He didn’t know _how much_ soap and water someone needed but he also thought that more was probably better than less.

* * *

Mr. and Mrs. Bates usually arrived after Mrs. Carson at the great house. The housekeeper needed to be up earlier than them and she also didn’t have a small son who needed at least half an hour longer every day, because something was bothering him. Not today. Mrs. Carson had decided that she deserved a little bit more sleep after the day they just had and Johnny had come down with the kind of children sickness that was not bad enough to worry but also not very convenient. He kept screaming and his nose was running and they decided that it was probably better not to bring him to the nursery today, so the other kids wouldn’t get infected.

Anna decided to stay at home and John walked up to the house on his own. He would ask Mrs. Molesley if she could be so kind to look after Lady Mary today. And as there were no other people he had to wait for, he was quite early today.

He opened the back door and stepped into the servants hall, not looking down onto the floor.

Daisy’s voice came from somewhere. “Mr. Bates be careful, there’s-“

It was too late. His stiff leg slipped on a wet and soapy part of the floor, that definitely shouldn’t be wet and soapy at this hour of the day and he almost crashed to the ground if he hadn’t be able to catch himself at the table in the last second. His cane clattered to the floor and a sharp pain shot through his leg. “What on earth-“ he gasped.

“Oh no, are you alright Mr. Bates?! I was just about to clean it! I didn’t think you would come this early!” Daisy hurried over and took his arm.

“I’m alright. Nothing happened, Daisy.” He muttered but his leg was hurting quite a lot now and he allowed her to lead him to a chair.

“Are you in pain, should I call Doctor Clarkson?” Daisy asked concerned when he took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment.

He shook his head and smiled at her. “If you have some ice, I would be thankful, but you don’t have to call Doctor Clarkson.”

She nodded and quickly hurried out of the kitchen. John sighed and let his head fall back. He hadn’t expected the day to start this way.

When he looked at the floor he saw that there were a lot of wet, soapy spots as if someone had accidental flooded the servants hall in the night. Some of it was already dry again but obviously not all of it. He wondered what had happened here.

Daisy came back and handed him an ice pack to cool his leg before she hurried off again to get a mop.

Mr. Barrow chose this moment to appear at the end of the staircase, that led to the servants quarters. He stood there for a moment and surveyed the whole room with an arched brow. “What happened here?” he asked.

“You ask the wrong person.” John said and shrugged. “I just came in.”

Thomas walked over to the table, carefully avoiding the water and the soap and looked down at the ice pack. “What did you do now?”

John snorted. The man was unbelievable. “I came in, slipped on the floor and twisted my bad leg, Mr. Barrow. No need to sound this annoyed. It wasn’t me who flooded the servants hall.”

Surprisingly Thomas had nothing snarky to say to that. Instead he walked over, picked up John’s cane from the floor and handed it to him. John thanked him with a short nod. “Do you need me to call Doctor Clarkson?”

John shook his head. “It isn’t this bad. I just need to cool it for a minute. But maybe you should find out who is behind this?”

Thomas looked around and frowned. “Where is your family?”

John placed the ice pack over his hurting leg and sighed when the cold started to seep through. “Johnny is too sick to go to the nursery today, so Anna decided to stay at home. We hoped that maybe Mrs. Molesley could fill in for her today.”

The butler didn’t look happy. “I ask her as soon as she comes in. Of course it would’ve been better to know of this a little sooner.”

“Next time I ask my infant son to get sick when it’s convenient for you, Mr. Barrow. I am sure he will understand it.” John snapped annoyed. Their relationship had improved since the other man had become the butler but there were still moments, when they fell back into their old quarrels.

Thomas rolled his eyes and was about to reply when Mrs. Carson came through the back door. “Mr. Barrow, Mr. Bates. Are you two arguing again?” she asked and frowned. “Didn’t we have enough of that yesterday, for it to last at least a month?”

Thomas looked down at his shoes and even John felt a little bit ashamed.

Mrs. Carson nodded. “I thought so.”

Sometimes it was really hard to remember that he didn’t hate the butler anymore. Sure Thomas was annoying most of the time, but he had a hard day yesterday and maybe John felt a little bit guilty about starting an argument.

“I am sorry Mrs. Carson.” He said before he looked at Thomas and decided that a little bit diplomacy was probably advisable. “I know you have a hard time planning everything with so many people living outside the house, but there was no other way today. And I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

Thomas sighed deeply and still didn’t look at John. “And I understand that you wanted to leave Johnny at home if he’s sick. I guess I’m still a little nervous after yesterday. I somehow think that this could’ve been prevented if I had been better at handling the staff decisions in this house.”

John frowned. “You think this was _your_ fault?” he said. “That’s ridiculous. Besides you weren’t the one who hired her.” Too late he realized that this was one of Thomas’ sore spots, but the butler didn’t seem angry. Instead he just laughed a little bit ironic.

“I guess I should be grateful then. It would’ve been truly terrible if I hired a person who talked to me like this.”

“Exactly. You wouldn’t have hired her. They should’ve consulted you with this.” John said. He didn’t understand why the family still thought it would be better to leave Thomas out of decisions like this. In his opinion they made him butler so they had to live with the consequences. But he knew from Lord Grantham that they still missed Carson, so it was maybe just a temporary situation.

“I will probably be sixty when they start trusting me with the hiring.” Thomas said bitter.

“Now, now, don’t be like this Mr. Barrow.” Mrs. Carson decided to join the conversation again. “I am sure they will see eventually that you are more than capable to hire new staff.”

“I somehow doubt that there will be many additions to this household in the foreseeable future, but I agree nonetheless with you Mrs. Carson.” John said. There were very few people deciding to go into service these days and even fewer vacant positions. The world was changing every day and big households just didn’t need as much servants anymore as they had needed a few years back.

Thomas didn’t look convinced. “Be that as it may, I think it never would’ve come to this chaos if they had informed me earlier. And if she hadn’t made this scene they wouldn’t have sacked her even if I told them to.” He exchanged a strange gaze with Mrs. Carson.

“You know, that no one would’ve accepted her or her opinions here anymore?” John asked. He as many other members of the staff had heard quite a lot of the argument yesterday and it wasn’t pretty. Daisy looked shocked afterwards and Mrs. Patmore wasn’t able to distract her with kitchen tasks no matter how hard she tried. None of them were sure if she even knew what some of the insults meant but John had the suspicion that the girl (who really wasn’t a girl at this time anymore) wasn’t as naïve as all the others permanently thought her to be.

“If you say so.” The butler didn’t seem convinced.

“Oh Thomas, of course they would’ve fired her as soon as they heard what she said.” Mrs. Carson said.

“Because of the scandal, yes. But if it had just concerned me, I am not so sure.” Thomas muttered.

John was about to argue when Daisy finally hurried into the room again with a mop and a bucket.

They all looked at her, when she began mopping up the soap water from the floor. “You wouldn’t believe where I had to look for the mop! Someone put it in the boiler room! Can you believe it?” she chattered. “How is your leg, Mr. Bates?”

That’s when Mrs. Carson seemed to notice the ice pack for the first time since she stepped in. “Oh Mr. Bates, what on earth happened? Did you hurt your leg?”

“He slipped. Someone thought it would be funny to leave puddles of water and soap on the floor.” Thomas explained and went to the sink after looking around the room for a moment. “And this someone was obviously not very tall.” It was perfect detective work. One of the wooden chairs from the table stood the wrong way around as if somebody dragged it in front of the sink in the night and just shoved it back without turning it around again.

The butler sighed. “I think I know what happened here, let me check something.” And he strode down the corridor, which led to the boiler room, pantry and laundry room.

He returned a few minutes later with the wet and soapy jacket Master George had worn yesterday. It was still dripping as if ‘someone’ had just dumped it into the sink and pulled it out again without wringing it out.

Daisy couldn’t suppress a smile. “That’s sweet. I bet he wanted to help the maids. Since Mr. Barrow told him that clothes and sheets get washed he looks a little guilty every time I see him. Maybe he wanted to help after yesterday.” She frowned. “Oh, Mr. Barrow I wanted to talk to you about something…” she suddenly didn’t look so happy anymore. John couldn’t imagine what got her so serious from one second to the next.

Thomas looked like he could do without that talk. “Maybe later, Daisy. First I’ll go talk to Master George.” he sighed again and seemed unbelievable tired. “Mrs. Hughes, could you talk to Phyllis about filling in for Anna today? Johnny got sick. And Daisy, maybe you could take care of all the water before anyone else slips on this floor and isn’t able to work today. John don’t strain that leg until his Lordship rings the bell. I have no time to valet on top of all the things I already _have_ to do at the moment.”

John snorted, Daisy looked a little bit guilty and the housekeeper smiled lightly. “Of course. We see you at the servants breakfast.”

The butler shrugged as if he thought _breakfast_ was the least of his problems at the moment and left the servants hall muttering under his breath about annoying six year old boys and the trouble they got into.

John looked from Daisy to Mrs. Carson and back. “Is there anyone else who thinks it ironic, that _he_ is the one constantly complaining, when we call him by his Christian name?”

The answer was unsurprisingly yes from both of them. Thomas Barrow was quite the hypocrite sometimes.

* * *

Elsie went looking for Andrew after the conversation with Thomas and Mr. Bates and found him storing away a china set. There was something that wouldn’t leave her mind and she wanted to ask him about it.

“Andrew? Do you have a minute?”

The footman turned around with a smile. “Of course Mrs. Carson.”

She took a deep breath. Well, it couldn’t be helped. She simply had to ask.

“Do you know anything about three silver tea spoons, that went missing yesterday?”

Andrew had many qualities but lying was never one of them. She saw a flash of guilt on his face right before he shook his head.

“I don’t think so, Mrs. Carson? They went missing yesterday?”

Elsie sighed. “Well, if you can’t help me I suppose I have to ask Albert. He was handling the silver ware yesterday after all.”

And of course that was enough to make the footman talk. “It wasn’t Albert. Please don’t be angry, Mrs. Carson.” He pleaded and there was fear in his eyes. “Only I heard the new governess talk to Mr. Barrow right after she arrived and I…what she said. I didn’t know what else to do…I thought if she was caught stealing, maybe she would have to leave.” He hung his head. “I am very sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

The poor boy. She knew he cared about Thomas since he taught him how to read. The two of them had become good friends over the last year. She understood why he did it and could she really fault his methods if it was her, who put drugs in a tea cup just yesterday? She really couldn’t.

“No, you shouldn’t have done that, Andrew.” She replied with a sigh. “You should’ve come to Mr. Barrow or to me. But you did it for the right reasons so I will forget we ever had this conversation.”

Andrew’s head snapped up and a smile appeared on his face. He nodded eagerly. “Thank you Mrs. Carson. Of course. I will never do something like that again, without coming to you first.”

She couldn’t suppress a snort. “Please refrain entirely from attempting something like this again, no matter who you tell.” And then after a short pause. “You can leave it to me next time.” She couldn’t keep herself from winking at him.

Andrew’s stared at her with wide eyes. “Mrs. Carson…?” he began but she only smiled lightly.

“Don’t you have something to do, Andrew?”

“Yes, Mrs. Carson. Of course. Should I get the silver tea spoons from upstairs and put them back?”

Elsie arched a brow at him. “I don’t know what you are talking about, Andrew.”

He blinked confused. “You don’t?”

“I don’t. And you don’t know either.”

* * *

Thomas went up the stairs and tried to avoid thinking about Daisy and the talk he had to have with her later this day.

He knew that he owed her an explanation after breaking down in front of her and the things she probably heard yesterday, but that didn’t mean that it would be fun explaining to her that the world was far more confusing than she had known until now.

He shook his head to get rid of the thoughts and concentrated on his task. He had to find Master George. He understood that the boy was confused and felt many things at the same time since he heard the argument in the small library, but Bates could’ve really hurt his leg today and even the heir of Grantham had to know that something like this was dangerous. Thomas was no fan of Bates but he wouldn’t want him to get hurt, this much he could admit to himself.

He found George in the nursery together with Lady Grantham, who seemed to have decided that letting the children out of her sight just led to trouble. She was right in a lot of ways. Sybbie was probably still sleeping, the family (first and foremost Mr. Branson, who couldn’t stand the whining anymore) decided a few months back that she was old enough to get her own room, which was good because he had to talk to George alone right now.

“Lady Grantham, forgive me for intruding but I have to discuss a matter with Master George.” Thomas said when he stepped into the room.

Lady Grantham’s gaze turned curious. “Of course, Barrow. Come in.” She didn’t leave though, which Thomas thought very impolite but could do nothing about.

George looked up from his toy bricks and grinned at him, completely innocent. “Mr. Barrow! Do you want to play with us? We are building a fort!”

Thomas shook his head. “Maybe later, Master George. I have to talk to you about something.”

George frowned. “Are you angry?”

Thomas sighed but shook his head. “I am not angry, just a little worried. Did you go into the servants hall tonight, to wash your jacket in the sink?” he asked.

Lady Grantham stared at him amused. “Is that true George?” she asked.

George nodded enthusiastically. “I wanted to help the maids, and my clothes were so dirty that I thought I should wash them myself.”

“Well, that was very kind of you Master George.” Thomas said. “But you used too much water and soap and a lot of it was on the floor this morning. Mr. Bates slipped and twisted his bad leg.”

Lady Grantham gasped. “Oh, Barrow, is he alright? Did you call Doctor Clarkson?”

Thomas shook his head. “No Milady. It isn’t as bad as it sounds, he just has to cool it for a few hours. He managed to catch himself in the last second but it was very dangerous nonetheless. If you want to try something like this again, Master George, you should always ask an adult to help you. You could’ve fallen down the stairs in the dark. A lot could’ve happened.”

Lady Grantham nodded fiercely and looked a bit stern at George. “That was very careless George, you should go downstairs and apologize to Mr. Bates later. I don’t want you to leave your bed again when its night unless it is absolutely necessary. Do you understand me?”

George looked down at his shoes ashamed. “I’m sorry, grandma, Mr. Barrow. I just wanted to help…”

“And I think the maids really appreciate it,” Thomas replied and couldn’t suppress a smile. “But it’s still their job to do the laundry, Master George. They did it for many years, they will manage. And I think Mr. Bates would be very happy to hear an apology.”

George sighed but nodded. “I go downstairs after the breakfast.”

“Thank you, George.” Lady Grantham said and Thomas turned to her. She was still in her dressing gown and he didn’t know what he should think about that. It was so early that Phyllis hadn’t even arrived. It was as if she woke up and came down to the nursery immediately. When he thought about it George was also awake quite early today.

“You are up early your Ladyship. Should I send Ms. Baxter up to help you dress?” he asked and realised too late that he probably should’ve called her Mrs. Molesley. He still couldn’t bring himself to use the name.

Lady Grantham seemed to have noticed his look. “I see its also hard for you to familiarise with her new name. I can relate with you, I slip-up a few times a week myself.” she smiled. “But I can wait until you had your breakfast, it’s really no trouble. I assume it is my own fault, I was up way to early today. I don’t think many members of the household got much sleep last night.”

“It is no trouble, my Lady. I send her up as soon as she gets here.” Thomas replied. “And I am very sorry that yesterdays events escalated in the way they did.”

Lady Grantham looked over to George but the boy was already busy building something with his toy bricks and didn’t seem to listen to the conversation at all. She looked back at Thomas and on her face was a sad little smile. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Barrow. I hope you know that. And I am really glad to say that this unpleasant episode lies behind us now.”

Her eyes were so honest and friendly that he couldn’t bring himself to lie to her in this moment. “Forgive my frankness, your Ladyship, but this unpleasant episode will never be really over. At least not for me. It has been this way my whole live.”

Now she didn’t smile anymore but she also wasn’t angry. She just looked unbelievable tired and sad. “Yes, I suppose it has. I hope that you can at least find a little bit of peace here. We may not be able to change the world but we can change how we decide to act in it.”

Her voice was almost pleading as if she was looking for some kind of absolution. He didn’t know where this sudden sympathy was coming from but he immediately felt like crying. Why couldn’t they just be normal ignorant people? Why did they have to try this hard? He didn’t know how he should handle such friendliness. And it was also coming quite late. At least from her. She never seemed to care before and he wondered where the sudden change of mind came from.

“I don’t think that there are many people who would think this way, your Ladyship.” Thomas finally said. “But I thank you for it.” He looked at his shoes and willed the tears back behind his eyes. That was stupid, why was he so moved by something that should be taken for granted? He also didn't owe her any thanks so why did he say that? He took a deep breath. “I think I should get going. The servants breakfast will start soon.”

She nodded still a little bit sadly. “I am really sorry, Barrow.”

It wasn’t as if he could do anything with that.

He didn’t reply, just nodded curtly, said goodbye to Master George and left the nursery.

He had to lean against a wall for a few seconds in the main hall and just breathe. His feelings threatened to drown him. He couldn't tell apart the anger and the sorrow and the gratefulness. He couldn't even think about writing a bloody letter to explain everything that happened to Richard. Why was his life so complicated?

“Barrow? Are you alright?” The voice of none other than Lord Grantham ripped him from his reverie.

He immediately straightened his back and was glad that the tears hadn’t started flowing yet.

“I am sorry, your Lordship. I was just coming down from the nursery. I spoke to Lady Grantham and Master George.” He said.

Lord Grantham was already dressed and Thomas wondered when that had happened. Bates couldn’t have already gone up, could he? There was simply no time. Maybe he had been longer in the nursery than he thought.

“You don’t have to apologise. I believe we are all a little bit out of ourselves after yesterday’s incident.” Thomas suppressed a snort. Well it wasn’t his lordship who was insulted and threatened in a lot of colourful ways, but sure, the Earl deserved to be out of himself.

Lord Grantham had just come down the stairs, probably only seconds after Thomas got down and lost himself in some kind of trance in the middle of the bloody main hall.

He forced himself to nod mutely. He really didn’t want to talk about this _again._ He had enough of all the talk. It would be more satisfying to punch something right now. Unfortunately his employer’s face wasn’t the best option.

“I already heard what happened with George and poor Mr. Bates. He had difficulties with his leg when he came up to help me dress.” Lord Grantham continued completely oblivious to Thomas’ mood. Thomas swore inwardly. Where had the time gone? He must’ve lost more minutes than he thought.

“Yes, I already talked to Master George.” Thomas said curtly. “I think he learned his lesson.”

Lord Grantham nodded. “If Bates’ leg isn’t better in the evening, please don’t hesitate to call the Doctor. I think John is a man who tends to hide his pain and I wouldn’t forgive myself if something happened to him.”

“Certainly, your Lordship.” Thomas replied still a little bit stiffly.

There were a few seconds of silence between them. It was getting awkward rather fast. “Well…” Lord Grantham said after a moment and seemed suddenly immensely interested in the small side table to his left. “I wanted to tell you, that we dismissed Mrs. Portley, Barrow. She will not come back here again.”

Thomas pressed his lips together. “Very good, your Lordship.” Another few seconds of silence.

“Barrow I-“ Thomas waited for him to continue but Lord Grantham didn’t seem to know what to say. Thomas really wanted to get out of this conversation. Right now, preferably.

“If that is all, your Lordship…?” he asked slowly after a few more silent seconds in which Lord Grantham looked like he wanted to say something but couldn’t bring himself to speak out loud. Thomas didn’t know what there even was to say. He would surely not be as open-minded as Lady Grantham in the matter. “I believe the preparations for breakfast are already in the works.” Thomas added firmly.

Lord Grantham blinked at him before he sighed. “Yes, of course. Please go on, Barrow.”

“Yes, your Lordship.” Lord Grantham made a vague gesture with his hand as if he wanted to pad him on the back but Thomas managed to avoid the awkwardness by turning around swiftly and walking back into the entrance hall. He could practically feel his Lordships gaze at the back of his head when he fled down the stairs.

This was a conversation he definitely didn’t need right now.

* * *

The servants breakfast was a very quiet business. Thomas’ mood still hadn’t improved and somehow the others seemed to notice. After yesterday’s events he didn't even have the energy to write Richard back. He just couldn’t bring himself to tell him about this, even if it would’ve been possible to explain it in a letter, which it wasn’t. With Mrs. Portley’s words the doubts had returned, no matter how hard he tried to suppress them.

Mrs. Hughes tried to start a conversation a few times, but between a brooding Thomas, a still quite shocked Andy, a restless Daisy and the clueless housemaids there wasn’t much room for the usual table talk. Bates kept clenching his teeth in pain each time he shifted in his chair and Thomas would’ve probably said something if he wasn’t so distracted by his own thoughts.

He felt Phyllis’ concerned gaze a few times but he kept staring into his cup of tea so she didn’t see the feelings on his face.

After the upstairs breakfast he managed to avoid any conversations because somehow the boiler was broken _again_ and he spent the better part of the next hour on the phone trying to get hold of someone who would prepare it.

After a few infuriating calls he put down the telephone and decided to open a letter, which came in the post and was this time indeed ironically sent by the wine delivery man.

He spend another fifteen minutes flipping through old ledgers before he got himself a cup of tea.

After that Thomas joined the others in the kitchen and complained about the boiler for a few minutes. For some reason Andy kept exchanging strange gazes with Daisy, but Thomas had no clue if that had anything to do with the boiler or with yesterday’s events or even with their bloody wedding preparations.

It was half an hour later when he finally managed to get someone to repair the boiler, who could come to the Abbey today and who wouldn’t charge a small fortune.

He strode back into the boiler room to check it again, in case the thing had suddenly started working while he was on the phone and interrupted a quite heated and whispered argument between Daisy and Andy.

“But _what_ do you mean with that?!” Daisy hissed when he entered.

“ _I_ can’t explain it to you, Daisy!” Andy was red in the face and Daisy seemed agitated.

Thomas thought for a second he interrupted a private moment, before they noticed him and their faces turned pale. “Mr. B-Barrow! We were just…” Andy stammered and said no more.

Thomas sighed. So they were talking about him. No surprise there.

He turned around calmly and closed the door to the boiler room behind himself. “I assume it is now or never.” He muttered to himself before looking up at the two. “You were talking about me?”

Andy stepped from one foot onto the other. “Ah…well, we-“

“Oh Andy shut up, will you?” Daisy interrupted and made a step in Thomas’ direction until she was standing just a few inches from him. She didn’t even reach to the height of his shoulder but her gaze was fierce when she poked her index finger into his chest. “You owe me an explanation Mr. Barrow and I won’t accept a no.”

“Daisy!” Andy stuttered shocked.

Daisy didn’t budge. She just kept staring at Thomas who arched a brow at Andy. “What did you tell her?”

The footman seemed very uncomfortable in his skin. “Not much…” he said.

Thomas sighed. “Alright, Daisy. I will tell you. No need to yell at me.”

Daisy looked at him for a few more seconds before she huffed and backed off a little bit to cross her arms in front of her chest. “Well, then tell me. I‘m not getting any younger here.”

The butler rubbed his tired eyes for a moment before looking at her. He didn’t know how to start so he just decided to start with the things she already knew. “You heard what Mrs. Portley said yesterday, like all the others?”

Daisy snorted. “She just yelled lots of insults. I didn’t know what she meant by them or who she said them to half of the time.”

So it wouldn’t be this easy. Pity. He thought he could just confirm what she already knew but it seemed like he had to spell it out for her. He closed his eyes for a second before opening them again.

“Alright. I will say this one time, Daisy. You wont hear it again from me and if you ask me I will probably deny it, because I could go to jail for this, do you understand me?” he saw how Andy’s eyes grew bigger behind Daisy who looked surprised but nodded.

He took a deep breath. “You remember many years back when you fancied me and you wondered why I didn’t fancy you back?” instead of answering she just frowned. “It wasn’t because of your looks or your behaviour or the things you said. It was because you are a woman.”

She looked at him as if he lost his mind. “You didn’t like me ‘cause I’m a woman?” Lord, she still didn’t understand it. How could anyone be this naïve? He envied her a little bit for it. He was sure that life was a lot easier.

“I prefer men, Daisy.” He said matter-of-factly. “I am not interested in women. Not in the least. That was why Mrs. Portley insulted me and threatened to go to the police. I am sure even you know this is against the law.”

Daisy seemed totally stunned. There wasn’t any hint in her gaze telling him what she was thinking. He took a step back just in case she decided to attack him. “Do you understand it now? The words she said: queer, lavender, degenerate, faggot. It’s what someone like me is called these days. This is the secret nobody ever told you because they thought you were too young or you couldn’t handle it.”

Andy’s jaw almost dropped to the floor, when he heard these words. Thomas vaguely realised that this was the first time Andy heard him admit these things, but he didn’t look at the shocked footman. His gaze was directed completely at the woman in front of him. He stood there and waited for the inevitable. For her judgement. He really hadn’t expected that Daisy’s opinion could mean this much to him but here he was, taking a deep breath to brace himself.

Daisy was silent a few more seconds before she turned to Andy and punched him into the shoulder. Hard. Thomas stared.

“And you couldn’t just _tell me that_ you stupid fool?! You really thought I _couldn’t handle this?!_ ” she snapped at him.

Andy seemed completely shocked. “Daisy, I…” he began but she ignored him and turned her fury to the next available person.

“And _you!”_ she spat out angrily and Thomas practically flinched back. “Keepin’ me in the dark _all these years!_ What the bloody hell where you thinkin’?! I know you longer than Andy and I have to be the last one to find out?!”

“D-Daisy…” Andy stuttered but she cut him off.

“What the _bloody hell_ were you thinkin’?” she asked Thomas.

Thomas pressed his lips together for a moment before he replied. “I guess I thought you wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore.” He almost whispered. “Not that we were very good friends back then, but it would’ve surely destroyed any chance of it.”

That seemed to shock her even more. She stopped and blinked at him. Her gaze was confused. “Why would you think something this dumb?” she asked.

Thomas stared at her. “Maybe because until then every single person I told the truth about me decided to leave…”

And suddenly, just like that, Daisy’s gaze turned soft. For some reason there were tears in her eyes now. “Not me, stupid…” she said and then he had an arm full of sobbing assistant cook to handle.

“I don’t care who you love, you fool!” she sobbed into his livery jacket. Thomas froze at the words and threw a panicky gaze at Andy who surprisingly smiled like he couldn’t be prouder of his fiancé.

Thomas laughed and his eyes filled with tears too. “I would’ve told you sooner if I had known that you would react this way.”

“Well, you definitely should’ve.” She muttered into his jacket and he felt her hands clench in the fabric. “Could’ve saved us a lot of trouble.”

Thomas laughed even harder. “Daisy, I can’t believe you are real…” The one person who everyone in this household thought to naïve to handle it, told him to stuff it because she didn’t care who he loved. She said what no one else had dared to say to him in his whole life.

He knew that Phyllis thought she understood him and Mrs. Hughes would help him if he needed it.

He knew that Lady Mary didn’t care if it didn’t affect her life and that Lady Grantham felt sorry for him.

He knew that Andy had almost overcome his difficulties and Lord Grantham could ignore his own if he really wanted.

But not a single one of them had told him what Daisy said a few seconds ago. That she didn’t care who he loved.

“I love you, you fool.” Daisy said when she stepped back and wiped her eyes with her apron. “I will always love you. You are like a brother to me.”

Thomas had to swallow hard. “I wasn’t always kind to you.”

She laughed. “No. But every one of us deserves a second chance.”

“Or ten.” He said bitterly.

She smiled. “You _are_ a good man, Thomas. Always knew that. You just have walls.”

Thomas blinked at her. When did she get so smart? Maybe she always was the smartest of them all and no one really noticed. It wouldn’t surprise him.

He took a deep shuddering breath. “Thank you.”

They all just stood there for a few seconds in silence. Andy still seemed a little bit lost.

A wicked smile spread over Daisy’s face. “So all those letters…” she began and Thomas would’ve given anything to disappear into the ground. “Does that mean that you have a sweetheart somewhere?”

“Daisy!” Andy groaned.

She whirled around to him. “What? Can’t I ask?!”

“I think I had enough questions for today.” Thomas said curtly but he couldn’t suppress the blush high on his cheeks.

Of course Daisy noticed it immediately. “No answer is also an answer, Mr. Barrow.” She grinned.

He rolled his eyes and composed himself. “I am sure there is something Mrs. Patmore needs you to do in the kitchen.” He said. “No one gets paid for standing around in this house.”

“Well except for you and Andy at dinner, at breakfast, at lunch and all the times between when you have to wait around to open a door…” Daisy replied smirking and then they were all laughing again.

A moment later they heard Mrs. Patmore yelling something that was quite certainly Daisy’s name from the kitchen and the assistant cook smiled at them one last time before hurrying out of the boiler room.

Andy and Thomas stood there for a few more seconds. “Well.” Thomas said. “I think we underestimated her all these years…” he said.

“You certainly did.” Andy muttered and looked like a lovesick puppy after Daisy. “She is beautiful when she is angry.”

Thomas rolled his eyes. “Go to work, Andy.”

“Yes, Mr. Barrow. Sorry, Mr. Barrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say that I love Daisy.


	6. A Necessary Hiatus

Thomas wished that the rest of the day would’ve been relatively eventless, but this was Downton Abbey, where the chaos never slept.

The good mood after the talk with Daisy and Andy lasted two entire hours before Sarah, one of the house maids, tripped on the stairs and strained her ankle. Doctor Clarkson was called, and immediately sent her home. While he was there the Doctor also looked over Mr. Bates’ leg (which was still hurting a lot if his expression was any indication) and declared that the man had to rest at least two days from the injury or it would impair his ability to walk even more in the foreseeable future.

During lunch he endured Lord Grantham’s repeated attempts to say something to him, which always ended in awkward silence. Lady Grantham threw her husband a few concerned and Thomas many apologising gazes. Each time this happened Lady Mary rolled her eyes at the ceiling and Tom Branson found some way to suddenly bring up the car shop business, which he then somehow managed to turn into an even duller topic than it already was.

After lunch the repairman for the boiler turned up and spend three whole hours looking at the problem before announcing that he would’ve to come back again the following day because some essential part was missing.

So Thomas had a broken boiler and was one maid and one valet down (and that didn’t even include Anna) when Albert started coughing in the middle of the servants dinner and couldn’t stop anymore. Mrs. Hughes sent him upstairs to rest and Thomas took a spontaneous cigarette break and tried to think about ways this day could possibly get any worse by now.

Unfortunately that was when Phyllis decided to have a ‘talk’ with him.

“I am really sorry, Thomas. Joseph knew Mrs. Portley since he started working at the school and everything he told me about her was good. He was as shocked as I when he heard about yesterday. He said he couldn’t have imagined this behaviour from her.”

Thomas didn’t want to insult her, but Mr. Molesley was certainly no expert in knowing anything about people. Lady Mary obviously wasn’t aware of this because she was rarely interested in any of the servants lives, so how could she know that Molesley was the last person anyone should ask while looking for a job recommendation in service. Of course Thomas thought that at least Phyllis should’ve asked twice in this situation but she was obviously blinded by her relationship to the man.

He rubbed his temples where a headache started to form. He was currently standing in the back yard, having his second cigarette for the day and just wanted a little peace and quiet. But who was he fooling? Peace and quiet happened to other people.

Phyllis continued without even waiting for his answer. If Thomas had not been so tired he may have noticed that she was talking an unusual amount, as if she was trying to downplay her own nervousness. As it was, he wasn’t listening very closely right now.

“I told him: Joseph, you can’t know what people think about things like that. They may be completely friendly on the outside and still have all this hatred on the inside. And he said he would speak to her, maybe he could convince her and I said that’s a really bad idea, because I think you can’t convince people like her and he really shouldn’t talk to her about you. It was very wrong what she said and she never should’ve come here and I think it’s partly my fault and maybe-“

“Stop it!” Thomas shouted and Phyllis mouth snapped shut as if he hit her. She stared at him with wide eyes. He took a drag from his cigarette with shaking fingers. “I can’t do this right now.” He got up and rubbed his left temple again. The headache was getting stronger. “I am sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you, but I really can’t do this now…”

She made a step in his direction. “Thomas, I…”

“Don’t!” he snapped when she touched his shoulder and she flinched back. “I need space. It’s too much. I can’t think clearly like this. Everyone is trying to empathise after noone cared for years. Everyone is having an opinion.” He took another drag from his cigarette. “I need a bit of space…I need people to _not talk about this all the bloody time…_ ”

Phyllis looked at him from her big sad eyes before she sighed and nodded. She turned around and walked to the door that let back into the servants hall. “I tell the others you take a break until the dinner preparations start. Do you want me to get you anything?”

He took a deep breath and shook his head. “I think I just have to be alone for a few minutes.”

She still looked at him as if she was trying to say something but didn’t know what. She had a lot in common with the Earl of Grantham in this moment and he wondered what she would say to this comparison. Finally she just nodded again. “I am here for you. No matter what.”

He didn’t answer and she disappeared back into the house. Thomas lit another cigarette with shaky fingers and slowly strode around the house onto the grounds of Downton Abbey. He had to be alone with his thoughts for a moment. This was the only way he could handle this.

He just had the feeling, that he didn’t get a minute to think about all of this. What he really wanted right now was just a moment to comprehend what had happened.

Of course it didn’t took more than a hundred yards before fate decided that it wasn’t done with him for the day. The first sign that someone else wanted to share their opinion was a car motor from behind that stopped abruptly and the opening and closing of a door.

“Barrow!”

Thomas stopped walking halfway down the small path that led to the village but didn’t turn around. He didn’t know where he wanted to go right now, the only thing he knew was that he didn’t need any company. Especially not from Branson.

He took another drag from his cigarette and stood there staring into the distance, waiting for the inevitable.

It only took a few seconds before Tom Branson stood next to him.

He wore his usual brown suit and seemed a little bit out of breath from the walk over. Thomas had no idea where he wanted to go or came from with the car at this hour short before dinner.

“Mr. Branson.” Thomas said and couldn’t keep the tiredness from seeping into his voice. He didn’t even have the energy to use his usual ironic tone when addressing the former chauffeur. “What can I do for you?”

He could feel the stunned look of the man beside him. “I am not going to ask, whether you are alright, because it’s obvious that you are not.” He said and Thomas didn’t know what he should possibly reply to that. Maybe he should say thank you? Maybe an apology was in order? Should he nod politely and agree or deny the whole thing entirely and act like nothing had happened? How did someone respond to something like that? It didn’t matter because Branson wasn’t finished yet.

“I wanted to ask whether you would like to join me on a pint at the pub this evening?” Branson said without any prior warning.

Now Thomas looked at him as if he had lost his mind. “You want to go to the pub. With me. In the village.” He couldn’t believe it. Was the man really this naïve or was he just downright stupid?

Branson tried to arch one brow at Thomas but he was one of these people who always wanted to do this particular facial expression really hard and didn’t manage it in the least, so it just looked ridiculous. Thomas arched his own eyebrow, a perfected move for him, just to annoy him.

Branson snorted and rolled his eyes. “I don’t know why you are sounding so surprised. It’s just a pint at the pub.”

Thomas laughed coldly. “Let me see if I can get all reasons together, shall I? There is the fact that you are a member of the family and I am the butler. Then there was the disaster with Mrs. Portley yesterday, the news of which surely already spread through the village like wildfire. Additionally we are one valet, one maid and one hall boy down at the house and I don’t even know who else is planning on falling down the stairs tonight. Oh and last but not least, I got the impression that we don’t even like each other, Mr. Branson.”

Thomas knew that he shouldn’t speak in this way to the man, at least not with other members of the household being present. But there was noone else here so he really didn’t care at the moment.

Branson also didn’t seem to care. He was still uncomfortable being addressed like the upstairs folks anyways. “I just thought you looked like you could use a pint.” Was all he said and Thomas blinked at him quite confused.

He expected anger or an ironic laugh and a snarky comment, maybe an insult of some sort but not this plain honesty.

“I don’t mean to insult, but since when do you care about what I could use?” Thomas asked, dropped his cigarette and stomped on the bud a few times until the glow had faded.

Now he looked at everything but Thomas. His gaze drifted over the butlers shoulder back to the house, over the car until he seemed to find an immense interest in a dirty spot on one of his shoes. After a moment of silence he huffed. “I try to be nicer. Sybbie reminded me of a few things.”

Thomas would’ve laughed if he wasn’t so exhausted. Of course Sybbie was behind this. How could it be any different? She must’ve talked Branson into doing this because she had noticed that Thomas had less time to play with her in the past days. Maybe she thought if he had a little bit fun, that he would be less stressed from everything else and more likely to spend time with her. It was a nice thought from the girl but he knew it wasn’t worth the energy. Work stress wasn’t the problem. The world was.

“That’s very kind of her, but you don’t have to pretend that you like me and I think I would prefer it to do the same.” Thomas replied and smiled a little bit sadly.

Branson sighed loudly and rubbed his neck. “I don’t despise you, Thomas.”

“Mr. Barrow.” Thomas said out of reflex but he didn’t mean it.

“Oh stop it. I called you Thomas for years and you can drop the Mr. Branson as well.”

“If you say so Branson.” Thomas replied. He sure as hell wouldn’t call the man Tom.

“What I wanted to say, is that there is no reason for us to be enemies. I may not be the greatest fan of you and we sure as hell will never be real friends, but what speaks against a pint between old work colleges? When was the last time you went out to a pub?”

Thomas grimaced a little bit. “The royal visit. I think.” In York. With Richard. The memories were happy and frightening at the same time.

“See?” Branson asked. “That was months ago. What do you say? You don’t even have to talk to me when we are there. I am quite comfortable, sitting in a corner with something to drink watching people the whole evening.”

Thomas thought about the risks, what could easily happen if he decided to go. He thought about what Richard would say. Be circumspect. Well that was a nice phrase but it didn’t really help manage a life in the shadows. He couldn’t hide forever.

So he snorted and turned around to Branson. “I warn you. I am not good company, neither in conversation nor in reputation.”

Branson shrugged. “Nothing to be ashamed of. I’m used to drinking alone. You think the family liked to go to the pub? Everything is better than sitting there alone getting pitiful looks.”

“You say that now…” Thomas muttered but he smiled a little bit. “I think Sybbie fooled us both. She talked to me too.”

“Ha!” Branson said and very maturely pointed his index finger at Thomas. “I knew it! And you didn’t want to admit it!”

Thomas snorted. “Maybe I simply don’t do something just because a ten year old bullies me into doing it?”

The former chauffeur laughed. “Sure, keep telling that to yourself…I guess I should’ve expected that from my daughter. She didn’t want her two favourite people to argue forever. Maybe we should try being nicer together.”

A warm feeling spread through Thomas chest. “She said I am one of her favourite people?” he asked stunned.

“Don’t tell me this surprises you. She rarely talks about anyone else. Mr. Barrow this, Mr. Barrow that. It would be almost annoying if she wasn’t so adorable. It would be a shame if we disappointed her, wouldn’t it?”

Thomas rolled his eyes. “Alright, you convinced me. When do you want to go?”

“At half past eight in the back yard?” Branson said as if it was the most normal thing in life to go get a pint with the butler. It probably was for him. He was still a chauffeur at heart even though he had given up the part of the job where he had to drive people around at every hour of the day.

Thomas ignored the voices in his head that were telling him, that this was a stupid idea and nodded. “Half past eight it is.” He pulled his watch from his pocket and returned to his role as butler. “You should get up to the house now and dress for dinner. It will be ready in less than an hour, Mr. Branson.”

“Thank you Mr. Barrow. I think I would’ve missed it without you reminding me.” And with this witty comment the man turned around and walked back to the house.

Thomas rolled his eyes again and followed him.

* * *

“Don’t get mad, but this is an absolutely stupid idea after the day we just had.” Phyllis said as soon as he had told her about his plans for tonight.

They were sitting at the servants hall table after the servants dinner had ended. Thomas was already wearing his day suit and watched the clock with one eye and Phyllis was knitting something that vaguely looked like a scarf in the ugliest colours he had ever seen while she waited for her Ladyship to ring the bell.

Lord Grantham announced at dinner, that he would go to bed late this evening and wouldn’t need a valet. Thomas thought this was his Lordships way of telling him that he deserved a break.

He refrained from enlightening the Earl of Grantham that he would spend the evening drinking beer at the pub with his son-in-law. Tom didn’t say anything either, being (for once) clever enough to see that the undertaking wouldn’t be met with approval by the family.

So here he was, waiting for the clock hands to reach the position he was waiting for. Unfortunately he had to tell _someone_ where he was planning to go and that someone was Phyllis. He thought it would be the easiest pick but he obviously had guessed wrong.

“Does Mrs. Carson know you want to go?” Phyllis asked and there was concern in her voice.

Thomas sighed but shook his head. “It wasn’t even my idea in the first place. Branson decided suddenly that he wanted to go for a pint and asked me if I wanted to join. Its not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal? You know this could be dangerous? You heard what Mrs. Portley said. News spread quickly through the village.” Phyllis put down her knitting work and grabbed his right hand that was drumming restlessly on the table. “I don’t want to worry about you tonight.”

Thomas closed his eyes for a moment. “And I don’t want to worry you but this is my decision.” He hesitated for a moment. “And I am sorry I snapped at you before dinner.”

“You are under a lot of stress. The last days haven’t been easy.” She replied completely sympathetic.

“That doesn’t mean that I should let it out on you. But Branson is right, I could really use an evening at the pub.”

“It could be dangerous.”

“I won’t let these people dictate how I live.”

She sighed and he knew he had won. “At least take Andy with you.” She said.

Thomas laughed unbelievingly. “I don’t need supervision. And even if I would take him, who do you think should watch the house with Albert sick in bed, You, Mr. Bates, Mrs. Patmore, Daisy and Mrs. Hughes a mile away and Andy and I at the pub?”

Phyllis smiled. “I stay here tonight and wait for you to return. I don’t think that I could sleep anyways while I worry about you. But I think I would worry less if you took Andy with you to the pub.”

Thomas stared at her for a few seconds before he sank back into his chair. “Fine.” He grumbled. “I’ll ask him. But if he doesn’t want to go there’s nothing I can do about it.”

* * *

Somehow it didn’t surprise him that Andy was keen as mustard when Thomas told him about his plans for the evening.

The footman practically jumped up and down having not been to the pub in weeks. Thomas realised that Andy hadn’t even asked for an evening out in a long time and he strongly suspected it was because he walked Daisy to the Yewtree Farm every evening.

As chance would have it Daisy decided to stay at the house this night (Thomas suspected that Phyllis had something to do with this development), so Andy was free to join them at the pub.

Mrs. Hughes had gone home early tonight so she didn’t even know about all of it. Thomas was glad about that. He really didn’t want to explain his motives to another concerned person.

At half past eight they met Branson outside who was visibly relieved that Andy joined them to the pub. Thomas tried not to be offended by that.

At first it was awkward because Andy didn’t seem to know how to behave around Branson but the footman quickly adjusted when he noticed that the former chauffeur didn’t care. Ten minutes later they wouldn’t shut up anymore and Thomas suppressed a well-deserved eye roll.

The three of them walked the short way into the village, while Andy and Branson chatted casually about every single boring thing their lives had to offer, carefully omitting anything that happened in the past few days.

Now and then they tried to include him in their conversation but Thomas was still in a bit of a foul mood and they quickly realised that he needed time to cool down and left him to brood.

When they arrived at the Grantham Arms it was late enough that the few villagers who had crawled out of their holes and escaped their wives to drown their sorrows in beer, could be heard from the other side of the street.

Thomas stopped there for a moment and steeled himself for what was about to come.

Andy and Branson turned around and looked at him with questioning gazes. “Are you alright, Mr. Barrow?” Andy asked concerned.

Branson’s knowing look was enough to make Thomas grind his teeth.

He scowled. “Of course, let’s go. I need a pint.”

He put on a determined expression and crossed the street. He wouldn’t let these people dictate his life. Thomas opened the pub door and strode inside with his head held high and Branson and Andy close behind him. A few heads turned and as expected the gazes weren’t friendly.

 _Let them stare,_ he thought. _They can’t do anything without prove._

Fortunately the looks weren’t only directed at him. He noticed that the villagers eyed Andy and Branson with just as much distaste. Good. So the news of what had happened in Downton hadn’t spread yet.

The people from the village had never really liked anyone from the big house, no matter if this someone was working there or spending their day lazily sipping tea from expensive chinaware. Over the past years the looks had gotten angrier with fewer and fewer people understanding the usefulness of an upper class living like royalty, while the poor couldn’t even nourish their families. They were envious of the family in Downton Abbey and they mistrusted anyone who worked for them.

Most of these fools couldn’t even string two coherent sentences together and yet they deemed themselves all high and mighty just because at the end of the day their hands were covered in calluses and they could go home to their wives telling themselves they did something with their lives.

They would never see the Downton staff as equals. They would never think that Thomas’ work was as important as theirs. Maybe it wasn’t, but that wasn’t the point. He had enough evenings with hurting feet and tired eyes to at least prove to himself that he did something at the end of the day. And contrary to them he couldn’t drown his pains in beer every evening.

He was ripped from his thoughts by the barkeeper, who didn’t look happy but at least had the decency to not spit in their faces or throw them out right away. Small mercies.

“Mmpf?” he asked and Thomas was sure that Lord Grantham’s dog would’ve been more eloquent when it came to asking for a drink order.

Two minutes later Andy appeared at Thomas shoulder and took two of the three pints to their table. Thomas paid for the first round, not because he was feeling generous, but rather because he had quietly decided that he would need at least three pint to get through the evening and he had the feeling his companions wouldn’t be to appalled by this idea. They clinked glasses and the first gulp of cold ale was the most divine thing Thomas had in weeks.

Maybe this evening wouldn’t end in a total disaster…


	7. A Soldier Intervenes

John was rather late tonight and he felt a little bit guilty about that. He had sat in the servants hall with Mrs. Molesley until ten o’clock, keeping her company while she waited for Thomas and Andy’s return.

He hadn’t planned on staying this long when he had sat down after eight, having finished his work on a pair of riding boots in the boot room for his lordship, but the woman looked so concerned and nervous that he felt like he should calm her a little bit.

“I don’t think that anything will happen. You shouldn’t worry so much.” John said and applied another ice package to his still hurting leg. He wasn’t glad that Doctor Clarkson had ordered him to rest from work for two days but at least he could go home to the cottage and look after Johnny tomorrow, in case he was still sick. Anna would be able to go to work again.

“You don’t have to stay, Mr. Bates.” Mrs. Molesley said and finished the third scarf she knitted in the last two hours. “I’ll wait for them to come back alone. Go home to your family.”

John sighed. Nothing he had said until now led to her relaxing even a little bit. She was still tense and seemed to express her nervousness with excessive knitting. “Are you sure? It is no trouble to wait another hour.”

She smiled but shook her head. “That is very kind of you, but I think I’ll manage. Go home and rest like the Doctor ordered you to. You shouldn’t let Anna wait this long.”

So John finally agreed, said goodnight to her which she barely even acknowledged with a small smile, took his cane and left through the back door. Due to the full moon and the lack of clouds the night wasn’t dark. He could see the path clearly in front of him. It wasn’t a very long way to the cottage but he had to walk slow nonetheless. His leg was still hurting and he couldn’t wait to fall into his bed as soon as he arrived.

He used the walk to think about today. Master George came downstairs after the breakfast and apologised with an ashamed expression for the trouble with the soap water this morning. John couldn’t bring himself to find fault with the boy in any way. He could still remember the trouble his group of friends got up to in his youth and George didn’t even have friends that were his own age. Everything he did he had to do alone. A boy was allowed to do a little mischief if this was the only way he could express himself in a house full of rules and mostly stern gazes. He was glad that his own son wouldn't have to deal with the strict rules of the upper class while growing up.

John also thought about the things that had happened yesterday with the governess and the way Thomas seemed to behave today. He knew that the man hid a lot of problems and feelings and he was probably the wrong person to talk to him about that. But John wasn’t stupid. He had eyes.

John spend a great amount of the day sitting in the servants hall, observing everything that was happening around him.

There were a few minutes were Thomas, Andy and Daisy talked in the boiler room after which Thomas was smiling for the first time today, Andy seemed a little bit lost and Daisy was a mixture of overflowing satisfaction and amused anger, bustling around the kitchen, muttering things like: _And you all thought I couldn’t handle it…_ Someone didn’t need to be a genius to know what that was all about. Daisy finally knew.

Then there was Thomas arguing about the boiler on the phone for nearly an hour (John could hear him shout in his pantry), the maid tripping on the stairs and Doctor Clarkson arriving, telling them it would be impossible for both of them to come to work tomorrow.

Thomas didn’t look happy at that revelation but he didn’t argue. Instead he just went upstairs for the family’s lunch and returned with a sour look on his face and an even darker mood than before.

In the afternoon the boiler repairman showed up and John could hear Thomas and the man argue even while sitting in the servants hall. Thomas returned fuming to his pantry and closed the door a little bit too loudly.

When Albert started coughing at dinner all the butler did was reacting with a tired look after Mrs. Carson sent the boy upstairs. John could see the shadows that were forming under Thomas’ eyes. He didn’t like the way the man didn’t even get angry over the whole thing. It wasn’t _like_ Thomas not to be angered by something like that. He usually loved nothing more than giving a right dressing down, especially if what happened was no one’s fault.

After the servants dinner the butler grabbed his cigarettes and disappeared out of the back door without another word. Mrs. Molesley followed him outside to talk but John had the suspicion that this talk didn’t go well because she returned not even two minutes later and looked quite rattled, telling them Mr. Barrow would ‘need a few minutes’.

At this point of the evening John was not ashamed to admit that he was truly worried. It was rare that the butler vanished without making sure that everything in the house was going its rightful way and all the work was done properly. Thomas was so obsessed with making them all believe that he could do this job as good as Carson, that he tended to overdo it in the process.

When Mrs. Molesley told him after dinner what Thomas, Andy and Mr. Branson’s plans for tonight were, he was a little bit relieved. Maybe it would do the butler some good to go out for a change. He didn’t quite see Mrs. Molesleys concerns. Surely no one would dare to confront the three of them if Mr. Branson was present. Everyone in the village knew that he belonged to the family now and they respected the late Lady Sybil. John didn’t think that there would be any problems.

In hindsight there had been only a few times in his life when he was this naïve. One was when he thought his leg was fine and no one would notice after putting this bloody prothesis on. The second was when he thought Anna was fine after the concert at Downton Abbey. The third was when he thought Thomas was fine after Jimmy left the house.

And now unfortunately he decided Thomas was fine after going to the pub. There had to be something wrong with his definition of ‘fine’.

The path led around a corner in front of him and if he turned right at the crossing it were only a few hundred yards until he would reach their cottage.

That was the moment he heard someone shout behind the corner. “Stop it! You can’t do this!” It was the voice of Mr. Branson and he sounded at the edge of panic.

“Branson shut up!” Thomas’ voice. The sound of a punch followed and then there was a shout from someone who sounded like Andy.

Johns legs acted before his brain could. He forgot completely about his hurting leg and hurried down the path, faster than he would’ve thought possible not even minutes ago. His head wasn’t comprehending what he was doing, when he already rounded the corner and the whole scene unfolded in front of him like a morbid stage play.

There were five men from the village, all of them tall and bulky with upper arms like workers, coarse skin on their hands and hard faces.

One of them had obviously just punched Tom Branson who was lying on the ground holding his nose while groaning quietly. John could see how blood seeped through his fingers. It was most likely broken.

A second one had Andy in a headlock and even though the footman was taller and lankier than his attacker he wasn’t stronger. If you were working in service you didn’t built up muscles. Walking stairs and carrying trays did wonders for the stamina but it could only do so much for the muscular physique and the man behind him was huge.

The remaining three men were focused completely on Thomas, who was on his knees with a split lip. Two of the men held his arms and one was standing in front of him.

This one was just looking at Branson. “You think I can’t do this? I have every right to. Its not against the law to punch a bloody queer.” And his fist met Thomas’ jaw with a thud.

Thomas head was thrown back and blood was flowing out of his mouth but his eyes were still focused on Branson and Andy. “Get out of here!” he hissed between clenched teeth.

“Stop it!” Branson shouted again, still holding his bleeding nose and Andy struggled even more against the hold he was in.

The one who was standing in front of Thomas was missing two of his teeth and his grin was ugly when his hand closed around Thomas’ throat who gasped for breath. “I just started. I have a lot of good ideas what to do with you, you filthy fa-“

“Gentlemen.” John said calmly, stepped into the moonlight and addressed the man in front of Thomas. “If I were you I would think twice about finishing that sentence.”

All eyes were on him now and he saw surprise in a lot of the faces. Andy seemed relieved, Branson blinked owlishly at him and Thomas’ eyes widened in fright. He opened his mouth but the grip around his throat tightened and the butler seemed busy breathing all the sudden.

“And if _I_ were you I would disappear, old crock. You got nothing to do with this.” The man with the missing teeth snarled in his direction before he turned to Thomas again. “Where were we, ah yes I wanted to tell you what I would do to you-“

“I warn you one more time.” John interrupted him again.

The man who had punched Mr. Branson in the nose took a step in his direction and tried to look as threatening as he could. “Run away, old man. This is no place for crippled geezers or do you want me to show you some manners?” he snapped.

John put his hand in his pocket and pulled out his revolver very calmly.

He watched satisfied as all faces lost their colour at the same time.

John made many mistakes in his life and he had sworn to himself after what happened at the concert, that he would protect his wife forever. No matter at what cost. He wasn’t there to protect her in this night but there was a thing about John that no one really knew, even though Lord Grantham probably suspected something. He didn’t make one mistake twice. And he didn’t shrink back from drastic measures while doing so. So he decided he wouldn’t let his bad leg or anything else interfere with his happiness. That was why on one of his half days he took the train to a very shady part of York and bought a revolver.

Of course John didn’t always have it with him at Downton Abbey, only on the walks to and back from the house. Just in case anything would happen. In Downton he locked it into a cupboard in the boot room that no one had the key to, except for Lord Grantham’s valet because it was where all the old cufflinks that were still worth a lot but also not used anymore, were kept.

He knew it wouldn’t end good if anyone found out about the revolver, but he also knew that it would be better than letting anything happen to his wife.

John was glad that he decided to go this far because there was only one way this situation could end.

The man who was nearest to him took a few steps back and held up his hands. “Blimey!” he cursed but John didn’t look at him. Instead he aimed the weapon at the man who still had Andy in a headlock.

“If you would be so kind to let him go?” he asked without emotion in his voice. He had to act carefully here, or the tide could turn against him in a matter of seconds. If they started to believe that he wouldn’t fire the revolver, they wouldn’t be so scared anymore and he really didn’t want to shoot anybody tonight.

The bloke let go of Andy immediately and stumbled backwards. “Bloody hell, let’s go!” the man who punched Branson hissed and the two of them backed away before they turned and disappeared into the dark as fast as they could.

That left only three. The two who had Thomas in their grip and the one who’s hand was still on the butlers throat. John aimed the gun in their general direction and had to force himself not to look nervous, because he couldn’t shoot either of them if he didn’t want to risk shooting Thomas. He could just hope that they were afraid of firearms and wouldn’t think it worth the trouble.

“Same question for you, gentlemen.” John said calmly. From the corner of his eye he noticed how Branson got to his feet and wiped his still bleeding nose with his sleeve, cursing slightly under his breath. Andy seemed too shocked to do anything, he just stood frozen on the spot. John felt sorry for the footman. He kept being dragged in situations he didn’t know how to handle.

“Don’t listen to him.” Missing-teeth-man said and looked at his two comrades who had doubtful looks on their faces. “There’s probably not even a bullet in this rusty thing. He is bluffing.”

John aimed the weapon a bit lower and pulled the trigger. The shot was deafening in the quiet night. The two men who were busy holding Thomas up, jumped when the bullet hit the ground not even a yard from their feet. They let go of Thomas who crashed into missing-teeth-man, who lost his grip on the butler and stumbled back. Thomas landed on the floor in a crumbled heap and started coughing immediately.

A second later there was only one guy left on the path and John had his gun trained on him. “I suggest you go now, or do you really want to find out whether I’m bluffing?”

The man spit out in his direction. “You will regret siding with a faggot very soon.” He snapped.

John didn’t answer, he just made a step forward to signal that he was being serious. The man threw another disgusted look at Thomas who was still coughing on the ground before he turned around and vanished between the trees into the direction of the village.

John looked after him for a few silent seconds and none of the others moved. When he didn’t think that the village people would come back he tucked his gun back into his pocket and crouched down next to the butler.

“Mr. Bates!” Andy whispered from behind. “You have a gun?”

“I didn’t know about that either.” Branson said a little bit muffled because he had pulled a handkerchief from his pocket now and pressed it against his bleeding nose.

“We have time for that later.” John said and rolled Thomas onto his back carefully. The man had obviously trouble breathing. He was still coughing now and then and his body was shaking, whether from shock or exhaustion John couldn’t say. “Let me help you with that.” He said and loosened Thomas tie and the collar of his shirt a bit, so he could breathe more easily. There were red marks around his throat. Thomas took a deep shaky breath and John turned to the other two man.

“Can you help him up?” John asked. “Our cottage is only a few hundred yards from here. I suggest that we bring him there to assess the damage, before someone goes back to the house to get a car.”

“Yes, of course Mr. Bates.” Andy said and hurried to Thomas’ left side. Branson let go of the handkerchief and pulled the butlers right arm over his shoulder. Together the two men managed to keep Thomas upright, who had difficulties walking without stumbling every few yards and John lead them down the path.

He didn’t like it that they were probably about to frighten Anna a lot with their appearance but there was no way around it. Thomas didn’t look as if he was strong enough to walk the whole way back to the house.

There was still light in the windows of the small cottage and John turned around to Andy and Mr. Branson as soon as they stood in front of the door. “Anna doesn’t know about the revolver. Would you do me a favour and don’t mention it?”

They didn’t look happy but they nodded. “Thank you.” John said and opened the door with his key.

“I am home Anna!” he called.

Anna came out of the small living room as soon as she heard his voice. “John! I was worried. It’s already so late-“ she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the three men behind him.

John looked at her with a grim expression. “I explain it to you but we have to get him inside. There was an incident.”

It only took her a second to switch to her concerned mother mode. “Get him into the living room onto the couch. Mr. Branson, I’ll go and get you something for your nose.”

Branson shook his head. “It’s no trouble Anna, I was lucky. We have to focus on Thomas first.”

She turned a little bit pale when she looked at the butler who was still breathing heavily and had his eyes nearly closed but she nodded and let them into the living room. John closed the door after surveying the front yard one last time before he followed them inside.

Their living room was small, but cosy. Just a couch and an armchair in front of a small fireplace. Fortunately Anna hadn’t gone to bed yet, so the fire was still burning.

“Where is Johnny?” John asked while Andy and Mr. Branson led Thomas carefully to the couch where he collapsed a few seconds later, looking very pale.

“Upstairs sleeping. He is better than this morning, there is just a little cough left.”

As if on cue Thomas began coughing again and Anna made a few steps in his direction. She took a blanket from the back of the couch and placed it over his legs before she crouched down next to his head and took a look at his throat. She looked at John as if waiting for his permission and he nodded. Then she pulled Thomas shirt collar open a little bit further and examined the marks on his neck. Her gaze turned concerned. “Cold towels against the swelling, I think.” She said quietly and looked at Andy who nodded and went to the kitchen to get them. They didn’t have any ice here so that had to do for now.

Thomas took a deep breath and winced. His eyes shot open and he stared around confused as if he was just half conscious.

Anna took the butlers right hand carefully and squeezed when he tried to say something. “Try to breathe normally and don’t talk. We get you something for that.”

Thomas tried to breathe again but it seemed too painful because he just managed two intakes before his eyes fluttered close and he sank into unconsciousness. “Thomas?” Anna slapped his face lightly but he didn’t react. At least he was still breathing.

She looked at John. “That can’t be all about his throat. What other injuries does he have? We have to know there is nothing broken.”

John looked at Mr. Branson who was the only person in the room who could tell her that.

The former chauffeur had his handkerchief pressed against his nose again and took a deep breath which made him wince before he replied. “I think he got a few kicks to the chest after the split lip and before the strangling.”

Anna didn’t look happy. “Could be a broken rib then. Maybe that’s why he can’t breathe properly.”

Andy returned with the wet towels and Anna laid them loosely around Thomas’ throat before she began opening his vest and shirt.

“Mrs. Bates maybe we should…” Andy said but Anna shook her head.

“Would you be so kind and get the first aid box from beneath the sink in the bathroom, Andy? I am not sure, what we _can_ do but it’s probably better to have it nearby in case he is bleeding.” she asked and he nodded with a helpless look at John and was gone again. Anna continued undressing Thomas.

“Anna…” John said and his wife threw him a stern look.

“John, I don’t think we have time to argue. Besides he certainly doesn’t care if I see him half-naked. I have to see if there is any bruising.”

John sighed. “I just wanted to say that I could help you and probably be faster, I am a valet after all.”

Anna smiled. “Of course, I am sorry.” She said and leaned back a little bit so he could finish getting Thomas’s shirt open until his chest was bare.

Mr. Branson cursed behind them. “That doesn’t look good.” He said darkly.

He was right. There were several bruises starting right under the heart at the left side of the butlers ribcage.

Andy returned with the first aid box, took one look at Thomas and paled. “Should I run back to the house and call Doctor Clarkson?” he asked with a strained voice.

John shook his head. “I think that wouldn’t be wise. It could raise questions about the origin of these injuries.”

Anna took the cold towels from Thomas throat and placed them over his ribs instead, probably sensing that this was the bigger injury. Then she looked at her husband incredulously. “What are you talking about? We can’t just leave him in this state! He is having trouble breathing!”

“You think there could be an investigation.” Mr. Branson said frowning and John nodded.

“I am sure Doctor Clarkson wouldn’t let this go this easily without an explanation. And even if he would, he couldn't keep anything secret if we bring Thomas to the hospital. And we don’t know what these men would tell the police about him, if they were questioned. Better not to raise too much attention.” John replied.

“What’s with Lady Merton?” Andy asked and everyone stared at him for a second.

It was actually a pretty good idea. If there was one person who would bend rules to treat a patient it was the mother of the deceased Matthew Crawley.

“I think that could actually work, if we act very careful.” John said slowly and Andy seemed surprised that his suggestion would be considered.

“I get the car from the house and drive back here.” Mr. Branson said. “Andy you should go back to the house with me and tell Mrs. Molesley what happened. I should be back in maybe half an hour to pick him up.”

John nodded. “Thank you, Mr. Branson. You are a great help.”

“I think we all have to thank you, Mr. Bates. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you hadn’t shown up.” Mr. Branson replied.

John shook his head. “It was coincidence that I was there. Just luck and coincidence. And I couldn’t very well let them continue.”

“Thank you, Mr. Bates.” Andy said as well when he and Mr. Branson left the cottage to walk back to the house as fast as they could.

There were a few seconds of silence when the only coherent people left in the living room were John and Anna. After a moment Anna took a wet towel and wiped the blood from Thomas face.

Then she covered his chest with another blanket and looked at John. “What happened? I didn’t even ask whether you were alright John.” She said concerned.

He sighed and let himself fall into the armchair in front of the fireplace. This would probably take a while to explain.

It took about twenty minutes until he had told her everything about the events of the day and what happened on his way back to the cottage. The only thing he left out was the fact that he had a revolver, which made him feel a little bit guilty, but this wasn’t the right time to tell her about it.

“Your leg! Is it hurting?” Anna exclaimed as soon as he finished his story.

This was the first moment he thought about his leg and he had to say, that yes, it was hurting quite a lot. He had completely ignored it in favour of Thomas over the last hour and now he felt how the pain slowly got worse again. He decided not to lie to her. “Yes its hurting, but the Doctor said after a few days of rest I should be as good as new.”

She nodded slowly and handed him another pillow so he could prop up his leg.

Anna looked back at Thomas with concern. “So this whole attack. It was about him wasn’t it? After what happened with the governess?”

His wife was clever, of course she had guessed it right immediately.

John nodded. “There is no doubt about that.” How could there be any doubt, if he remembered what the men had called Thomas.

Anna looked at the unconscious butler for a few more seconds before she turned her head to John. He saw that her eyes were full of angry tears. “Why is it that some people are so cruel?”

He sighed. “Unfortunately, I suppose it is most people in this case.”

“Well they shouldn’t. Be so cruel, I mean.” She said. “Why do they care? He isn’t harming anyone!”

John looked at his wife and tried to think of a good answer but there was nothing. He was as stunned by this as she. Neither of them had ever cared about Thomas’ preferences. There had been plenty of reasons to dislike the man over the years but this was never one of them. They simple agreed that it was part of him and no one could or should change that even though they maybe couldn’t comprehend it. It was a rare opinion these days, this much was sure, but it was their opinion.

“I don’t know, Anna.” He said exhausted. “I lived through a war and after that I failed to see how anyone should be denied happiness if it doesn’t hurt others. But many of them lived through wars too and don’t share the same opinion. I gave up trying to understand people like that many years ago.”

“But we shouldn’t.” she replied heated. “If we don’t understand what is motivating them how can we make them change their minds?”

“It’s not our responsibility to change their minds.” He replied. “It just results in trouble to bring attention to it. You see what trouble it brings right here.” He pointed to Thomas.

“And you think its right to keep quiet about it? That it is right that he has to hide?” she asked indignantly.

“It’s the _law,_ Anna.” John said firmly. “What could we possibly do about it if what he’s doing is against the law?”

His wife looked at him for a moment, her eyes full of sadness but also full of determination. “Both of us were accused of a crime we didn’t commit.” she said after a moment and took Johns right hand in hers. “Both of us know how it feels to be in prison knowing that you are innocent. So tell me, John Bates, why on earth should we still believe in the infallibility of the _law_?”

As usual the wisest words came from his wife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately this is the point where one of these nasty gaps I talked about at the beginning comes next. I will try to upload the next chapter today and the following few chapters hopefully this week. There is much more Thomas Whump to come...


	8. Do Not Anger The Nurse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised chapter eight. I hope the next one won't take too long.  
> Also thank you for the lovely comments :)

Phyllis just finished knitting the fourth scarf of this evening (yes, she was nervous), when there was an urgent knock at the back door and she practically jumped up from her chair.

She was at the door in a flash and ripped it open, ready to scold Thomas that he was so late, but she only came face to face with a flustered heavily breathing Andy, who looked as if he had just run a mile. “Its Mr. Barrow.” He panted. “He got hurt.”

Phyllis felt how her body took over and her mind shut itself down. She stepped aside to let Andy in, directed him to a chair at the table, and put a cup of tea in front of him. His pale skin and shaking hands were the only things keeping her from storming out of the door immediately.

Then she took a deep breath and tried to stay calm. “Tell me where he is and what happened, Andy.”

Andy took a shaky sip of the tea before answering. “He is at the Bates’ cottage. We were attacked on the way back from the pub. He got beaten up and we brought him there because it was closer. Mr. and Mrs. Bates are staying with him but he needs someone from the hospital. Mr. Bates said we couldn’t call Doctor Clarkson about this so I said we should bring him to Lady Merton. Mr. Branson is getting the car to drive Mr. Barrow to the Crawley house right now.”

Phyllis stood there for a few seconds comprehending what he just said. “Andy, you have to listen closely. You are responsible for this house now. Lock the back door and open it to no one if you don’t know exactly who it is. Tell Mrs. Carson about this in the morning and let her bring the news to the family. I have to go with Mr. Branson to the Crawley house.”

“But-“ Andy started protesting.

“Please, I can’t let him be there on his own. Could you do that for me? For Thomas?” she asked.

After a few seconds of silence he nodded. “Mr. Branson wanted to get the car from the garage…”

“Thank you so much. Lock the door behind me.” Phyllis said and was already grabbing her coat and out of the back door before he could even nod at that.

* * *

Tom raced up the stairs hammering at the front door like a mad man.

“What on earth?!” he heard Lord Grantham’s voice as he opened the door. Tom had hoped that it would be someone else but that couldn’t be helped right now.

“I need to take a car.” Tom said quickly as soon as his father-in-law stepped out of his way. He would’ve gone straight to the garage, but he had to tell someone from the house what was going on or there would be even more trouble.

Lord Grantham’s eyes widened. He was still dressed and had a glass of Brandy in his hand. Tom vaguely remembered that he shouldn’t be drinking but this wasn’t the time for _this_ kind of argument.

“What happened to your nose, Tom?” Robert asked sharply after he took one look at Toms face and obviously decided that he wasn’t dealing with the hallucinations of his drunk son-in-law.

“We got attacked. Thomas got hurt. I have to take a car and bring him to the Crawley house.” Tom rattled off.

“What?!” Lord Grantham snapped. “When? Where? Why? Did you call the police, Tom?”

“No!” Tom snapped impatiently. “They would ask questions, whatever you do don’t call the police. Don’t call Doctor Clarkson. It’s best if you tell no one. I have to go, I explain everything later.”

“Let me come with you.” Lord Grantham said determined. “I’ll get my coat.”

Tom shook his head. “I’m sorry, we have no time to argue. This would raise too much attention. I promise I’ll explain everything in the morning.”

Robert sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly. “What can I do, Tom?”

“Just keep an ear out for the phone, we’ll call if anything comes up.”

Lord Grantham nodded after a moment. “Take the car and be careful. Don’t let Barrow out of your sight.”

“I won’t. Thank you!” Tom said quickly and was already out of the front door again.

He hurried around the house, threw open the garage door and promptly came face to face with two women he hadn’t expected in the least. Mary and Mrs. Moslesley. Mary seemed completely calm, leaning against the car, while the other woman was pacing up and down nervously.

Tom stared at them for a second. “What-?”

“Mr. Branson I have to come with you.” Mrs. Molesley said warily but determined and wrang her hands.

He looked at Mary who just opened her hand and held the car keys in his direction. “Do we really have time to argue Tom?” she drawled.

Tom sighed and took the car keys. “Alright. Let’s go.”

* * *

“Andy told me you got attacked, Mr. Branson.” Mrs. Molesley said from the back seat as soon as they were driving.

Tom pressed his lips together. “Yes.” He said curtly.

“Oh don’t be like this, Tom. We are not a pair of highly sensitive girls. You can tell us the story.” Mary said annoyed from beside him.

His grip tightened around the wheel. “There were five of them. I think it was planned. They followed us from the pub and waited until we were out of the village to attack. They beat him up pretty bad. Bates showed up and managed to rout them out. We brought Barrow to the Bates’ cottage where he still is now.”

“ _Bates_ managed to rout them out? How did he do that? Gave all five of them a good beating with his walking cane?” Mary asked incredulously.

Mrs. Molesley said nothing. Tom saw in the rereview mirror that she had her hands clasped over her mouth as if she was too shocked to get a word out.

“I guess they weren’t so sure of the odds anymore. Besides he can be scary if he really tries. What matters is that they disappeared and we have to bring Barrow to the Crawley house.” Tom said and avoided thinking about a certain revolver. He had to talk to Bates about that issue later.

“Why her? Wouldn’t it be better to bring him to the hospital?” Mary asked frowning.

“The hospital would ask questions none of us could answer.” Tom replied.

“Oh, don’t be so cryptic.” Mary snorted. “You can just say it. Was this because of Barrows inclinations again?”

Tom sighed. “Of course it was. What else?”

Mary shook her head unbelievingly while Mrs. Molesley let out a stifled sound from behind her hands that could’ve been a sob.

“I really don’t understand at all why people care this much. It’s not as if it is their business.” His sister-in-law said coldly.

Tom didn’t reply to that. He knew Mary was a person who couldn’t care less about the life of most people. That didn’t mean that it was the right opinion in this case. Not caring or not acting was sometimes as bad as doing the wrong thing.

Fortunately he didn’t have to argue because they arrived at the Bates’ cottage in this moment.

They got out of the car and knocked at the door, which was opened not seconds later by a concerned looking Anna.

“Lady Mary!” she exclaimed surprised.

“I am here to help.” Mary said and Tom looked at her stunned but Anna just smiled.

“Come in, quickly. He is still unconscious and I don’t know what to do anymore.” She said.

They all hurried inside and Mrs. Molesley gasped as soon as she saw Thomas pale form on the couch. She was next to him in a flash and shook his shoulders lightly. “Thomas! Thomas wake up!”

Anna put a hand on her shoulder. “I tried everything already, Phyllis. I think he is just too exhausted and he has trouble breathing.”

Mr. Bates was sitting in the armchair next to the couch with a propped up leg and watched the scene. When Mary entered he tried to stand but she shook her head at him. Mary and Tom remained standing in the doorway a little bit lost while Mrs. Molesley lifted the blanket and took a look at the butlers injury. Her eyes widened and tears started running down her face. She grabbed Thomas’ hand and squeezed it. “Oh Thomas! We will make it better, I promise.”

She looked up at Anna. “His ribs are broken, aren’t they?”

Anna sighed. “I don’t know for sure but I also suspected it. It is why he has trouble breathing. That and his throat…” she pointed at the butlers throat where the red marks shone even brighter on his pale skin than before.

Tom saw how Mrs. Molesley looked up and noticed them for the first time. She took a deep shuddering breath.

“We should bring him to Lady Merton now.” Mr. Bates said and was about to stand up but this time Tom shook his head at him.

“You stay here and rest, Doctor Clarkson said you shouldn’t strain your leg. We will take him.” He said.

Mr. Bates wanted to protest but his wife’s gaze silenced him and he sighed. “Alright, but how do you want to get him in the car?” he asked.

Mrs. Molesley got up and looked at Tom with determination. “Would you help me, Mr. Branson?”

Tom looked at the woman and decided that it was probably best not to argue. So each of them took one of Thomas arms, Anna grabbed a blanket and Mary opened the car door for them. As soon as they managed to get the man inside Mrs. Molesley climbed in behind him and put his head in her lap. Anna gave her the blanket, which she used to cover his still mostly naked upper body.

“Be careful.” Anna said as she stepped back from the car.

Mary appeared next to her maids elbow. “Don’t worry Anna, I will make sure that nothing else happens. They should try to argue with me.”

Anna smiled and nodded. “Thank you, Milady. I will come to the house tomorrow. If John has to stay at home he can take care of Johnny.”

Mary nodded. “Please take all the time you need. You took excellent care of my butler tonight.”

And with that she climbed into the car on the passenger side and arched a brow at Tom. “Are we waiting for the car to drive itself, Tom?”

He rolled his eyes but got in on the drivers side. Self-driving cars…That was an idea that could come only from Lady Mary Talbot.

* * *

The drive over to the Crawley’s house was silent. The only sound was Phyllis’ comforting but nonsensical muttering while she stroked Thomas’ hair and tried to calm her own feelings at the same time. She knew something like this would happen. It didn’t matter whether it was intuition or simple fear, she had been nervous the whole evening and now she knew why.

Thomas was so still in her arms, his breathing laboured, the horrible bruising around his throat even visible in the darkness of the back seat. She didn’t even want to imagine how this had happened but she knew without any doubt _why._

Mrs. Portley had been right. The village wasn’t safe for Thomas anymore. The woman had probably a lot of connections, working at the school. And apparently she already poisoned the minds of at least a few people.

Phyllis hand tensed around Thomas’ right hand when he flinched and took another painful breath. “Everything is going to be okay…” she muttered. She didn’t know if it was true. They couldn’t even bring him to the hospital, where they would ask too many questions. It was a nightmare.

Mr. Branson hit the brakes a little bit too hard a few minutes later.

“Are you drunk?” Lady Mary asked and adjusted her hat.

Tom Branson snorted. “As a matter of fact, yes. A little bit. I just came out of a pub if you remember.”

Lady Mary didn’t reply to that, she just exited the car.

Mr. Branson got out as well and together they pulled Thomas out of the seat once again. He was heavy and still unconscious but Phyllis forced herself to ignore the strain in her right shoulder and focused on his laboured breathing instead.

Lady Mary had already knocked at the front door of the little house, that was located opposite of the church and graveyard in the village. Phyllis had never been here before, but she heard from others that Lady Merton liked the simple life and didn’t want anyone to help her for a long time.

After she had married Lord Merton he brought a house maid and a valet with him but the two of them quickly decided (it was probably Lord Merton, who decided it for himself, concerning the relation to his children) that they had enough of the rules of the upper class to last a life time, so they were the only people living in the Crawley house right now, except for a cook that came during the day.

Phyllis hoped that the woman was even there, and not at a night shift at the hospital. She knew that Mrs. Grey formerly known as Mrs. Crawley was still helping out there sometimes and that Lord Merton supported her, because he knew he wouldn’t be able to convince her otherwise.

As it was they were in luck. It took a few insistent knocks of Lady Mary but finally the light in the hallway turned on and the door opened to a surprised looking Lord Merton in his dressing gown.

Lady Mary smiled a little bit apologising, while Phyllis tried to remember how someone should do a curtsey if both hands were full with an unconscious man. She decided that the situation would allow a little bit of impoliteness. Tom seemed equally uncomfortable in his skin.

“Lord Merton.” Lady Mary finally started after the man had stared at them for five whole seconds with an open mouth. Phyllis knew that Lord Merton was called Dickie Merton by Lord Grantham and was a close family friend and somewhere she heard that he even was Lady Marys godfather, but if there was one person who wouldn’t call her godfather by his Christian name, when knocking on his door for help in the middle of the night, it was Lady Mary. “I apologize for disturbing you this late, but we have a family problem to discuss with Cousin Isobel and I am afraid, it can’t wait.”

The man blinked at them one more time. Fortunately the woman of the house decided to join the conversation in this moment. “Dickie, who is at the door at this hour?” she asked loudly and a moment later she had pulled her husband to the side and looked them up and down. She took three seconds to stare before she practically transformed from Baroness Merton to Nurse Crawley in front of their eyes.

“Dear god. Tom, get him inside, Dickie help him with the man, it shouldn’t be Mrs. Molesley, dragging him around. We have a guest room downstairs next to the sitting room. Mrs. Molesley you could help me get a bit of ice and my medicine bag. Mary, darling, there are blankets in the cupboard in the hallway.”

She sounded almost exited when she was finished with all her orders and to Phyllis immense surprise Lord Merton followed suit and took Thomas left arm from her without even arguing and Lady Mary nodded and disappeared into the house. Phyllis suspected that arguing was simply not possible as soon as Nurse Crawley appeared.

She followed the two men inside who dragged Thomas down the hallway and into the guest bedroom where they put him down onto the bed and stepped back. “Get him out of the clothes.” Lady Merton ordered in passing and didn’t even wait for an answer.

Phyllis helped Lady Merton with her medicine bag, which seemed to weigh a few dozen pounds and apparently contained a whole arsenal of hospital equipment, if the metallic clanking sounds were any indication.

Lady Merton hurried back down the hallway, a bowl with water in her hands and a few towels swung over her arm. On her other arm dangled a bag with ice. Phyllis wouldn’t have been surprised if someone told her that the only reason why Lady Merton had an ice box in her pantry was because of the shear possibility of situations like this. No she didn’t need the luxury of a cold dessert on a hot summer day, what she needed was every single available method to tread any kind of wound in her guestroom, and if that meant turning half of her house into a hospital Lord Merton had no say in it.

When they stepped into the room someone had already undressed Thomas and put a blanket over him. He looked extremely pale in the big bed and the bruises stood in great contrast to his skin tone.

“Mrs. Molesley you are a good friend of him? You can stay and assist me. Dickie why don’t you take Tom and Mary and make some tea for all of us? When we are finished here we will join you in the sitting room and you can explain what happened.” Lady Merton said and once again didn’t wait for an answer. As it was the three seemed to be relieved not to be a part of the examination, so they did what she said without arguing and disappeared into the direction of the sitting room.

Lady Merton looked at Phyllis. “Can I call you Phyllis, my dear?” she asked carefully as if Phyllis was the injured one.

Phyllis was surprised that she even knew her Christian name but if there was one person who remembered every servant in Downton by their Christian names it would certainly be Lady Merton.

“Of course, Lady Merton.” She replied.

“Please call me Isobel, I don’t like all the titles, especially not in situations like this.”

Phyllis stared at her. “Lady Merton, It wouldn’t be proper…”

“Oh dear, I don’t think anyone would care right now but if you feel uncomfortable with it, Nurse Grey will also do. Now Phyllis if you would be so kind to tell me what happened to him while I examine his injuries?” she pulled a metal stethoscope from her bag and began to listen to Thomas’ heartbeat.

Phyllis took a deep breath. “He was attacked on the way back from the pub. Mr. Branson and our footman Andrew were the only ones with him. I just know that there were five men who started beating him before Mr. Bates showed up and they left.”

Nurse Grey nodded slowly and took Thomas’ temperature next. She didn’t comment on what she was finding. Just listened silently to what Phyllis had told her.

“And you came to me right away?” she asked while she examined first the bruises on Thomas’ throat and then the one over his ribs before she put a bit of ice on his chest and continued the examination of the other injuries. She got out a ointment and applied it to his split lip and the dark bruise that was forming at his jaw.

“They brought him to Mr. and Mrs. Bates’ cottage first because it was closer. But after they saw the injuries they knew he needed someone with medical experience to examine him. Mr. Branson ran back to the house to get the car and Lady Mary and I joined him when he picked up Mr. Barrow from the Bates’ cottage. Then we came to you, Nurse Grey.”

“And why didn’t you bring him to the hospital or called Doctor Clarkson from the Abbey’s phone?” Nurse Grey asked while she examined Thomas arms and hands, that weren’t hurt. She paused when looking at his wrists but said nothing to the old scars. She just placed his arms gently back onto the bed and took off the glove at his left hand to look at it. When she didn’t find an injury there either, she put the glove back on.

Phyllis had completely forgotten the question when she saw what Nurse Grey had just found out in just a few seconds about Thomas’ past.

Nurse Grey turned to her and sighed when she saw her expression. “Don’t worry, my dear. I am a trained medical professional and I won’t tell anyone about this, not just because I am sworn to medical confidentiality. I also believe the knowledge about scars is a secret that always belongs to their owner. No one should take it from him.”

Phyllis let out a relived breath. “Thank you Nurse Grey.” She whispered before she remembered the question. “The hospital and Doctor Clarkson would’ve asked too many questions about the incident, and you are part of the family. Mr. Branson thought you could be trusted with the knowledge about this.”

Nurse Grey pulled the blanket back and continued with examining the rest of Thomas body, not caring about any modesty, but Phyllis had the suspicion that trained medical professionals rarely knew the definition of the word.

Phillis took Thomas’ hand in hers again and directed her gaze at the ceiling to give him at least a little bit of privacy.

“And why would you not want the hospital or Doctor Clarkson to ask questions?” Nurse Grey asked and Phyllis could hear the frown in her voice even though she wasn’t looking at her.

“I would feel more comfortable if you asked Thomas about this, Nurse Grey. It isn’t my place to tell.” Phyllis said apologizing and thought that this would anger a woman with so much confidence but she just nodded.

“You are a good friend to him.” Nurse Grey said.

Phyllis felt how the tears filled her eyes again. “I try to be, but I think I fail him sometimes. It’s often not easy…”

A second later she felt Nurse Greys hand on her arm squeezing it comforting. “Friendship rarely is, my dear. If it was easy there wouldn’t be so much pain in the world.”

Phyllis looked at her and nodded slowly before she looked down at Thomas. “Is he going to be alright, Nurse Grey?”

The woman had finished her examination and had covered Thomas with the blanket again. “Yes I believe so, the injuries to his face and throat are only superficial, so that can’t be the reason why he has trouble breathing. I’m afraid we have to wake him up for the next part of the examination. I have to find out whether one of his ribs is broken.”

She rummaged around in her medical bag for a few seconds before she pulled out a small tin. “What is this?” Phyllis asked interested.

“Smelling salt. This should wake him in a matter of seconds but you better help me hold him down, so he doesn’t hurt himself.”

Phyllis nodded and managed to place herself behind Thomas on the bed, wrapping her arms around him, while being careful not to touch the bruises. Nurse Grey nodded and opened the tin keeping it an armlength from her own nose. “Turn your head to the side, dear.” She said and Phyllis complied until her nose was buried in the pillow.

Nurse Grey held the tin under Thomas nose and Phyllis had to tighten her grip around his chest, when he jumped awake with a loud gasp as if someone had given him an electric shock.

“Calm down, Thomas.” Nurse Grey said and screwed the lid on top of the tin again. “Everything is fine, you are with friends.”

Phyllis felt how he took a deep breath and immediately flinched out of pain. “Careful, Thomas.” She whispered in his ear. “You are still injured. We are in Lady Merton’s house. She will help you.”

Thomas looked around the room for a few seconds before he seemed to comprehend what she just said. “What…?” he asked and his voice was raw like sandpaper. “Why…” his voice broke.

Nurse Grey held out a glass of water and Phyllis helped him to take a sip. He winced when he swallowed.

“Thomas I fear that one of your ribs is broken. I have to examine it closer but that means I have to touch it and you will have to tell me where it hurts the most. I am sorry, this wont be easy.” Nurse Grey said after he calmed down a bit.

He looked up at Phyllis who nodded. “Alright…” he said after a moment.

Nurse Grey nodded and put her hands on his naked torso. He flinched back at the first touch but his hand just clenched Phyllis’ even tighter and then he relaxed impalpable.

As soon as she hit the edge of the bruises he hissed and buried his face in Phyllis shoulder. “On a scale of zero to ten, ten being your hand injury, how much does it hurt in this spot?” she asked.

He blinked and had to think about that for a second. “Three.” He said finally and Nurse Grey nodded and continued pushing around the edge of the bruise.

“Alright now comes the hard part. Please tell me if you want a break. I have to know where it hurts the most.”

Thomas nodded into Phyllis shoulder and she stroked his hair. Nurse Grey pressed her index finger into the bruise. “Bloody hell!” Thomas shouted and Phyllis flinched. Then he groaned and sank against her again. Tears of pain filled his eyes.

“I need a number, Thomas.” Nurse Grey said calmly not even reacting to the curse.

“Six.” He grunted.

Nurse Grey nodded and pressed another spot which brought her another curse and another six.

The next spot she pressed was enough to make Thomas scream in pain and Phyllis was afraid that he would pass out again, but he just began to shake uncontrollably and she kept stroking his hair. “Nine.” He gasped between hurtful breaths and Nurse Grey pulled her hand away and nodded grimly.

“Like I thought. The forth and the fifth rib are fractured but fortunately they haven’t pierced any vital organs and are still in their original positions. If one of them had pierced the lung you would cough up blood. Fortunately that’s not the case. Unfortunately there isn’t much I can do, besides giving you pain medication. The ribs should mend themselves if we wrap your torso with a bandage and you don’t exert yourself to much in the next few weeks.” She pulled her medical bag closer and rummaged through it again. Finally she pulled out a white bandage that she began to roll off. “Phyllis would you help him lean forward?”

Phyllis nodded and Thomas tried to help them as much as he could when they wrapped the bandage as tight around his torso as it would go.

“It will be even more difficult to breathe in the beginning but you should get used to that fairly quickly. The bandage should keep your ribs from moving to much when you breathe and move.” Nurse Grey explained and pulled the bandage even tighter before she fixated it on his left side.

Thomas took a few shallow breaths and grimaced. “It still hurts.” He said.

“It will get better.” Nurse Grey replied. “I’ll give you pain medication. Just remember to change it every few days and don’t sleep without it. I come and see you at the Abbey in a week and control the progress.” She turned to Phyllis. “I trust that you will monitor him, he needs rest for at least three days before he can do light work again. No heavy lifting or running around. Getting out of a chair or bed for more than fifteen minutes is also not advisable. Ideally I would prescribe two weeks of bedrest but I suppose that would fall on deaf ears.”

Thomas snorted and immediately grimaced but refrained from commenting.

“Of course, Nurse Grey. Can you do anything about his throat?” Phyllis replied in his place after she took a look at the red marks that were still quite terrible.

Nurse Grey sighed. “Like I said the marks are only superficial they should fade in a few days. Until then you should try not to touch it too much and eat a lot of ice cream. That’s all we can do about that.”

She collected her medical equipment and put everything back into the bag. “If anything changes I want you to call me immediately. If something gets worse we have to bring him to the hospital, no matter the consequences.” She got up. “Now I will give you two a little bit of space. If you are ready you can meet us in the sitting room, Phyllis. If you feel a dizziness please stay in bed a little bit longer, Thomas.” He stared at her and Phyllis nodded for both of them.

“Thank you Nurse Grey. I don’t know how we can repay you.”

The woman laughed. “You don’t have to repay me. This is my profession after all.” And she turned around and left the room closing the door behind herself discreetly.

Thomas blinked. “Am I dreaming?” he asked and looked around the room again as if he couldn’t believe it. “What _am I_ doing here?”

Phyllis took his face in her hands and felt the tears prickle again in her eyes. “You are not dreaming. We brought you here to get better.”

They sat there in silence for a few minutes before he looked up at her. “What about Andy and Branson? Did they get hurt?”

Phyllis shook her head. “Mr. Branson has a broken nose but it is nothing serious. Andy is fine. He is back at the Abbey and holds the fort. I told him to stay there so I could go with you.”

He took another laboured breath and sat up in bed with shaky arms. “I have to get back to the Abbey. Andy can’t do everything alone. What time is it?”

Phyllis put her hand on his shoulder. “ _You_ have to rest Thomas. We will take care of everything else. This is not debatable.”

He took a shuddering breath. “Phyllis, I can’t stay here in the village.” his voice was matter-of-factly, devoid of any emotion. As if he knew that they reached a point where he couldn’t even step a foot onto the street without being beaten to death.

A shudder ran down Phyllis’ spine but she forced herself to look him in the eyes. “No one knows that you are here. We won’t let anything else happen to you.” She took his hand and squeezed. “We _won’t.”_

“You can’t protect me forever, Phyllis.” He said bitterly. “This is my life. I have to handle it myself.”

“There are good people, Thomas. Not all of them will think like the men from tonight.” Phyllis tried to calm him but his face didn’t change.

“You know what happened today, Phyllis? The boiler broke.” He said after a moment.

She blinked at him. What was he implying? “Yes of course. You got a repairman.” She said frowning.

Thomas snorted. “Yes, and he came from York. Because the repairman from the village didn’t want to do the job. He didn’t even bother with excuses. Just said he wouldn’t work for a queer. You can’t even imagine how colourful the insults got in the end. Believe me, there are very few open-minded people in Downton.”

Phyllis didn’t know what to say to that. Her voice was stuck somewhere in her throat.

“And, do you know why I was spending so much time in the pantry going over the ledgers? I was trying to find another delivery man, because ours suddenly refused to deliver. His wife is working part time at the school. I bet she knows Mrs. Portley.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Phyllis whispered and felt immensely guilty. Why didn’t she realise how tense Thomas had been all day?

His gaze got resigned. “No one can do anything about this. It’s not as if Lord Grantham can order the people to work with me. They all know now. The only reason the police hasn’t arrested me yet is because the Grantham’s are still too powerful in the village, so no one would dare to say anything openly.”

“We have to do something!” Phyllis said indignantly.

“There’s nothing to do.” He replied and then he sat up again, as if he decided something. “Would you bring me my clothes? I really don’t want to stay here.”

Phyllis sighed but did what he told her. She ignored his protest and helped him get into his clothes. “It’s not anything I haven’t seen before.” She said and they both paused for a second when they remembered a bathtub and a lot of blood.

Thomas didn’t say anything after that. He just allowed her to button up his shirt and push his jacket back onto his shoulders. She refused to hand him his tie, because it would only hurt his throat. His voice was still raspy.

After he had his shoes on Thomas stood up slowly, keeping one hand on Phyllis arm for support until he found his balance. His left hand went to his chest as if his ribs were hurting him even more now. A few seconds long he just breathed while Phyllis looked at him concerned.

“It’s alright now.” He said after a moment and she saw how the muscles in his shoulders tensed. “Let’s go.”

And he opened the door to the hallway. Phyllis followed him with a frown on her face. The thoughts were racing through her head.

How could she help him? How could she do _anything_ about this situation when it seemed so impossible? She couldn’t even begin to imagine how he felt. Who could help in a situation like this? A small thought pushed itself to the front of her mind but she was still too concerned to think about it right now.

One thing was clear. She couldn't do this alone.

* * *

“Tom, your nose looks awful.” Mary drawled and wrinkled her own perfect exemplar. She was sitting on one of the sofas in the Crawley house’s sitting room which (as far as she could tell at night) was bigger and brighter than she remembered but of course not as big and bright as the rooms in Downton Abbey.

“Thank you, Mary. I hadn’t noticed.” He said muffled while Cousin Isobel examined it with a critical eye.

“Well, how could you? It _is_ in your face.” Mary replied dryly and was very satisfied when Tom snorted and his eyes started tearing up from pain a second later.

Cousin Isobel threw Mary a disapproving look so after a moment of consideration she concentrated on her tea cup instead.

“What did you say how this happened again?” Lord Merton asked, who was sitting next to her in a big comfortable armchair.

“Well obviously, Tom got a hit to the face. Probably because he said something thoughtless.” Mary replied and arched a brow at Tom. “Do I assume right?”

“If you think it’s thoughtless trying to keep five men from beating your butler to death, than yes, I said something thoughtless.” Tom replied and she heard disapproval in his voice. “This isn’t funny anymore, Mary.”

Mary placed her cup of tea on a side table and returned his gaze calmly. “I didn’t say that it was funny, Tom. This has escalated far too quickly, if you ask me.”

In her opinion the whole affair stopped being funny when Barrow decided years ago that taking his own life was his last option.

But Mary was Mary and that meant snide comments were her way of dealing with her anger. She could admit to herself that she was cold like ice and rarely showed emotion but that didn’t mean that she felt nothing at all.

Isobel stood up and ended Tom and Marys staring match with the movement. “It’s fortunately not broken, but you should be careful for the next days.” She said and handed Tom a wet towel to clean away the dry blood.

“Thank you.” He said.

It took a few minutes for Cousin Isobel to wash her hands and store away her medical equipment but finally she took a seat next to Mary and accepted the cup of tea, that her husband had prepared for her.

Mary thought it strange that Lord Merton was the one serving tea in this house but some people were obviously drawn to the simple life. It wasn’t anything Mary wanted to try herself in the foreseeable future. She simply couldn’t see how people took pleasure in serving their own tea.

“So, do you want to tell us what all of this was about, Mary?” Cousin Isobel asked and took an elegant sip from her tea transforming from Nurse Grey to Lady Merton with a speed that was almost dizzying.

Mary exchanged a look with Tom, who didn’t seem as if he wanted to be the one to enlighten Lord and Lady Merton.

Mary sighed inwardly. What a coward her brother-in-law sometimes was.

“I have to be sure that nothing of this will be repeated outside of this room.” She said.

Cousin Isobel looked downright insulted. “I thought you would know me better, Mary. I would never tell anyone something that was revealed to me in secret.”

“Lord Merton?” Mary asked and looked at her godfather. She never was a person who liked calling people by their Christian names to their faces and even though she respected and even liked the man she wouldn’t go so far to say that she was very close to him. And title were usually there for a reason.

“Mmh?” he asked and looked up from his cup of tea. “Oh, don’t worry, Mary. I think I am too tired to remember anything from this conversation in the morning.” A light smirk was on his face, which told her that she underestimated the man quite a lot. Until now she never saw more than a friendly, slightly confused and awkward old man. Maybe he had more wit than she thought until now.

“Well, I assume we owe you an explanation after we infiltrated your house in the middle of the night, two of us looking as if they were involved in a primitive pub brawl.” Mary said and her voice had her usual snappy tone even though she inwardly cringed at her own words.

She knew that tactfulness wasn’t one of her strong suits. Sometimes she wished that other people wouldn’t care so much about the way she said things and listened more to the way she meant them. In her eyes a difference like heaven and hell.

“That would be very obliging. But Mary, even though I hope you know you can always come to us, you don’t have to be open if it makes you uncomfortable.” Lord Merton said and Cousin Isobel agreed with a smile but only after a stern gaze from her husband. She had always been too curious for her own good.

Mary took a deep breath but in the last moment she hesitated. She didn’t know why but suddenly she had the deep rooted feeling that she couldn’t do this. For some unknown reason she simply wasn’t able to say something out loud that everyone probably already knew. It was an open secret but it was still a secret. This was a completely new feeling for her. “In that case I am afraid it’s not our secret to share, but if you already know, which I presume strongly because it’s basically an open secret, I am inclined to tell you that it let to tonight’s events.” She said smoothly and got a lot of confused looks in return. She knew she had dazzled them and she enjoyed it immensely.

Tom looked as if he couldn’t quite believe that Mary wouldn’t blare the whole story out on first occasion. She understood where he came from. She was usually a person who wasn’t afraid to vocalise what she thought. Unfortunately she couldn’t take Barrow’s part in this conversation. It just seemed wrong.

“Mary, darling, you are speaking in riddles.” Isobel said confused.

“Then I am afraid I can’t say more, other than that we were witnesses of a very controversial moral conflict. Though I cannot tell you, why _on earth_ everyone is making such a great fuss about it.” Mary wrinkled her nose again.

“Mary, what are you _talking about?”_ Lord Merton asked with wide eyes.

Mary just smiled at him secretively. Tom looked very uncomfortable in his chair.

“Lady Mary is talking about me, Lord Merton.” A voice came from the doorway in this moment and Mary looked up surprised to see that Barrow was already on his feet again. His usual pale skin tone was even paler now and he had one of his hands braced against the doorframe but his face was completely emotionless. Mrs. Molesley hovered behind him, ready to catch him, as if she was waiting for him to stumble.

“Barrow!” Mary said. “Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

“I strongly agree!” Isobel said, stood up and grabbed Barrows arm to lead him to the chair she just sat in. He protested but she pushed him into it nonetheless.

“Don’t be stupid, Thomas. Phyllis take a seat too, please.” Isobel said and in a matter of seconds she somehow managed to let two additional chairs appear.

Barrow pressed his left hand against his chest and grimaced. “I am very sorry, Milady…” he muttered and looked at Mary.

“Whatever for, Barrow?” Mary asked surprised because she couldn’t imagine in her wildest dreams what he was referring too.

He took a slow breath and looked like everything hurt. Mrs. Molesley put her hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture.

“I am sorry for dragging you into this business, Milady. And sorry that I have to tell the truth now. I couldn’t lead Lord and Lady Merton to believe that they did the right thing by helping me tonight.” He finally got out and Mary was even more confused.

“What are you talking about?” Tom decided to speak up and Barrow seemed to realise that he was in the room for the first time.

“I am also sorry that you got dragged into this, Mr. Branson.” Barrow said and that stunned Mary more than everything else. Tom looked equally shocked. Everyone knew that Tom and Barrow didn’t get along since the former joined the family.

“Thomas.” Isobel said with her usual obliviousness of any modesty or manners whatsoever. “Tell me, what makes you say we did wrong helping you.”

Barrow looked very tired now. “There is something about me, that could mean a scandal for Downton. And I am afraid the village knows by now. They are not happy as you will soon be able to imagine. I couldn’t impose on your kindness by not telling you the truth.” He took another shallow breath. “I have to tell you, I am-“

“Oh shut up, Barrow.” Mary snapped and he closed his mouth abruptly and stared at her with wide eyes.

“Mary!” Isobel said indignant.

Mary stood up from her chair. “No! I fear this is not for your information, Cousin Isobel. This whole mess started because people knew too much. Its time to realise that you should all mind your own business here. Barrow, you don’t have to tell _anyone_ if you don’t want to, and frankly I think you shouldn’t. You see where it landed us.”

“Mary, that’s not fair.” Tom inserted.

“Will someone please tell me what is going on here?” Lord Merton asked.

Barrow looked even paler now. “I just think that it wouldn’t be fair to leave Lord and Lady Merton in the dark…And what does it matter if the whole village already knows?” he said bitterly but Mary only snorted. What happened to the scheming man she knew? Had he finally lost his mind after all this trauma? Had he given up?

“Oh they will survive. This isn’t about them. This is about your life, Barrow.” She said. She knew how it was to be the aim of negative gossip. She knew what it meant when people talked behind her back as if they had the power to say what she should do with her life. She knew how keeping secrets changed a person. This probably couldn’t compare to what he was feeling but it was the reason why she suddenly understood his constant need to prove himself in his job. It was the only part of his life that he could openly live without being judged. The only part he could get approval for.

Lord Merton still looked puzzled from her to Barrow. “But-“

“Enough.” Isobel said and her voice was so sharp that everyone decided now was a good moment to keep their mouths shut. Sometimes Lady Merton could be disgustingly kind and generous and sometimes she was the most impertinent and intimidating of them all. That was one of the reasons why Mary respected her so much, even though she rarely showed it. It was also the reason why granny was seeing her as a worthy opponent in their usual banter.

Isobel sighed and looked at Thomas. “I think, I know what this is about now and you don’t have to tell me. I lived in this village for a very long time now and there are few things that weren’t gossiped about in the boredom of the hospital work day. I know what you are referring to and I am very disappointed that you thought it would have any impact on my decision to treat you tonight.”

Lord Merton still looked confused but he seemed also content to trust his wife’s instinct in the matter. Mary assumed, that there would be a long conversation between the two as soon as the guests had left.

“You are a human being like everybody else in the room and it couldn’t be further from the truth if you believed that I would treat you differently for who you are. I am a nurse. It is no business to me who you are as long as you are a patient to treat.” She paused for a moment and a sad expression showed on her face. “And I think I understand now what happened tonight. I am very sorry. And Mary, I think you were right to come to me. I don’t know if Doctor Clarkson could’ve handled this with the necessary discretion.”

Mary arched a critical brow. “If I had known that you knew about this I would’ve saved my breath before. It’s quite exhausting to argue with you.”

Isobel smiled. “I know, dear. I think my husband would agree with you.”

Lord Merton seemed immensely interested in his tea cup all the sudden. “Oh, I couldn’t tell…”

* * *

Andy was already up and waited anxiously in the servants hall when Mrs. Carson and Mrs. Patmore stepped through the door, threw one look at him and stopped dead in their tracks. He knew that he looked a mess. He didn’t change out of his wrinkled day suit, his hair was sticking out in every direction from the many times he buried his hands in it and there where probably dark circles under his eyes.

Daisy had come downstairs earlier this morning and got the shock of her life when she found him in the servants hall, all tense, staring at the back door and clutching the keys as if his life depended on them.

She had made him a cup of tea and fortunately held back with the questions. Of course he had to explain what happened last night and where Mr. Barrow was, but she at least seemed to see that he was in no mood to say more than necessary. So she just sat there and squeezed his hand, a silent comfort in the early hours of the day.

“Andy, what on earth happened?” Mrs. Carson asked now and Daisy squeezed his hand one more time before she hurried off to start with the breakfast.

Mrs. Patmore frowned. “You look like you were up the whole night, young man.”

Andy took a shuddering breath before he looked up at them. “I went to the pub with Mr. Barrow and Mr. Branson last night.” He finally confessed.

Both women arched their brows at him.

Mrs. Patmore looked scandalized. “You went to the pub with _Mr. Branson?”_ she asked.

Mrs. Carson touched the cooks arm to calm her. “Let him finish, Beryl. I have the feeling that this isn’t the important part of the story.” she carefully walked over to the table as if she was talking to a skittish animal and took the keys out of his tense fingers.

Andy took another shuddering breath. “We got attacked on the way back. Men from the village. Mr. Barrow got hurt. Luckily Mr. Bates showed up and managed to chase them away. We had to bring Mr. Barrow to Lady Merton’s house. We didn’t know what else to do…”

Mrs. Patmore’s eyes widened and her hands covered her mouth before a shocked gasp could get out. For once the cook seemed to be out of words.

Mrs. Carson looked shaken. “Dear god, Andy…” she whispered. “How bad was it?”

“He had trouble breathing. Anna was really worried and said it is probably a broken rib but I think its not something Lady Merton couldn’t handle. It was just really scary to witness. The things they would’ve done if Mr. Bates had not shown up…”

There was just silence in the servants hall for a few seconds. Mrs. Patmore was the first who found her voice. “That is truly terrible. I will start with the breakfast, I fear it’s the only thing I can do to help.”

As always the cook looked for comfort in the food she was making. Andy envied her for it. He had nothing but his fears and the books he still couldn’t completely understand. No that wasn’t right. He also had Daisy. A warm feeling spread through his body and he suddenly felt a little bit better knowing that Daisy would be there for him.

Mrs. Carson nodded. “Thank you, Beryl I take care of the rest.”

The cook hurried away and Andy was left with Mrs. Carson who looked worriedly at him. “I have many questions but I think first we should inform his Lordship about what happened.”

Andy shook his head. “Mr. Branson did that already when he got the car last night. Mrs. Molesley was still here and went with him. She said they would call, if there were any news, but no one called yet. She said, I should watch the door and wait for you.”

Mrs. Carson sighed. “Well done, Andy. I will take it from here. I think you should go and lie down for a few minutes. I will talk to his Lordship and ask him, if somebody called on the upstairs phone.”

Andy wasn’t even out of his chair when the back door opened again and Mr. Bates limped inside, leaning heavily on his walking cane.

“Mr. Bates!” Mrs. Carson exclaimed surprised and Andy stared too. Why was the man here? Did something happen?

Mr. Bates grimaced slightly and limped over to the table where he fell down into a chair heavily. “I came because I knew that Thomas wouldn’t be able to dress his Lordship, so I thought I should get back to work earlier.”

“But Doctor Clarkson ordered you to rest for at least three days!” Mrs. Carson said with a concerned gaze and glanced down at his leg.

“It’s no trouble. Besides under the given circumstances there is no other solution. This house is already drastically shorthanded, after yesterdays events. I just want to help until Thomas is back on his feet.”

“Did you hear anything from Mr. Barrow?” Andy threw in. 

Mr. Bates gaze turned darker. “No. I just came from our cottage. Anna has to stay with Johnny again. Unfortunately he is still not healthy enough to go to the nursery. Mr. Branson said he would call the Abbey, if anything changed. Hasn’t he called yet?” he looked concerned. Andy could relate. Alone the thought of what could’ve happened in the last few hours was disturbing. They knew nothing about Thomas’ condition.

“He didn’t.” Mrs. Carson said shortly. “That is why I just wanted to go talk to his Lordship. Mr. Bates you should rest until breakfast. If his Lordship needs your help I’ll call you. Until then drink a cup of tea. And Andy please go upstairs and lie down for a few minutes. I have the feeling that this day will be exhausting for all of us.”

“That is not exactly a new development.” Mr. Bates said darkly.

* * *

Elsie entered the main hall just as the telephone began to ring.

To her surprise Lord Grantham was faster. “This is Downton Abbey. Yes?”

He listened to what the person on the other end of the line was saying while he nodded shortly at her in greeting. He looked rather tired, with dark rings beneath his eyes and the same suit he was dressed in yesterday. Did he spend the night in the library?

She had worked long enough for Lord Grantham to know that he sometimes had restless nights. She never found out whether it were nightmares or wandering thoughts but he often spend these hours in the library, flipping through books at a breath-taking pace that one could under no circumstance call reading.

When Charlie was still here he would sit anxiously in front of the fire in the servants hall until late in the night, worrying about his employer. Every time she found him there she knew it was one of these nights again. Her husband never seemed to be able to find sleep when he knew that Lord Grantham couldn’t. Additionally in these early years there was almost always a bottle of port involved and she was very glad that the Earl wasn’t allowed to drink this much anymore. In her opinion alcohol had always been an indulgence that required company. Drinking alone just led to despair and dark thoughts.

At least today Lord Grantham didn’t look as if he drank much. He just looked like he had spend the night waiting for a phone call that had not come.

This surprised her. She didn’t know he cared so much about what happened to Thomas. It might have been a cruel thought, but all she had ever seen him do for the butler was based on his fear of a scandal.

“Yes, of course. Take all the time you need, Mary.” Lord Grantham now ended the phone call and placed the receiver back onto the hook. He turned around to look at her. “Mrs. Carson, I assume you already heard about the unfortunate events of last night?”

She nodded. “Andrew informed me as soon as I arrived, your Lordship. May I ask if you received any news from Lady Mary about Mr. Barrow’s condition?”

Lord Grantham rubbed a hand over his tired face. “She didn’t go into detail but she said Isobel did her best. They plan to return shortly.”

Elsie nodded. That were good news. Thomas was safe and would get better soon. The thought wasn’t enough to cease her worry completely but at least she could breathe a little easier.

Lord Grantham looked like he didn’t know what to say, now that he told her the plain facts.

His face clearly showed his discomfort at the prospect of being forced to concern himself with the personal lives of his staff. She had seen this expression many times before.

He was the opposite of Lady Grantham in this matter. His wife could always show her empathy when something unfortunate happened to the people who worked for her. It might not always have been true empathy but at least it was the illusion of caring and a certain understanding behind it. Lord Grantham had never managed to even pretend he had this kind of character trait. He openly showed his unease each time the border between employer and employee became thinner.

Elsie was ashamed to say that she enjoyed it a little to see him struggle. The most obvious had probably been that time his daughter decided to marry the chauffeur, but Elsie assumed that Thomas Barrow had good chances to come a close second place.

“Well, I suppose we can do nothing else at the moment…” he said and looked around the main hall as if this would help him to find a conversation topic that had nothing to do with the fact that he had just spend the whole night waiting for a phone call concerning his butler’s health. He knew that she knew and he didn’t like it at all.

Elsie smiled softly and decided to put him out of his misery. “May I suggest that you go upstairs and rest, your Lordship? You must be quite exhausted. I think Andrew and I can manage everything until Mr. Barrow feels a little bit better.”

“Don’t you think it would be better to call Carson in?” Lord Grantham asked with a frown.

“To be frank, I don’t think that would help Mr. Barrow recover faster, your Lordship.” She said and couldn’t keep her tone from getting a little too sharp. She knew calling Charlie to the house would only make everything worse for Thomas and Thomas was the person who needed her support right now, even if it meant keeping her husband out of this.

He sighed. “No I suppose not. You are right. But I can’t go to sleep now. I should eat something and maybe also take a bath. Can you send a tray up to my room?”

“Certainly, and I will inform Mr. Bates as well.” Elsie nodded.

“Mr. Bates?” Lord Grantham sounded surprised. “I thought Doctor Clarkson ordered him to stay in bed for a few days.”

“I am afraid he is already downstairs, your Lordship. He knew that Thomas wouldn’t be able to act as your valet and came back to the Abbey this morning.” She didn’t approve of Mr. Bates’ decision but she was also secretly glad. Andrew had still not much experience as a valet and she really wanted to avoid calling Mr. Molesley. The poor man had enough to do with his current job at the school, if Phyllis' stories were any indication.

Lord Grantham didn’t look happy. “The man doesn’t know when to stop.” He muttered. “That hasn’t changed in the slightest since the war.”

Maybe he thought he spoke quietly enough that she couldn’t understand him because his gaze turned apologising when he saw her raised eyebrow. “I apologise Mrs. Carson. That was uncalled for. He is an honorable man and I have the highest opinion of him.”

“I understand, your Lordship. Everyone downstairs worries about him as well.” She dared to say and smiled knowingly.

He responded with his own small smile that was again slightly uncomfortable, before he nodded at her one more time and slowly went up the main staircase.

Elsie stood there for a moment and looked after him. Her employer was a good man at heart, even if he struggled to show it sometimes. That much she knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thomas may seem a bit out of character in parts of this but I assure you that is only temporary and probably a result of pain killers and mental overload.


	9. An Embarrassing Way To Die

The telephone in the butlers pantry wouldn't stop ringing.

Phyllis looked up from her needlework. It was late in the night and half an hour ago Mrs. Carson had been the last member of the staff to leave the Abbey.

“Are you sure, that you want to stay again?” she had asked Phyllis with a concerned look.

Phyllis had nodded determined without looking up. “I have to be here, even if he doesn’t want company.”

Mrs. Carson had sighed but relented. Phyllis knew that the housekeeper was as concerned for the butler as the rest of the staff.

Two days had went by since they brought Thomas back and the butler had rarely left his room since then. He refused to speak to anyone and even Phyllis couldn’t sit at his bedside longer than a few minutes before he told her to leave.

This morning when she brought him his breakfast, she had handed him a stack of paper and told him to at least write to Mr. Ellis. He had only turned his back to her and grumbled something about not wanting to concern the valet with his problems.

Phyllis had spent the last nights at the Abbey, to afraid to leave him alone entirely. Every time she tried to set a foot out of the back door, a bathtub full of blood had appeared in front of her inner eye. She didn’t think that Thomas was quite this hopeless but she couldn’t keep her restless mind from providing the pictures for every possible bad outcome.

And now the telephone wouldn't stop ringing. The first time she hadn’t reacted, not knowing what she should do. It was very late and whoever was calling could surely wait until the morning. Before she could decide whether she should tell the caller that, it had stopped. But now, not even one minute later it started again.

And this time it didn’t stop.

Phyllis threw a wary gaze at the door to the butlers pantry. The right thing to do in this situation, would be to get the butler. Unfortunately the butler was in no condition to answer the phone in the middle of the night.

She got up slowly from her chair. “I just tell them to call again in the morning.” She muttered to herself. If she didn’t do something the ringing would wake up somebody.

So she stepped into the butlers pantry and sat down behind the desk, feeling very rebellious. She took a deep breath and waited five seconds but the caller was apparently determined to get through to the Abbey. It didn’t stop ringing.

She removed the receiver from the hook. “Downton Abbey. Mrs. Molesley speaking.” She said with more confidence than she was feeling. There was a short silence at the other end.

“Ah…yes…I am sorry to call this late, I was hoping to reach Mr. Barrow.” A man’s voice said finally.

Phyllis frowned. “I am sorry but he is not available at the moment. Should I write down a message for him? Mr…?”

“Mr. Ellis. Ah…maybe you can just tell him I called? There is a business matter we need to discuss.”

Phyllis almost dropped the receiver. “Mr. Ellis!” she said loudly and could practically hear the man flinch on the other side of the line. “Thank god, it is you!”

There was a surprised silence before he spoke again. “I am afraid I don’t understand, Mrs. Molesley.”

“I am sorry.” Phyllis said quickly. “I don’t want to go into detail over the phone, but I think Mr. Barrow is in dire need of your help.”

Another surprised silence. “What happened?” Mr. Ellis asked and there was a strain to his voice.

“Like I said, I can’t explain in detail. I know this is probably much to ask but is there any way you could call again tomorrow? I really think he could use your advice right now.”

“He hasn’t replied to any letters…” Mr. Ellis said. “That is why I called in the first place. But I will not be able to do that during the day. It is…let’s say it would not end good for me if anyone found out about this.”

Phyllis thought quickly about that. “I will talk to him. Could you call again tomorrow night?”

“Yes of course. I will try.” There was a short pause. “Can I ask you something, Mrs. Molesley?”

“Please do, Mr. Ellis.” She replied.

“Can I trust you?”

She didn’t hesitate. “I believe that Mr. Barrow trusts me and I would do everything to protect him.” The answer seemed to be the right one because she heard a relieved intake of breath from the other side.

“Thank you.” He said.

She smiled to herself. “I hope you can speak to him. I wish you a good night.”

“And to you too Mrs. Molesley. I try to call at the same time tomorrow.”

She ended the call by placing the receiver back onto the hook and took a deep breath.

Now the only thing left to do was convince Thomas. That wouldn't be as easy as it sounded. Fortunately she had a lot of experience in convincing Thomas Barrow.

* * *

Something had happened last night.

Phyllis was strangely cheerful when she came up to bring Thomas his breakfast tray.

He sat up in his bed with a groan. His ribs were still killing him and he spent the past two days doing nothing but sleeping and staring at the ceiling.

Phyllis placed the tray on his bedside table and sat down in the wooden chair next to the bed. She practically shook with excitement.

Thomas looked at her for ten silent seconds before he sighed. “Out with it, Phyllis. What happened? Did Mr. Molesley finally shave his moustache off?”

She rolled her eyes but she seemed happy that he made a joke. Thomas was surprised himself. He hadn’t been in the mood to make jokes for days.

“No, of course not. And I told you, I don’t mind it.”

“Pity.” Thomas muttered. “So what has you so excited?”

He knew that she hadn’t had it easy these past days. She tried to help where she could and there were more than a few instances when she tried to keep him company or start a conversation and he had shut her out.

He wasn’t proud of himself but he also couldn’t help it. What did it matter that she cared if the whole world was against him? What had happened had shown him again, that his life wasn’t supposed to be easy. And no one could help him with it. He already dragged to many people into this. Andy and Branson had tried to intervene and got hurt in the process. Not that he cared particularly about Branson, but the former chauffeur had at least tried to be nicer to him. He didn't deserve to get a broken nose for that.

On top of these two, there were also the Bates’, Lady Mary and the Merton’s involved in this now. Too many people knew what had happened and he really didn’t need all their pity. They had no idea what he was dealing with.

That was another reason why he had been holed up in his room since he came back. He couldn’t stand the pitying looks. From what he heard from Mrs. Hughes, even Lord Grantham was shocked by the events though the Earl expressed it in his usual uncomfortable way. He dreaded the moment he would have to speak to his employer.

Thomas had also instructed Phyllis to keep the children away from him. He knew especially Master George couldn’t wait to see him but he also knew that he couldn’t deal with the questions right now. The child grew wiser every day and it became more and more difficult to avoid telling him the whole truth.

Yesterday Phyllis had brought him a stack of paper and insisted that he at least write to Richard but Thomas couldn’t bring himself to do it. He just couldn’t find the words. What would Richard say if he heard that Thomas had been so careless? Option one was that he would lecture him about circumspection. Option two was even more pity. And if he got incredibly unlucky he would maybe decide that writing to Thomas was a to great risk. No, he couldn’t tell Richard about this. But he also couldn’t lie to him. So he decided to put thinking about it off for as long as possible.

Phyllis voice ripped him from his thoughts. “I spoke with Mr. Ellis on the phone last night.”

The sharp intake of breath sent tears to his eyes and he closed them until the pain was slightly better. “What?” he got out when he opened his eyes again and saw her concerned look.

Phyllis didn’t touch him, though she looked like she really wanted to. He had made it clear two days ago that he would not allow it and she had not tried again.

“He called late last night. I think he worried because you didn’t write back.”

Thomas stared at her. “What did you tell him?”

She sighed. “I told him nothing Thomas. It was not my place. I just said it would be good for you to talk to him. He will call again tonight.”

He turned his head away from her and stared out of the window. Why did the man have to be so persistent? Couldn’t he take a hint?

“He worries, Thomas. I heard it in his voice. Please. Will you talk to him?” Phyllis urged him again.

He closed his eyes again. Of course he had already decided what he would do. Logic told him that it was a stupid decision because he would surely tell the valet the whole truth as soon as he picked up the receiver. But then again it was Richard and he hadn’t heard his voice in months and his heart ached to tell him his sorrows and cry in his arms and finally talk to someone who could really understand his situation, not just someone who pretended to understand.

“Yes.” He said a little bit hoarse because the bloody tears were back again. “I will talk to him.”

He could see that Phyllis eyes were shining as well. At least he wasn’t the only one.

“Thank you.” She whispered and dared to touch his hand in a comforting gesture. This time he didn't flinch back. “Thank you for doing this…”

He sighed. “You would’ve pressured me into doing it anyways. Probably with cold tea.” The jokes already came easier to him.

She didn’t reply to that. Instead she blinked her tears away and squeezed his hand. “We will get through this.” She stated with the same determination with which she had shut everyone up who dared to question her decision to marry at the age of 45.

“Your optimism never ceases to amaze me, but then again you married Joseph Molesley.”

She immediately threw a pillow at his face.

* * *

Thomas spent the rest of the day staring at the ceiling, contemplating what he would tell Richard tonight.

Maybe he could leave out the details and just skirt around the topic? Maybe he could bring Richard to talk about himself instead? He knew he wouldn’t be able to openly lie to the valet, but he was also too afraid to talk about his own stupidity.

The solution of course was to do what he had always done his whole life. Divert the suspicion from himself by talking about other people.

It was late when he dressed slowly and made his way down to the servants hall. He had not gone down for dinner, still not ready to see anyone. Unfortunately the servants hall wasn’t as empty as he had hoped. John Bates sat at the table with a propped up leg and he was busy reading todays newspaper.

He looked up when Thomas entered. His gaze was surprised. “Thomas? What are you doing here?”

Thomas scowled at him. “Mr. Barrow to you, Mr. Bates. And maybe you haven’t noticed but I work here.”

A small smile appeared on Bates' face but he didn’t answer. Only looked back to his newspaper.

“What is so funny?” Thomas asked a little annoyed.

“I am glad you are back.” Bates said.

Thomas blinked at him surprised. And what should he do with that? He decided to play dumb. “I was here the whole time. Maybe you should pay attention to your surroundings.”

The annoying smile had still not vanished from the valets face. “If you say so.” He said and turned a page.

Thomas stared at him for a few tense seconds in which he tried to come up with an angry reply, but it wasn’t long before he gave up. Instead he said nothing, sank into a chair on the other side of the table and winced slightly. The pain reminded him that he had not taken his medication today because he wanted to be as alert as he could for the talk with Richard.

“What are _you_ doing here?” he asked instead.

“I stayed here the past two nights, helping Mrs. Carson and Andy until you get better. That is easier than walking to the Abbey and back every evening. Anna understands. If you mean right now, Lord Grantham hasn’t gone to bed yet, that is why I am still sitting here this late.”

Thomas didn’t reply to that. On top of everything it was Bates who had to be here because Thomas got injured and couldn’t do his work. And Bates should be the one laying in bed because of his leg.

A few silent seconds ticked by in which the valet continued reading his newspaper and Thomas stared at the table.

“Thank you.” He finally said.

Bates looked up with a surprised expression. “Thank you?” he echoed.

Thomas rolled his eyes. “Yes, I won’t say it again.” He snapped slightly indignant. “I don’t know what would’ve have happened if you hadn’t shown up on this evening. Andy and Branson wouldn’t have gotten away with so little injuries. You saved them and that is the only reason I am not immediately reporting this revolver to Lord Grantham.”

Bates put his newspaper down and his gaze was unnerving. What was it this time? He just couldn’t read the man.

“And you?” Bates asked and that earned a frown from Thomas. “Doesn’t it matter what would’ve happened to you?”

Thomas shrugged. “They attacked us because of me. Andy and Branson were innocent.”

“You really believe that?”

“That Branson is innocent? God, no, he probably torched a few castles back in Ireland. I meant in this particular situation.” Thomas replied with a snort.

Bates didn’t laugh. “You don’t think that this is your fault, do you?”

Thomas blinked at him. “What are you going on about? Are your ears already this bad? I said they attacked us because of me. That is basically the definition of my fault.”

The valet opened his mouth to reply something but in this moment the bell for Lord Grantham’s room began to ring on the board.

At the same time the telephone in the butler’s pantry started ringing.

They exchanged a look and immediately got out of their chairs.

“I’ll go to Lord Grantham.” Bates said.

“I take the phone call. Probably nothing this late.” Thomas replied.

He didn’t stay to see Bates' suspicious look. He turned around and stepped into the butler’s pantry.

The telephone was still ringing. With shaking fingers he took the receiver from the hook. “Downton Abbey, Mr. Barrow speaking.” He said and was glad that at least his voice wasn’t shaking.

“Thomas…” Richard’s voice _was_ shaking. “Thank god.”

Thomas couldn’t say anything for a moment. Oh god, this was real. He hadn’t heard the other man’s voice in months. They had exchanged frequent letters and he felt like they had known each other for years but he hadn’t realized until now how much he had missed this voice. This beautiful voice.

“Thomas, are you still there?” he sounded slightly panicked.

“Yes.” Thomas said quietly. “I am here.”

“I’m sorry it is so late, I am using the butlers telephone and he will probably sack me if he catches me. The only way I could speak to you was this way.” He didn’t sound as if he would mind it terribly if the butler caught him as long as he could finish the call first.

“That is no trouble. I am just glad to hear your voice.” Thomas said truthfully.

“Will you tell me what happened? Why didn’t you write back?” Richard asked after a second. “I spoke with Mrs. Molesley but she wouldn’t tell me more…”

Thomas pressed his lips together. This was it, this was the moment he had dreaded the whole day. And here he was not getting a word out. It was like he predicted. As soon as he heard Richard’s voice he simply couldn’t lie to him.

“I can’t tell you everything either. Not over the phone.” He said and that was the truth. One could never know who was listening in. “There was an incident three days ago…”

“Thomas, are you alright?” There was concern in his voice. No pity yet, but that would surely come later, Thomas thought bitterly.

“I will be. Phyllis is looking after me and no one wants to anger her, when she is like this. I just wasn’t ready to write you about it.”

“Can you tell me what happened without going into detail?” Richard asked warily.

Thomas rubbed his hand over his face. “You know how you told me to be circumspect a few months ago?”

“Yes?”

“Turns out I am bloody bad at it.”

“Thomas…”

“You can say ‘I told you so’ now.” Thomas said bitterly.

“I wish I could be there right now.”

This reply surprised Thomas. And of course the tears threatened to spill over again. What was going on with him? Never before in his live had he felt this constant need of crying. Maybe because there never was someone who would care if he cried, so it had no point until now. He had just ignored the pain and kept fighting. And Richard. Richard was so perfect. He wasn’t pitying or lecturing him, he simply wanted to be there for Thomas.

“I wish that you could be here.” He replied and now he didn’t care anymore that his voice was shaking. “Richard, I don’t know what to do anymore…I can’t see a way out and I don’t want to see their looks anymore, don’t want to hear their pity and their excuses. And it…it just hurts.”

“I am here, Thomas.” Richard said with pain in his voice from the other end of the line. “Keep talking to me.”

“I am just so tired of all this. I want…I don’t know what I want. Everyone is trying to be nice and understandable but they can’t. They can’t understand. I am surrounded by people but I feel…alone.” He took a deep breath and this time he embraced the pain that shot through his chest. It grounded him. “Richard. I don’t think that I can stay in Downton Abbey anymore.”

What followed was only silence. Great. He had probably scared the man off for good after all that whining.

There was a loud crash directly behind the closed door.

Thomas’ head snapped up.

“Thomas?” Richard asked alarmed. “What is it?”

“Bloody hell.” Thomas swore and wiped the tears from his face. His gaze was still directed at the door. “I have to go.”

“Thomas wait-“

“I’m sorry, I can’t. We speak later.” Thomas replied and got up from his chair.

“Thomas, listen to me! Don’t hang up-!”

“I’m sorry, Richard.” He ended the call. The phone started ringing again immediately.

It took a lot to turn away from the ringing phone and open the door to the butlers pantry. There was an overthrown chair laying on the ground in the hallway. “What the-?” he stopped when he turned around and got a glimpse of Master George before he dashed away and up the stairs.

“Shit.” How much had the boy heard? Only the last part of the conversation? That was bad enough. Who knew where he would hide if he thought Thomas wanted to leave Downton Abbey. Who knew who he would tell. Thomas braced himself and gave chase.

His ribs were killing him and his breaths came in pants while he hastened up the stairs to the green baize door but he ignored the pain and moved as fast as he could.

He burst into the main hall and stopped. George was already at the first landing.

“George, wait!” he called and this was the moment everything went downhill rapidly.

George turned his head around and looked at Thomas but didn’t stop running. His face was tear streaked. He reached the top of the stairs and collided with John Bates who practically came out of the woodwork at this moment and they both stumbled. George managed to catch himself on the banister but Bates wasn’t so lucky.

His cane slipped from his fingers and his bad leg gave away. There was nothing Thomas could do, but watch.

John Bates tumbled down the grand staircase with a shout and a few dumb thuds before he landed at the bottom in a crumbled heap. His bad leg was crushed under him and his head hit the last step on the way down.

What followed were three seconds of shocked silence. George stood frozen to his spot at the top of the stairs and stared down at the unconscious man. He didn’t seem able to comprehend what had just happened.

Thomas snapped out of his own shock. “George, get help!” he shouted and sank to his knees next to the valet.

There was blood. There was a lot of blood. Oh god. He was dying. He was probably already dead.

He took a deep breath and remembered his time as a medic in the war. He remembered the first rule. Whatever you do, do not panic.

He could do that, he could distance himself emotionally. He had done that for years.

His first move was to feel for the man’s pulse. Weak but still there. Good. That was good.

Next he took off his jacket and pressed it against the leaking head wound that had opened at the back of the valet’s head. He couldn’t do anything about the crushed leg, that seemed to be bend in an awkward angle. If he moved him now there might be even more damage.

“Barrow!” Lord Grantham’s shocked voice came from the top of the stairs.

Thomas looked up and saw his employer and his wife standing there with wide eyes, they were frozen like a pair of statues.

“He fell.” Thomas explained curtly and he didn’t think about who he was talking to. It didn’t matter right now. “Call an ambulance!” his voice sounded cold and clinical in his own ears.

He didn’t wait for an answer. His own ribs protested loudly when he bend down and checked the man’s pulse again. Still there.

He started counting the beats while he pressed his jacket against the headwound and the blood soaked through his trousers at the knees.

“Keep breathing you fool.” He whispered. “This is an embarrassing way to die.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First thanks again for the lovely comments.   
> Finally some Richard Ellis in this. ;)   
> And of course I am sorry for the cliffhanger but good news is I bridged the first gap.


	10. Hide The Alcohol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am afraid the hurt continues for a while. But don't despair, there will be comfort soon :)

The following hour went by in a blur.

Doctor Clarkson came with the ambulance and immediately took Bates’ to the hospital. The first diagnosis was a broken leg and unknown damage to the head. Lord Grantham insisted on joining him and not even Lady Grantham could convince him to stay.

After the ambulance left Lady Grantham and Lady Mary went searching for Master George.

Branson offered to bring the news to Anna and drive her to the hospital, so Thomas sent Nanny with him to take care of little Johnny.

After he had seen to that he stepped into the library, undecided whether he should wake Andy who had slept through all the trouble. He decided that like Mrs. Hughes, Mrs. Patmore, Daisy and Phyllis, the footman would hear everything in the morning. There was no use in waking all of them now, when there was nothing they could do to help.

Lady Grantham and Lady Mary were the only ones in the library. They sat in their dressing gowns in front of the fireplace. Master George was nowhere in sight.

“Mr. Barrow!” Lady Grantham said shocked when she saw him step through the doors and he realised to late that there was still blood soaking his trousers at the knees. Maybe he should’ve changed before coming here. There was also a constant pain in his ribs now. The bandage wasn’t tight enough anymore and he felt the fractured bones with every breath he took.

“I apologise for that, My Lady.” He said and gestured to the blood. “I had no time to change yet.”

Lady Mary didn’t seem to care. “Tell us what happened, Barrow.” She said instead.

That was the moment he had dreaded. He couldn’t tell them what caused all of this. He couldn’t tell them about the call from Richard.

“It wasn’t Master George’s fault. It was an unfortunate accident. He didn’t see Mr. Bates at the top of the stairs when he ran into him. Mr. Bates’ lost his cane and his already injured leg couldn’t support him so he fell down the stairs.”

“But why was George running? And what was he doing downstairs at this time of the night?” Lady Grantham asked concerned. “He is now in Sybbie’s room and won’t come out. Something must have upset him quite a lot.”

Thomas sighed. It seemed he had to tell them at least something. “To be frank that is probably my fault.”

“Your fault?” Lady Mary asked with an arched brow. “Why?”

“He might have heard something I said, that made him upset.” He really wanted them to stop asking at this point but this was Lady Mary, so of course he could’ve wished for two weeks of free time just as well.

“Why are you so evasive, Barrow? Just tell us what you said.” She said annoyed.

“I said, that I don’t know if I can stay in Downton anymore.” Thomas replied and he couldn’t keep the edge out of his voice. There. Now they knew what he had pondered about for two days. He hoped that they were happy now.

The two of them stared at him and looked everything but happy.

“Barrow…” Lady Grantham began but Lady Mary was faster.

“Is this about this dreadful business two days ago?” Lady Mary asked and he thanked some god, he didn’t believe in, that she concentrated on this part and not on the part where he didn’t tell her to whom he said those words. He couldn’t tell them about the phone call with Richard. And if he had to drag Andy into this and say he had talked to the footman in the middle of the night.

“Please don’t understand this the wrong way, Milady. I am not planning anything yet. I am simply saying that every day I spend in Downton Abbey is a risk after what happened and I have to consider what I will do with my future if this doesn’t change.” He said.

“Let them talk, Barrow. They have no evidence or they would’ve already arrested you.” Lady Mary snorted.

“Mary, don’t be tactless. The poor man is already shaken enough.” Lady Grantham scolded her daughter.

“I am simply stating the truth.” Lady Mary replied with an indignant face. “A rumour is like bad weather or politics. At first everyone has an opinion to share, but when it goes on long enough people quickly lose interest.”

“That might be true Milady, but let me speak frankly, this is my life. And I have more to lose than my reputation.” Thomas replied.

That earned him a sympathetic look from Lady Grantham and a long sigh from Lady Mary. “Can I persuade you to stay for now? At least until we know what will happen with Mr. Bates?”

“I didn’t plan on leaving right away.” Thomas replied. “I was only saying that I was thinking about it. It was unfortunate that Master George heard me say it. And I think it is now of utter importance that we speak with him and tell him, that he has no fault here, Milady.” He had seen Georges face after Bates fell down the stairs. He had seen the guilt there. Someone had to talk to him.

“Yes of course,” Lady Grantham replied visibly relieved that her butler wasn’t leaving the sinking ship. At least not yet. “But I fear he won’t listen to me. I already tried to speak to him.”

“He won’t listen to me either.” Lady Mary said and she looked very annoyed about that fact. “Barrow, could you…?”

“Of course. I’ll try and speak with him.” He said and turned around to leave.

“Oh, and Barrow?” Lady Mary called before he could step through the doors.

“Yes, Milady?”

“Maybe you want to change first.” She said with a pointed look.

Thomas looked down at himself. “Yes, of course, Milady.”

He hastened to the servants quarters where he got rid of his blood-soiled cloths and replaced them with his spare livery. He took just enough time to rewrap the bandage around his torso, even though it was almost impossible to do that without help, but he sure as hell wouldn’t wake Andy right now.

Then he went back upstairs. He was out of breath when he reached Sybbie’s room and had to take a few seconds before he could knock.

“Go away!” came the immediate reply from the girl.

“It’s Mr. Barrow. I am looking for Master George. Is he in there, Miss Sybbie?” Thomas asked loudly.

“He isn’t here. I am alone.” Sybbie replied.

Thomas sighed. “And why are you awake at this time of the night, if that is the case, Miss Sybbie?”

There were a few seconds of silence before the door was cracked open a few inches and a small angry face appeared. “He doesn’t want to talk to you.” Sybbie declared with narrowed eyes. “And to be honest, I don’t want to either.”

Her words sent a sudden pain through him, that had nothing to do with his ribs for a change.

“Will you please give me the chance to explain?” Thomas asked loud enough that George could also hear it.

Sybbie hesitated another few seconds but George was the one to answer. “Let him in.”

She opened the door for Thomas.

George was sitting with crossed legs on Sybbie’s bed. The tears had dried on his face but there was still guilt on it.

“Is Mr. Bates going to be alright?” he asked when Thomas stepped into the room and Sybbie closed the door behind him.

“I hope so.” Thomas said truthfully. “He is in the hospital and they will do everything to help him.”

“Mum said he is going to be alright.” George said sceptically.

“I am sorry, but it is too early to say that. Doctor Clarkson will tell us, if something changes. Until then we can only hope.” Thomas replied.

George and Sybbie exchanged a look at that and Thomas seemed to have passed some kind of test because the boy nodded. “We thought that too.”

“It was not your fault, Master George.” Thomas said and he tried to put all the cogency he had into this one sentence.

“Are you only saying that to make me feel better?” George asked and surprised Thomas not for the first time with his wisdom.

He shook his head at that. “No. I say that because I know it was my fault.”

“Why?”

“You were upset because of what I said and that is why the accident happened.” Thomas sighed. “And I never can take that back.”

“But I listened at the door and that was my fault!” George said.

“That’s stupid. You are both stupid.” Sybbie piped up for the first time and George and Thomas turned to her surprised. The young girl took a deep breath. “Mr. Bates fell down the stairs because George ran into him without looking. George was running up the stairs without looking because he heard what Mr. Barrow said. Mr. Barrow said what he said because he was upset. He was upset because of this stupid governess. The stupid governess was here because Aunt Mary said George needed to learn manners. Aunt Mary said that because George wiped his hands on the table cloth. George wiped his hands on the table cloth because he ate lemon biscuits. George ate lemon biscuits because Daisy made them. Daisy made the lemon biscuits because Mrs. Patmore told her to make them. Mrs. Patmore told her to make them because she had the ingredients in the pantry. She had the ingredients in the pantry because the delivery boy brought them. I say it is the delivery boys fault that Mr. Bates fell down the stairs.”

Thomas and George stared at her for ten silent seconds. George because he needed a minute to comprehend all of this and Thomas because he had an vivid déjà-vu of Lady Sybil standing in the middle of the dining room, lecturing her family about women in politics. Bloody hell, this girl was a treasure.

“How on earth do you know all that, Miss Sybbie?” Thomas asked finally.

She rolled her eyes at him. “Just because I don’t say much, doesn’t mean I am stupid. I have eyes and ears, Mr. Barrow.”

George seemed to have a different opinion. “You just don’t like the delivery boy.”

“That is not the point!” Sybbie shot back.

“But it’s true!” George replied stubbornly. “I saw how you snapped at him when he asked for your name.”

“No, she is right.” Thomas said suddenly and held up his hands. “Sybbie, you are very clever. It was an accident. There are only two solutions. Either we are all at fault or no one is.”

“But…“ George began and stopped to think about it. He scrunched up his nose and frowned while doing so. “But…” he sighed. “I guess so…”

Sybbie looked pleased. “See? But it’s mostly the delivery boy’s fault.”

“But you said you want to leave!” George said to Thomas when he apparently remembered why he had been upset in the first place.

Thomas hoped that the boy had forgotten about this part after all the trouble. Apparently not.

“I didn’t mean that I would leave right now.” He said with a sigh “I only said, I was thinking about it being a possibility.”

“Who where you talking to at the phone?” George asked. “You sounded upset.”

“A friend from London. He made me feel a bit better.” Thomas replied.

Sybbies eyes grew big. “You have friends in London?” she pronounced London like one would pronounce Timbuktu.

George didn’t look so excited at the prospect of sharing his favourite butler with someone in London. “But if you are upset, why don’t you come to us? We are your friends.”

“Don’t be foolish, George.” Sybbie said. “Who would want to speak to us if you could speak to someone in _London_?” Thomas smiled at that. Sybbie always loved stories about faraway places and couldn’t wait to travel the world. He would not be surprised if she got older and decided that seeing the world was far more interesting than marriage.

“So you won’t leave?” George asked hopeful.

“I won’t lie to you George, it is very difficult for me to be here right now. But I can promise you that I will do anything I can to stay. I don’t want to leave.”

George nodded seriously. “Then we will help you.” He looked at Sybbie. “Won’t we?”

Sybbie thought about that for a moment. “On one condition.” She finally said. “I want to meet your friend from London. He must have many awesome stories.”

Thomas laughed at that. “I hope that he will be able to visit soon. I think he would love to meet you.”

A knock sounded from the door and this time it was George who answered it. “Mum!” he said and immediately pulled a confused Lady Mary into the room. “It is the delivery boys fault that Mr. Bates fell down the stairs! Not mine!”

Lady Mary’s look would’ve been priceless if it hadn’t been directed at Thomas.

* * *

Daisy had never made this much tea in her whole life. Since she stepped into the servants hall at six in the morning there had been a constant demand for the hot comforting beverage.

She was glad about it. At least her hands had something to do.

Her mind though wouldn’t calm down. She constantly thought about the poor Mr. Bates and Anna, who were both at the hospital. She thought about George and how guilty the boy must feel. And she thought about Thomas' exhausted and haunted look when he had announced the news to the servants this morning.

The butler looked pale today and he had every right to be. He apparantly had not slept a single minute last night.

Mrs. Carson had made a fruitless attempt to send him to bed this morning but he had only replied that they couldn’t afford another bedridden person in this house right now and immediately went upstairs to prepare the dining room for the breakfast.

Daisy had noticed that he walked slower than normal and winced ever so slightly whenever he had to lift a tray. He was still hurting. She tried to say something to him but he ignored her like the stubborn fool he sometimes was.

The atmosphere was tense. Everyone was waiting for news from the hospital. Andy told her that Lord Grantham came back in the morning with a scrunched up face and spent the day pacing in the library, flipping through one book after another, never letting the telephone out of his line of sight.

Mrs. Patmore decided that food was the best comfort and started cooking a five course meal, that nobody would eat, as soon as breakfast was over.

Mrs. Molesley kept throwing Thomas wary gazes but he ended every conversation she wanted to start with a shake of his head and a curt ‘later’ that sounded like ‘never’ in Daisys ears.

And Daisy kept making tea.

In the afternoon she was busy preparing the eighth pot when the call came.

It was Thomas who came down the stairs and brought the news. “The surgery is over, but he hasn’t woken up yet.”

Daisy slapped her hands over her mouth.

“What does that mean?” Mrs. Molesley whispered.

“It is a good sign that the surgery on his leg was successful, but there might still be complications. From what I heard I gathered that they don’t know how grave the head wound is. They have to wait until he wakes up until they know what lasting damage it could have caused.” Thomas replied.

“What damage _could_ it cause?” Mrs. Carson asked concerned.

Thomas shrugged. “It can range from nothing over memory loss to brain malfunctions. No one can say that until he wakes up.” His tone of voice was distanced and clinical but Daisy knew that he cared. She had seen his expression this morning when he told them what happened.

“So we can’t do anything? We have to wait?” she asked.

Thomas sighed. “They know what they do at the hospital. Until then all we can do is to keep this house running.”

“I will take care of Lady Grantham and Lady Mary as long as Anna is away.” Mrs. Molesley said with a nod and a deep breath.

“And I will valet for Lord Grantham.” Thomas said with a nod at her. “Andy I am afraid, Albert is still ill. Until he gets better you are on your own.”

Andy looked determined. “That is no problem Mr. Barrow. I can do it.”

“Good. What are we waiting for?” Thomas asked. “We have a dinner to prepare.”

* * *

Thomas was bone tired when he stepped into the library at one o’clock in the night. He was completely oblivious to what his Lordship could want at this ungodly hour. He had just finished his last cigarette and decided to lock the door and go upstairs to bed, when he heard the bell. All the others had already gone home or to bed so he was the one who went upstairs to look what the family needed at almost one o’clock in the night.

“Barrow.” Lord Grantham said and seemed slightly surprised when it was the butler who answered the call. “I had hoped that someone would still be awake but I didn’t think it would be you. I am very sorry to disturb you this late.”

“You didn’t disturb me, your Lordship, I was still in the Servants hall.”

“Good.” Lord Grantham said and rubbed his face tiredly.

Thomas could see dark circles under his eyes. “Did something happen, your Lordship? Is it Mr. Bates?” he asked when the Earl didn’t say anything for a few seconds.

There weren’t any news since the call they got in the afternoon. Doctor Clarkson promised to call the Abbey as soon as Mr. Bates condition got better or worse.

The nerves were raw everywhere. Everyone who left the Abbey this evening had done so reluctantly, afraid to miss out on something. Thomas sent them all away. At least someone deserved a good nights sleep after the last disaster.

Lord Grantham seemed to flinch from his thoughts. “Oh, no, nothing so serious. No change there. Doctor Clarkson will call us, if something comes up. I just thought…Could you bring me another bottle of this excellent brandy?”

Thomas stared at him for a few seconds. That was when he noticed that the Earls face was slightly red, his gaze a little bit unfocused and his hands were drumming restlessly on the chair’s armrests. Next to him on the table stood a brandy glass and an empty crystal decanter, which as far as Thomas remembered had been still half full not even hours ago.

“I don’t think that would be wise your Lordship.” He replied and frowned slightly. “Maybe I could get you a glass of water, instead?”

The Earl just laughed at that. “You wouldn’t deny an old man a last glass of brandy before bed, would you, Barrow?”

Thomas pressed his lips together. This wasn’t good. A few years back if the Earl of Grantham had wanted to drink brandy at one in the night, he would have had every right to do it, but since a certain dinner event, no one dared to mention, he had to be careful with alcohol. Doctor Clarkson banned him from drinking more than a small glass per week and now he had somehow already downed half of a bottle.

“I think it would be best if you got some sleep, your Lordship. Shall I help you to your room?” he asked slowly.

Now Lord Grantham’s face grew angry and he got up from his chair, stumbling slightly around the small side table. The decanter wobbled alarmingly but remained upright in the end. A small mercy given what happened next. “I told you what to do, Barrow. I want another glass of brandy. Just bring it to me, man! This can’t be too difficult for you!”

Thomas turned around to the door. “Let me get Mr. Branson for you.” He said in a completely emotionless tone.

He had seen enough drunk people in his life to know that he wouldn’t get far with logic here. But he also couldn’t very well tell his Lordship to shut up. He needed someone, who could talk him out of this by talking back at him, something the butler of the house was not able to do. Her Ladyship would’ve been the obvious choice, but she went to bed early with a headache and he didn’t want to disturb her. So Mr. Branson it was.

“Barrow!” Lord Grantham snapped and Thomas suddenly felt a steel hard grip around his left wrist, when the Earl stumbled over and grabbed his arm. The man was probably not aware how strong his grip was. “I need this bottle now! I am the Earl of Grantham and you are the butler. Do as I say!”

Thomas took a deep breath that let him feel his aching ribs and turned around slowly. He was tired and annoyed and everything hurt. He wanted nothing more than go to bed and stay there until noon of the next day. He wanted to call back Richard and apologise for not telling him what was going on. What he didn’t want was dealing with a drunk Lord Grantham at one in the morning.

He managed to keep himself from reflexively punching his employer in the face. The grip around his wrist was painful, nails digging through his shirt sleeve into his old scars. It took every ounce of strength in his body, not to twist his arm out of it.

“You are not able to think clearly, your Lordship. You know Doctor Clarkson said you shouldn’t-“

“Stop it!” Lord Grantham snapped and the smell of alcohol hit Thomas directly in the face and woke memories that should’ve stayed buried. “Carson wouldn’t have refused such a simple request! After all I did for you, you don’t want to bring me a single glass of brandy? If it wasn’t for me you would be in jail right now! You owe me your life! You should be grateful!”

Thomas felt the colour drain from his face. For the fraction of a second, he just stood there as if the Earl had hit him. He couldn’t move, all the bad memories from his past surfaced again. Then he felt the painful grip around his wrist which brought him back to the present. Lord Grantham still stared at him with fury in his eyes. Without saying another word Thomas slowly but resolutely pried the Earls fingers from his wrist with his other hand and turned to the door. He knew it wouldn’t have any point to talk back right now, but he had the sudden urge to yell at the man. He knew he was hurt because of Bates but that didn’t excuse this.

Instead he just took a deep breath and threw one last look over his shoulder at his employer who seemed confused that Thomas wasn’t screaming at him. “I trust that you find the way to your bedroom on your own. I’ll send Andy to get rid of the alcohol in the morning. Have a good night, your Lordship.”

“Barrow!” Lord Grantham called after him, but he didn’t stay to listen to more accusations. What he heard was enough for him. His whole body was numb. If this was really what his Lordship was thinking about him, what the bloody hell was he still doing here? Would he ever be good enough to replace Carson? Ever be good enough to not be indebted to these people. It was true that they gave him this job and saved him from jail probably more than one time. But could he really work the rest of his life for them, knowing that they just saw him as some kind of charity case, that had to be saved?

He stormed down the stairs behind the green baize door and lit his cigarette before he even opened the door to the butler’s pantry. He normally didn’t smoke inside, but this was an exception. His hands didn’t stop shaking after he took the first drag.

Thomas tried to calm down but the thoughts kept coming back. He took a shuddering breath and closed his eyes. Everything was good. Nothing would happen to him. He was safe. The words sounded hollow even in his own head. He had to do something. He had to think about something good or he would drown in his own panic. Without a second thought he pulled Richards latest letter that he had kept in his pocket and opened it with trembling fingers. The words blurred in front of his eyes but he blinked them fast and took a deep painful breath. This was ridiculous. He wouldn’t cry about something like this.

He took another drag from his cigarette and wiped his eyes with his left hand. His wrist was pulsing with pain, there would likely be a bruise there tomorrow. He didn’t care. The pain inside his head was bigger. He tried to focus his gaze on Richards words and began to read. Reading was the only option. Otherwise he was risking that his thoughts returned to a very dark place.

So Thomas sat there behind his desk, smoked cigarette after cigarette and read Richards letter uncountable times. It was as if he had fallen in some kind of trance.

A knock at the door ripped him from his thoughts. His head snapped up and for a terrible second, he thought that maybe his Lordship had called the police on him. It really wouldn’t surprise him. Maybe they finally had enough of him.

“Come in…” he said with a slightly shaky voice.

It wasn’t the police. Instead he blinked at Mrs. Hughes, who took one look at him, immediately stepped into the room and closed the door behind her.

“What are you doing here this late, Mrs. Hughes?” Thomas asked and frowned at her. She should be at the Carson cottage. What had happened this time?

She looked him over and took a careful step in his direction. “Thomas.” She said and he knew she used his christian name only when they were alone and usually when something was up. He had the suspicion it was the latter right now. “It is six o’clock in the morning. Were you here the whole night?”

He blinked at her. “What?” A second later he flinched when a sharp pain shot through the fingers of his left hand. He let out a curse, that made Mrs. Hughes flinch and dropped his still burning cigarette onto Richards letter. She was next to him in a flash and dumped a cup of cold tea from his desk over the small flame.

Thomas just stared at his fingers without saying anything. He was still confused. Did he really sit here for hours? The pile of cigarette stubs in the ashtray and the stiffness in his back were evidence enough. His ribs felt like they were on fire.

He wanted to get up, but Mrs. Hughes placed a firm hand on his shoulder and pushed him back into his chair. “Here, let me see.” She said and took his left hand in hers. He blinked when she unceremoniously took off his glove, the cigarette had burned a hole right through it, and inspected his fingers without commenting on the cruel scars there.

“It is just a small burn.” She said slowly. The fingers were slightly reddened but there were no blisters. He wouldn’t have cared if there were any.

“Is it really already six in the morning?” He asked quietly.

Another concerned look. “Yes. I arrived half an hour ago. The backdoor wasn’t locked and Andy told me you weren’t in your room, so I came here. Will you tell me what happened?”

Thomas flinched when she gripped his hand a little bit too tightly and it pulled at his wrist. She apologized but he didn’t hear her. He already pulled back the sleeve of his shirt to look at the wrist and wasn’t surprised to see the bruises that were forming there. They were the evidence he needed right now that last night’s event had not in fact been just his wild imagination.

“Thomas!” Mrs. Hughes exclaimed loudly and he flinched. “What happened there?”

He had completely forgotten that she was still sitting there. Her gaze was more alarmed than before.

He took a shuddering breath and collected himself. When he opened his eyes again and tugged the sleeve back over his wrist, he tried to make a blank face.

“Nothing.” He said shortly and finally got up from his chair with great difficulty. “I have to talk to Mrs. Patmore about breakfast. The family will be up soon.”

“Thomas wait!” Mrs. Hughes called but he was already out of the door. He had a job to do, no matter if no one in this house believed he was able to do it.

* * *

Phyllis knew something was up, as soon as she stepped into her Ladyship’s room at seven in the morning.

Thomas didn’t appear for breakfast, too busy with ordering the ledgers in his pantry and Mrs. Patmore seemed a little bit confused when she returned from her talk with him.

“He seemed eager to tell me everything we already decided yesterday, again.” She said with a frown to Mrs. Carson. “Seems to be a little bit out of himself today.”

“No wonder, I think he hasn’t even slept last night.” Andy added helpfully. “And the night before. When I got down, he was already in the pantry. And I think I smelled smoke.”

“He smoked _inside?”_ Mrs. Patmore exclaimed scandalized.

“I think this is quite enough of the topic.” Mrs. Carson said calmly but she also seemed to be concerned. Phyllis had seen her come out of the butler’s pantry half an hour ago, only minutes after Thomas stormed by to talk to Mrs. Patmore, and the housekeeper seemed to be downright disturbed by something.

Phyllis met her gaze but Mrs. Carson just shook her head as if to signal her that they would talk later and continued with her tea.

Unfortunately, the bell of Lady Grantham’s room rang not even five minutes later and Phyllis had to get up before the breakfast was even over.

Today Lady Grantham was unusual early. When Phyllis stepped into the room she was already pacing up and down in her nightgown.

“Good morning, your Ladyship.” Phyllis greeted and placed the dress onto the bed. “Did you sleep well?”

“As a matter of fact, I didn’t. I am afraid Robert is quite disturbed by the unfortunate accident of poor Mr. Bates. I hope he doesn’t blame himself for it. It really wasn’t his fault. And it wasn’t George’s fault either.”

“I think it was no one’s fault, your ladyship. As you said, an unfortunate accident. Everyone downstairs hopes that he will get better soon.”

Lady Grantham sighed. “Nonetheless I fear for Roberts health. You know he can’t exhaust himself anymore. Doctor Clarkson said he should be very careful. I don’t think he even went to bed last night. I would feel a little better if I knew he at least had a some rest.”

“I could talk to Mr. Barrow about it, if you think it would help?”

Her ladyship shook her head. “That is very generous of you to offer, but I believe it would be best if I talked to Robert myself. Mr. Barrow already has so much on his plate at the moment.”

Phyllis frowned. “If you allow me to be so frank, he is very capable. He will manage this like he does everything else. With care and determination. Although I do agree with you that he seemed to be quite exhausted today, your Ladyship.”

Lady Grantham arched a brow at her. “Oh dear, I suppose what happened to Mr. Bates has put all of us on edge. And of course, I know that Mr. Barrow will manage just fine, but you know that I am still a bit concerned about him, given the past few days…?” There was something in her voice that Phyllis couldn’t quite discern.

Thomas had seemed exhausted today and refused to talk to her yesterday. To be honest she had no idea how he was. She had hoped the telephone call with Richard would help him but she was not so sure anymore. She didn’t want to tell her Ladyship that she worried about him. “It is difficult but I think he is getting better, My Lady. He just seemed tired this morning. I don’t think it is anything to worry about.”

Lady Grantham smiled sadly. “I hope you are right, please know that I wish him no ill.”

“I know, your Ladyship. That is very kind of you to say.” She was just not sure, that Thomas knew it as well.

* * *

Andy was standing next to the breakfast table in the dining room and tried very hard not to yawn. Fortunately, the family seemed to be as tired and exhausted as he was, so no one noticed. Everyone upstairs and downstairs was at the limit of their strength since Mr. Bates went to the hospital.

It was a terrible terrible business. Andy had constantly thought about it during the day and the dark thoughts that told him, that maybe something like this wouldn’t have happened if he just had been a little bit more observant, kept coming back to him. If Mr. Bates hadn’t insisted to work while his leg was not completely healed…

Tonight, he barely slept, so he spent the hours reading in the book that Mr. Barrow borrowed him last month. He understood most of the words until now but he still needed a lot of time for the more unusual ones.

“Andrew, did Mr. Barrow not feel well today?” Lady Grantham asked and he flinched as if she caught him sleeping at work, which wasn’t as far from the truth as he would’ve liked.

Lady Grantham, Lady Mary and Mr. Branson were the only ones at the table at the moment. Usually the married Ladies would take their breakfast in bed, but these days no one cared much about the old traditions. After a few very uncomfortable breakfasts with only Mr. Branson as company the Earl of Grantham decided that the conversations with his rebellious Irish son-in-law were worse than breaking with a few traditions. The days after that the Ladies had joined the men in the breakfast room and everyone was happy with that arrangement. Today though it was different. Lord Grantham hadn’t come down yet.

When Andy got to the breakfast room, he hadn’t even rung his bell yet, for Mr. Barrow to come up and help him dress. Maybe he wanted to sleep in after all the trouble of the past days.

“Unfortunately Mr. Barrow is very busy with a wine delivery at the moment, and asked me to take his place in the breakfast room. He said, he was very sorry but the delivery couldn’t wait.” Andy had practised the sentence in his head since he took up his post next to the breakfast buffet half an hour ago. He knew it was a lie.

Mr. Barrow had run around downstairs the whole morning as if the devil was on his heels, doing this and that, and nearly driving poor Mrs. Patmore in the frenzy with repeating himself over and over to make sure everything was in order. He ordered Andy to go upstairs and get every single drop of alcohol out of the sitting room, the dining room and the library, without giving more than a vague explanation, that he had to make sure it wasn’t spoiled. After that he spent the morning doing paperwork and working on dusty ledgers that no one had touched in years, as if he thought it was suddenly necessary to look at them.

Then, when it was time for the upstairs breakfast a slightly unnerved expression appeared on his face, he turned to Andy and said: “Andy, you handle the breakfast today.”

Before Andy could protest or even ask why, Mr. Barrow had already stepped into his pantry and shut the door firmly behind himself.

Daisy had appeared at Andy’s elbow. “What is it with him today? Were there any news about Mr. Bates?” she had asked but Andy had just shook his head. He suddenly was responsible for the upstairs breakfast. A few months back this would have been a disaster. Fortunately, he had watched Mr. Barrow many times and he had practiced when the butler was injured after the incident a few days ago, so he somehow managed to get everything in order and himself upstairs in time.

And now he was standing here lying to her Ladyship. He couldn’t very well tell her, that her butler scarpered short before breakfast without any explanation.

“Well, I hope he decides that lunch is important enough to grance us with his presence.” Lady Mary said a little sourly.

“Mary!” Lady Grantham said tiredly. “The man has been working without a break for two days now. He was attacked last week. He is allowed to be exhausted.”

“I just don’t like it to be seconded to a wine delivery, that is all. If he is exhausted he should say so, instead of making dumb excuses.” Lady Mary replied but she didn’t seem too disturbed. Andy knew she loved to make snide remarks, but she rarely meant any evil with what she said.

For a few seconds they ate silently. “At least Robert has gotten some sleep tonight. I feared he might exhaust himself too much.” Lady Grantham said after a while.

Andy agreed silently with her. The Earl had seemed stressed lately, and often slept in his dressing room or an armchair in the library but he obviously decided to sleep in today. That was good.

As if he had heard their words Lord Grantham strode through the door. Well, you couldn’t say strode, there was nothing graceful or powerful about his movements. He just seemed tired and entirely too drained for this time of the day.

He stood in the doorway for a few seconds, until he noticed Andy next to the breakfast buffet and grimaced.

Then he made his way over to the table slowly and sank down into his chair. He seemed to be utterly spent. Andy appeared next to his elbow. “Tea, your Lordship?” he asked cautiously and Lord Grantham practically flinched even though the footman's voice wasn’t louder than normal.

“Yes, please Andrew…” he sighed and Andy poured the beverage into his cup.

“Oh Robert, didn’t you get any sleep last night?” Lady Grantham asked concerned as soon as the Earl drank half of his cup and politely declined any food, that Andy tried to offer him. Instead he turned an alarming shade of green.

The Earl took a deep breath but didn’t answer.

“You look dreadful, Papa.” Lady Mary said and frowned.

Andy had to agree with her. Lord Grantham’s suit was wrinkled and his hair seemed dishevelled. He didn’t look as if he even called Thomas up before breakfast. As a matter of fact, he looked like he slept in his suit.

He still didn’t reply to the questions of his family. Instead he held out his cup for more tea and Andy complied immediately. After downing this one in a very awkward way he put it on the table top and turned to Andy.

“Andrew, would you be so kind to call Mr. Barrow upstairs? I have to talk to him.” His eyes were unbelievable tired.

Andy blinked. “Of course, your Lordship.”

Mr. Branson let out a questioning noise. “Didn’t you just see him? He acts as your valet, doesn’t he?”

“If that is the case, Barrow did a very poor job today.” Lady Mary threw in with a look at the wrinkled suit.

Andy didn’t stay to hear Lady Grantham’s indignant reply. He was already on his way downstairs and his body seemed to get heavier with every step he took.

* * *

As soon as Andrew was out of the door Mary looked at her father with an arched brow. “What did Barrow do that you refused to let him valet for you and order him to the breakfast room?”

Lord Grantham closed his eyes for a moment. “He didn’t do anything wrong.” When he opened his eyes, he looked at his wife and the expression in his face was pleading. “I made a great mistake last night and I have to tell you before he gets here.”

Lady Grantham took his hand. “What is it Robert?”

“It was very late and I had too much to drink. I was so upset about the whole situation with Bates that I couldn’t resist the brandy.”

“Robert! You know Doctor Clarkson-“ Cora exclaimed.

“Please let me finish this first.” Robert cut her off. Tom and Mary just watched with slightly widened eyes.

“I called Barrow up, because the decanter was empty and I wanted more. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I just told him to bring me another bottle. He refused. I should’ve left it at that. He did everything right. He told me, he would bring me a glass of water or help me to my room but I didn’t want to sleep. So, I snapped at him. I said some things that I cannot take back and I have to apologise to him.” He rubbed over his eyes with his hands. “I don’t know if I can take it back. His look, when he left me there in the library…”

Cora still looked at him with a very concerned look. “What did you say, Robert? Surely it could not have been this terrible.”

Robert leaned back in his chair and he seemed embarrassed now. “I might have compared his work to Carson’s, even though Barrow did nothing wrong since he took over. It is not his fault I miss Carson.”

Mary snorted. “Well, we all miss Carson. It is not a nice thing to say, but Barrow won’t die from it. You know I already made this mistake once during the royal visit. Maybe we should all decide not to talk about Carson anymore if Barrow is present. He seems to take it personally.”

“That was not all…” Robert sighed. “I said he should be grateful because if it were not for us, he would be in jail right now. I said he owed us his life.” That resulted in a few seconds of shocked silence.

Cora stared at her husband as if she couldn’t believe he meant what he said. Mary tried to find some snide remark, but her brain wasn’t coming up with anything that would be funny right now.

Tom seemed to be the only one capable of talking. “You did what?!” he exclaimed loudly and Robert flinched. Tom got up from his chair, and looked down at his father-in-law. “How could you say something like this to him? Don’t you know that he is already constantly walking on eggshells in this house? Did you even pay attention to what happened to the man in the past? And he is still working here even though his secret is like the sword of Damocles constantly hanging over his head. He is in permanent fear that someone could tell anyone about this and you practically told him that _to his face!”_ Tom stopped talking with a red face and flopped down into his chair again. He looked like he himself was a little bit surprised by his outburst.

“I agree with you, but since when are you a great defender of Barrow, Tom?” Mary asked confused.

“Since my daughter sees him as her hero. And Sybil always spoke highly of him. And after the past few days I don’t know how I couldn’t defend him.” Tom replied quietly.

Cora still didn’t seem able to do anything except glancing at her husband with a look of disappointment on her face.

“I know it was wrong but I cannot take it back now…” Robert muttered.

Fortunately, or unfortunately (some situations required both) Thomas Barrow choose this moment to step through the dining room doors.

“You called, your Lordship.” He said stiffly and his gaze was directed at some spot over Roberts left shoulder. Andrew quietly stepped out of the room and closed the doors behind himself.

Robert got up from his chair still on slightly wobbling legs. “Barrow, I-“

“Will you give me the rest of the week to look for a place to stay? I haven’t applied anywhere yet and it’s difficult to find a position in service these days.” Barrow asked and still didn’t look at Lord Grantham.

“What are you talking about Barrow?” her father asked stunned.

“Am I not right to assume that you want me out of the house after last night? I can get the next train if you feel the need to sack me right now. Your Lordship.” The last two words were forced out. “I already did the paperwork.”

“I don’t want to sack you, Barrow! I want to apologise to you!” Lord Grantham snapped loudly and the butler flinched back. Robert grimaced and rubbed with his hand over his face.

“I shouldn’t have said the things I said last night and I also didn’t mean them but I can’t take them back. I want you to know that I am sorry, and that you did nothing wrong.” Robert said a little bit calmer than before.

Barrow was still staring at her father slightly incredulously as if he would suddenly announce the whole thing to be a joke.

“Barrow, we won’t sack you for this. It was my father who misstepped here.” Mary drawled.

Robert sighed. “She is right. You were in the right, and I was angry, and I let it out on you. I am very sorry. I hope you know that you don not owe us anything. Quite the contrary, we owe you. You saved Edith from a fire, you were a friend to Sybil, you are nothing but kind to my grandchildren and you even found my dog once. I think I never thanked you enough for all of this.”

Lady Grantham took this opportunity to stand up. “I think it is necessary to say this after the past few days and I am speaking for everyone here, if I say, that you have nothing to fear from anyone beneath this roof, even if my husband may have implied otherwise.”

Lord Grantham looked ashamed. “It wasn’t my intention, to imply anything of the sort.” He muttered.

They all looked at the butler who still hadn’t said a single word. He looked at Robert with an expression that was somewhere between incredulous and suspicious.

Finally, he opened his mouth. “Lady Mary, I think Master George is still feeling a little bit upset after everything that happened concerning the accident of Mr. Bates. Maybe spending a day with you would do him good. You might want to talk to him.”

Mary blinked because she hadn’t expected that but nodded. It made sense. George probably needed a little time away from everything. “Of course. I will speak to him right after breakfast.”

Barrow nodded before he looked at Lady Grantham. “Milady, Mrs. Molesley tells me you want to go to the hospital tomorrow, with your permission I would like to send a basket with presents from Mrs. Patmore and the staff for Mr. and Mrs. Bates with you.”

Lady Grantham looked slightly confused. “Yes, that is a lovely idea, of course I take it with me.”

“Wonderful.” Barrow said and didn’t sound as if he thought it wonderful at all. “Mr. Branson, there was a phone call for you, Mr. Talbot would like to discuss a purchase in London, if you could call him back. I wrote the number of his hotel down for you.” He placed a piece of paper onto the table.

Then he turned to the door. “Barrow.” Robert said with a little edge to his voice. The butler stopped. “I am really sorry. I hope you can forgive me.”

Barrow looked over his shoulder. His back was stiff. “There is nothing to forgive, your Lordship. You just spoke the truth. Everyone can have a personal opinion.” He seemed to remember something. “Oh, and I took the liberty to take all the alcoholic beverages downstairs for the time being. You can inform me, when you plan on having them back upstairs but I think you should consider consulting Doctor Clarkson first. I’ll send Andrew in now. Please feel free to ring the bell whenever you need me as your valet after the breakfast, your Lordship.”

And without another word he opened the door, stepped through and disappeared.

There were a few seconds of silence.

Mary blinked. “Remind me what happened last night again, Papa?”

Robert turned to his wife and there was a desperate look on his face. “I think I finally broke Barrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, fun fact: The brandy scene was the first scene I wrote for this fic, because I really wanted to address how difficult it must be for Thomas to work in the same house for the same people, when so many bad things happened to him there over the years. I could never really understand how he could go back at the end of the series. Everything else came out of this scene. I don't know how, but it happened.


	11. An Unexpected Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hint: I slightly adjusted the tags.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is ready for some comfort?

Thomas practically ran down the stairs and arrived in the servant’s hall panting heavily. Fortunately, there was no one there. Mrs. Hughes was probably in her sitting room, planning the day. He could hear Mrs. Patmore scolding Daisy in the kitchen. He knew Andy was still upstairs because he had snapped a hasty “Everything is fine. Continue.” In his direction when he had run past. So that left only-

The door to Mrs. Hughes sitting room opened and Phyllis appeared, looking absolutely panicky. “Thomas!”

Mrs. Hughes appeared at her shoulder. “No need to scream, Mrs. Molesley. Mr. Barrow, would you be so kind, to join us for a moment?”

Thomas clenched his teeth and tried not to scream. “Can it wait? His Lordship could ring the bell any second.” That was of course an exaggeration, his Lordship had just sat down for breakfast and on top of that Thomas highly doubted that the Earl of Grantham wanted to speak to him in the foreseeable future. Thomas simply didn’t want to talk to the two women right now.

Mrs. Hughes gaze told him that no, this absolutely couldn’t wait. He sighed and reluctantly joined them in Mrs. Hughes sitting room.

“Thomas sit down, please.” Mrs. Hughes said and Phyllis pressed a prepared cup of tea in his hands, which told him without any doubt, that they planned this ambush together. Daisy was probably also involved somehow.

He sank into the chair in front of Mrs. Hughes fireplace and Phyllis took the one next to him. It took him a few seconds to realise that his whole body was tense and he had to relax his fingers around the tea cup in order to take a sip.

“What did his Lordship want?” the housekeeper asked after a few seconds.

Thomas shrugged. “I am apparently not sacked.”

Phyllis and Mrs. Hughes exchanged a wide-eyed look. “Thomas _what_ happened last night? You were in a trance the whole morning and Mrs. Carson said, you wouldn’t tell her when she found you in the butler’s pantry at six.”

Thomas took a moment to place the cup of tea onto the desk before he decided that they would find out anyway. Phyllis would without any doubt go straight to Lady Grantham, who would tell her everything. And Mrs. Hughes was the housekeeper. There was nothing happening in this house without her knowledge.

“His Lordship called me upstairs last night and demanded that I bring him a new bottle of brandy, after he already emptied the one that was in the library. I refused because I knew Doctor Clarkson’s orders and told him I would help him to his room instead. He didn’t like that and told me I wouldn’t do my job like Carson did it and that I should be grateful because I would be in jail right now if it wasn’t for him. That I owed him something.”

Mrs. Hughes silence was louder than Phyllis gasp in his ears. He knew that there were very few situations when the housekeeper hadn’t anything to say to a matter. Maybe it was because she thought his Lordship was right, maybe she was too shocked that Lord Grantham was even capable of getting drunk. To her, he likely was a knight in shining armour. Incapable of any imperfection.

It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore. He apparently wasn’t even worth being told the truth. Lord Grantham meant what he said last night and had lied to Thomas when he told him he didn’t mean it this morning. If there was one truth Thomas learned in his life, it was that drunk people usually meant what they said. That was the thing about the lack of control and so on.

“But he didn’t sack me, so that is good news, I guess.” Thomas finished with a dry voice.

“Thomas this is terrible.” Phyllis said quietly.

He nodded. “Yes, I think it was the right idea to get rid of the alcohol. He had no control whatsoever. Doctor Clarkson forbid him to drink more than a small glass and the man drinks half a bottle. Imagine him falling down the stairs in the middle of the night, as if we hadn’t have enough of that already. Her Ladyship was more than disappointed. Remind me to catalogue the bottles later, can’t have one of them go missing.” The last part he said with an ironic smirk to insinuate that indeed bottles had gone missing in the past and everyone in the room knew it was him back then.

Mrs. Hughes and Phyllis stared at him as if he didn’t get some crucial point of the argument.

“No. I meant what he _said to you_ is terrible.” Phyllis said slowly. “You know it’s not the truth, don’t you?”

Thomas snorted. “Of course, it’s the truth. It’s no secret that no one appreciates what I do in this house and he _was_ the one who kept the police off my back, after the whole debacle with Jimmy. You both know that.”

Phyllis opened her mouth to protest but Mrs. Hughes cut her off.

“What happened to your wrist, Thomas?” she asked.

He arched a brow at her. “Nothing. I must have strained it carrying up a tray, nothing serious.”

She didn’t ask more about it but also didn’t seem convinced.

“But he apologised, didn’t he? When he called you up just now?” Phyllis threw in.

Of course, she had to ask. It wasn’t as if the whole situation wasn’t embarrassing enough. “He had nothing to apologise for. I think I’ll go now and catalogue the bottles before I forget it. By the way, her Ladyship agreed to take a basket with get well presents for Mr. Bates to the hospital tomorrow. Thank you for the tea.” He got up from his chair and turned to the door.

“Thomas.” Mrs. Hughes said concerned.

He turned around again and saw that she pulled a slightly scorched piece of paper out of her pocket. “You left this on your desk after you left this morning. I took it for safekeeping in case anyone would come into the butler’s pantry.”

One look at the letter in her hand was enough to turn his blood into ice again. He snatched it from her fingers before she could even blink. “Did you read it?” he snapped and waited for the inevitable.

“I have to confess that I read the first lines to see if it was something no one should find.” He closed his eyes briefly. Oh, bloody hell. “I think you should be more careful with this in the foreseeable future.”

His eyes shot open again. “You won’t tell anyone?”

She arched a brow. “What is there to tell? That you have a very good friend in London, who exchanges letters with you? I don’t see any problem with that.”

God, he loved Mrs. Hughes. How could this woman be so great? Of course, anyone else, in this house would have his or her own thoughts on the matter if it should get out that Thomas got frequent post from a man in London. And they would be right. That was why he had to be more careful.

“I don’t think this will continue for the foreseeable future, but I try to be more careful.” He said and Mrs. Hughes frowned as if the news weren’t to her liking. He couldn’t even imagine why. She should be happy that he would no longer bring the risk of scandal upon Downton Abbey. Maybe Richard would finally enough of him when he heard the story about Bates and now Lord Grantham. No one would want to spend his future with someone who was so damaged.

Phyllis hand squeezed his arm. “Please, Thomas. We talked about this, you don’t have to do this.”

He took a step back. “Thank you for your support, but that’s something I have to decide for myself.” He said hollow and finally left the sitting room. Why was everyone allowed to have an opinion these days? He thought being the butler would mean that they finally kept their noses out of his business but it got even worse in a lot of ways.

He sighed and his fingers closed around Richards letter in his pocket. He had the feeling that there was another opinion he had to listen to before long.

* * *

Elsie wasn’t a person who got fooled easily. She had seen Thomas’ true self long before others did. She noticed things more often than others. She was very observant in a way that each housekeeper needed to be observant. A few decades back if you were the only person standing between several young girls and a house full of teenage boys, you had to be observant. There were no girls anymore (the maids returned to the village for the night) and the only one close to a boy was Albert, who was a nice and polite young man, who didn’t make any trouble.

That was why Elsie spend most of her observing energy on the adults these days. She knew that Daisy and Andy would marry before they even knew it themselves. She knew that Ms. Baxter would soon be Mrs. Molesley and that Thomas was happier after the Royal visit.

She also noticed that he got more letters, from a longer distance, if the intervals between them told her anything. And she noticed that he was very secretive about who got to see them. Something in the man she knew since he was a boy had changed.

She was also someone who had a lot of faith in her employer. She began the work at Downton Abbey as a girl and worked her way up the ladder to the position of housekeeper. Elsie had worked for the Grantham’s her whole life. She had learned that they were generous and polite, sometimes stubborn and traditional but always truly good at heart.

That was why she was so shocked when she heard what Thomas told her about Lord Grantham and then even more that he thought it was the truth. She knew this wasn’t how it should be.

And because she was observant, she also noticed the bruises around his wrist, which one wouldn’t get, if he simply strained it carrying a tray, like he tried to make her believe.

When Charlie was still here, he was responsible for the male staff and she for the female staff. But who was responsible for Thomas since Charlie was gone? Elsie knew she wasn’t his mother, but she couldn’t get herself to ignore something like this. She knew Thomas since he was a boy and she cared for him deeply. She wouldn’t just let this go, even if it meant scolding her employer.

So, after lunch she took the steps up to the library, where Lord Grantham usually spent his afternoons reading through the uncountable books he owned.

Sometimes Lady Grantham would sit with him but today she fortunately decided to spend her time somewhere else. Elsie wanted to speak with his Lordship alone.

She knocked lightly against the doorframe. “Your Lordship, if I may have a word.” she said politely but determined. It wasn’t a question.

Lord Grantham looked up from his book and sighed. “Of course, Mrs. Hug-Carson, please take a seat.”

She knew him long enough to know that he was at the end of his strength at the moment. There were deep circles under his eyes and his skin was paler than usual. Next to him was a stack of books on a side table, a sign that he couldn’t keep himself from opening a new one, every few minutes. He was restless.

She took the offered seat next to the fireplace. She had long given up declining the offer. Each time she tried to remain standing he simply stood up too and started pacing. He always seemed to be unable to sit when she was standing in front of him. Maybe he just wanted to be polite, because she wasn’t the youngest anymore. Or he felt like she was scolding him if she towered over him like this. Today it was definitely the latter.

“I got a call from the hospital.” Lord Grantham said after a minute of silence.

“Oh? How is poor Mr. Bates?” Elsie asked.

Lord Grantham sighed. “Still unchanged. They still wait for him to wake up. But I talked to Doctor Clarkson on the phone and he told me that John won’t be able to work ever again. His leg is too damaged. He couldn’t handle all the stairs at Downton.”

“I am very sorry, your Lordship.” Elsie said sadly. This would be terrible news for the valet. She knew that he loved his job. “What are you planning to do now?”

He sighed. “I don’t know yet. Barrow can’t be my valet forever can he?”

“I wanted to talk to you about Mr.Barrow, your Lordship.” She said slowly and looked at him from the side. He continued to stare into the flames of the fireplace but accepted her topic change without a complaint.

“Yes, I already expected you, Mrs.Hug-Mrs.Cars-oh please forgive me, I have to call you Mrs.Hughes for this conversation.”

“Of course.” She said and arched a brow. “May I ask why you expected me, Milord?”

He smiled sadly and finally looked up. “You were always one of his fiercest defenders since he arrived at this house more twenty years ago.”

Elsie smiled at that. “I want to clarify that he didn’t send me. He would’ve probably tried to stop me, if I told him I wanted to talk to you. And I always thought that everyone needs a little bit of defending now and then.”

“Even Thomas Barrow?”

“Especially Thomas Barrow.”

Lord Grantham leaned back in his chair and put his hand over his eyes. He looked suddenly twenty years older. “You can scold me for what I said, I know it was wrong and I already tried to take it back, but I think I just made it worse.”

“You didn’t mean what you said, Milord. At least I hope you didn’t mean it.”

He shook his head. “I didn’t.”

“And you told him that?”

“Yes of course. He said, I had no reason for apologising. That I was just telling the truth.”

Elsie sighed. “Yes, he also told me that. I think you just voiced something that he had thought for a long time to himself. In some way your words may have confirmed his own thoughts.”

Lord Grantham opened his eyes and looked at her. “It wasn’t my intention. I didn’t want to say those things.”

“But you said them, and they can’t be taken back.” She took a deep breath. What she was about to tell him she hadn’t told a single soul before. “I shouldn’t be telling you this but I think you need to know it to understand, that this can’t happen again. I know that he has experience with anger caused by alcohol. His father was a violent man and a drinker. Thomas told me in a weak moment, when he was younger, that his father used to take his anger out on him. I always thought that the behaviour of this man shaped Thomas’ character more than he knows himself. For some reason he believed what his father told him in his drunkenness. And he also believed what you said last night.”

Lord Grantham had gone paler with every word she said. She saw a guilt in his eyes that showed her, that he realized what his actions meant. They both knew about Thomas’ past and his problems. That he didn’t trust easily, that the dark thoughts sometimes seemed to drown him.

“Mrs. Hughes, I fear I did something terrible…” his voice was barely louder than a whisper.

Her gaze didn’t waver. “I know. I saw his wrist today.”

His gaze dropped into the flames again, he looked ashamed. “I shouldn’t have lost my temper like that, especially not with him.”

“No, you shouldn’t have.” she agreed. “It was wrong and it can’t happen again, but it is more important to help Thomas than to go looking where to put the blame or drowning in guilt.”

“But how do I help him? I can’t take back what I said…” his voice was desperate now.

“Well for a start, by showing him that his work here is appreciated and you think he is capable of doing it. He tries very hard to be like Mr. Carson, and he often forgets that it isn’t necessary to _become_ Mr. Carson. Maybe a few new ideas are better than clinging to old traditions. He is still young; he deserves his chance to make this position his own. Make him feel more like Mr. Carson’s successor and less like his temporary replacement. Let him make his own decisions sometimes.”

Lord Grantham thought about that for a moment before he sat up a little bit straighter. “I think this is a very good idea, Mrs. Hughes. God knows we all could use a few new ideas around here.”

She smiled sadly. “If he feels appreciated, he may see that he isn’t working off some debt in this house.”

That darkened his mood immediately. “I shouldn’t have said that either. There really is a lot I have to rectify.”

“Actions mean more than words to most people.” Elsie replied with a nod.

He looked down at the book in his lap and seemed to think about that for a while. Elsie gave him the time he needed.

She knew he wasn’t finished yet. She busied herself with counting the lowest row of books on a shelf behind Lord Grantham. She worked in this house for decades and she never even asked how many books were standing in this library. There were twenty-two alone on the shelf she was looking at.

“I think I have an idea.” Lord Grantham said after a few minutes and his face immediately brightened up. “I will let him hire my new valet. He will have full rein with the decision. Now that Bates isn’t able to do it anymore, I need someone else and I can’t burden Mr. Barrow with this on top of all the things he already has to do. Whoever he chooses, I will take him on. Bates will of course get a full pension.”

Elsie thought about the suggestion for a moment before she smiled. “I think this is a very fine idea. Should I inform him, for you, your Lordship?”

Lord Grantham clapped in his hands triumphantly. “Yes! If you would be so kind, Mrs. Hughes? I really hope that this will help, but I guess I have to trust him to make the right decision.”

Elsie stood up from her chair. “I think it is a good start. Everything else will come with time.”

As soon as she was on her feet, Lord Grantham got up too. He clasped her hands in his. “Thank you very much Mrs. Hughes. You were helpful as always.” He kissed her hand like the hand of a high lady.

She felt a faint blush creep up her cheeks. “Well, Sometimes I like to think that this is my job in this house, Your Lordship.”

“You do so much more than your job. Mrs. Hughes, you keep this house together.” Lord Grantham said with deep conviction.

Elsie let out a small laugh and felt very flattered.

Lord Grantham kept her hand between his for a few seconds longer. His gaze turned serious again. “I really do hope that you don’t think worse of me after this.”

Her smile was warm. “I think every single one of us is permitted a little bit of foolishness from time to time. What matters is that we see our own mistakes.”

“You are wiser than all the books in this library.”

She laughed again and he let go of her hands and stepped back.

When she was at the door, she turned around one more time.

“I wondered…How many books are in this library, your Lordship?”

“Oh?” Lord Grantham seemed to think a moment about the question before he let out a disbelieving laugh. “I have to confess that I don’t know. Every time I attempted to count the books in the past, I got distracted by one of them and had spent hours reading, before I even realized what was happening. I believe my father called it one of the greatest mysteries of Downton Abbey.”

Elsie smiled at that. “I was never a friend of mysteries myself, but in this case, I am inclined to agree that knowing the exact number wouldn’t be as impressive as thinking of it as infinite.”

“Maybe that is why I never finished counting them.” Lord Grantham mused. “There is a certain appeal to the infinite. Just take the thought of infinite life, humans have been fascinated by that for generations…” he was drifting off into the personal space in his head, that he sometimes went to when his thoughts wandered off in a certain direction. It was a little bit like a safe haven for him, between all the books and the written facts and centuries of history. She knew it comforted him that all of it was still there somewhere when everything else in the real world, seemed to go wrong.

Elsie slowly edged out of the library to give him some time alone and saw from the corner of her eye that he was already lost in one of his books, muttering to himself under his breath. He was always a little lost once he read a book. She noticed that many times before.

A small smile crept over her face. Some days being observant was a curse, if she noticed things she didn’t want to notice. But most days, when she could use what she heard and saw to make something better or rectify a wrong, then it was a blessing.

* * *

It was dinnertime in the servants hall and the mood was more than gloomy. Thomas knew that it was at least fifty percent his fault. Anna was responsible for the other fifty percent.

Bates was still in the hospital and it was the first time since he got there that Anna had decided to come back to the Abbey for the night. Her husband was a little bit better so she came back to take care of Johnny for a few hours and get a bit of sleep. Her son had spent the last days in the care of the Nanny and was now happily sitting on his mother’s lap babbling nonsense, oblivious to the gloomy mood around him.

Mr. Bates had apparently still not woken up completely but he was on his way to get better. Anna had only agreed to come home for the night because Lord Grantham had offered to sit with his old friend.

Thomas still couldn’t take a proper breath without his ribs protesting painfully in his chest and after the night and day he just had, there weren’t many things that could cheer him up. Mrs. Hughes told him about Lord Grantham’s decision, concerning the hiring process of the new valet. And even though he was happy to do it he couldn’t forbear that it was only decided because his Lordship felt guilty about last night’s events.

It was pity. And if there was one thing Thomas couldn’t stand right now it was pity. The looks the others threw him were enough. He knew that there was still a dark bruise on his jaw and his split lip hadn’t healed completely. It was also clear as day that everyone had heard about his clash with Lord Grantham somehow. And on top of it if there was anyone left in this house, who didn’t know about Thomas’s secret, he or she sure as hell knew after the past few days. Understandably his moods were low.

Phyllis and Mrs. Hughes had given up their attempts to start a conversation ten minutes ago so the only thing someone could hear now were the clanging sounds of cutlery on plates.

Andy exchanged soulful gazes with Daisy which were enough to make Thomas nauseous so he looked at his plate instead and concentrated on breathing. It was a difficult endeavour.

It was a surprise when it knocked at the back door. Everyone looked alarmed at Thomas as if he could tell them who was standing outside without getting out of his bloody chair. Thomas only frowned but before he could say anything Andy had already gotten up.

“I’ll go, Mr. Barrow.” He said and was already out of the servants hall.

Phyllis and Mrs. Hughes exchanged a wary look and Thomas sighed and leaned back in his chair. Would a few peaceful minutes be asked too much? Maybe the police finally came to get him. He wouldn’t be surprised.

It wasn’t the police.

Andy stepped back into the servants hall with a small frown on his face and behind him came none other than Richard Ellis, second valet of his majesty. Thomas froze in his chair.

Someone could have heard a pin drop in this moment.

Mrs. Hughes looked surprised. “Mr. Ellis!”

“I am terrible sorry to intrude,” Richard said and looked apologizing at the housekeeper. “I was on my way to York to visit my parents, but there seems to be a problem with the train tracks and they had to stop the train in Downton. The ticket inspector told me there wouldn’t be any trains until tomorrow afternoon. I hope I am not imposing too much but the rooms in the village were all booked out and…” he stopped when his gaze finally met Thomas’s and he froze on the spot. He must’ve noticed the bruises. His face turned pale and Thomas could see a flicker of something ugly in his eyes before he managed to compose himself. He looked back at Mrs. Hughes and smiled. “If it isn’t too much trouble.”

Mrs. Hughes looked wary for a second before she got up from her chair and clasped his hand in hers. “Of course it is no trouble, Mr. Ellis. We will prepare a room for you. You must be hungry. We just finished eating and I am sure you are exhausted.” She looked at Thomas. “Daisy can make you a tray and bring it to Mr. Barrows pantry. This way we have enough room in the servants hall to clear the table.” Thomas needed a moment before he realised she just managed to give him an opening.

“Yes, of course.” He said and got up from his chair slowly. He suppressed a grimace when his ribs ached. “You must be exhausted from your journey. Please follow me, Mr. Ellis.”

Richard still looked a little bit pale around the nose but a small smile appeared on his face. “I wouldn’t say no to such a gracious offering, Mrs. Carson. Please lead the way, Mr. Barrow.”

Thomas ignored Daisy’s knowing gaze, Phyllis’ smile, Mrs. Hughes concerned nod and Andy’s confused expression and led Richard down to his pantry. He opened the door and stepped inside but didn’t sit down. Instead he remained standing in front of the fireplace. Richard stepped inside behind him and closed the door.

As soon as the click could be heard Richard turned around and the mask on his face fell and worry took over. “What happened, Thomas?” he asked with wide eyes and then he was in front of Thomas and cupped his jaw with a soft touch. “Who did this to you?”

Thomas stared at him and frowned. “What are you doing here, Richard? You didn’t tell me you wanted to go visit your parents in York.”

A shadow flashed over Richards handsome features. “My mother’s health took a turn for the worse a few days ago. I planned to go to York for a while now and then we had this phone call and I was worried about you. I decided I couldn’t wait any longer. I am sorry there was no time to write you.”

Thomas blinked and felt like a fool immediately. “I am sorry.” He whispered. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. Is it serious?”

Richard shrugged sadly. “She was already ill for a few years now, I just have the feeling that she doesn’t have much time left. I wanted to tell you in my next letter but I thought about moving north for a long time now. Of course nothing is decided yet.”

A mixture of happiness and sadness filled Thomas and he felt guilty about the former. Richard moving up north meant he would be closer but if it was his sick mother bringing him here Thomas just couldn’t be as enthusiastic as he would have been on other circumstances. “I am very sorry, and I hope you know that you can come to talk to me anytime you need to.” He said.

Richard smiled sadly. “Thank you.”

It knocked at the door and Richard quickly took a step back from Thomas. “Come in.” Thomas called and Daisy stepped in with a tray in her hands and if he had to interpret her look it would say something like: _You can’t fool me._ There was a slight smirk on her face when she placed the tray on the table.

“I am very glad to see you again, Mr. Ellis.” She said.

Richard’s smile was honest. “I can only say the same about you, Mrs. Mason.”

She laughed. “Oh please call me Daisy, I won’t be Mrs. Mason for much longer. I am engaged to Andy now.”

Richards smile got even brighter. “Then I think congratulations are in order, Daisy.”

She grinned. “And you Mr. Ellis? Is there a Mrs. Ellis back in London waiting for you?” Thomas would’ve snapped at her to mind her own business but she didn’t look as if she meant any harm with the question and he tried not to snap at people anymore.

Richard didn’t seem disturbed at all. “I am afraid, life in service isn’t made for marriage.” He smirked at her. “Especially if you work in the royal household.”

Daisy seemed to be quite happy to hear this. “Oh, this is what Mr. Barrow always says too.” She looked at Thomas who was ready to run out of the room at this moment. Daisy changed her tactic faster than he could blink. “So it was you that Thomas did write all those letters to, wasn’t it?”

Richard just smiled politely and Thomas decided it would be time to interfere with the conversation. “I think Mr. Ellis had an exhausting day and would like to eat something now.” He said.

Daisy threw him a knowing look. “Oh of course. I am so sorry. I should help Mrs. Patmore with the dishes anyways. It was very nice to meet you again, Mr. Ellis.”

“The pleasure is all mine.” He replied and did a small bow that looked absolutely ridiculous and completely elegant at the same time. Thomas felt a sudden urge to kiss him. Daisy giggled and closed the door firmly behind herself.

“You are daft, Mr. Ellis.” Thomas said and had to stifle a laugh because his ribs would’ve probably killed him otherwise.

“I am glad I could amuse you, Mr. Barrow.” Richard replied and smirked. It only lasted a few seconds before he got serious again. “Would you sit down and tell me what happened to your face?”

Thomas sighed but he gestured to the chairs in front of the fireplace. “Only if you eat while I tell you.”

“Somehow I think my appetite won’t last during this particular conversation.” Richard said and frowned.

“Then eat first, I get the alcohol.” That seemed to worry the valet even more but he took the tray and the seat and didn’t argue.

Thomas got two glasses and a small bottle of whiskey (bought, not stolen), that he kept for occasions like this in his desk and took the chair opposite from Richards.

He poured the whiskey, took a sip from one of the glasses and leaned back in his chair, staring into the flames of the burning fireplace.

“I wanted to write you about it but I didn’t know how. Then I wanted to tell you on the phone but you know how that went.” Thomas said after a moment without looking up. He took a slow painful breath and closed his eyes. “I don’t know if I would’ve been brave enough to tell you if you hadn’t shown up here. I had enough of peoples pity in the past few days and you would certainly think me stupid.” He couldn’t keep his voice from turning bitter.

“I could never think of you as stupid, Thomas.” Richard assured him seriously before he turned to his food again.

He could feel Richards gaze but the man didn’t say anything. He just continued eating and waited until Thomas was ready to tell more.

Thomas needed a few minutes to put order into his thoughts. The only sound was the clanging of the cutlery and the crackling of the fire. How should he tell him what happened? What would he say? Should he tell him about the doubts he had in the past few days?

Finally Richard set the tray aside and took his own glass of whiskey. “Take your time.” He said.

Thomas closed his eyes and braced himself. He took another comforting sip out of his own glass and then all of it spilled out in a matter of seconds. He told Richard about his thoughts, that the family still didn’t appreciated what he did. About Master George and how they hired a governess for him. About Mrs. Portley and what she said to him and how he saw Mrs. Hughes as his last help. How they managed to fool the woman and get her into an argument with the family. How Mr. Branson had offered to go to the pub with him. Then about the attack and what happened at the Crawley house and after. He told him about Bates’ accident and how guilty George had felt and aboout the argument with his Lordship.

Richard was silent for most of the story, the only time he said something was when Thomas told him about the attack in the woods and he cursed in a way that was certainly not suited for a royal valet. He took Thomas right hand in his after he ended the story.

“I am very sorry.” Richard said quietly. “I wish I could’ve been there for you.”

Thomas snorted. “It was probably better that you weren’t here. It would’ve made it difficult to deny anything these people said.”

“You know that Lord Grantham was wrong, don’t you? You don’t owe them anything. Not for this. You shouldn’t believe that.” Richard said and his voice was determined.

Thomas didn’t reply at first. He sighed and stared into the flames of the fireplace. “I don’t know what to believe anymore. Or who to trust. Every time I turn around someone else is whispering behind my back. Every time I think I know someone, they show their true colours.”

Richard cupped his face again and turned Thomas’ head gently so he had to look at him. “Then trust me. I am here for you.”

Thomas laughed shakily and a few seconds later the feelings threatened to drown him. “You are really here, aren’t you?” he asked as if Richard would disappear in front of his eyes every moment.

The other man smiled and squeezed his hand. “I am really here, Thomas.”

Thomas felt how tears filled his eyes. “I didn’t realize until know that I really needed you here, the last few days.” He got out of his chair and then he was in Richards arms, definitely not sobbing like a child. The emotions were simply too much. He couldn’t take them anymore. He had to let some of the pain, the powerlessness and the anger of the past few days out. He really had needed someone he could talk to. And now this beautiful generous man was here. How could he keep himself together?

Richard muttered calming words while he stroked his back and Thomas shuddered under his touch. It wasn’t romantically in this moment. Only comforting. A comfort that he hadn’t felt in months, from someone who could really understand what he was going through.

After a few minutes he managed to get his bearings and sat up again, Richards hands were still on his shoulders.

“Better?” Richard asked concerned.

Thomas grimaced. “I admit I hadn’t pictured our second meeting to go this way.”

A smirk appeared on Richards face. “What did you picture, Mr. Barrow?”

“Well, I guess less sobbing and more snogging…”

Richards laugh was loud and clear and Thomas wiped his eyes and his gaze turned a little bit sour. “You don’t have to laugh at me.”

He immediately stopped, but the wrinkles around his eyes didn’t disappear. “I am sorry, Thomas. I just missed you.”

Thomas face got red like a beet in a matter of seconds. _He missed him…_ This man would be his downfall someday.

“Thomas?” Richard asked when no one said anything for a few seconds. His voice shook a little bit.

Thomas looked at him and didn’t know what he expected to come after that. It definitely wasn’t what Richard said next. “Can I please kiss you now?”

He didn’t have to ask twice. Thomas nodded and Richard was out of his chair in a flash and crouched down in front of Thomas’ chair. And then his lips were on Thomas’, his left hand at his nape and his right hand supporting himself on the armrest of the chair. The world turned upside down for the next few minutes.

* * *

Daisy stepped out of the butlers pantry and closed the door firmly behind herself, grinning the whole way until she stepped in the servants hall. There were a lot of curious gazes but she just smiled and joined Mrs. Patmore in the kitchen.

“Why are you grinning like a maniac, Daisy? The tarte for tomorrow won’t do itself.” Mrs. Patmore snapped as soon as she entered, but there was no bite behind the words. Mrs. Patmore didn’t really mean it when she got angry at Daisy these days. It was just her character.

“Oh, didn’t you hear that Mr. Ellis arrived?” she asked with an innocent smile.

“Mr. Ellis? And who on earth should that be?” the cook asked and frowned. She had been in the kitchen the whole time and missed the arrival of the valet.

“He is the valet of his majesty. He was here during the royal visit.” Daisy replied.

“Do we have another royal visit and I just missed the news? Do we have to start with the seven course meal right now?” Mrs. Patmore asked.

Daisy giggled. Of course Mrs. Patmore didn’t knew that during the royal visit Mr. Ellis and Mr. Barrow had become…friends. “No, he is just on his way to visit his parents in York and his train got stuck in Downton so he came here for the night. I think it’s very nice of Mrs. Carson to let him stay. I wonder if she put him in Jimmy’s old room.”

Mrs. Patmore turned around and threw Daisy a sharp look. “Well it’s not your concern where he sleeps Daisy. The only thing we have to do with this is that there will be one more at breakfast tomorrow morning. The man must be exhausted, did you bring him something to eat?”

“Yes, of course, Mrs. Patmore. I get the empty tray as soon as I am finished here. Mr. Barrow wanted to talk to him in his pantry.” Daisy said and shrugged. She couldn’t help but smile at the thought on Thomas’ face. He had looked so agitated but also very happy. The happiest she had seen him in days.

After cleaning away the dishes she stepped back into the servants hall where she found that Mrs. Carson and Mrs. Molesley were the only ones left sitting at the table.

“Where are you going Daisy?” Mrs. Carson asked when Daisy crossed the room.

“Oh I just wanted to get the empty tray from Mr. Ellis so I could finish the dishes.” She said over her shoulder and directed her steps in the direction of Mr. Barrows pantry but Mrs. Carsons voice in an unusual sharp tone stopped her.

“Daisy!”

She turned around and arched a brow at the housekeeper who looked a little bit uncomfortable but got up from her chair. “I get the tray for you. It would be rude to interrupt Mr. Barrows conversation.” As if she wouldn’t interrupt the conversation if she went herself.

Daisy frowned at her. “It won’t take long. It is really no trouble, Mrs. Carson. I wanted to finish some things in the kitchen anyways…”

“Oh Daisy, I wanted to talk to you about something.” Mrs. Molesley inserted quickly. “Lady Grantham asked if you would do her a favour and make one of her favourite desserts from America. Her sister sent her a recipe.”

Mrs. Carson nodded. “That’s a very nice idea, why don’t you sit down for a moment and I get the tray for you Daisy? You already did so much work.”

Daisy blinked but under the combined gazes of both women she finally sat down next to Mrs. Molesley and decided that she would pretend she didn’t know why they were doing this. She really didn’t like it that people always tried to protect her from something as if she was still a little girl.

Mrs. Molesley began to say something about some sort of American cake and Daisy listened with one ear while she watched Mrs. Carson go to the butlers pantry. The housekeeper knocked at the door loudly and waited a surprisingly long time before she apparently heard Mr. Barrows ‘come in’ and went inside.

“Daisy?” Mrs. Molesley asked and ripped her from her thoughts.

She blinked. “Oh yes, I think I can do that, if you ask Lady Grantham for the recipe.” She replied and hoped that it was what Mrs. Molesley wanted to hear at the moment.

The woman next to her smiled. “Thank you Daisy. Her Ladyship will be very happy.”

“Mmh.” Daisy said wondering not for the first time how, in all those years, she never noticed the antics they went through to keep Thomas’ secret. It was ridiculous.

* * *

Thomas was vaguely aware that it knocked at the door but he didn’t care very much at the moment. Fortunately Richard was more careful. He immediately stopped and pushed Thomas gently away. 

“Breathe.” He whispered and returned to his chair taking his Whiskey glass as if nothing had happened. Only his slightly mussed hair and hies lips, that were a little bit too red proved the opposite.

Thomas blinked and managed to clear his throat after a moment of trying. His breathing slowed down and after a few seconds he was able to call whoever was standing in front of the door inside.

The door opened slowly and Mrs. Hughes cautiously looked around the corner as if she was expecting to interrupt something. When she saw, that they were sitting in opposite chairs, a respectable distance away from each other, she smiled apologising. “I am sorry to disturb, but Daisy wanted to get the empty tray to finish the dishes, if you are ready.”

Richard smiled at her and there was a little bit of colour high in his cheeks. Thomas stared into his tumbler and prayed that Mrs. Hughes wouldn’t notice anything.

“I hope it was alright?” Mrs. Hughes asked and took the tray from Richard.

“Yes, Thank you very much, Mrs. Carson. I appreciate your hospitality. Please don’t go through any additional trouble for me.” Thomas had to suppress a snort. Such a gentleman.

Mrs. Hughes laughed. “Oh it is no trouble, Mr. Ellis. You are very welcome here. I told the maid to prepare a room for you. Do you mind if I talk to Mr. Barrow for a few minutes? I wanted to go over some details.” Thomas looked up and tried to keep his face as neutral as he could. It wasn’t easy.

Richard nodded and got up from his chair. “Of course, That is very kind of you. I wanted to greet Mrs. Molesley anyway. I’ll be in the servants hall.”

And he took the last sip from his Whiskey glass and disappeared out of the door, closing it behind him. He also somehow managed to coax Mrs. Hughes into letting him take the empty tray to the kitchen. A few years back Thomas would’ve gotten sick from all this sweetness. Now it was just another reason to slowly fall in love with the man.

Mrs. Hughes took his chair in front of the fireplace and said nothing for a few seconds. Thomas managed to avoid her gaze for thirty seconds before he sighed and looked at her. “Well, go on then. Tell me I’m stupid.” He said bitterly.

Her expression turned questioning. “That wasn’t what I was going to say, Thomas.”

“What then?” he asked and narrowed his eyes at her.

“I wanted to tell you to be careful.” She said.

“And you think that’s something I don’t know already?” he snapped without wanting too.

She didn’t seem to mind the tone. “I am worried about you. I know you are happy, that Mr. Ellis is here. I haven’t seen this smile on your face in a long time.”

His anger immediately vanished into thin air. Of course that was why she said it. He should’ve known. It _was_ Mrs. Hughes he was talking to.

Thomas sighed deeply and stared into the flames. “I’m not sure this is an issue we should discuss.”

“Why not?” Mrs. Hughes asked. “I was never one to beat around the bush.”

He couldn’t suppress a short laugh. “Oh, yes, I know that.”

They were silent for a few seconds.

Finally it was her turn to let out a sigh. “Thomas, I have to be honest with you. I wish I could say that you are completely safe in this house but I’m afraid I can’t. We believe that we know the people we work with every day, but if it comes to certain opinions they tend to surprise us and that doesn’t always has to be good. And you know you can’t see in their faces what is on their mind. I just have to tell you, that you never can be as candid as you want to be. Even in this house.”

Thomas didn’t turn his gaze from the flames. “Mrs. Hughes, I am thankful, that you want to help me and I know that you are worried, but what you told me is not exactly a new development. Richa-Mr. Ellis knows what is at stake and I know it as well. I wont risk my position here but I also wont change myself for a job. I spent almost twenty years this way and I know that it was a mistake. I wont insult you by saying that there is nothing to be concerned about but I hope you know that I am not planning to be careless. I am _not_ fifteen anymore.”

Mrs. Hughes gaze was sad but she nodded after a moment and got up from her chair. “Well, I hope you know that you can come to me, if there is anything you want to talk about.”

Thomas refrained from telling her, that he felt guilty enough without asking for help in another hopeless situation. She had already been kinder in the past few days than all members of his family had been in the first fifteen years of his life combined.

“Thank you, Mrs. Hughes.” He replied and got up from his chair as well. “You are kinder than I deserve.”

She shook her head. “Each one of us deserves kindness, Thomas. Never think otherwise.”

* * *

It was past one and Thomas was sitting at the small table in his room in his night clothes. This day had been exhausting and he had turned in shortly after Richard had announced he would go to bed. They had played cards in the servants hall until past midnight and it had been the most fun he had in months.

Thomas smiled when he thought about the way he started this day and compared it to the end. Saying it was an improvement would be an understatement.

He had just opened Richards latest letter to read it again, when his door opened without a knock and the man himself stepped into Thomas room, still completely dressed in his day suit.

Thomas stared at him with an open mouth until Richard had closed the door behind himself, locked it and turned around to him, looking a little bit wary.

“I hoped that you weren’t asleep yet.” He said and a tentative smile appeared on his face.

“I wasn’t.” Thomas said a bit lamely and got up from his chair.

“Good.” Richard replied and then he was practically on top of him in a matter of seconds.

Their lips met and Thomas groaned because of the feeling. Richards arms embraced him and he felt happier than all the past months combined.

“I really missed you.” Richard said when he took a step back to catch his breath. “I hope you don’t think me foolish-“

“I missed you too.” Thomas interrupted him. He looked around his small bedroom feeling undecided and like his fifteen year old self all the sudden. “Do you want to…”

“Yes.” Richard said breathlessly before he could even end his sentence and then Thomas was suddenly on his back on the small bed with Richard on top of him and they started kissing again.

Unfortunately half way through removing their clothes Richard’s weight on his ribs got a little bit too much and Thomas couldn’t suppress a painful gasp. He didn’t want to ruin the mood, but of course Richard froze immediately. “Thomas?” he asked concerned.

“It’s nothing.” Thomas panted and tugged at Richards shirt, his jacket and vest had already vanished somewhere in the past few minutes.

Richards hands closed gently around Thomas wrists and pulled them away from his shirt buttons. “Please don’t lie to me.” He said quietly.

Thomas huffed annoyed but after seeing Richards stern gaze he sighed. “It’s my ribs. They are still hurting sometimes. But it is no big deal. Really.”

Richards weight immediately vanished from his chest when he sat back. The valet looked even more concerned now. “Why didn’t you say anything? If I knew you were hurt somewhere else I wouldn’t have…”

“But I want you. I don’t want this to stop.” Thomas said and his hand grabbed Richards arm before the other man could practically jump out of the bed. Richard was barely balancing on the very edge of it now as if he was suddenly afraid of touching Thomas.

“Thomas. I don’t want to hurt you.” Richard said gently and now the man looked directly into his eyes. “Please tell me the truth.”

And suddenly Thomas just couldn’t lie to him anymore. If he thought about it he never could. He closed his eyes for a few moments preparing for the pity that would undoubtfully follow. “It hurts.” He admitted. “Most of the time I feel like I can’t breathe. I can’t even carry a bloody tray up the stairs. Walking hurts as well.” He stared at the ceiling. “I hate knowing that what they did still affects me so much.”

Richards hand cupped his face with a gentleness that almost made Thomas weep. With great determination he held back the tears.

“I am here.” Richard said and his voice shook a little bit. “Please let me take care of you.”

Thomas looked at him with bitterness in his eyes. “I don’t want to ruin this for us.”

“You ruin nothing, Thomas. You are hurting and I couldn’t enjoy anything we do if it makes you hurt. We have all the time in the world, but tonight, please tell me what I can do to help you.” His hand is now hovering over Thomas chest with a featherlight touch, his eyes pleading him to say something.

Thomas didn’t know how he deserved this man but in this second he decided to trust him.

So he sat up in bed with a grimace, his ribs were hurting more than he let himself admit. “I think the bandage should be changed, it came a little loose over the day. Doctor Clarkson said it would help me heal faster, but only if it is tight enough.”

Richards gaze was sad. “Why didn’t you ask someone to help you?”

Thomas shrugged which wasn’t a good idea. “I don’t know. I think I honestly didn’t think of it until after dinner tonight. You can’t blame me after the day I had. When I work I can ignore the pain easily enough.”

“You shouldn’t do that, Thomas. You need to rest after what you went through.” His gaze showed more concern than before. “I couldn’t stand it knowing you are hurting yourself in this way.”

Oh he didn’t know the least of it yet.

Thomas shook his head. “I want to work. I refuse to let them win this way.”

Now there was understanding in Richards eyes and he nodded. “Then at least let me help with the bandage.”

He decided not to argue with that, especially since it meant he didn’t have to ask Andy to do it. He just showed Richard where the spare bandage lay and slowly unbuttoned his pyjama shirt. Richard watched him do that with wary eyes but he didn’t try to help, knowing Thomas would refuse to feel even weaker.

When his upper body was finally exposed he took the edge of the already loose bandage and tried to remove it from his chest. After a second of watching him struggle Richard took the task from him.

A few moment later Thomas’s chest was completely bare and he never felt so exposed before. Richard’s eyes roamed over it but it wasn’t a sexual gesture. There was more anger in his eyes than Thomas had ever seen before in his face.

“I want to kill them.” Richard got out and his voice shook this time from his ire. “I want to hurt them for hurting you.”

Thomas looked down at his chest. His whole side was covered in fading bruises. It looked better than the previous day but someone could still see the extend of the injury.

Now it was Thomas who cupped Richards face with his hand and forced him to look into his eyes. “Richard, I don’t want you to get yourself in danger because of me.” He said. “Besides, Mr. Bates already gave them the scare of a lifetime. There is no need for you to defend me. You have to think rational.”

Richard shook his head. “I know that Thomas. But it doesn’t change that I want to hurt them for what they did to you.”

He lifted his hand and his fingertips ghosted over the bruises so lightly that Thomas could barely feel them. Thomas closed his eyes at the sensation. “I don’t know how I deserve you.” He muttered.

Richards hand came to a rest on his left shoulder. “Because you simply do, Thomas.” His voice was determined. “Now hold still so I can get this on.”

He took the new bandage and wrapped it slowly around Thomas’ torso as tight as he could. Thomas couldn’t suppress the painful gasps that escaped him.

“I am sorry, so so sorry…” Richard kept murmuring with a grave expression, while he worked.

“Not your fault.” Thomas pressed out and then the tears of pain were streaming down his cheeks and he had to close his eyes.

“It’s over now, it’s done.” The valet said after two minutes of tense silence and Thomas sacked into his arms without hesitation.

Richard held him against his chest, stroking his hair and whispering calming words while Thomas tried to get his bearings. With anyone else it would’ve been embarrassing but Richard had such a calming presence that he didn’t even feel any sense of humiliation. He gave him the feeling that he could simply be himself and wouldn’t be judged.

“Come, lie down with me.” Richard said after a few seconds and, still in his shirtsleeves and trousers, arranged them on the bed. He tugged Thomas down on top of him, slinging his arms around him and somehow they fit perfectly next to each other.

“Thank you.” Thomas murmured into his chest and his fist closed around Richards lapels. “I don’t know what I would’ve done today without you here.”

“I am glad that I can be here for you, Thomas.” He gave a chaste kiss to the top of Thomas’ head.

“And to think we have to thank the Great Northern Railway and their inability to stick to schedule for that…” Thomas muttered with the hint of an ironic laugh bubbling out.

Richard just smirked a little bit guiltily at that. “Hate to break it to you Mr. Barrow, but I lied earlier. The train is working just fine. But how could I have gotten to York without taking a stop at Downton first?”

Now Thomas laughed freely and he didn’t even notice the pain this time. “You are unbelievable, Richard Ellis. If I weren’t so happy that you are here, I would chastise you for lying to Mrs. Hughes.”

“I don’t think she would mind terribly. She seems to be a lovely person.”

“She is one of the few people in this house I trust.” Thomas replied.

“I am very glad that you have her.” Richard said with a smile.

Thomas tightened his grip around the other man. “And I am very glad that I have you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And finally there he is. The man of the hour. Hopefully here to stay. (soon enough)  
> Unfortunately I have work tomorrow (for a change) but I hope I will be able to write and post the next chapter next week.  
> Until then enjoy this temporary phase of comfort and happiness. You deserve it. ;)


	12. A New Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, sorry this took a few days. Unfortunately I was once again stuck between two finished parts of the story. In a manner of speaking right between a rock and a hard place. That's what you get if you always write the whump first and worry about the comfort later...   
> Next chapter will probably take a few days as well, but good news is: After that I have 40 000 words that are already written and only need a bit of editing, so the updates should come faster.   
> Also, enjoy the fluff while it lasts ;)

When Thomas woke up he was alone, it was six o’clock and his alarm clock rang as usual. So far nothing new.

For a few seconds he had the terrible thought that he maybe just dreamed last night. And then he turned his head and noticed a crumpled piece of paper on his pillow.

Slowly he sat up in bed and held it into the first sunrays that shone through his window. There was only one short sentence written on it and he would’ve recognised the handwriting anywhere.

_You did not dream._

He couldn’t keep the surprised laugh inside. Yes. This was Richard.

How could it be that they had only met two times and the man already knew him better than anyone had ever known him?

Suddenly he was wide awake. He got faster out of his bed than he had in months. He didn’t dream last night. Richard was still here somewhere in this house. Every second he spend thinking was a second he could spend with the man he had longed for, for the last few months.

He was dressed and on his way down in less than ten minutes. He didn’t even feel the pain in his ribs.

Thomas stepped into the servants hall and was greeted immediately but the wonderful sound of Richard’s laugh.

“Oh, no really? I don’t think I can believe you, Daisy! You cannot possibly cook at your own wedding!” he said with another laugh.

The royal valet was sitting at the table in the servants hall next to Phyllis who smiled into her cup of tea. Daisy was busy preparing everything for the servants breakfast but she was also chatting enthusiastically.

“You can believe it, Mr. Ellis. It is the truth! Do you think Mrs. Patmore should do everything on her own?” she looked up when she spotted Thomas. “Good morning Mr. Barrow! Did you sleep well?”

Richard turned around at that and looked at Thomas. “Good morning.” He had a smile on his face that would’ve seemed polite to anyone but Thomas. Thomas saw only mischief and he wanted nothing more than to kiss the man right now and then in the servants hall. Would that ever be possible?

Thomas blinked at them when he realised that they were waiting for an answer. “Eh…yes. I slept well thank you, Daisy.” He felt his cheeks getting hot. How could Richard sit there so nonchalantly as if he hadn’t been in Thomas’ bed probably just an hour ago?

“I am glad to hear that. You didn’t get much sleep in the past few days.” Phyllis said.

Richard frowned at that obviously concerned and Thomas was glad that no one else was in the room. They really had to be careful.

Daisy seemed to have other concerns. “Mr. Ellis told me that not one member of the staff at the royal household is married! Not one! And now look at Downton…”

“It is quite an interesting occurrence.” Richard nodded thoughtful.

“Yes, yes.” Thomas said a little bit annoyed because he had quite enough of the whole marriage topic to last a lifetime. “Downton is and will ever be a mystery.” He looked at Richard. “When does your train leave Mr. Ellis?”

The valet glanced at the clock. “I think they were planning to operate again in the afternoon. If it isn’t too much trouble I would like to stay until then.”

“Trouble?! Ha!” Daisy snorted and Thomas gave her a look that immediately send her to the kitchen with some mumbled excuse.

“The weather is fine today, Mr. Ellis. I am sure Mr. Barrow has time for a walk later today.” Phyllis said and smiled as if she had the idea of the century. What was it with the women today? Was there nothing better they could do?

“That is a fabulous idea.” Richard said and looked at Thomas with a questioning look.

Thomas was unable to refuse him anything. “I am sure there will be time.” He said diplomatically even though the current staff situation still lurked at the back of his mind. Anna would probably spend the day at the hospital again and Thomas had no idea what he should do about Albert and the maids absence or how he could valet for Lord Grantham after yesterday’s events.

Richard had given him the comfort he needed to deal with all the hurt of the past few days and Thomas was grateful beyond anyone’s understanding for his presence but all his problems didn’t just disappear, just because he could finally tell someone what he was feeling.

Something must’ve shown on his face because Richard immediately got up from his chair. “Why don’t you sit down Mr. Barrow. I get you a cup of tea.”

Phyllis got up from her own chair before Richard could disappear into the kitchen. “Oh, let me get the tea. I wanted to ask Daisy something anyways. You are a guest here Mr. Ellis.” And she scurried away with one last concerned look at Thomas.

Richard sat down again. “Thomas, what is it?” he asked quietly with a quick gaze in the direction of the kitchen.

Thomas sighed and rubbed with his hands over his face. “There is so much I have to think about. You don’t know how happy I am that you are here, but it doesn’t change that there is a lot I need to do today.”

When he looked up Richards gaze was even more concerned.

“I am ruining this again, am I not?” Thomas asked resigned.

Richard looked around quickly before he squeezed Thomas hand on top of the table for a short moment. Thomas wished he wouldn’t have to let go so quickly. “Please stop saying that. You ruin nothing. What can I do?” he asked.

“You don’t have to do anything.” Thomas replied with a headshake. “These are my problems. I am the one who needs to address them.”

“It is not wrong to ask for help. You are not alone in any of this.”

Fortunately Phyllis and Daisy came back in this moment and that ended their conversation.

He could still feel Richard’s concerned gazes all through breakfast. Mrs. Carson had arrived five minutes later and after Andy, Anna and the remaining maid had turned up they had finally sat down to eat. It was an uncommonly small group of people today.

A memorable moment had been when Andy brought in the post. “No letter for you today, Mr. Barrow.” He said with a frown and Richard snorted into his porridge while Phyllis and Daisy exchanged an amused look. Andy had looked a little bit confused at these reactions.

“Thank you, Andy. I wasn’t expecting anything.” Was the only thing Thomas said before he hid behind the newspaper and tried to suppress a smile.

If it wasn’t for Richard the breakfast would surely have been as gloomy as yesterday’s dinner. But Richard seemed to have made it his personal mission to make everyone smile this morning. He was constantly making the whole table laugh with his stories from the royal household and even Anna cracked a small smile at one of his jokes.

Thomas didn’t know how he could be so carefree. He knew what happened, because Thomas had told him everything, but that didn’t seem to disturb the valet. And everyone immediately took a liking to him. Thomas marvelled at the effortlessness with which he put everyone under his spell.

As soon as they finished Richard was on his feet as quickly as Daisy and ignored any comments that he was a guest in this house and should sit down. He helped clearing the table while Thomas watched him and tried to suppress his constant smile. The man had something that immediately let him forget his sorrows.

The phone in the butler’s pantry chose this moment to ring.

“Excuse me.” Thomas said and got out of his chair. Everyone looked slightly wary. These days there came rarely any good out of it when the phone rang in this house.

“Good news, Barrow!” To his surprise it was Lord Grantham’s voice at the other end and he sounded so relieved that Thomas momentarily forgot his dispute with him. The Earl seemed to have forgotten as well because there was no hint of the usual discomfort in his voice. “Bates woke up and he is well! They say it is only a matter of time until he is fully lucid again. Would you tell Mrs. Bates about this?”

Relief flooded Thomas. “Of course, your Lordship. I will tell her right away. I think she will want to see for herself. Are you planning on staying longer at the hospital?”

“I will stay until she arrives. I am unwilling to leave Bates alone at the moment. Would you ask Tom to bring Mrs. Bates to the hospital and take me back?”

“Certainly, your Lordship. I will inform Mr. Branson right away.”

“Thank you, Barrow.”

Thomas hung up before Lord Grantham remembered the awkwardness between them and returned to the servants hall to deliver the good news.

To his horror Anna immediately broke out into tears. The reason behind that was beyond Thomas’ understanding. Shouldn’t she be happy that her husband was awake and one his way to recovery? He looked helplessly at Richard and Andy who seemed equally puzzled. Fortunately Phyllis and Mrs. Hughes seemed to be able to handle the situation and it took only a few seconds until they had successfully banned the three men from the servants hall.

“What was that about?” Thomas asked confused as soon as Andy, Richard and himself had escaped to the kitchen. Richard blinked a little bit confused.

Mrs. Patmore had shot one look at them, shook her head and muttered something that sounded like _clueless_ before she swept past them to bring Anna a cup of tea.

Daisy had only _laughed_ at them and continued to stir whatever she was stirring on the stove.

“I don’t know…” Andy said with a frown. “I think she might be happy…?”

“But why on earth is she crying then?” Thomas asked.

Daisy apparently wasn’t done laughing at them yet. Thomas ignored her.

“I have to go up and tell Mr. Branson about this.” Thomas said when the bells on the board rang two minutes later.

Anna had calmed down a bit, there was only a small hiccup left and she snivelled now and then.

“Are you ready to go to the hospital?” he asked her a bit warily, afraid that she would immediately start crying again.

Luckily she just looked up and nodded with wet eyes. “Yes, of course. As soon as it is convenient for Mr. Branson.”

“Good.” Thomas muttered and looked at Richard. “Mr. Ellis, would you…?” He needed to talk to the valet, preferably somewhere out of earshot, but he really couldn’t think of any excuse right now.

“Of course.” Richard said, without even asking what he was agreeing to.

Thomas nodded shortly and hoped that it looked like he needed to discuss some urgent business with the other man.

“Andy would you start with the breakfast preparations? I will be there in a minute.” He asked over his shoulder and the footman nodded.

“Of course Mr. Barrow.”

Thomas led Richard into the butler’s pantry and closed the door.

“Just to be sure, is this how a day normally starts at Downton Abbey?” Richard asked with a smirk.

Thomas snorted. “It is not always this dramatic. You came at a difficult time.”

Richard’s smirk vanished. “I gathered as much.”

Thomas sighed. “I am sorry. I wish we could have more time but…”

“You have to work. I completely understand Thomas. I don’t want to be in your way.” Richard replied with a apologising smile. “You won’t even notice that I am here.”

No this wouldn’t do. He took on step in the valets direction until they were only inches apart and cupped his face with his right hand. “You could never be in my way, Richard.” Thomas said determined. “And I am glad that you are here. I _want_ to notice that you are here. I think you are the only reason I will be able to get through this day. I will think of nothing else.”

Richard blinked at him and now the smile was back on his face. “You can’t say things like that, Thomas. How should _I_ get through the day knowing that you are just a few stairs away, thinking about me?” He said cheekily.

And now Thomas didn’t need to hold himself back anymore. The door was closed and not likely to be opened without a knock. They had as much privacy as one could get in this house. He grabbed Richard by the lapels and kissed him.

Richard responded with a low groan and a moment later his arms were around Thomas’ waist and held him firmly but gently.

The kisses grew more heated until they were both panting and needed to stop. Thomas’ heart beat in his chest as if he had been running. The kiss ended but they didn’t let go of each other. Richards left arm stayed at Thomas waist but he lifted his right hand to touch the butlers face with a gentle gesture.

“I could do this the whole day.” Richard whispered.

Thomas still needed a moment to catch his breath and calm down his speeding heart. Richard used the moment to kiss the bruises that were still visible on Thomas jaw.

“Promise me something?” Richard asked silently.

“Yes.” Thomas whispered and would’ve lost himself in those beautiful eyes if it wasn’t for the touch on his face.

“Don’t bottle up your feelings. Talk to me. I want to be here for you.”

Thomas closed his eyes but he didn’t draw back. Richards left hand vanished from his waist and a second later he felt it cup the other side of his face.

“Thomas. Look at me.”

Thomas opened his eyes.

“I want you to remember my words every time you lose hope. Every time you think you can’t do something. When I am not there, think of my words: You are not alone.” His voice was raw with emotion and there were tears in his eyes.

And in this moment Thomas suddenly knew it. He loved Richard Ellis. He may not be ready to say it out loud but he knew that it was true. He loved this man with every fibre of his being.

“Yes.” Thomas said and took a shuddering breath. “I promise.”

“Thank you.” Richard said with a shaky voice.

“Can you promise me something as well?” Thomas asked quietly and Richard nodded. “When you think about me today being only a few stairs away, think about this.”

And he kissed him again. This kiss was different then the ones they shared until now. There had always been some kind of hesitation to it. First they hadn’t known each other very well and didn’t know how the other reacted to this kind of intimacy. Then Thomas had been hesitant to open himself to another man after all the bad experiences in his past. And last night, Richard had been afraid to physically hurt him so he had been careful and gentle.

Not now. Thomas poured every ounce of desire he felt for this man into this one kiss. It was demanding and messy and hot and probably the best kiss he had ever had. Richards back collided with the butlers desk and it was good that the piece of furniture was there, otherwise they would have probably tumbled to the ground.

The kiss lasted barely a few seconds before Thomas pulled back, leaving Richard with wide eyes and panting and himself with a serious headache from oxygen deprivation and a sharp pain in his heaving ribs.

“I hope I managed to give you something to think about.” Thomas said with a smirk and stepped back out of Richards embrace.

The valet’s eyes were still big as saucers. There was red high in his cheeks. “You…” he seemed speechless.

Thomas smirked. “You may want to wait a few minutes before you step out. You look thoroughly ruffled.”

The butler turned around and wanted to open the door when Richard finally managed to find his voice. “Thomas…”

Thomas looked over his shoulder with an arched brow. Richard was still using the desk for support as if his legs were to shaky to hold him on their own. But the mischief was back on the valets face. There was also a dangerous glint in his eyes. “I will get back at you for that, Mr. Barrow. Maybe not today but soon. Mark my words.”

“Challenge accepted, Mr. Ellis.”

* * *

Richard needed ten whole minutes before he had calmed down enough to step out of the butlers pantry.

Thomas Barrow was his destiny. He had known that before he even decided to get on the train back in London.

If he thought about it this had been the only certainty he had in the past few months. He left London in a hurry, full of fear for Thomas.

All his carefully crafted plans of the past months had crashed down like a poorly constructed house of cards. What he told Thomas last night had not been the entire truth.

Yes his mother’s health had taken a turn for the worse, but that was weeks ago. He wrote his father and they both came to the conclusion that she would soon need all the support she could get. But his father had also managed to soothe Richard. She wasn’t so sick that he had to rush to York immediately. Not yet. But it was bad enough that Richard started thinking about leaving London and moving north, to be closer in case things got worse.

Thomas had been lurking at the back of his mind the whole time but he didn’t want to unsettle the butler. Not when they had only met once. He didn’t even know if Thomas felt the same.

So he planned his exit carefully. He continued writing to Thomas, falling in love a little bit more with each letter he received. At the same time he wrote to his parents and had an eye on the job adverts in and around York.

And then Thomas letters had stopped. A bad feeling had haunted him for days until he finally gathered all his courage and pinched the keys to the butlers pantry from Mr. Wilson. Fortunately the butler didn’t notice but even if he had, Richard was ready to leave at this point. He realised later that the only reason he hadn’t left yet was the fear that Thomas wouldn’t feel the same.

The phone call one night after that, had confirmed Richard’s deepest fears. Thomas was hurting and he wasn’t talking to anyone. The decision he made after this phone call at one in the morning was one that would irrevocable change the rest of his life.

He packed his belongings, sent a telegram to his parents and handed in his notice the next day. He knew it would do no good to try and reach Thomas via telephone or telegram. He needed to see the butler in person. Something was seriously wrong.

And now here he was in the butlers pantry of Downton Abbey, after a turbulent and hurtful night, thinking about the man who had taken his heart with him out of this door and left him with a deep ache for more.

Thomas had looked so broken last night and Richard had wanted nothing more than take the butler in his arms and never let go again. And on top of that, he had felt the need to punch anyone who had dared to hurt him. The anger was still not gone completely but he couldn’t allow himself to act on it. He would only make things worse for Thomas. In this moment all he could do for Thomas was be here and support him.

And to make matters worse the man was a constant puzzle he had not yet figured out. He was like a bright summer day with no clouds in one moment and like a thundering storm in the next. Richard could still see the hurt and fear from last night in his eyes and yet not even minutes ago Thomas had kissed him with a determination and passion that let every single kiss Richard ever shared fade away like a distant memory.

There was only Thomas left. This dazzling, confusing man who had more power over his thoughts than Richard himself.

How could someone have so much past pain and hurt in his gaze and still love so fiercely? At least he hoped that this was what Thomas was feeling. He couldn’t be sure yet.

Richard shook his head to clear his thoughts. Already he missed Thomas lips on his own. How could he possible live without this man now that he had felt how it was having him close.

And he had only today. No that wasn’t right. He had all the time he needed, he had just quit his job, even if Thomas had no idea that was the case.

He would take the train this afternoon to his parents’ house and then he would think about what he would do with his future. One thing was for sure: He couldn’t get far away from Thomas Barrow.

With that decided Richard finally stepped out of the butlers pantry. The only person still in the servants hall was Mrs. Carson. She seemed to be in the process of leaving though.

“Mr. Ellis.” She smiled at him. “I am afraid everyone is already busy with the upstairs breakfast. Are you alright with being on your own for a while?”

Richard smiled back politely. “Of course, Mrs. Carson. I really don’t want to be in the way of anyone. I thought about taking a short walk across the grounds. Unless there is something I could help you with…?”

“Absolutely not, Mr. Ellis.” Mrs. Carson said determined. “You are a guest in this house. You don’t have to help with anything. Enjoy the fine day outside.”

Richard took that as the command it was, and made himself scarce.

The day was indeed very fine. There was no cloud in the sky and the sun was warm enough that he could take off his jacket.

He strolled along the hedges and his thoughts never strayed far from Thomas. This infuriating, irresistible Man had indeed given him something to think about. Richard was already secretly plotting how he could get back at him. Maybe there would be some time for them to slip away after lunch before he had to catch his train?

A sound that sounded suspiciously like a screaming girl ripped him from his thoughts. Richards head snapped up and he looked around fast. He was not far from the back entrance of Downton Abbey. A few hundred yards to his left the woods began, not too far to his right he could see a folly made out of big stone columns randomly built in the middle of the green grass.

It had sounded as if the scream had come from there.

Richard didn’t hesitate another second. He broke in a run. It took him less then a minute to reach the stone structure.

“Hello?” he called hesitantly.

“Sybbie!” he heard a tiny voice and when he rounded one of the columns he could see who had screamed.

He had only seen the children of Downton Abbey once during the royal visit but Thomas had often spoken of them in his letters. And even though the butler had rarely wrote it so openly, Richard knew that he loved these children and would do anything to protect them.

The brown-haired girl was obviously Miss Sybbie, the daughter of Mr. Branson and the late Sybil Branson. Thomas had also wrote about her. Sometimes Richard felt like he had known all these people for years, simply because he had read so many stories about them.

The girl was lying on the ground and there was pained grimace on her face but no tears.

Next to her knelt a small boy, who had to be Master George, the little trouble maker. Thomas had written most fondly of him and Richard had the suspicion that the butler saw something in the boy that reminded him of himself in his youth.

George certainly had the mischief in his eyes even though it was overshadowed by worry at the moment. His small hand clutched Miss Sybbie’s.

Both children looked up when Richard stepped around the column.

“Who are you?” George asked immediately and moved to stand in front of Miss Sybbie protectively.

Richard held up his hands in a calming gesture. “My name is Mr. Ellis. I am a friend of Mr. Barrow.” He tried to sound as non-threatening as he could.

What he said seemed to be the right thing because Master George immediately looked less suspicious but there was also something else in his face. Something that looked like a hint of jealousy. Richard didn’t know what to say so he turned to the girl instead.

“Are you hurt, Miss Sybbie?”

George took a step to the side and pointed to one of the stone walls next to them. “She fell down. I told her she shouldn’t climb up there.”

Sybbie sat up slowly but she clutched her leg with a hiss of pain at the motion. “You climb up there all the time, George!” she snapped angrily.

“Because I am a boy!” George shot back. “I am better at climbing than you!”

“What has that to do with anything?!” Sybbie replied with narrowed eyes and Richard had to agree silently with her.

He held up his hands again. “Please, don’t argue.” He said and looked from one child to the other. “Can I look at your leg, Miss Sybbie? We should get you back to the house.”

She looked at him a little bit suspicious. “You are a friend of Mr. Barrow?” she asked.

He nodded.

“Where are you from?” she pressed on.

Richard frowned confused. What did it matter? “I am from London.” He said.

The children exchanged a gaze at that. “Alright.” Sybbie said after a moment and took her hand from her leg.

Richard crouched down next to her. The skin at her shin was grazed and there was a bit of blood but that was all as far as he could see. “Can you move your leg?” he asked.

She wiggled with her foot but winced when it tugged at the skin. “Yes, but it hurts.” She said with a grimace.

“Alright. I think it is not that bad. You are very brave. Do you want me to help you up? I am sure, Mrs. Patmore has something to dress the wound.” he asked with a friendly smile and held out his hand.

She nodded after a moment and he pulled her to her feet. “Can we go to Mr. Barrow?” she asked.

“I am sure I can find him somewhere, Miss Sybbie.” Richard replied.

Sybbie took a careful step. Her face was scrunched up but she bit her lip and began to walk.

“Do you want me to carry you back?” he asked her.

She shook her head with one look at George and Richard immediately knew that she wanted to appear strong.

George took her hand without a word and squeezed it. “It's alright Sybbie.” The boy said with a seriousness that surprised Richard. “I am sorry I said I could climb better because I am a boy. That was a lie. I just climb more often than you. But I can show you how to do it right next time?”

Sybbie nodded but Richard wasn’t so happy about that. “How about we stay on the ground for now? I think one injury is enough for one day.”

“Fine.” Sybbie grumbled and George sighed as if the burden of decades was weighing down on him.

So they slowly made their way back to Downton Abbey. It took twenty yards before Sybbie decided that she wanted to be carried after all and George fortunately didn’t say anything.

Richard lifted the girl up into his arms and that seemed to be the cue for the two of them to pester him with questions for the rest of the way. Richard was so overwhelmed that he answered each one of them without thinking.

“Why are you here at Downton if you live in London?” Sybbie started.

“I was on my way to visit my parents.”

“How do you know Mr. Barrow?” George asked.

“We met during the royal visit.”

“Does that mean you work for the _king_?!” Sybbie screeched.

“I came here as his second valet, yes.”

“What is your favourite place in London?”

“That is a difficult question, there are so many great places. I always loved the parks in the city.”

After that the questions wouldn’t stop coming.

“How long do you stay?”

“My train leaves this afternoon. I am planning to stay in York with my parents for a while.”

“Are you married?”

“No, I am not.”

“Why are you visiting your parents?”

“My mother is sick. I hope that she will get better when I am closer.”

They had almost reached the house when the questions started getting more strange.

“Do you like lemon biscuits?”

“Who doesn’t?”

“What would you do if someone said a bad word to you?”

“Probably tell them that it hurt me.”

“What would you do if someone hurt a friend of you?”

“I would get very angry.”

“Would you punch them?”

“Punching is not always the right solution.”

“But it sometimes is?”

“On very rare occasions.”

The next question made him stop in his tracks.

“Let’s say there is suddenly a new door in your house. Would you be afraid to open it?”

Richard stared at Master George. “Excuse me?”

“A new door. What would you do?”

Sybbie looked a little bit confused at George as if she didn’t know what this was about either.

Richard blinked but he thought about the question. “I think I would be afraid, but I would open it eventually, Master George.”

“Why?” the boy pressed and for some reason this strange question seemed to be the one he really needed an answer to.

“Well, there comes rarely any good out of ignoring something. We have to face our fears sooner or later. And if we do, most of the time it makes us feel better.”

They stared at one another for five silent seconds before a smile appeared on Master George’s face. “I like you.” Apparently he had passed some kind of test.

“What are you talking about George?” Sybbie asked irritated but this was the moment the sound of a motorcar from behind startled them all.

“Sybbie!” A voice called and two car doors opened and closed.

Richard turned around and saw Mr. Branson and Lord Grantham quickly exit the motorcar.

“Daddy!” Sybbie said and Richard let her down to the ground immediately. She ran over to her father as fast as she could. “Daddy, we met a friend of Mr. Barrow!”

Richard took a relieved breath. He didn’t know if his Lordship remembered him from the royal visit but he would surely not be amused to see a stranger talking to the Downton children on his property.

So thank god for Miss Sybbie.

Lord Grantham frowned but he seemed a little less concerned than a few seconds ago. Instead he strode over to Richard, while Mr. Branson talked to Miss Sybbie, who began to spin a long tale how she managed to hurt her leg and how it was definitely not her fault.

“Your Lordship.” Richard said stiffly and bowed. “My name is Richard Ellis. I am very sorry. I was outside and heart Miss Sybbie scream and went to look if she needed help. Fortunately it wasn’t bad, but I decided to bring both of the children back to the house.”

Lord Grantham looked nothing like the last time he had seen him.

At the royal visit he had been the composed, dignified but friendly Earl of Grantham who ruled over this estate for years with patience and strength and protected his own people with everything he had to offer.

He had impressed Richard quite a lot back then. Mainly because it was clear as soon as he stepped through the door that this house was a family. And that included downstairs _and_ upstairs. Never had Richard been to a house where tradition went hand in hand with progress in such an sublime way.

But now he could barely recognise the same strong man in the one standing here in front of him. The Earl of Grantham looked drained and exhausted with dark circles under his eyes and a crumpled suit. There was nothing dignified about his appearance. On the contrary, he looked like he would step through these doors and hand over the reins to the first available person.

Richard couldn’t bring himself to pity the man. Maybe his judgement was clouded, because he still heard the terrible things, Thomas told him, in the back of his mind but he couldn’t keep his hands from shaking with anger.

“Ellis? Did we meet somewhere else? I rather feel like I heard your name before…” Lord Grantham said with a frown.

Richard pressed his lips together. Of course the man didn’t remember, who knew how many servants he saw arrive and leave in his life. _He couldn’t even show kindness to the one who worked for him for twenty years_ , Richard thought bitterly.

“The royal visit, your Lordship. I am the second valet of his majesty.” He replied and was proud of himself when he managed to keep the anger out of his voice.

“Oh, yes!” Lord Grantham seemed genuinely happy all the sudden. Richard had the suspicion that it had more to do with the king and less with him personally. “Mr. Ellis, a pleasure to meet you again. What brings you to Downton?”

He apparently hadn’t listened when Sybbie said that Richard and Thomas were friends.

“I was on my way to visit my parents in York yesterday, but there was a problem with the train in Downton. Mr. Barrow and Mrs. Carson were so kind to allow me to stay for the night. I will be on my way this afternoon. I am sorry you weren’t informed, your Lordship.” He had no qualms about lying to the Earl of Grantham.

“Oh, don’t worry, Mr. Ellis. Of course you are welcome at Downton Abbey any time. Though I am afraid you arrived at quite a turbulent time. It must seem all rather shambolic to you. I hope this will not impinge on his majesties opinion of us?”

Was the man _serious_? What did he think Richard was doing in his free time? Travelling through the entirety of the British Empire to spy on some Earl and immediately report back any single gory detail to the king?

“Of course not, your Lordship. Rest assured, I am only here to visit your staff. They have been very kind to me during the royal visit.” His voice had a cold edge to it now, and the Earl was definitely not tired enough to miss that.

There was a short uncomfortable silence.

“Grandpa, Mr. Ellis is my friend now! And he is Mr. Barrow’s friend too!” George inserted with the blissful ignorance of a child who had no idea how the atmosphere had just changed. Richard would have groaned if that wouldn’t have sounded even more suspicious.

Lord Grantham arched a brow at the boy but he didn’t seem to know what to say to that.

Richard decided that he had to get out of this situation fast, before he could do something stupid, like tell the Earl of Grantham that he should treat his butler better.

“If you allow, I will no longer disturb you, your Lordship. Thank you for welcoming me in your house. Mr. Branson, Miss Sybbie, Master George.” He nodded at every one of them but only the children received a true smile. “I was honoured to make your acquaintance.”

Sybbie giggled. “Can you visit again soon, Mr. Ellis?” she asked.

He winked at her. “I hope so, Miss Sybbie. Life is quiet unpredictable.”

* * *

It was after lunch when Thomas finally had the opportunity to talk to Richard.

When Richard returned from his walk on the grounds of Downton Abbey there had been no time to talk because apparently Branson and Lord Grantham had chosen the exact same moment to return. Miss Sybbie and Master George had somehow managed to convince their parents that they could take their lunch with the family today. Or maybe his Lordship was getting emotional after Bates’ recent brush with death and wanted his whole family together.

So Thomas was busy arranging the lunch for four additional members of the family just one hour in advance. Mrs. Patmore was not happy that her plans were thrown on the scrap heap and as usual she blamed Thomas.

“So you are telling me I have to prepare four more dessert servings half an hour before lunch! How should I do that, Mr. Barrow? My abilities unfortunately don’t include conjuring up food out of thin air!”

“How should I know? Just serve them ice cream, for all I care!” he snorted and stomped out of the kitchen.

“Ice cream!” Mrs. Patmore clamoured loudly. “Are we Americans now, Mr. Barrow?!”

He couldn’t care less, what the family had for dessert. Why was there even a dessert for lunch? And what was wrong with ice cream? The children would love it. He left the problem in Mrs. Patmore’s experienced hands and made himself scarce.

Richard sat in the servants hall with a book but there was also a maid mopping the floor so Thomas only smiled at him before he went to the butlers pantry. He still needed to draft the advert for the new valet and this wasn’t something he could simply scribble down. Richard apparently decided to let him work because he didn’t follow him into the butler’s pantry.

The advert needed to be perfect. He really couldn’t stomach another Mrs. Portley case in this house. In spite of everything he was glad that he finally had the chance to hire someone. He could’ve done without the drunk Lord Grantham but the how was not important right now.

He needed almost half an hour to write everything down, thinking a thousand times about the characteristics a good valet should have.

It didn’t help that Richards face was the only thing he could think of at the moment. Or maybe it _did_ help. Richard was the perfect valet after all.

And then two hours later lunch was finally over (and of course they ate the ice cream) and he had a little bit of time for himself. Fortunately not entirely for himself.

He met Richard in the backyard. The valet had already collected his valise, he would take next train from the station right after their walk.

Thomas had planned to bring him to the train station but they both agreed that that would be to risky. So they took a long detour across the grounds of Downton Abbey, just enjoying the sunlight. They had to walk slowly because Thomas ribs were still hurting. It didn’t matter. They had time.

“How was your day?” Thomas asked as soon as they were out of earshot of the backdoor.

Richard smiled. “I met Master George and Miss Sybbie.”

Thomas arched a brow at him. “Did you, now? And how did that come about?”

And so Richard told him the story about Miss Sybbies climbing attempt, the questions he had been pestered with and Lord Grantham’s arrival.

“I wanted to tell him off for insulting you, the way he did but I thought you probably wouldn’t want me to do that…” Richard said with a frown.

Thomas groaned. “What happened with circumspection, Mr. Ellis? You are such a hypocrite!”

“I controlled myself, didn’t I?” Richard said and crossed his arms over his chest with a feigned pout on his face. “I didn’t tell your employer to sod off. You should be proud of me.” And he had the audacity to wink at Thomas.

Thomas was glad when they reached the trees at the edge of Downton Abbeys grounds, because that was the moment he could wipe the grin from Richards face by kissing him senseless.

Unfortunately they were never completely safe even in the woods hidden by the threes around them. The night of the pub visit came to his mind in the middle of the kiss and he immediately pulled back. Richard looked at him with a questioning gaze. “Thomas?”

“I’m sorry. It’s not safe here.” He said.

Richard sighed but he seemed to see Thomas point. He squeezed Thomas arm. “You should come visit me in York as soon as you can.”

Thomas blinked at him confused. “What are you talking about? I thought you only want to stay there for a few days?”

The valets gaze turned a little guilty but the expression was gone as fast as it had appeared. “Thomas, I have to tell you something.”

Thomas made a step back and did his best to rearrange his ruffled hair. Apparently they were talking about serious issues now. He had to suppress the wave of anxiousness. Was that it? Had he finally enough of Thomas’ drama? “What?”

“I quit.”

Thomas stared at him for five whole seconds. “What?” Apparently that seemed to be the only response he had at the moment. Suddenly his legs were shaking. It was like he feared. Richard had enough of him. Why had he not noticed this earlier? Why was he so stupid to believe he finally could have something nice for once in his life? Something real.

Richard frowned at him. “Thomas…”

“No.” Thomas said and lifted a hand. “I don’t think I can listen to that right now.”

“What are you talking about?” Richard asked confused.

“You quitting. This.” He gestured between them wildly.

And finally the penny dropped for Richard. A look of understanding appeared on the valets face, immediately followed by anger.

In two long steps he was directly in front of Thomas and grabbed his upper arms in a firm but gentle grasp so Thomas couldn’t run away.

“I hate this blasted language.” He muttered and then loud and clearly. “I meant: I quit _ted my job at the palace.”_ He shook Thomas lightly. “Listen to me Thomas. I handed in my notice before I came here. I will live at my parents house for the time being but I am looking for something after that. I am _not_ leaving you.”

Thomas blinked at him. The words didn’t register right away and he knew he should probably say something to reassure Richard but the only thing coming out was: “You want to be there for your mother.”

“Yes.” Richard said. “But that is not the only reason. I want to be here for you. For _you_ , Thomas.”

And finally he got it. “You quit your job, you nutter.”

Richard laughed loudly. “I did, didn’t I? I had planned it weeks in advance but I couldn’t bring myself to really do it. Not until this phone call. I simply had to after it.”

“Won’t you miss London?”

“There was nothing left for me there. The vultures were already circling when I left. Wilson was only looking for an excuse to sack me. Besides York is my home. I always planned to come back.” Richard looked deep into Thomas eyes. “You made the decision rather easy Mr. Barrow.”

Thomas smiled but there were still doubts at the back of his mind. “And your parents? What do they think about that plan?”

Richard didn’t lose his composure. Not even for a second. “My father said as long as I do something that makes me happy he would support me and mother is just glad that I won't be so far away anymore. We don’t think that she has much time left.” His voice turned sad at the end of the sentence.

“I am sorry, Richard.” Thomas said and now he was squeezing Richards arm. For a moment there was nothing but silence and the sounds of the woods around them. Finally Thomas couldn’t keep the question inside anymore. “Do they know? About you?”

To his immense surprise Richard smiled. “Yes. And they made their peace with it.”

Thomas’ eyes widened. Of course he knew that there were open-minded people in this world but he marvelled at the thought that there were parents out there, whose love for their child was strong enough to withstand the darkest of secrets.

Why had ne never thought that it was possible? Had his own father’s cruelty made him unreceiptive for any kind of hope?

“They want to meet you. When you are ready.” Richard said.

“You told them about me?” Thomas asked flabbergasted.

“Of course. I care for you, Thomas. If I could I would tell the whole world.”

Thomas laughed at him but it was only feigned. Inside of his chest his heart was beating fast. “Please don’t.”

Richard sighed theatrically. “Fine.” He said. “Their loss.”

“I repeat myself: you are daft, Mr. Ellis.”

“Only for you.”

That was definitely worth another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, these two oblivious dorks are going to kill me. About time that someone bangs their heads together...in a good way.


	13. What The Madhouse Needs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at that, I managed to post rather sooner than later. You're welcome ;)

Thomas watched Richard leave with a mixture of happiness and sadness. It helped that he knew it wasn’t London he was leaving for.

The butler returned to the Abbey and spent the rest of the day pondering everything he had been told. He still couldn’t grasp completely that the valet had quit his job. Of course he wished Richards mother a quick recovery but he couldn’t keep himself from silently thanking the woman. It was a cruel thought, but Thomas was used to them by now, so it didn't surprise him anymore.

At his return he found that Master George was waiting for him in the servants hall. The boy was sitting at the wooden table completely alone.

“Has something happened, Master George?” Thomas asked when he took of his coat.

George frowned. “I met your friend today.”

Thomas smiled. “Yes, he told me about that.”

“I think he is alright.” Master George said and Thomas took that as the highest praise Richard would get from the boy. George was very careful with his trust.

“That is very kind of you to say.” Thomas replied. “I heard you asked him a lot of questions.”

“He was good at answering them. That’s why I said he is alright.”

Yes, that made sense. Thomas had the feeling that George could determine rather quickly who he liked, only by the response he got when asking questions. It was a good strategy. Adults rarely listened to children and it was even rarer that they took them seriously. Apparently Richard had passed the test.

“When will he visit again?” George asked and there was definitely something like anticipation in his voice.

Thomas sighed. “I hope soon, but we haven't talked about it yet.”

“But he is living in York now, isn’t he?” The boy said with a frown

“Yes. He quit his job in London.”

Georges eyes widened. “So he has no job at the moment?”

Thomas smiled a bit impatient. What was he on about? “Yes, that is normally the case when someone quits his job, Master George.”

“ _And_ he was a valet?” George pressed.

Thomas frowned. What did it matter to George if- Ah. Well. He should’ve seen this coming.

“ _And_ grandpa needs a valet!” George concluded his argument.

Thomas sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. “Master George…”

“What? Why can’t you ask him to work here?” George asked.

Thomas shook his head. Of course the thought had come to him but he would never act on it.

For one it was far too risky for them to work in the same house. He couldn’t even fathom what would happen to them if anyone found out.

Second Richard quit his job to be there for his sick mother in York. He wouldn’t have any time for his family if he immediately started another job in service, especially in a house like Downton, where normal working hours didn't apply most of the time. Thomas was sure that the valet wouldn’t even consider this.

And third Lord Grantham had finally given him the opportunity to prove himself. What would the family say if their butler used this opportunity to immediately hire someone out of favouritism just to continue his criminal relationship under their roof? Could he really slate their trust in this way?

So Thomas shook his head at George. “Mr. Ellis is very busy, Master George. I don’t think he is looking for this kind of position right now. Besides I already posted the advert. I am sure there is someone who will be suitable.”

George crossed his arms over his chest and looked close to a pout but fortunately Phyllis chose this excact moment to step into the servants hall.

“Master George, Nanny is looking for you upstairs.”

George didn’t argue for a change, which immediately told Thomas that the boy was angry with him. Only the worst ones got the silent treatment. He sighed as he watched him leave.

Phyllis arched her brow. She had obviously noticed the atmosphere in the room. “What was that about?”

“Oh he is angry, because he took a liking to Mr. Ellis and doesn’t understand why I am not asking him to be the new valet.”

Phyllis eyes widened at that. “Isn’t he working at the palace anymore?”

“Apparently not.” Thomas said curtly and gestured around the servants hall. “But _this_ is not an option.” He really didn’t want to speak about the many reasons why this could never be possible. He hoped that Phyllis at least understood his decision.

“Why not?” she asked after a moment of thinking about it. Great.

“Are you serious?” he asked perplex. “You still remember the part where he and I…” he stopped speaking with a look to the hallway but of course she knew what he was implying.

“You deserve some happiness.” She said bluntly and he had to hold himself back from immediately snapping at her in anger. What did she know? Why did she make it sound as if it was the easiest thing in the world? As if one wrong step wouldn’t mean years in prison for both of them. What did she know about his life?

“This is not some game, Phyllis. There are more reasons against it than I can count.” He replied and turned his back to her resolutely.

“How many of those reasons have their origin in your own insecurities?” she asked and that was enough for him to lose his composure.

He whirled around to her and he knew that the anger was all over his face because she immediately took a step back.

“You know nothing, Phyllis.” He snapped. “Nothing. You think I am insecure? Who will go to jail for this if something goes wrong? Who will pay the price? That will be me. It has been me paying my whole life. I am tired of it Phyllis. You all believe that you understand people like us. But you can’t, because you have never been in a situation in which your freedom could’ve been in jeopardy because of something you couldn’t change. So stop telling me what I should do with my life, when you know nothing about what it is like.”

He wanted to leave at that because he would surely say something he would regret later if he stayed. This reminded him far too much of the conversation they had the day he went to the pub with Branson and Andy.

The difference was this time she found her voice to talk back.

“No.” she said and then she was right in front of him. “You don’t get to use this excuse every time someone tries to get close to you, Thomas.”

He frowned and opened his mouth but she was faster. “Either you explain it to me so I _can_ understand or you accept that I care enough that it doesn’t matter. You want that the world accepts you for who you are but you refuse to let anyone try to understand you and you refuse to let anyone in. You can’t have it both ways Thomas.”

By god, she was right wasn’t she? Twenty years of constant hiding had made him unreceivable for any empathy from others. No matter how hard Phyllis had tried to be on his side the last few years. He had shut her out more often than not. He had not given her the opportunity to show him that she cared.

But how should anything change if he was constantly building emotional walls around himself and refusing to let anyone from the outside see through them.

“You are right.” He said slowly and she crossed her arms in front of her chest as if she expected a hitch somewhere. “But that doesn’t change that it is too risky for him to work here. It has nothing to do with my _insecurities_. I simply don’t want him to get hurt.”

And there it was. The whole reason why this would never work. He didn’t really care for the families thoughts on this. He was aware that Richard would probably agree if he asked him, York wasn’t so far from here after all, he could still visit his mother.

No, the reason was this abysmal fear that something would happen to the man he loved. It had been years since he based his choices entirely on the wellbeing of another person and not his own.

She sighed but she didn’t argue with that. Her hand squeezed his arm. “Everything is going to be alright.” She said quietly and for a second he let himself believe that.

And then the moment was over and Mrs. Hughes arrived behind them. Thomas was suddenly aware that they had a very incriminating conversation at a place where any idiot could walk right into.

He immediately regained his posture and made a step back.

Of course Mrs. Hughes was far too observant to miss the expressions on their faces. “Is everything alright, Mrs. Molesley, Mr. Barrow?” she asked with a frown.

“Yes.” Thomas said. “Nothing to see here.” He muttered some halfhearted excuse and left as fast as he could.

Phyllis didn’t look happy.

* * *

“What was that about?” Elsie asked as soon as Thomas had fled. It was obvious that she had interrupted a very emotional conversation.

Both he and Mrs. Molesley looked exhausted. The latter looked at Elsie now. There was determination all over her face.

“Do you remember that you told me once that some people have difficulties to accept happiness? That they look for something wrong with it, because they don’t trust the peace and quiet?”

“Yes, of course.” Elsie said with a frown. What was she implying?

“I think we will both agree that Mr. Barrow is one of those people.” Mrs. Molesley said with a concerned look.

“Mrs. Molesley, what are you trying to say?”

And now the woman finally met Elsies eyes. There was determination in her gaze. “I want to ask you for help.”

“And what is it you are trying to do?” Elsie asked because it was obvious that she would help. She had never been one to idly stand by when someone needed help.

“I want to bring Richard Ellis to Downton Abbey.”

* * *

It had been a tiring day for Robert and he had not exactly gotten much sleep in the past nights.

That was why he decided to go to bed right after dinner this evening. Unfortunately there was still one dreaded conversation he couldn’t avoid.

The knock at the door of his dressing room came five minutes after he rang the bell.

Barrow stepped inside with his servants blank in place. It was the same look that Robert just realised recently was part of every servants qualities. He still couldn’t believe how he could’ve mistaken this look for boredom all this years.

He just recently had a talk with Tom, who enlightened him that the ‘servants blank’ was in fact a useful tool to conceal any personal feelings that might upset a member of the family.

Of course it made it difficult in situations like this to read a persons face. He couldn’t tell if Barrow was still angry with him or if his uncomfortable attempt to apologise had shown any positive effect.

“Your Lordship.” Barrow said now and immediately began helping him out of his jacket. He didn’t offer more verbally. It seemed Robert had to do the work himself.

He desperately thought about something he could say. “I wondered if you already thought about the new valet?” he asked. Robert deemed this a good topic because it showed that he trusted Barrow with the hiring process.

“I posted the advert today, Milord.” Thomas replied but Robert could still not decipher his expression. “Thank you for giving me the opportunity.” Was that real appreciation or just another way to tell him, that he should’ve trusted him far sooner with this?

“I have trust that you will find a suitable candidate.” At this point he would probably take on anyone Barrow chose. What he said to Barrow in that memorable night still haunted him. It was ironic that he was the Earl in this house and he had put himself in a position where he let his butler call the shots. But that couldn’t be helped. He had much to atone for and if he had to suffer a less than ideal valet for that he would do it.

The uncomfortable silence continued.

“I met the king's valet today.” Robert said, because that was another safe topic and he couldn’t stand the silence.

Barrow made some kind of affirmative sound.

“He was on the way to visit his parents in York?” This was a clear question, Barrow had no choice but to answer that.

“Yes, but there was a problem with the train.” Barrow replied. “He got along well with the Downton staff at the royal visit so I allowed him to stay here. I hope I did not overstep with this decision, Milord.”

“Oh no, Barrow. You didn’t.” Robert said. “Far be it from me to let a royal valet sleep on the street. How would that look?”

Barrow didn’t answer that, he only nodded.

But Robert wasn’t done yet. “Though I have to say I was surprised to hear from George that he isn’t working at the palace anymore. Apparently he quit his job there.”

It was the first time that Barrows servants blank slipped a little bit. For a moment Robert seemed to see something like anger there. Relieved that he finally managed to reach the butler he pressed on.

“He seemed quite the capable man, I couldn’t fathom why he would leave such a honourable position behind.”

“I couldn’t say, your Lordship.” Thomas replied stiffly. “I don’t know the man well enough.”

If he hadn’t given Thomas the freedom of decision with this hiring process, he would’ve probably suggested this Mr. Ellis as his new valet. But if he would say something along those lines now, Thomas would surely believe that Robert didn’t trust his abilities.

Maybe he could nudge the butler in the right direction? It would surely be something to hire a valet who dressed the king before. Although his mother would not be amused. She would probably say something along the lines of: _All of England is slashing expenses and you hire the most expensive valet in the whole country. Well done, Robert. I don’t want to know what you will do with my inheritance._

“Well whatever it is that moved him to make this decision, I wouldn’t like it to see a capable young man like that unemployed.”

“Unfortunately unemployment is getting more and more common these days, your Lordship.” What was the meaning of this? What was he trying to say? 

“If that is all, your Lordship?” Thomas stepped back and Robert dismissed him with a quiet sigh and a nod.

This conversation had unfortunately let to nothing.

A repeating occurrence with his butler these days.

And he couldn’t even blame him.

* * *

**Three days later**

His name was Carl and he wanted to apply for the free valet position at a house called Downton Abbey.

Carl had found the advert in the newspaper in York and decided to try his luck. He had a little bit experience in this field of work, having worked at a tailor for ten years before the man died and left nothing but debts.

The past two years Carl had been unemployed but now he was eager to continue his search for a job. He had never worked in service but it was surely not that complicated. How hard could it be to dress a Lord two times a day?

So he took the train to the village of Downton and walked the rest of the way. Unfortunately it had just started drizzling. The collar of his coat was already uncomfortably wet when he heard a motorcar coming up from behind.

“Do you need a ride?” A man with an Irish accent shouted.

Carl really hated the rain so he didn’t hesitate to get in. To his surprise there sat a little girl in the back seat.

“Good day to you.” Carl said politely. “And thank you. I wanted to walk to Downton Abbey but the rain surprised me.”

“That is no problem, we are heading the same way.” The man next to him said. “My name is Mr. Branson and this is Miss Sybbie.”

The girl looked at Carl with narrowed eyes. “What do you want at Downton Abbey?”

“I want to apply for the new valet position.” Carl replied with a frown. Who was she? She surely couldn’t be one of the Downton children, could she?

The girl didn’t seem happy about that. The man next to him only laughed. “Oh good, we were expecting you. It have been a few tiring days for the staff and they surely could use a helping hand. I hope the interview goes well.”

Carl turned to the man. “I hope so as well, but I have to say I am a little bit nervous. I don’t know what expects me.”

The girl from the backseat piped up at that. For some reason there was mischief in her voice. “Oh, I can tell you everything exciting you need to know about Downton Abbey!”

“Sybbie…” Mr. Branson began but the girl already started talking like a waterfall.

“Do you want to know what happened to the last valet, or should I tell you about the permanently broken boiler first? We also had a fire once!”

* * *

This house was a disaster.

His name was Donald and he tried to apply for the position of Lord Grantham’s valet.

Emphasis on the word _try._

When he arrived at the house the first person that greeted him was the _kitchen maid._ He was a valet for god’s sake and the staff had not even the decency to let the butler welcome him?

He looked down at the maid with a disapproving look on his face that hopefully showed her everything he felt.

She didn’t seem to mind. “You came for the valet position? You can wait in here.” She only said and led him into the servants hall where she simply left him. No cup of tea. No one to take his coat. Not even a simple _someone will be here shortly._

What kind of house was this? Donald took a look around and quickly determined that it was the kind of house lacking some serious standards. In his old workplace the butler wouldn’t have let a maid answer the door and a guest would never be greeted in this way.

“Hello?” he asked loudly. “How long am I supposed to wait here?”

He looked in the direction the maid had disappeared to but it looked like the kitchen and there was now way he would set foot in that.

A moment later a lanky footman with black hair stepped into the servants hall with a tray of leftovers from upstairs in his hands.

“Excuse me.” Donald said with a scrunched up nose. “Is the butler around somewhere? I have come to be intervew for the vacant valet position and I don't like it to wait.”

The man unceremoniously dumped the whole tray onto the servants hall table and then had the audacity to snatch up a piece of toast from one of the plates which he continued to chew on while talking.

“Oh that is great, mate!” _Mate?_ “We hoped that a few lads would show up today. The boiler is broken again and Mr. Barrow is busy fixing that problem, but he will be here shortly.” _Lads?_ And did he hear correctly? The butler was repairing the boiler?

Fortunately he didn’t need to ask this clumsy footman because a moment later the maid returned. Donald’s eyes widened when he saw what she had in her arms.

“Is that a cat? In the kitchen?!” he asked scandalised.

She arched a brow at him.

“Yes, did you never see one?”

“That-that-that beast can’t be in the house!” he exclaimed loudly.

She frowned at that. “And what do you suppose we should do about the rat problem then?”

“Rat problem?”

The sharp voice of a woman sounded from the kitchen. “Daisy get this creature out! We have enough little rascals constantly chewing on the leftovers!”

* * *

“Would you be so kind to explain the way to Downton Abbey to me? I am afraid I am not from around here.” Edward asked an older Lady who was standing in line at the post office.

She smiled at him. “Oh, certainly. You are in luck, I am the housekeeper there. May I ask what is your business in Downton Abbey?”

“I want to apply for the vacant valet position. I would be very grateful if you could show me the way. I am afraid I am already a bit late.” He said nervously.

Her smile didn’t waver but there was suddenly a glint in her eyes.

“Don’t you worry. I will show you exactly where you need to go and I can assure you, you will arrive just in time for your interview. It is quite a scenic way to the house.”

* * *

The maid was very friendly. She had made a very good first impression on Arthur.

Her name was something like Mrs. Moseley but he didn't remember correctly because she constantly told him to call her Phyllis. She had opened the back door for him and showed him around the house until the butler was ready for the interview.

Her voice was warm and welcoming and Arthur immediately felt at home.

“Oh you should absolutely call me Phyllis. Everyone does, even Thomas.”

“Who is Thomas?” Arthur asked a little confused because she had used around ten Christian names of different people since he stepped through the door and he lost the thread somewhere around the third introduction.

“Oh he is the butler, but he is completely alright with being called Thomas. You wouldn’t want to say his last name, he doesn’t like it when people are so formal.”

Arthur nodded perplex. He had never heard of such a house but it was nice. And it sounded like they were more a family and less like work colleagues. He had no problem with that. He grew up in a small village himself, where everyone knew everyone and there rarely had been any secrets.

“What are you expecting to be paid, if I may ask?” Phyllis said and she laughed when he told her an average number.

“Oh, that is sweet, Arthur. We are a big house and there is not much staff left. His Lordship is very generous. You should for at least ask twice as much. Ask Thomas, he will be surprised that you are so moderate and that will probably grant you a bonus in the interview.”

Arthurs eyes widened. “Twice as much?”

She led him back to the servants hall. “Of course! Please wait here a moment. I tell Thomas, you are ready for the interview. And remember: Under no circumstance, call him Mr. Barrow.”

* * *

He just met the woman of his dreams.

Howard couldn’t believe it. He had come to this house in the hope of finding a new position in service but he had found the love of his life.

He had been walking through the gardens to reach the house when he had spotted her. She was sitting on a bench seemingly unaware of his presence.

The rain had stopped hours ago but he could still see the small drops on the grass all around her. They were glistening in the sun but their beauty was nothing compared to the woman who sat there. Her elegant coat was a dark shade of blue, that reminded him of the midnight sky and her jewellery were the thousands of stars that twinkled on it.

Her skin was the immaculate similitude of one of the marble statues he had only seen in pictures so far but even the most expensive marble couldn’t be as flawless as her face.

Her posture was elegant and sylphlike and he knew if he had the fortune to see her rise to her feet right in this moment she would move with a grace not even a queen could possess.

She was his destiny and his life and there had to be a reason that their paths crossed on this beautiful afternoon.

And then she rose with the same grace with which she had sat on this little bench and she looked up at him and smiled.

He was frozen to his spot.

Her smile was the sun in the sky and the euphory in a thousand hearts after a hard-won battle and the beauty no painter had ever been able to capture.

Howard decided in this very moment, that he would go into this house and get this position, if it meant he could spend only another second in the presence of this smile.

And with the same grace with which she seemed to move mountains she turned around and left him with the unbelievably beauteous image of the slowly setting sun.

All that was left, was darkness.

* * *

Phyllis stepped into the butler’s pantry and was greeted by an angry snort from Thomas who slammed the file cabinet behind the desk shut a little bit too strongly.

She arched a brow. “What happened?”

He looked up and his expression was a mix of anger and baffled amusement. He let himself fall into his chair in a very ungraceful way. “That was a complete waste of a perfectly good afternoon.” He got out and groaned.

Phyllis slowly took the chair in front of his desk. He seemed exhausted. “I take it, the interviews didn’t go well?” she asked carefully and tried to suppress a satisfied smirk. This was good news. She felt a little guilty thinking that but when she thought about her reasons the guilt was immediately replaced by an image of Thomas’ smile when he spotted Richard a few days before in the servants hall. She knew that she did the right thing and she would do it again.

“Didn’t go well? That’s an understatement! I still can’t believe the nerve of these people!” he held up his hands and counted with his fingers. “The first looked like death warmed up! I simply told him that we had many stairs in this house and asked if he was fit enough but I couldn’t even finish, when he was already out of the door stammering something about _not wanting to die a gruesome death._ The second only shouted something about a _rat problem_ and _low standards_ before he slammed the door into my face. The third showed up and promptly demanded to be paid more than all other staff in this house combined! And he kept calling me by my Christian name as if he was raised in a barn! The forth told me he met a _charming_ lady in the gardens and couldn’t wait to meet her again under different circumstances. He sang her praises for five whole minutes, using words I had never heard before and then he _winked_ at me! And do you know he was talking about Lady Mary the whole time?! Oh and number five? He didn’t even show up. And did I mention that _every single one of them_ managed to somehow misplace their references? I don’t know what is wrong with these people!”

Phyllis had to keep herself from laughing very hard. She knew which one of these incidents was her fault, but she also saw clearly that more people had spent the day scheming. This really couldn’t be just a coincidence.

“So there was not a single promising candidate?” she asked with a straight face.

He shot her a disapproving look. “Do you think I am daft? I clearly see your meddling behind this.”

She smiled like a sphinx. “I don’t know what you are talking about, Thomas. Maybe it is just that Downton Abbey isn’t suited for just anyone. We are a special house after all. You need the right person for this kind of position.”

“Are you saying that we are a madhouse, so I have to look for a _madman_ to fill this position?” Thomas asked with a snort.

“That could be one solution. Of course we already have a lot of madmen and madwomen here. Maybe what we need is a little bit of the opposite. Maybe you should hire someone who already knows the gist of the matter. Someone who is strong enough to deal with the unexpected and wouldn’t bolt at first trouble. And someone who is discrete enough to not air the laundry in public.”

“Your point?” Thomas asked with a sigh even though he obviously knew what she was talking about.

Phyllis only smiled and instead of answering stepped over to the door and opened it wide.

On the other side stood Richard Ellis in the flesh and there was a hesitant smile on his face. “I heard something about a vacant position…”

“My point is, Thomas” Phyllis said. “I won the argument.”


	14. Milestone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another one ;)  
> This chapter is an ending and a start at the same time. If someone wanted to stop reading, the middle of this chapter would be the ideal spot.   
> The second half of this chapter is the start of a slightly different narration (for now at least). I decided to write a scene from the perspective of every Downton Abbey person over the span of one week (in the story not the real world). That's why the following chapters may not seem entirely complete, but I needed to get there somehow. It still works towards a certain event so please bear with me.

As soon as the door had closed behind Phyllis Richards smile turned apologising.

“Just so you know, it was not my intention to come here.”

Thomas sighed. “Let me guess. Phyllis?” he gestured to the chair in front of the desk and Richard took it with a smile but only after leaning over the desk to give Thomas a short kiss that was enough to make his mind fuzzy.

“No. Actually, it was my mother.” He said with a small smile.

“How is she?” Thomas asked.

“Not well.” Richard replied and his gaze drifted to some far away place for a moment. “She is too get out of bed for more than a few minutes. But her condition is not critical yet. And of course she is constantly occupied with every book and newspaper she can find. She saw the advert and immediately recognised the house from my stories. After it was clear that you were hiring a valet and I knew nothing about it, she practically threw me out of the house.”

Thomas arched a brow. “Your mother seems to be a resolute woman.”

“You don’t know the half of it.” Richard replied with a laugh. “What it comes down to is that she wouldn’t let me back inside, until I spoke to you. _Communication is the key to every relationship, Richard._ ”

Thomas heartbeat stopped for a moment at the word _relationship._ Was that what they were now? Had he ever been in a relationship before? Was something like that even possible for people like them? And he still couldn’t grasp the concept of Richard’s parents complete support.

“And your father?” Thomas asked.

“He stood next to her and laughed. It was the first time she got out of her bedroom in days. And then he told me to _get the bloody job, son_.”

Thomas shook his head a little bit fondly. “I see where you got your cheek.”

“Oh I am the cheeky one here? That’s news to me, Mr. Knows-It-All.”

They smiled at each other for a moment before they both remembered what they were talking about.

Richard sighed. “I hope you know that I don’t expect anything. I came here because it was my mother’s wish and I thought we should talk about it. No matter how insistent my parents are, you don’t have to do anything. I am sure you already found a suitable candidate.”

“That’s rubbish. You think I wouldn’t immediately give you this job if I could?” Thomas asked with a snort. “You were the king’s valet, you are sickeningly polite and helpful and I know for a fact that you will not suddenly marry the maid. The last one alone is not taken-for-granted around here. I couldn’t find a better candidate for this position. Besides you haven’t seen the absolute idiots that turned up here today.”

Richard laughed. “I am flattered, Mr. Barrow. But why didn’t you tell me about this if that is your opinion?”

Thomas sighed. That was the tricky question. He just found out the answer but cut he tell him? Sod it. He managed to tell Phyllis, so he could also tell Richard.

He took a random letter from his desk and crumbled it in his fist just to have something to do. He hoped it was nothing important. “It is too dangerous, Richard. We can’t do this.”

Richards gaze was somewhere between resigned and thoughtful. “Too dangerous for you or too dangerous for me, Thomas?”

“That’s a dumb question. For both of us, obviously.”

“That is not what I asked.” Richard said with a head shake. “I want to know if you decided this because you are afraid for yourself or because you are afraid for me.”

The man was unbelievable. Thirty seconds and he had already guessed the truth.

“This is not about me.” Thomas admitted slowly. “I have worked in this house and lived near this village almost my whole life. I can’t change that everyone here knows about me. But you can. You can choose to stay out of it.” He closed his eyes for a moment. “You could find work in York and we could continue like before.”

“Waiting days for a letter? Forbitten phone calls in the middle of the night? Seeing each other three times a year?” Richard replied with bitterness in his voice. “I don’t want that Thomas. I want all of it.”

“It is all we can have.” Thomas said and a wave of pain shot through his heart at the words.

“Is it?” Richard asked and gestured around the butlers pantry. “We have an unique opportunity here, Thomas. The only thing standing in our way is the fear.”

Thomas buried his face in his hands. “I don’t want to see you hurt.” He whispered. “I already saw so many people get hurt.”

Richards hand squeezed his arm. “Thomas, you cannot make this decision for me. You have to make it for yourself. I told you what I want. I want to spend every single day of the rest of my life with you and if that brings the risk of being discovered I am willing to take it.”

“Why?” Thomas said quietly. “Why would you be so foolish and risk everything you have for someone like me?”

Richard hesitated but only for a few seconds. “I love you Thomas Barrow.” He said it with the same amount of confidence someone would call the sky blue.

Thomas looked up and was speechless. Richard’s eyes swam in tears. “I have never been so sure about anything in my life. I love you and what do we have to fight for in this life, if not love? I would gladly spend the rest of my life in danger if it means being with you.”

And for the first time in a very long time Thomas Barrow decided to take down the walls and let somebody in. He stood up from his chair, walked around the desk and crouched down in front of Richard. His hands clasped the other man’s without even thinking twice.

“I love you too, Richard Ellis. And I will gladly spend the rest of my life in danger if it means being with you.” He repeated Richards words

They stared at each other for five whole seconds. And then they were in each other’s arms.

The embrace lasted a lifetime and was still too short.

When Thomas stepped back and held out his hand, Richard took in and stood from his chair. Thomas shook his hand. “You’ve got yourself a job, Mr. Ellis.”

“Much obliged, Mr. Barrow. I look forward to working with you.”

* * *

And so Richard Ellis was the newest addition to the Downton household.

He was by far the most welcome addition the house had ever had.

Lord Grantham was more than happy to have a valet who already dressed the king of England and didn’t stop short of praising him at every possible occasion.

The rest of the family was relived that the children seemed to have taken a liking to the new valet. Miss Sybbie’s and Master George’s judgement was as important as everybody else’s by now.

Mrs. Patmore had never warmed up this quickly to someone, but that was probably due to the many times the valet offered his help in the kitchen.

And it wasn’t only Mrs. Patmore he won over. He was constantly trying to make everyone’s work easier or at least a little bit more bearable. And he succeeded in more than one way.

Downton Abbey had never been so efficient.

The conversations with Lord Grantham were still not completely comfortable for Thomas but a reluctant truce had formed between them.

Mr. Bates recovered fast at his and Anna’s cottage but Doctor Clarkson had been right. He would never be able to work again. His leg was too damaged. At first he stayed at the cottage but then he had to walk a while every day to train his leg, so he made a habit of walking to the house with Anna in the morning. There he spend the day sitting at the table in the servants hall like some kind of ever-present oracle and commented on everything under the sun.

Thomas let him do as he liked, mainly because the man was perfect at doing tedious paperwork, that the butler wanted to avoid at all costs.

Richard visited his parents whenever he could and somehow he convinced his father to install a phone so he could call the Abbey as soon as his mothers condition changed. Fortunately she seemed to be not worse than before.

Thomas ribs healed slowly and painfully but three weeks later he could almost breathe completely normal again and he was very grateful for that. Carrying trays was easy again and it also made a lot of other things easier.

He spend every free minute with Richard and he had never been so happy in his life. They spent a few hours away from the house when the autumn nights were still warm and nobody could spot them in the most secluded spots on the edge of the woods around the Abbey. The garage was also a good place to hide after dusk. They had both agreed that it was too dangerous to attempt anything in the house and even if it would’ve been possible Thomas didn’t like the idea that Andy was sleeping only a few rooms away. So they used every opportunity to get away from the house together and made the best of it. Despite of that it was the best time of Thomas’ life.

The first time Richard had seen the scars at his wrists, the valets eyes had filled with tears and he made Thomas promise to come to him, if he ever felt like that again. Thomas had spent the night sobbing against his chest and it was a comfort he had apparently needed for years without realising it.

Master George and Miss Sybbie began to adore Richard and Thomas would’ve been jealous if he couldn’t understand the feeling so well.

With all the good fortune he could even bear the looks he still got whenever he set foot in the village. People seemed to have come to the decision that they would leave him alone if he did the same and he was very content to do just that.

It was a good time and he enjoyed every single moment of it because Richard was at his side.

Whoever was running the universe was obviously getting bored.

* * *

**Three weeks after Richard’s arrival**

It was late when Phyllis finally got down to the servants hall.

Lady Grantham had been at a meeting in the hospital that stretched into an impromptu dinner, which ended with a lot of wine, so she got back at half past ten, which was very late for her standards.

Phyllis had busied herself with all of Lady Grantham’s shoes in the boot room. She was so absorbed in her work that she almost didn’t hear the bell in the servants hall. She wanted to finish this before Sunday so she had all of next week for the dresses.

Lady Edith’s birthday was next week and it was the first time in years that the celebration was held at Downton.

Everyone upstairs was already buzzing with excitement and everyone downstairs was wary because they expected around twenty dinner guest and it would be a lot of work to arrange all that.

Despite that looming event, Thomas had been in an especially good mood today, something that probably had to do with the fact that his and Richards half-day aligned tomorrow for the first time since the valet started at Downton.

If she saw his smile these days it was almost impossible to believe, that Andy once had to kick in the bathroom door. She was very happy for him.

After Lady Grantham’s call she went back downstairs prepared to just fall into her bed and sleep until the next morning. She would sleep here because it was too late to return to Joseph tonight.

Unfortunately she decided to get a glass of water from the sink in the kitchen before going upstairs. The servants hall was empty, Mr. Barrow and Mr. Ellis and Andy had probably gone up early this night, usually they sat in the servants hall until midnight and played cards or talked. Not today.

That was when she noticed that the pantry door was still open. Usually Mrs. Patmore would’ve closed it with her key, but apparently she forgot it tonight. The poor woman had been a little out of her mind lately. Phyllis suspected that it had something to do with Mr. Mason and his visits which were getting more frequent every week.

Wandering over she took a quick look inside, and noticed a broken bottle of oil on the floor. Oh no. This would take an eternity to clean up and she was so tired that she could’ve slept right there and then standing on her feet.

But it couldn’t be helped. The oil wouldn’t vanish on its own and someone (probably Daisy) would have to do it in the morning. Phyllis sighed and got the mop from the wall to clean up the mess.

It was likely that Lord Grantham’s dog had escaped again. She did that quite a lot these days. Usually the pantry door was closed but maybe Teo got inside this time.

Phyllis was almost finished with cleaning away the mess (which took forever) when she heard the back door open. She just wanted to look around the corner into the servants hall to see who was there, when she heard Mr. Ellis’ voice.

“It wouldn’t be this late if you hadn’t insisted to drive the whole way to Ripon, just to go to a pub.” He said and she could hear a frown in his voice.

Ripon? They had gone to Ripon to go to the pub? She heard this for the first time this night. She hoped that they had told someone where they went, because they certainly didn’t tell her.

Thomas snorted back. “You know why we had to go to Ripon, Richard. It’s not as if I am welcome in Downton anymore.”

Mr. Ellis sighed and she heard a rustling sound when he probably took off his coat and hat. “I don’t like this Thomas. We should’ve at least told someone where we were going.”

“I told Andy.” Thomas said defensibly. “Said that I wanted to get out for a pint and you were insisting on joining me. He agreed to stay here. I don’t think that he suspected anything about us. I told Branson the same thing to get the car. If there are two people in this house who can’t begrudge me an evening at the pub it’s these two.”

“You are far too good at this.” Mr. Ellis said and his voice sounded softer than before. Almost as if he was resigning.

“That’s not true. If I was good at this we wouldn’t have to go to Ripon in the first place. _You_ are the one who saved me from prison. I just managed to make everything worse from there.” Thomas replied and Phyllis took a sharp breath.

What was he talking about? She never heard this story. She felt suddenly very uncomfortable and guilty, just standing there listening to their private conversation. She wanted to say something but this was the moment when Mr. Ellis laughed quietly.

“I guess we could both be more careful in the future, Mr. Barrow.”

“Well, we can start with that tomorrow, Mr. Ellis.” Thomas replied and now there was something in his voice that made Phyllis reconsider letting them know that she was there.

The following seconds were silent, just interrupted by their breathing and a rustling of clothes. She knew that they weren’t just standing there staring at one another.

Now she really couldn’t come out of the pantry. It would be simply too embarrassing if they noticed she had stood there the whole time. She just hoped that they wouldn’t just get it on in the middle of the servants hall.

“Maybe we should go upstairs…” Mr. Ellis muttered a few minutes later and his voice sounded breathless as if he had run a mile.

There was no answer from Thomas.

Another two silent minutes followed. “Alright. Let’s go upstairs, I just want to get a quick glass of water.” Thomas said.

Phyllis’ heart almost stopped at these words. He would come into the kitchen and see the open pantry door. And then he would find her here.

Quickly she pulled at the pantry door from the inside, leaving it only slightly ajar to make no noise. A second later she heard footsteps and the water running in the sink. Her breathing stopped for a moment when she heard Thomas’ voice.

“Hold on, I think someone forget to close the pantry door.”

Well, there was that. She had either the choice to spend the night in the pantry or come out and tell them that she listened to their entire conversation.

“Are you getting a little bit forgetful, Thomas?” Mr. Ellis asked with a smile in his voice.

“I am definitely not, Richard.” Thomas replied indignantly and Mr. Ellis laughed. “Mrs. Patmore must’ve left it open. Let me just…”

Phyllis took a deep breath and opened the door. “Please don’t be angry, Thomas.” She said and held up her hands looking at him with a pleading look in her eyes.

Both Thomas and Richard made a jump backwards as soon as she stepped out and now they stared at her with wide eyes. Thomas looked as if he was short before fainting. “Phyllis…What on earth are you doing here?!” he snapped as soon as he found his breathing again.

Mr. Ellis looked wary as if he just realized that she had probably stood there since they stepped into the servants hall.

“I am so sorry, I didn’t want to eavesdrop, but Lady Grantham came back very late and I wanted to drink a glass of water and noticed the open door to the pantry and then I saw that there was a broken bottle of oil and wanted to clean up but you came back and I didn’t want to scare you so I didn’t say anything.” The words bubbled out of her like water out of a fountain.

Thomas looked paler than before. “So you heard everything?”

He made a small step back and his left hand covered his mouth as if he was trying to suppress a noise from getting out.

Mr. Ellis threw him a concerned look before he looked at Phyllis. “Mrs. Molesley I beg of you, you can’t tell anyone about this. I will resign if you think it has to be, but don’t say anything about Thomas-“

Thomas’ eyes widened. “Richard, you can’t be serious!”

Mr. Ellis whirled around, there was fire in his eyes. “Why not, at least one of us shouldn’t suffer from this!”

“Oh do shut up, both of you!” Phyllis hissed and they stared at her with surprised faces. “I don’t care about that, and you should know it, Thomas. Have you forgotten that I already know about this?”

Thomas closed his eyes as if he couldn’t look at her and have this conversation at the same time. “For most people it isn’t the same when they actually see it. Please don’t make this worse, by pretending that you are alright with it.”

“I am not pretending!” she snapped back and lost her patience. This man was infuriating! How often should she repeat herself? “You want to know why I am angry right now? I am worried for you! I don’t want anyone finding out about this and frankly, you were foolish today. Everyone could’ve seen you. You speak about being careful but you behave like two fifteen year olds who fool around for the first time. I don’t know how anyone hasn’t found out about this by now, when I see how careless you act. And don’t even get me started about your plan of going to the pub in Ripon without telling anyone where exactly you were! Do you know what could’ve happened if something had gone wrong? None of us would’ve been able to find you! After all you have been through three weeks ago you really should be more careful!” She stopped to take a deep breath and her chest was heaving.

The two men stood there and blinked at her. Their faces would’ve been hilarious if the situation wasn’t so dire.

It took them a few seconds before they seemed to realize that she wasn’t going to call the police on them.

Mr. Ellis was the first to find his voice. He surprised her with his next words. “Mrs. Molesley. I know it isn’t proper but can I please give you a hug.”

She nodded mutely and a moment later he had closed his arms around her and squeezed as if his life was depending of it. “Thank you…” he whispered so low that Thomas couldn’t hear it. “Thank you for being there for him.”

She couldn’t reply anything before he already stepped back from her and smiled shakily. “You are a true friend.”

Thomas seemed to return to the living. “I still don’t know why you are so kind to me…Why you care…” he whispered as if he didn’t trust his voice with speaking louder than that.

She stepped over to him and squeezed his arm, knowing that he wasn’t ready for more physical contact at the moment. “You are my brother. Of course I care. Please promise me that you will be more careful next time.” Next time. She surprised herself with the words but they were true.

She hadn’t seen Thomas this happy since she came to Downton. He had been bitter before. Scarred by life and without any hope.

Since Richard Ellis had arrived he reminded her more and more of the happy boy she had known way back. The boy he was before the world had turned him into this serious and sad and distant version of himself. She didn’t want to lose this boy and if Richard Ellis was the reason for his reappearance she would happily let him into their lives.

“Can I please say that you just turned into my favourite person in this house, Mrs. Molesley?” Richard Ellis asked and his smile was warm.

That comment brought him an elbow into the ribs and a glare from Thomas. “Second favourite. I meant second, of course.” He added quickly and grinned at Thomas who rolled his eyes.

Phyllis had to laugh at this exchange. “Please, you can call me Phyllis. I don’t mind.”

Mr. Ellis smirked. “Then you should call me Richard. I am very glad to make your acquaintance, Phyllis. So you said you have known Thomas as a boy, haven’t you? Surely there are some stories…?”

She giggled but before she could answer Thomas interrupted.

“No gossiping about me or I will regret letting you two meet for the rest of my life.” He said with a sour face.

Richard shot him a look that would’ve settled any doubts about their relationship, if Phyllis still had any. The look Thomas returned was saying more than thousand words. She was sure they would’ve thrown themselves at each other again if she wasn’t standing right next to them.

Additionally Phyllis felt her cheeks heat up and suddenly felt as if she was witnessing an extremely intimate moment. “Please don’t mind me.” She said and bent down to retrieve the mop from the floor. “I just finish cleaning this up. You can go upstairs.” It didn’t sound so innocent in her ears.

Thomas and Richard stared at her a little bit warily. “Are you sure you are alright, Phyllis?” Thomas asked.

“Of course…” she muttered and began mopping. “Go, go. I take care of this and lock the door. You can leave the key with me.”

Thomas frowned but put the key on the table in the kitchen. He wanted to leave but Richard held him back and looked at Phyllis one last time. “Phyllis, you would tell us if you feel uncomfortable with this? We don’t want to bring you any distress.” Thomas looked as if he would like the floor to swallow him whole right this minute.

It made her incredibly angry all the sudden. Why couldn’t the world be more accepting? Why did they have to feel like they couldn’t show their passion for each other while Daisy and Andy flirted openly in the servants hall during every single meal? Why did Richard feel the need to apologise to her and Thomas couldn’t even look her in the eyes from embarrassment.

Phyllis face got a little more heated. “It really doesn’t, don’t worry.” She managed to get out, not wanting to embarrass Thomas any further.

Richard looked funnily at her. “Are you quite sure? You look flustered.”

“Just let it go Richard…” Thomas muttered but Phyllis had enough.

“Alright, I tell you what I think!” she tucked a lose strand of hair behind her ear and straightened her back. “I am flustered because I am angry. And I am angry because I can’t see this the way other people see it.”

She gestured between them. “Thomas I know you don’t want to hear this, but I want you to know that I am very happy for the both of you and that you don’t have to pretend in front of me. You can even kiss for all I care.” She took a small shuddering breath. “I don’t mind.”

There. She said it. She really didn’t mind. She didn’t know where this came from but the thought of them kissing wasn’t disgusting or strange to her. She thought it was beautiful. They belonged together, they deserved to express what they felt in public. And if that wasn’t possible, for obvious reasons, she should at least tell them that they could express what they felt when only she was present.

Thomas looked a little panicky as if he thought she had lost her mind but Richard grinned at her. “Phyllis, I like you very much.” And then he turned to Thomas, who stood next to him and he touched the butlers cheek with a loving gesture like he probably did before in the servants hall.

“And I love you, Thomas.” He said quietly but loud enough that they both could hear it. Thomas looked so dumbstruck that he didn’t even protest when Richard breached the distance between them and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. The butler froze on his spot until the moment was over.

Phyllis stood there and felt how a warm smile spread over her face. She smiled at Thomas who didn’t seem to realize that Richard had taken his hand in his.

Then she turned around and grabbed the Mop again. “Good night, Thomas, Richard.” She said still smiling.

“Good night, Phyllis.” Richard replied and then he tugged at Thomas hand and pulled a still quite shaken butler out of the kitchen. He probably needed a few minutes to comprehend what had happened.

Phyllis couldn’t stop smiling to herself while she finished cleaning the floor. She was very glad that she went through with it and told them what she thought. They knew now that they had at least one ally in Downton Abbey. Tomorrow she would bring Teo a snack. The dog deserved a little something for her help tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was a bit torn concerning the dog's name but I decided to go with Teo because the Downton Abbey fandom site said that is the right one. But I have also read Tiaa before.


	15. Thin Ice

**Saturday**

“Mrs. Carson?” It was Richard Ellis’ voice that ripped her from her thoughts. “Are you alright?”

Elsie had just come out of the laundry room, after giving the two maids a right dressing down for fooling around.

And now here was the cause of the problem.

Five minutes earlier she had walked by the room in the hallway and had heard the giggling through the door. Her steps had slowed down immediately and she had to hold herself back not to press an ear against the wood. Well to be honest it wasn’t even necessary. The two maids had been talking so loud that she could understand every word through the door.

“He is so handsome!” Sarah said. She was eighteenth and the younger of the two. Elisabeth was the other one (only a few years older) and they both lived in the village and came up to the house every day. Until now they hadn’t made any trouble besides the occasional gossiping. But since the new valet started they seemed to have only one topic. It wasn’t the first time that Elsie heard them gossiping, but it was the first time that they were talking so openly about who she thought they were constantly talking about.

“And he is from London, imagine all the stories he could tell.” Elisabeth said and sighed dreamily.

“Well, he won’t tell them to you. He asked me if I needed help carrying the linens up, yesterday. I think he might fancy me.” Sarah replied and her tone was smug.

A small pause followed and Elsie could imagine the hurt look on Elisabeth’s face. “Just because he offered to help you, doesn’t mean he fancies you. He helps Mr. Barrow and Mrs. Patmore all the time.”

“Well he sure as rain, doesn’t fancy _them._ ” Sarah snapped.

There was a gasp from Elisabeth and Elsie’s eyes widened. She wanted to open the door and end this immediately but before she could do so Sarah said something that made her freeze with her hand on the handle.

“Well it’s true, isn’t it? Mrs. Patmore is old and we all know Mr. Ellis isn’t like Mr. Barrow.” Sarah said clearly in disgust.

“Sarah, we shouldn’t talk about this…” Elisabeth muttered so quietly that Elsie almost couldn’t understand her.

“Why not? Everyone knows anyways. That he’s a lavender, I mean.”

Elsie opened the door quickly, stepped inside and closed it behind her with a little more force than would have been necessary. “That’s quite enough of that.” She almost snapped.

The two girls looked at her with wide fearful eyes. Elisabeth had clasped her hands over her mouth in shock. Sarah took a step back.

“Mrs. Carson!” she squeaked. “We didn’t-”

“Stand around idly spreading gossip like a pair of babblemouths? Talking about things that don’t concern you in the least? Yes, you did, Sarah and I am very disappointed in you.”

“Mrs. Carson, I didn’t want to, it was Sarah!” Elisabeth said quickly and Sarah threw her an angry look.

“I heard you both.” Elsie said and forced her voice to stay calm. She took a deep breath. The girls looked warily from one to another. “I will not say this another time, so listen closely. Downton Abbey is giving you a chance to earn money in a secure position. But it comes with certain requirements. Working in a house like this isn’t the same as working in any common house. You will not, under any circumstance soil its reputation by repeating silly gossip, for no other reason than to offend members of the staff or family. Talk like this has no place at Downton. You are here to work, not to gossip. I will hear no more of it or your position here may not remain as secure as I said before.”

Sarah and Elisabeth looked terrified at the prospect of losing their jobs.

“Yes, Mrs. Carson.” Both of them said quickly and looked at their shoes.

“And let me be perfectly clear, here. It’s not your place to interact with the male staff in any relation other than a professional one. You will give them the respect they deserve.”

“Yes, Mrs. Carson.” They muttered and even though Sarah looked as if she wanted to say something she kept her mouth closed. Good. She learned. Elsie couldn’t prevent them from gossiping but she could at least tell them off for some of the topics. She couldn’t openly defend Thomas but there were ways to support him and if that included keeping the maids from idolising the poor Mr. Ellis, so be it.

“Besides Mr. Ellis has a lot of work and worries over his sick mother. He has no time for two silly maids. You will not trouble him anymore.” She felt she had to add this.

“Yes, Mrs. Carson.” They said again and Elsie nodded.

“Finish the laundry now. And after that you can start dusting the whole second floor guest rooms. Lady Edith’s birthday is next week and we have a dinner party to look forward to.” That should give them enough to do, to keep them out of the servants hall and away from Thomas and Mr. Ellis for the foreseeable future.

They didn’t look happy but managed to keep their complains to themselves.

Elsie turned around and stepped out of the laundry room where she stood for a few seconds lost in thought.

It had been foolish to think that the maids wouldn’t have gotten wind of the events three weeks ago. Thomas’ secret was now apparently a gossip topic at Downton Abbey and in the village. This wasn’t good. It wasn’t good at all. But it couldn’t be helped. Not after the trouble they had with the governess and everything else that happened after that.

The only good was that the police couldn’t act just because there was some gossip. If there wasn’t any evidence their hands were tied and they were still too afraid of Lord Grantham to just follow a hunch.

All the more reason to remind Thomas and Mr. Ellis that they were walking on extremely thin ice here.

“Mrs. Carson? Are you alright?” And now there was Mr. Ellis standing in front of her, looking a little concerned. “Do you need help with anything? You look distraught.”

What a polite man. Elsie hadn’t seen him in a bad mood since she knew him. It was as if he simply couldn’t get angry. And he was always so helpful, something that Sarah and Elisabeth were right about.

“Mr. Ellis.” She said and managed a small smile. She talked to Thomas before but it couldn’t hurt to speak with the other part of the equation, could it? “I wanted to talk to you. Would you come into my sitting room for a minute?”

He arched a brow but smiled. “Of course.”

He held open the door for her like a gentleman and closed it after they both were inside. Elsie took one of the chairs in front of the fireplace and gestured to the other one. After a moment of hesitation he took it.

His gaze was expectant. “How can I help you, Mrs. Carson?”

She sighed and looked down at her hands. This wouldn’t be easy. “I just found Sarah and Elisabeth in the laundry room. They were talking about you and Mr. Barrow.”

His face closed off immediately. “They…”

“No.” she said quickly. “They didn’t know. At least not about you. I think you should know that they fancy you. But that isn’t the problem. They know about Thomas. We can’t prevent that they speak about him, because it is basically an open secret by now. The only advantage we have, is that the police can’t arrest him without a real reason. But if someone finds out about…” she lowered her voice. “…you two, it could give them substantial evidence.”

Mr. Ellis had grown paler every minute. “They really know about Thomas?” he whispered.

She was surprised. She had thought that Thomas told him everything. “Well, it isn’t a surprise after the incident with the governess. He surely told you about that?”

“Yes he did, obviously. I guess, I just thought people wouldn’t believe it so easily. Or maybe I hoped it would just vanish after a while like gossip usually does.”

“I am afraid this is different. Thomas has been around for a long time and there were always stories about him. The point is, Sarah and Elisabeth live in the village. If they notice something, they will likely tell someone. We can’t keep them from it. That means, that you have to be more careful than ever.” Elsie looked directly into his eyes. He seemed paler than usual, his skin tone resembled Thomas’ which was slightly concerning considering his usual tan.

He leaned back in his chair and stared into the empty fireplace for a whole minute.

Finally he rubbed his hands over his face and looked back at her. “I fear I have made a great mistake, Mrs. Carson…” he said and his voice shook a little bit.

“What do you mean with that, Mr. Ellis?” Elsie asked with a frown.

“I shouldn’t have come here. I endangered Thomas with it. We talked about this but I didn’t realise until now how dire the situation is. I-I don’t want him to suffer because of me.” His breath was going faster now. “Maybe I should leave, I can’t-can’t get him into this. Not again…”

She didn’t know what he meant with ‘again’ but she could see that he was clearly distressed. She leaned forward and squeezed his arm to offer a bit of comfort.

“Now now.” She said quietly and his eyes finally focused on her. To her surprise they were wet. This usually so happy and composed man was at the rim of a breakdown. “I will be honest with you. I have never seen Thomas as happy as he was in the past few weeks. Not in years. Clearly you are the reason. I fear he wouldn’t fare well with you leaving. I didn’t mean to frighten you, I just wanted to make you aware of the risks. I can’t promise that nothing will happen but I can tell you that you have more people on your side than you know. And I will do everything in my power to keep this from getting out. I am responsible for the wellbeing of the people in this house and that includes you and Mr. Barrow.”

He blinked at her and rubbed a hand over his eyes to wipe away the tears. “Thank you, Mrs. Carson. I knew I would like you the first time I met you. You are clearly not obliged to show us this sort of kindness, and yet you do. I will never forget what you have done for us.”

“I haven’t done much yet, Mr. Ellis. I don’t think I deserve the praise. All I did was telling Elisabeth and Sarah off and keeping them from troubling you any further.”

“Maybe we should let them.” He said a little bit grim. “It would certainly settle any doubts, concerning my preferences.”

Elsie looked at him disapprovingly. “Don’t say something like this Mr. Ellis. It would be the wrong thing to lead the girls up the garden path, no matter how much they want it.”

He sighed. “No, I know. It wouldn’t be fair.”

She smiled a little bit. “It _is_ something that Thomas would do.”

Mr. Ellis laughed at that. “Oh, I know. He told me that Daisy fancied him back in the days before the war.”

Elsie couldn’t supress a little chuckle. “This girl tended to fancy the wrong people for a long time. I am very glad she finally found a suitable young man.”

The valet smirked. “You are very observant, Mrs. Carson. I noticed that before.”

“You have to be observant, as a housekeeper. I once told Charlie, Mr. Carson that is, that he was the one keeping things in order around here, but I was the one keeping the _people_ in order.”

“One is definitively more important than the other.” Mr. Ellis agreed.

She had to smile at that. “Both are necessary to keep this household working.”

They both sat there a while without speaking. It was a comfortable silence.

“I never thanked you.” He said. “For giving me the chance to come here. I know you had a hand in it.”

Elsie made a neutral face. “I don’t know what you are talking about. You applied for the position and were chosen. I didn’t interfere with that.”

“Mrs. Hughes please don’t insult me, I heard the story about all the other applicants, who suddenly lost their minds or didn’t even show up. And you helped Mrs. Molesley convince Thomas, didn’t you? He wouldn’t have hired me if you hadn’t talked to him at some point of this.”

She got up from her chair. “I may have nudged him into the right direction in the beginning but Mrs. Molesley had a bigger role in it, Mr. Ellis. Sometimes the man needs a little push to find his happiness.”

“I am glad he has you.” He replied and got up from his chair as well. A grin appeared on his face. “I already promised Mrs. Molesley that she was my second favourite person in this house but I think you could be the third.”

“My, my.” Elsie said playfully offended. “The third favourite? Should I feel insulted, Mr. Ellis?”

He smiled. “Maybe you could share the second place with Mrs. Molesley, but I’m afraid the first place is unchallenged.”

Her laugh was loud and honest. This man was a treasure. She couldn’t tell him. That wouldn’t be proper, but she _could_ think it. Thomas had made quite a catch.

“I am sure Mr. Barrow will be delighted to hear that.” She replied and opened the door for him.

“He was.” Mr. Ellis muttered to himself and she was sure he thought she hadn’t heard him otherwise he wouldn’t have said it. Elsie rolled her eyes. Young love.

“Do you need help with anything else? I finished with Lord Grantham’s suit and shoes for this evening and have a little time left.” He said and just like that it was back to business. The vulnerable Richard Ellis who had almost broken down in front of her a few minutes ago, had vanished. Back was the humorous helpful gentleman.

Well, there were apparently a few things he still had to learn. “Thank you for offering, but you don’t have to do anyone else’s work on top of yours, Mr. Ellis. Take a few minutes for yourself now and then. It will do you good.”

He didn’t look happy at that so she sighed. “Well, if you really wanted to do something you could always help Mr. Barrow with the wine delivery for Lady Edith’s birthday. I think he is busy sorting through the bottles in the cellar.” Her tone was neutral but she couldn’t keep the corner of her mouth from twitching up slightly.

His eyes turned a little bit brighter at that. “It will be my pleasure, Mrs. Carson.” And he turned around and practically rushed in the direction of the butler’s pantry.

Elsie shook her head, still smiling. “Yes, I thought it would be.” She muttered to herself.

* * *

Daisy shook her head fondly while scrubbing the last pot from dinner clean.

Andy was making a fool out of himself. Again. The dinner in the servants hall was over and Thomas, Mr. Ellis, Mr. Bates and him were sitting at the table playing cards. It was uncommon that all four of them found the time between chores and serving the family but today they managed to eat earlier so they sat down for a quick game after that. Mr. Ellis had taught them a new card game he learned back then in London and Daisy noticed that Andy was not very good at it. The last three rounds her fiancé had lost spectacularly.

Daisy had helped Mrs. Patmore clean away the servants dinner before she sat down next to Andy for a few minutes, who wasn’t noticing that he was losing another round because he was busy pestering the poor Mr. Ellis with questions about London, the royal household and life in general.

Daisy agreed that Mr. Ellis was an interesting person but she also knew that there was only so much he could or would tell them. He was a man with secrets, the least of them concerning the king of England. But how could Andy know? He hadn’t noticed yet, what Daisy had seen as soon as Mr. Ellis interacted with Mr. Barrow for the first time weeks ago.

“And what was your favourite pub in London? What do you think how many pubs there are in London?” Andy asked curious. “I saw a few when I was there but they must have much more than I have seen?”

Mr. Ellis smiled. “I don’t know how many pubs there are in London, Andy. But I can tell you as a member of the royal household you rarely get to see the inside of them. Half-days are usually happening to people who don’t have to dress the king. So unfortunately I can’t tell you the name of my favourite pub.”

Andy looked disappointed but Thomas snorted. “I guess that isn’t a great loss. Pubs look all the same anyways.”

Mr. Ellis smirked into his cards. “Not all of them.” Thomas blinked at him a little bit dumb folded and Daisy wondered what that was about. It sounded really ominous in her ears.

“Well, what did you do then when you had any free time?” Andy continued asking completely oblivious to the previous exchange.

Richard smiled at him again after choosing a card from his hand. “Well, on the rare occasion that I had some time to myself I loved to take a walk in the park, read a good book, write a letter. I was never a friend of great outings. These kind of things.”

Thomas looked like he wanted to say something but instead he just pressed his lips together. Daisy smiled none the less. She knew that the butler liked to do the same things.

“Do you have a wife? Or a sweetheart? Back in London?” Andy asked and didn’t even notice that Thomas flinched so hard, that he lost two cards from his hand. Daisy still didn’t know how she could’ve been so stupid all these years. It was right in front of her eyes. Now the roles were reversed. She knew the truth and Andy was standing in the dark. And also, what was it with that dumb question? Did he think Mr. Ellis had hidden a wife somewhere in London the whole time? How could that even work with the distance?

“Marriage and service don’t go well together.” Richard said and she knew that this was his and Thomas’ standard reply, because she had heard it many times. It was a good one and true on top of it. Not many servants were married. Unfortunately he was talking to her fiancé and they were currently at Downton Abbey.

“It seems to go well together here.” He said and Thomas let out a suppressed snort that expressed what exactly he was thinking about that.

Mr. Ellis smile was a little bit forced. “I think you are the rare exception. I don’t know a single house with so many married servants, and I saw a lot of big houses on the trips through the country.”

Andy took a card from his hand and placed it in the middle of the table. Daisy looked over his shoulder and saw immediately that it was the worst possible choice he could’ve made. He didn’t seem to notice. “Well don’t you worry Mr. Ellis. We find the right woman for you somewhere.”

That was obviously too much for Thomas. He slapped his cards onto the table and got up quickly. “I need a smoke. Excuse me.” He said and was out of the back door before anyone could remind him that he left his lighter on the table where he lit the candle half an hour ago.

Mr. Bates raised a brow. “He is in a mood again.” It wasn’t a bad comment, just an observation. Daisy knew Mr. Bates and Mr. Barrow tried to get along now but sometimes they still bickered like in the old days. Especially since Mr. Bates spent most of his days sitting in the servants hall, observing everything around him and trying to help where he could without standing up or walking any stairs. She felt sorry for him. After two weeks in the solitude of his and Anna’s cottage he had been bored. It was really nice of Thomas to let him come here even though he didn’t work at the house anymore.

Mr. Ellis didn’t seem to listen to Mr. Bates’ comment. He looked after Thomas for a moment before he got up from his chair too. He took the lighter from the table. “He’s going to need this.” He said as explanation and followed Thomas outside.

Andy stared after them blinking dumb-folded. “What did I say?”

“The wrong thing.” Daisy said and glared at him. Mr. Bates arched a questioning brow. Daisy bit her tongue.

Fortunately a moment later Anna stepped into the servants hall and she and Mr. Bates left for their cottage. Daisy was glad that Andy and she were the only ones left.

“Daisy, I think I said something wrong, but I don’t know what…” Andy stammered confused as soon as the door had closed behind the couple. Thomas and Mr. Ellis were still outside.

Daisy rolled her eyes. “You said Mr. Ellis would find the right woman, Andy.” She stated the obvious.

He looked even more confused now. “But why would Mr. Barrow be so angry about that?”

Daisy knew suddenly how Mrs. Carson, Mrs. Patmore and Mrs. Molesley had felt all these years having to keep something from her because they didn’t know how she would react. Suddenly she was afraid what Andy would think. She didn’t want to doubt him, but she was also not sure how he would take the news.

Until now Mr. Barrows preferences had been not more than an abstract concept but it had gotten rather real since Mr. Ellis showed up at Downton Abbey. Daisy didn’t mind, she was happy for them, but she didn’t know if Andy would feel the same.

“I think you can answer that question for yourself Andy.” Daisy said slowly.

It took two minutes until understanding spread over his face. Then a shocked look took its place. “But…” he said. “What…since when…” his eyes were big when they stared into hers. “You know…?” he sounded completely disbelievingly.

Daisy couldn’t suppress a laugh. “Yes, I know. I know, usually I am the last to notice something like this, but I was not so slow this time.”

Andy still looked like he couldn’t quite comprehend what was happening when the back door opened and Thomas and Mr. Ellis stepped back inside bringing a cloud of smoke with them.

“I am sorry. I needed a cigarette break.” Thomas muttered before he took his seat again and Mr. Ellis sat down next to him. “Do you want to continue the game without Mr. Bates?” the butler asked Andy.

“Or we could start a new one.” Mr. Ellis inserted and picked up his cards as if nothing had happened in the last few minutes.

Andy stared at the two of them for a moment and Daisy thought he wouldn’t be able to handle it when he surprised her again. “Let’s start a new one.” He said and a tentative smile crept up his face. “I think I finally got it now.”

* * *

#### Monday

Sometimes Tom was really glad, that he had been chauffeur for a long time. If you made a living out of it you were used to getting up at the strangest hours to drive someone from one point to another. This time he had gotten the call when he just wanted to go up to bed.

For whatever reason there was a delivery of car parts Henry ordered to York, waiting at the Downton Station. Tom didn’t know who messed up the details but he could only think that it had something to do with the train company.

They weren’t very good at their jobs. It wasn’t the first time since Henry and Tom started their business, that some delivery got lost on the tracks. At least this time it got lost practically in their front yard and wasn’t on its way to Birmingham.

Henry was still in London, much to Marys dismay (he would return before Edith’s birthday on Friday), so the only solution was that Tom himself had to drive down to the station to sort out this mess.

That was why at half past nine in the evening he took his coat and headed out to the garage. In hindsight it was probably a lucky coincidence that he had to stop before entering the garage to tie an open shoe lace, because this was the moment he heard a thud from inside. It almost sounded as if something had hit a stonewall.

Tom frowned. Maybe an animal? It was surely no one from the house, it was far too late to go anywhere and as far as Tom knew none of the staff had their half day today.

With Edith’s birthday coming up in a few days, there was not much time left for half-days. He knew that Mr. Barrow and Mr. Ellis had taken their half-days last week because he had lent them the car to go to Ripon.

He was about to press down the handle when he heard a second thump from inside, followed by the sound of voices, slightly out of breath. He couldn’t hear exactly what they were saying but from the sound of it, it seemed to be two men.

Tom took his hand from the door knob and walked the few steps over to the small dirty window that was embedded into the brick wall at the west side of the garage. He knew he probably shouldn’t burst into the garage without warning but he also couldn’t just turn around and leave whoever was in there to their own devices. Maybe they needed help. No matter what, he needed the car.

He had to rise to his toes to look through the window but fortunately he wasn’t too small. There was no light in the garage but today was full moon and it shone bright enough for him to recognise who he was looking at.

To be honest, he would’ve preferred a wild animal. At least that wouldn’t have brought the amount of trouble this would bring if it got out.

Thomas Barrow and Richard Ellis leaned against the opposite brick wall and kissed as if their life was depending on it. The butler was with his back to the wall, his hands gripped the lapels of the valets suit like a life line. Richard Ellis had his back to Tom, but he could imagine that the valet was as flustered as the butler, who looked red in the face, his suit wrinkled, his normally styled hair a downright mess.

Tom was frozen in place, and couldn’t do anything else besides blinking at the scene that unfolded next to the cars. He still stood there when he saw Richard Ellis pulling back a little bit to catch his breath. He lifted a hand to the butlers cheek and touched the skin there. Tom was sure, that he said something but he couldn’t understand it through the window. Thomas Barrow smiled as a reply. It was this smile that surprised Tom more than anything else. He had never seen such a genuine happiness on the butlers face, and he already knew him since he started at Downton Abbey more than twenty years ago.

Tom slowly backed away from the window until his back hit part of the hedge next to the garage and he stumbled to the ground in a heap of flying leaves and tangled limbs. He just so managed to supress a surprised scream with his hand over his mouth.

After that he just sat there on the ground, probably getting grass stains on his trousers. He didn’t care.

The only thing he could think about was what he had to do now. He did have to tell someone, obviously, didn’t he?

What would the rest of the family do when they found out that their butler and their valet were far more accompanied with each other than any of the family or staff would think appropriate?

Well, it was clear what would happen. Thomas would get sacked, and Richard Ellis would surely share the same fate. And that could be the least of it. If this got out both men could end up in prison.

Tom buried his head in his hands before he took a deep breath and did what he always did when he found himself in an impossible situation these days. He thought about what his late wife Sybil would do. He didn’t need to think long.

He looked up to the bright full moon and the countless stars at the sky. “I love you, Sybil.” He whispered. “And you will always stay in my life. I won’t disappoint you.”

So he sat there in the grass, thinking and keeping watch at the same time, undecided what he should do or if he should go. No, he couldn’t risk it. He couldn’t let the two men in there know that he saw them, but he could also not leave when any moment someone could come out of the back door and find them.

When the garage door opened fifteen minutes later and the butler and the valet stumbled out, Tom hid behind the fire wood shed and promptly decided that the car parts could wait until tomorrow.

* * *

#### Tuesday

It was a beautiful day. Anna strolled down the path to the village lost in thought when she heard steps behind her.

“Mrs. Bates!” It was Richard Ellis, the new valet and he was quite out of breath.

Anna stopped in the shadow of a great beech and waited until he had caught up with her. “Mr. Ellis!” she said surprised when he finally stood next to her. “Has something happened?”

He shook his head still trying to catch his breath. She waited patiently. Finally he opened his mouth. “Nothing happened, Mrs. Bates. You were gone maybe ten minutes when Lady Mary came downstairs and declared she needed a new hatband for Lady Edith’s birthday dinner. I offered to catch up with you, to tell you.”

“Oh, that is very kind of you Mr. Ellis, but you didn’t have to. I could’ve gone again tomorrow. We still have three days until that dinner.” Anna replied.

This was typical for Mr. Ellis. In the short time she had known him he had doubled his work load every day by constantly helping other people out. Maybe he wasn’t used to all the spare time he had at Downton Abbey.

She didn’t think until know that the Downton staff had many breaks (and they sure as rain weren’t _slothful)_ but if someone compared it to the Buckingham Palace any break was probably longer than what they had there.

“It is really no trouble, I needed to buy new shoe polish for Lord Grantham’s riding boots anyways. I just ran out and he needs them tomorrow.” He had caught his breath now and straightened his lapels a little bit. “Do you mind if I walk with you, Mrs. Bates?”

Well, wasn’t he polite? She wasn’t used to such professional politeness anymore. Everyone in Downton Abbey was like a family to her and they didn’t care much for formalities. It was a nice diversion to be treated like a lady, not just like ‘Anna’. Of course she liked her colleagues but sometimes she missed talking to people who hadn’t known her for years. It was refreshing and adventurous.

Besides Mr. Ellis was good company and he always had a story about the royal household. Of course he was too polite and professional to gossip about his former employer (the king of England!) but he often talked about the staff and how their work days were organised. The stories where always funny with a little hint of bitterness and disbelieve, considering the traditional ways of the royal household.

“Of course I don’t mind it, Mr. Ellis.” She said smiling and he replied with a relieved laugh.

“Well, I will make it worth your time, do you want to hear what I experienced with shoe polish in London? It’s quite a story…”

They spend the next half hour in pleasant conversation and when they arrived in the village Anna’s stomach hurt because she had to laugh so hard about Mr. Ellis’ story of the first royal dresser, who once managed to accidently ruin a pair of the kings riding boots by using bleach on them. Richard told her that they then covered the ruined spots with black paint and were lucky that it didn’t rain the day the king needed them for a parade.

“You helped him even though not helping could’ve given you a promotion and him the job of second dresser?” Anna asked and she knew that she would’ve probably acted the same way.

Richard’s smile turned a little bit remorseful. “Well, I guess, I always was too nice for the royal household. Everyone else would’ve probably taken the chance. I just thought that I really didn’t want him to be cross with me for the rest of my life. If you work at the royal household you are lucky if the people you work with are tolerable. Friendship is even rarer. Most of them are like wolves, it’s a constant fight.”

Anna shuddered. “You are probably glad, that you are away from it, aren’t you, Mr. Ellis?”

“Very glad, Mrs. Bates. Very glad indeed.”

They made their way to the one small shop in Downton that offered lots of random things one could suddenly need in any household, no matter which size. From writing paper and ink over hair pins, bandages, cooking spoons and gloves up to shoe polish. If you weren’t afraid of searching a bit between the rows of high stacked shelves and boxes, you could find it there.

There weren’t many other stores on the street. One bakery, a grocery store and a small repair shop for anything mechanical, from clocks to farming tools. On the other side of the street loomed the church of Downton and if someone walked a hundred yards further they would come to the Grantham Arms, the school and the post office. The train station was located in the same direction.

As it was they just needed to stop by this one store and then they could head back to the house. It was afternoon, but the family had a dinner invitation tonight, which meant that Anna and Mr. Ellis would be busy preparing everything for Lord Grantham and Lady Mary as soon as they returned.

They stepped into the shop which was only occupied by a small man with round glasses who stood behind the counter and two customers who lurked somewhere in the back. Anna could hear their muttering voices.

“Good afternoon, Madam, Sir.” The shop owner said and nodded in their direction.

They greeted him back and made their way through the shop to find the things they had come for.

Anna helped Mr. Ellis look for the right shoe polish for Lord Grantham’s riding boots. She had watched many times how John applied it to the shoes and she knew exactly which sort was the best for Lord Grantham’s boots.

In return Mr. Ellis helped her look for a hatband, mending fabric and hair pins for Lady Mary, with a surprising insight concerning everything from colours over material to patterns. No wonder, he was a royal dresser once. He was apparently very good at his job.

They walked back across the store to pay at the front desk when one of the other two customers made a comment. “Toffee-nosed lot ‘s everywhere these days. Thinkin’ they’re better than us.” he muttered and the man next to him grunted with agreement.

“Beg your pardon, Sir? Where you talking to us?” Mr. Ellis replied and looked coldly at the one who opened his mouth.

The two men looked like farmers, with sun burned skin and thick arms, old scars on their faces and hands. Their boots were crusted with mud.

Anna took an involuntary step back. She really didn’t want any trouble.

“Seems like beggin’ and crawlin’s the only thing ye lot can do.” The man replied and now his companion let out a supressed chuckle.

Richard still looked at them with a calm and levelled but cold gaze and Anna could see how his shoulders tensed at the man’s words. She touched his arm with her right hand. “Mr. Ellis, don’t.” Then she turned to the two men. “We don’t want any trouble, Sir’s. We just want to make a purchase and be on our way.”

“Oh she’s ye’r sweetheart? Didn’t think there were any real men up there, at the posh house. Just’ a bunch of lavenders. Heard one of ‘em got battered longer than a fortnight ago.”

A gasp escaped Anna’s mouth and now Richard made a step forward. “You should think really hard before you say another word!” he snapped angrily and Anna’s hand fell from his arm. Anna could see a fury in his face that she had never seen before. She didn’t even know Mr. Ellis was capable of feeling such anger. She was suddenly absolutely sure that Mr. Ellis would punch the man. He clenched his fist.

“Gentlemen!” the shop owner interrupted in this moment. “If you want to brawl, go to the pub where such behaviour belongs, you won’t do it in my shop! And Gary how dare you talk like this in front of a woman? I thought your father taught you better.” The small old man behind the counter looked suddenly downright furious.

To Anna’s utter surprise the shoulders of the two farmers hunched. “Sorry, Mr. Gregory…” the one who hadn’t said a word until now muttered. The other just snorted but he didn’t look so sure anymore. They seemed to respect the shop owner. “Let’s go Gary.” He said then to the mouthy one. “Wouldn’t want to mess with the posh people.”

The other man, Gary, looked like he would’ve liked to stay a bit longer but the shop owner shot him another pointed glare and both of them left the shop muttering insults under their breaths.

Mr. Ellis looked like he was seriously considering following the two of them outside, even if it ended in a fight.

“Mr. Ellis.” Anna said quietly and he finally turned around to her. There was still an ire in his eyes that made a shudder run down Annas spine. “Please don’t do anything rushed. They are not worth it.”

“She is right, you know?” Mr. Gregory, the shop owner sighed. He examined them over the rim of his round glasses. “It would just bring more trouble.”

Mr. Ellis took a deep breath to compose himself before he shook his head and turned around to Anna. “I am very sorry, Mrs. Bates. I shouldn’t have lost my temper. What they said just made me incredibly angry.”

Anna could feel the gaze of the shop owner and realized all the sudden how precarious the situation was. This could end very badly for Mr. Ellis if she didn’t do something quickly. Even though Mr. Gregory did defend them, they didn’t know him and he could go to the police if he thought anything untoward about this encounter.

“Please, Mr. Ellis. You don’t have to apologise to me. But you wouldn’t want Mrs. Ellis to worry about you, would you? What would she say if you turned up at home with a black eye? You can’t reason with people like that.”

The only reaction was that Mr. Ellis’ eyes widened slightly at that but otherwise he didn’t show that she had just implied that he had a wife waiting for him at home. Besides it wasn’t even a lie. How could the shop owner know that she was talking about his mother, not his wife?

Mr. Ellis made a very good impression of looking guilty and sighed. “You are right, Mrs. Bates. How foolish of me. I wouldn’t have heard the end of it, if I did something this reckless.”

Mr. Gregory laughed. “Well, your wife will never know what almost happened here. But I have to give you a warning. The Downton Abbey folk doesn’t have the best reputation in the village these days. I would be careful who you anger down here.”

Anna put her purchases on the counter. “We appreciate your help, Sir. You helped us out of a precarious situation. I thank you very much.” Even though he probably only did it because the Downton Abbey staff were his best customers.

The old man smiled. “These two ruffians are no danger. They are all bark and no bite at this time of the day. It’s the pub you should keep away from, especially at night. Alcohol tends to loosen tongues and fists alike, pardon my frankness, Madam.”

Anna smiled back politely and assured him that it was no trouble. They paid for their purchases and left the shop. There was no sign of the two men outside.

Without speaking they made their way back to the path that led to Downton Abbey. Mr. Ellis didn’t say a single word until they left the village behind them.

When they had reached the edge of the estate and already could see the house in the distance, they slowed down a bit. Finally the valet seemed to have found his voice.

“You managed the situation very well, back there. I have to thank you for that, Mrs. Bates.” He said after a moment.

Anna stopped walking and looked at the man. His shoulders where still tense, his fists were clenched at his sides and his brow was furrowed as if it took everything out of him not to sprint back to the village to end the conversation with the two farmers.

The past few silent minutes had been enough time for Anna to reflect on what she had seen in the shop.

Mr. Ellis’ reaction to the insults seemed quite extreme in hindsight. She also thought about the few times she had seen him with Thomas. She was sure that there was something that she had missed and the previous encounter had shown her what it was. She had come to a simple conclusion.

The valet wouldn’t have reacted this way if he didn’t know about Thomas and what happened a three weeks ago. He also wouldn’t have risked so much just to defend a stranger. And he surely wouldn’t have gone along with her lie about a wife if there wasn’t a very good reason for that. She knew for a fact that he didn’t have a wife.

So this was her conclusion: There was more between Mr. Barrow and Mr. Ellis than someone would expect.

“How you managed to let him think that you were talking about a wife, while also telling the complete truth because you were talking about my mother, was quite impressive.” Mr. Ellis added when she didn’t say anything.

“Well, you are right. I didn’t lie to him. I am not very good at lying.” Anna said slowly and Mr. Ellis smiled. It didn’t last long, a frown appeared on his face a moment later.

“I hope I haven’t scared you with my behaviour.” He said.

He apparently was a man who simply couldn’t stand it when people didn’t like him. She noticed it before. He seemed to make friends with the same ease with which Thomas made enemies. It was quite ironic, if you looked at it this way.

“I think you underestimate me, Mr. Ellis. It takes more than a few angry looks to scare me.”

“Yes, I realised that today. Mr. Bates is lucky to have you.”

They were silent for a few minutes. There was still the obvious issue that needed addressing and even though she didn’t want to frighten him, she knew that she had at least to assure him that she wouldn’t reveal anything to anyone.

She looked around quickly, but they were still completely alone on the path. “And Mr. Barrow is lucky to have you.”

He didn’t look surprised at that. He probably already knew that she noticed something in the shop. Nonetheless he had to close his eyes for a moment before he sighed deeply. He seemed bone-tired all the sudden.

“I am afraid to ask, what you will do now.” he said warily.

Anna looked down at her shoes for a moment. It was just a second to help her think but when she looked up again Mr. Ellis face looked as if he expected the worse.

She shook her head and held up her hands, placating. “Of course I won’t tell anyone!” she said quickly. “Please don’t worry. I would never intentionally hurt Mr. Barrow like this. It’s true that we never got along well, but this is more important than any past quarrel. I won’t destroy a person’s life no matter how much this person annoys me on a daily basis. And I really like you, Mr. Ellis.”

He let out a relieved breath. “Thank you. And I owe you for this, Mrs. Bates.”

She refused with a wave of her hand. “You don’t, Mr. Ellis. You really don’t. But I think you shouldn’t tell Mr. Barrow that I know. He still doesn’t trust me and I don’t want him to think that I could use this against him even though I can assure you I never would.”

“Well, it wouldn’t be Thomas if he simply trusted everyone.” Mr. Ellis replied sighing. “Alright. I think we can keep this between ourselves for now. I don’t want to burden him further. He had a few rough weeks. But there may come a time when I have to tell him that you know.”

She nodded. “I know.”

They continued their walk in silence for a few minutes until Mr. Ellis spoke again.

“Can I ask you an unrelated question, Mrs. Bates?” he inquired.

She nodded and he looked a little apologising at her. “I fear that you might be cross with me, because I have your husbands former job. Would you tell me if that was the case? I wouldn’t want something like this to cause any hard feelings, if it can be resolved in any way.”

Anna suddenly had to laugh loudly. How could anyone ever think that this calm and earnest men was capable of punching a man square in the face. He almost did it not even thirty minutes ago and she still couldn’t believe it. Of course he did it to defend Thomas. It was actually rather sweet if she thought about it.

“I am not cross with you, and I can assure you nor is John. He even told me that he likes you, Mr. Ellis.” She smirked. “I also think that you are incapable of causing any hard feelings between you and the people you work with. You are a very likable person.” She would’ve never spoken so openly if she wasn’t sure that he wouldn’t tell anyone.

“Well it isn’t alone my benefit. There were many people at the royal household who didn’t like me. I am just fortunate that all of you at Downton are so welcoming and accepting. I marvel at it every time I walk into the servants hall in the morning. You have truly become a family.”

Anna smiled a little grim, when she thought back to all the things that had happened in the past years. “It was a long way and there were many bumps in the road. We went through so much pain together that we all have each other’s backs now.”

“I am glad that I can be here, even though it was an unfortunate accident that let to this outcome.” Mr. Ellis replied.

Anna had to look at her shoes again and this time she had to supress the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes. John was better physically but he missed his job and there were moments when she thought he would give up on the world around him. She tried to tell him every day that he would find his place at Downton again. There simply had to be something that he could do. They just hadn’t found it yet.

In the past few days she had felt quite lonely with her thoughts and suddenly she had someone who she could talk to.

“John is not in a good place right now.” She said quietly. Mr Ellis looked at her as if he was surprised that she opened up to him. “He can’t see a way how he could do something useful at Downton Abbey in the future. Lord Grantham told him that it wasn’t necessary and that he would get a full pension, but John didn’t want that. He wants to do something. We are just not sure what he _could_ do with his injury.”

“I am sure he will find something soon. He is a very brave and intelligent man, Mrs. Bates.” Mr. Ellis said and he sounded so sincere that she believed him immediately that everything would be fine.

It was true. John was intelligent and cunning and he managed to solve a lot of problems in the past. His live hadn’t been easy and for a long time he was alone with it. That wasn’t the case anymore. Now they were together and they were a family. Her and John and little Johnny. They had both escaped a prison sentence after being wrongfully accused. If they had managed that they could also solve this situation. Anna suddenly felt much more confident than before.

She smiled brightly at Mr. Ellis and all the sudden she felt like she couldn’t recall what made her miss all the formalities when she had a family and friends to support her. “Please call me Anna. All my friends do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I will be able to post more at the weekend but unfortunately I have to work both days once again so I can't promise anything.   
> A big thank you to everyone who is still reading this.  
> Stay healthy and stay safe, I feel like we can't say that often enough these days.


	16. A Chicken-And-Egg Situation

**Tuesday evening**

It really wasn’t Annas fault, that Mary had pestered her with questions about the new valet and his adventurous history at the royal household.

Her maid had usually much to tell and it was as if the two of them shared an unique friendship that was getting stronger the more gossip they shared.

It had been this way since Mary knew the other woman. Anna never had a problem to talk about everything that was going on downstairs. She loved to chat about Mrs. Patmore’s repeated attempts to make her bed and breakfast respectable. They giggled together about Andy’s failures to ask Daisy out and Daisy’s bluntness when _she_ finally did it. They laughed about it when Barrow gave Albert a dressing down because he didn’t know the difference between a soup spoon and a serving spoon and when Mr. Molesley showed up for every dinner with more than two guests, because he felt they needed an additional footman and also couldn’t keep his eyes of Mrs. Baxter (Now finally Mrs. Molesley).

Today something was different. Mary was in the best mood to gossip, but Anna didn’t seem eager to share anything she knew about the new valet. Which was strange because he was a good looking man from London who had once _dressed the king_ and could only be more interesting if he decided to dance the Charleston on the dinner table in front of granny. There should be a story behind this mysterious Richard Ellis. He was far too perfect to be real.

Mary was sure of it and she also knew that Anna knew something. The problem was she didn’t seem as if she wanted to share what she knew.

“He is quite good looking, the new valet, isn’t he?” Mary asked while Anna pulled the pins out of her hair. “Carson would’ve never hired him in his days, the maids would have all been eager to take him to the pictures.”

Anna made a vague agreeable noise and took the brush from the vanity to comb Marys hair.

Mary arched a brow. “Don’t you think he is handsome?”

Now Anna’s cheeks turned a little red. “I shouldn’t say, Milady. I am a married woman.”

Mary couldn’t suppress a laugh at that. “I am married too. You know it is still allowed to look. So what do you think?”

Anna shrugged at that with a little smile. “The maids surely think so, Milady.”

That was a curious remark. Mary couldn’t remember a time when the Maids hadn’t found some male member of the staff very handsome. Saying the maids thought someone handsome was like saying the sun set at the end of the day. Simply nothing special. For a long time it had been Thomas (unfortunate for the maids), then it had been William (unfortunate for Alfred) before Jimmy came along (unfortunate for everyone including Thomas). It wasn’t too farfetched that the newest addition to the household was exiting. But there was surely a reason why Anna was so cagey about it.

“I couldn’t fathom why he left the royal household, though. That is quite a step down, considering his former position.” Mary drawled and Anna’s gaze turned sad.

“Oh I believe his mother is rather ill, and he wanted to be closer to her. She lives in York.” Anna sounded a little bit more confident now, as if she could talk safely about the valets sick mother but not about his handsome looks. This conversation got more peculiar every minute.

“I wonder why he didn’t go directly to York, then. Downton is still quite a way from there.”

“I couldn’t say, Milady.” Anna replied far too quickly and turned around to rearrange one of Mary’s hats on the dresser next to her. A completely unnecessary action considering she would take it with her downstairs anyways when she left. It was the hat she had wanted a new hat band for. Edith’s birthday was on Friday and she planned to look as breath taking as she could manage. Even after all they had been through there was still a little rivalry left between her and her sister.

“Do you think Downton made such a good impression on him that he wanted to work here after visiting just one time with the royal household? I recall that we weren’t even on our best behaviour at that time.”

She could remember what Anna told her after the royal visit. How the staff managed to take down every single member of the royal household’s staff until they could serve the dinner themselves. It had impressed Mary quite a lot. “What part did Richard Ellis play, during the royal visit again?”

Anna stepped from one foot to the other looking rather uncomfortable. “Oh, he helped us Milady. He and Mr. Barrow managed to get rid- to call the footmen back to London.”

Mary laughed. “Oh that was him? What a delight. No wonder he wanted to come back here, scheming is this houses speciality after all.”

They were silent for a few minutes during which Anna removed the rogue from Mary’s cheeks and applied a cream to her face. Then something else came to her mind. “You said, Mr. Ellis _and_ Mr. Barrow made this phone call? I thought Barrow wasn’t even here at the time?”

She wasn’t proud of her actions back then and she could still remember that she didn’t see Barrow even once after she had told him that Carson would do his job during the royal visit. Why would he help in this case?

Anna looked a little bit guilty, a sign that Mary had said something that disturbed her. Interesting. What could that be?

“Anna?”

“He went to York, Milady. Mr. Ellis invited him to a pub and they made the call on the way.” Anna finally said.

Mary arched a brow. She couldn’t say why Anna was so nervous about something like this. It didn’t seem important.

“Well, I am glad that I didn’t manage to keep Barrow out of the royal visit entirely.” She said. “It seems he had some fun after all. Who knows what would have happened if he had to deal with Mr. Wilson himself and not poor Carson. I would hate, if Barrow was still cross with me because of it.”

“He isn’t cross with you, Milady.” Anna said far too quickly and seemed even guiltier after that.

“Why are you saying that?” Mary asked frowning. “He seemed rather agitated that day.”

Anna shook her head. “I just think he had a good time in York. That is all, Milady.” Now Anna’s cheeks were flaming red. Something was the matter here and Mary would get to the bottom of this. Anna had never been a good liar.

“Anna, why are you not telling me what you think?” she asked. “You never kept quiet about the details before. I don’t understand what is the matter today.”

“I am sorry Milady.” Anna said and stared at her shoes. “I really can’t say. It is not my place to tell.”

“Well if it is this scandalous it has to be good. You know you can trust me, can you? What did this Richard Ellis do, that made you so afraid?” Suddenly a dark thought crept up her back. “Did he do anything bad? Anything criminal? Are you in trouble Anna?” she leaned forward.

Annas eyes widened. “No, no, no, Milady. It isn’t like this. It really isn’t.”

“Has it anything to do with the maids? Has he maybe courted one of them? It wouldn’t be the first time that a maid fancied the mysterious new valet.” She said that with a smirk, obviously referring to Anna and her husband. “Did you see anything?”

Anna shook her head so vehemently that one of her hair pins was yanked free and flew into some corner of Marys room. Additionally she seemed to have completely missed the joke. Mary couldn’t recall a time when the topic of her husband wouldn’t have put a smile on her maids face. “Please don’t ask me, Milady. I can’t say anything. And they don’t harm anyone.”

“They? Who is they? Some maid and Mr. Ellis? I knew it! Anna tell me what this is immediately. It clearly distresses you. I can clear up this situation in no time.”

“He would never forgive me…” Anna whispered and now her hands were in front of her face. She kept backing away from Mary, the face cream lay on the dresser completely forgotten.

Mary got up from her chair and made a step in her maids direction. She had her hands raised trying to calm the woman down.

“Who? Who would never forgive you? Mr. Ellis? I didn’t know you were friends.”

“Not Mr. Ellis…” Anna whispered and closed her eyes. “Mr. Barrow.” The last two words came out barely loud enough to understand them. Not even a second later Anna opened her eyes again and now she looked completely mortified. She took another step back.

Mary blinked at her. “What has Mr. Barrow to do with Mr. Ellis?” she said and as soon as the words left her lips the only possible solution to this whole peculiar situation practically jumped up in her mind. How _indeed_ could Mr. Barrow be involved with Mr. Ellis?

Anna pressed her lips together. “Please…you can’t say anything, Milady. It would be my fault…” she begged and now tears ran down her face.

“The two of them.” Mary said slowly and began to comprehend what was happening here. “You were talking about them the whole time. You tried to keep me from finding out about…” her eyes widened. “ _them._ ”

Anna began to sob at this point of the conversation.

* * *

And now here she was on the stairs, after she convinced her maid, that she wouldn’t tell a single soul, after she gave her word that she wouldn’t talk about this and comforted her until she was no longer crying. She sent a disturbed but slightly calmer Anna back home to her cottage and spent ten minutes pacing in her room after that, trying to decide what to do.

Mary came to the conclusion that she couldn’t let this pass.

It was one thing to know about Barrows preferences and ignore them because they didn’t matter to her. She could protect the man and sweep any rumours under the carpet. It was an entirely different thing when her butler started to make sheep-eyes at her father’s valet under the roof of their home, at his workplace. Some standards had to be kept in a house like Downton. This couldn’t continue. Richard Ellis had to go.

She made her way down to the servants hall feeling emotionless. This had to be done and if she had to be the person to do it, so would it be.

She rounded the corner to the servants hall about to address somebody when she realized that nobody was there. Mrs. Molesley was probably upstairs helping her mother and most of the other staff left the house in the evening. Her father had still been in the library with Tom when she went up, so Richard Ellis should be here somewhere.

As she turned to the butler’s pantry she suddenly heard voices from the kitchen. To her utter surprise one of them was the voice of her son.

“I want one more! Please!” he called and a laugh was the reply, coming from none other than Thomas Barrow himself. She never had heard him laugh in this way.

“Master George, you know Mrs. Patmore wouldn’t be glad to see you ate half of tomorrows breakfast.” The butler said with feigned strictness in his voice.

“But I am hungry! And I never get any of the things the grown-ups get for breakfast! And they never even eat them! I want something like this too!”

“Mrs. Patmore probably won’t notice if another one of these is missing, will she Mr. Barrow? I think we can let Master George have one more.” This voice belonged to Richard Ellis, she was sure about that. She could hear the polite smile in his voice but also a little bit of mischief.

Mary slowly crept around the table in the servants hall until she was next to the door that led to the kitchen. She carefully peeked around the corner, trying to make no sound while doing so. George was sitting _on_ the wooden table in the middle of the kitchen, already dressed in his pyjamas and his dressing gown. His naked feet were clad in his house slippers and his legs swung back and forth. In front of him stood a plate with madeleines and he was happily munching away on one of them.

Mary couldn’t suppress a smile. Her son had such a sweet tooth.

Mr. Ellis was sitting in a wooden chair, a book in his hands and a cup of tea in front of him. As Mary watched Barrow turned around to the kitchen counter and took a teapot from the stove. He poured Mr. Ellis another tea and without asking added sugar but no milk. The valet smiled at him thankfully.

“Thank you Mr. Barrow.” He said and his voice was so soft that the name sounded like a term of endearment.

Barrows reaction was what surprised Mary. He placed the teapot back on the stove and smiled lightly. It was a truly happy smile, that she hadn’t seen on the butlers face for a very long time but he also looked a bit as if he couldn’t quite believe his luck.

“Now my story!” George interrupted Marys observation and the moment and both men looked at the child as if they had forgotten that he was there for a few seconds.

“Are you sure, that you are not too tired, Master George?” asked Barrow but George shook his head vehemently.

“You said, when I had a nightmare I could come downstairs and you would read me a story! You said that would help, so I want my story now!” George crossed his tiny arms in front of his chest and pouted.

Mr. Ellis arched a brow at Barrow. “He is quite right, Mr. Barrow. We definitely said that.”

“Well, alright, Master George.” Barrow sighed. “If Mr. Ellis has time to spare I am sure he will gladly read you a story.”

George grinned. “Will you listen too?” he asked.

Barrow took another wooden chair and sat down next to Ellis. George saw a chance and immediately hopped down from the table and onto Barrows lap where he looked over Mr. Ellis shoulder into the book. “Alright, you can start. We are ready.” George said seriously.

Mr. Ellis looked from the boy to the butler. “Oh, are you ready, really?”

Barrow grinned at him. “You have a captivated audience, Richard. We want to hear a good story.”

George didn’t seem notice the slip-up but Mr. Ellis’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. “I see what I can do, Thomas.”

Mary turned around and pressed her back against the wall next to the kitchen door. She closed her eyes for a moment and just listened as Mr. Ellis began to read the book, an adventure novel from the sound of it.

Many times Mary had tried to read books to her son. Many times she had given up because every few sentences he interrupted with questions and she just couldn’t handle it. She wasn’t the best person as a mother, and she knew it. Often her patience ran out with George. She loved her child and she would do terrible things to anyone who tried to hurt George but she simply wasn’t born to be a mother, who really understood her child. Barrow was different, he understood.

And now, standing here in the servants hall listening to these two men interact with George like they were born to do it, she couldn’t help but wonder why the world was so cruel. Why it denied them the happiness they clearly deserved. And in the same moment she knew that she had never planned to blow the whistle on them.

Mary stood there for half an hour until Mr. Ellis closed the book and George had fallen asleep in Barrows arms.

Her son hadn’t interrupted the story a single time.

* * *

Cora was descending the main stairway when she saw her daughter come out from behind the green baize door.

Maybe Mary knew where George escaped this time. Cora had wanted to say good night to her grandson but the boy was nowhere near the nursery. Usually that meant that he was downstairs with the staff but one could never be sure about that.

“Mary!” she said and her daughter looked up. She seemed to be quite startled and the rare smile that had adorned her face a minute ago was gone now.

“Oh Mama, must you appear from nowhere like this?” Mary asked with a sneer.

Cora descended the last steps and came to a halt next to her daughter. Mary was already in her dressing gown and apparently ready for bed. She wondered what had let her daughter to come downstairs like this. It was an unusual occurrence for Lady Mary to be anything but impeccable dressed.

“I was looking for George, dear. Did you see him?”

Her daughters face closed off at that and it was a surprise to see that she didn’t smile. Usually when someone mentioned her son Mary couldn’t keep her distant expression from splitting into a smile.

Cora knew immediately that there was something, her daughter wasn’t telling her.

“Oh he is downstairs with Barrow. Apparently he had bad dreams and wanted something warm to drink before going back to bed.” She seemed to be a little bit insulted that her son preferred the butlers comfort over his mother’s when having nightmares, but Cora knew that it was just show.

Mary loved her son but she was sometimes a little bit overwhelmed by being a mother. She needed all the support she could get and Barrow got along fabulously with all the children. A shame that he would never have children on his own. Cora scolded herself right after thinking this thought. It wasn’t fair to the man to speculate about his personal affairs.

Cora arched a brow at Mary. “Didn’t you want to bring him back up with you? We wouldn’t want to keep Mr. Barrow from his hard-earned night sleep, would we? He has still so much to do before Friday.”

Mary shook her head a little bit too quickly. “They were reading a story and I promised George they could finish it before he has to go upstairs again.” She said shortly.

Cora wondered why Mary seemed so cagey about this. It was certainly no secret that Mr. Barrow loved to read books to George.

“Well, I don’t want to get in the way. George deserves a bedtime story now and then. Why don’t you go up to bed and I just stop by downstairs for a moment to say good night? I will leave them to it, after that.” Cora replied.

Marys face froze for a second before she caught herself. “I think we shouldn’t disturb them, Mama. Mr. Ellis was busy writing a letter in the servants hall and I think it is addressed to his mother. He seemed quite upset. She is sick you know? We shouldn’t trouble him anymore tonight. Barrow told me he would bring George to the nursery after they finished the book.”

This was another strange remark. Mary rarely concerned herself with the servants problems, least of all their families problems. She also had never thought twice about walking into a room when she needed something. If Lady Mary demanded something, whatever it was had to appear as soon as possible.

Not even two days ago Mary had sent Mr. Ellis running after Anna, who had walked to the village, just because she suddenly didn’t like the colour of her hat band anymore. It couldn’t wait a day, if Lady Mary wanted something. She surely wouldn’t concern herself this much with Mr. Ellis or his sick mother.

“Of course you are right Mary. We shouldn’t disturb them anymore than necessary.” She replied and smiled a little bit confused when Mary looked relived. This got more peculiar every second.

They walked back upstairs together.

On the landing they stopped for a few seconds. “Well, I am off to bed. Good night Mama.” Mary said after a moment.

“Good night darling.” Cora replied and embraced her daughter. She couldn’t help but notice that Mary seemed tense. “Sleep well.”

Mary nodded and walked away in the direction of her room. Cora looked after her with a frown.

She met Robert in their bedroom for the first time in days. Her husband was still not getting much sleep after the ordeal with Bates and often slept in his dressing room so he didn’t disturb her by getting up in the middle of the night, but it was getting better now that the former valet was finally recovering.

“How are you?” she asked softly after she sat down on the bed next to him. He had a book in his hands and was already halfway through it, which was a good sign considering his nervous habit to start dozens of new books without reading more than a few pages in each of them.

Robert smiled at her and took her hand. “I am well. You don’t have to worry so much Cora. I am not made of glass. I won’t just fall apart.”

She sighed and closed her eyes for a second. “I am glad you are getting better. I think it is good for you that you have a valets undivided attention again. Mr. Barrow was a little bit overwhelmed during Bates’ hospital stay.”

Robert didn’t look like he wanted to talk about that. He grimaced. “I know. And by god, I didn’t make it easier for the man.” He was of course talking about the brandy incident.

Cora had been very disappointed with him at the time but she also knew that he was in a bad place that night, considering Bates’ condition was still uncertain. She couldn’t blame him for feeling pain. It was true that the things he said to Mr. Barrow were wrong but he felt guilty right after and apologized and that was of the most importance.

She touched his arm softly. “Don’t be too hard on yourself about that, Robert. You already did everything you could to atone for that unfortunate event.”

They sat there in silence for a few seconds. “How are you getting along with Mr. Ellis?” she finally asked.

The new valet had made a polite and professional impression on her. She had liked him from the first second but there was also something buried beneath the servants blank.

Cora knew that that was probably the case with every staff member but nonetheless she felt a certain sympathy for the new valet that she couldn’t explain. Maybe it was the way he looked with wonder at the family and the other servants, when he thought no one noticed.

It certainly couldn’t have been easy to work at the royal household. She was glad that he found kindness and warmth in their house.

She knew the feeling of being in an environment that felt strange and cold. It had been this way for her when she came from America and was practically thrown in at the deep end of British high society. Only when she married Robert she had learned what kindness the English could offer when they let go of their stiff upper lip for a few moments.

“He is very professional and experienced in his job.” Robert replied a little bit stiffly.

“Has he done anything that offended you?” she could read her husband like an open book and he seemed to be disturbed by something.

Robert sighed and put the book onto the night stand. “No of course not, Cora. He is the perfect valet. But you do know that I miss Bates, don’t you?”

She nodded sadly. “He is more than a valet. He is your friend. But you can still talk to him and visit him. No one says you can’t.”

A small smile appeared on Roberts face as if he hadn’t considered that until now. “You are right. Maybe I will do just that tomorrow. I miss our conversations.”

“You do that. And give Mr. Ellis a chance. He seems to be a good man.”

Her husband sighed again. “I will try. Maybe it will get better for me, but probably not until Edith’s celebration is over. I don’t know why we agreed to host this ruckus here at Downton but I fear it will turn into a spectacle again.”

“You know that your mother can’t make the long drive to the Hexam estate anymore, Robert.” Cora replied patiently because this was a conversation they already had at least three times in the last two weeks since Edith asked them to host her dinner party. “And Edith really wants her granny at the celebration. You know that your mother’s health isn’t the best anymore.”

Robert snorted at that. “Well she certainly doesn’t show it. I have heard her complain about all and sundry over the years, but never about something health related. She is stubborn like that.”

“All the more reason to take care of her. She just can’t express that she needs help. Your mother is a very strong woman.” She leant over to her husband and gave him a soft kiss. “And I think you inherited quite a bit of this stubbornness.”

The Earl of Grantham let out an indignant huff and she had to laugh at that.

“We should go to sleep.” She said and he agreed.

Cora hoped that Robert was feeling a little better after their conversation. After decades with him she had yet to learn how she could keep from worrying permanently about her husband, but maybe this was one of the drawbacks that came with being married.

* * *

**Wednesday**

Phyllis came up to help her dress in the morning and seemed to be more happy than usual.

“What has you in such a good mood, if I can ask Phyllis?” Cora said with a smile.

The woman seemed a little bit sheepish. “Oh nothing special My Lady. It is just beautiful weather outside and I was planning to go to the village to post a letter in the afternoon. I enjoy walking there in the sun.”

“It _is_ fairly warm outside today. I think we will be able to take lunch on the terrace again.” Cora replied and laughed after a second. “Look at me, talking about the weather like a proper British woman. My mother would be appalled.”

Phyllis smiled lightly. “If I might be so frank, you can be both a British and an American woman, My Lady. There is nothing wrong with that.”

“Yes, I suppose you are right.” Cora remembered something from her talk with Lady Mary last night. “Would you do me a favour?”

“Of course, My Lady. How can I help?”

“I heard that Mr. Ellis’ mother is still very sick. I would be very grateful if you could tell him, that we will gladly offer him anything he needs to make things better. I want that he knows that he can have time off whenever he needs it.”

Phyllis smiled at that a little bit sadly. “That is very generous of you to offer, My Lady. But I think he just wants to distract himself with work. He visits her on his half-days but her condition hasn’t changed in a while. There really isn’t much he can do.”

“Well, please tell him anyways, that he has the family’s support if he needs anything.”

Phyllis nodded. “Of course, Milady.”

* * *

After her breakfast Cora took her maids advice and stepped out of the house to take a walk in the sun.

She met Tom in the gardens. He looked a little bit disturbed and seemed to stare into the distance, so she stopped next to the bench he was sitting on. “Are you alright, Tom? Has anything happened?”

He looked up at her surprised and his eyes widened. “Oh, no, nothing happened. Everything is fine…” he trailed off. Cora knew that he was still uncomfortable talking to her or Robert sometimes. He didn’t seem to know how he should address them, and even though she told him many times that he could call her Cora, he still avoided it.

“You seem a little bit shaken, Tom. Are you sure you are alright?”

He was silent for a few seconds before he sighed and gestured to the seat next to him. She sat down and looked at him from the side.

“I think I need an advice on something, if you don’t mind.” He said slowly.

“Of course I don’t mind, Tom.” She said and looked away from him to give him a little bit of space. Instead she studied the neat hedges that lined the garden path. She could hear the chirping of birds in the trees not far away. Someone didn’t have to be British to notice that it indeed was a beautiful day to be outside.

“I saw something I shouldn’t have seen.” Tom began and she saw how his hands twitched from the corner of her eye. He was nervous. “There are people who would think what I saw is wrong. That I should tell someone about it. But a part of me is not sure this is the right way. I am…torn.”

Cora thought about what he said for a moment before she replied. “Do you think what you saw was wrong?”

“Well, I learned that it is wrong and the majority of people would certainly say so, yes.” He replied frowning.

“That was not what I asked, Tom. I asked if _you_ thought it was wrong.”

He had to think about that for a moment. There was still a frown on his face. “I…I don’t think so, no. I don’t understand it and I think because of that I may not be entitled to judge.”

“If this is what your heart tells you, you have your answer. Not everything we are taught as children is right. Living means finding out what is right and wrong for yourself.” She knew that parents and teachers alike tended to convince children that everything they said was correct. But if she would’ve listened to all of that, she probably wouldn’t be here today, having this conversation with the former chauffeur who married her darling Sybil, enjoying the time she had with her granddaughter.

Tom sighed. “I often think about Sybil.” He suddenly said out of context and yet perfectly in line with Cora’s own thoughts. “And I think about what she would’ve done in my situation.”

Cora smiled sadly. “My daughter was an idealistic young woman and she had a wonderful heart. It isn’t wrong to assume that she would’ve known the right answer in many situations.”

He nodded slowly. “I loved her very much. Still love her. I think she would’ve said the same as you. That I should follow my heart.”

“And what does your heart tell you?” Cora asked. For a small second she had felt the same sadness that threatened to overwhelm her every time she thought of her late daughter. But she smiled through it, remembering the good moments and cherishing them deep inside of her heart. Mourning didn’t have to be always sad.

“It tells me that real love is so rare, it shouldn’t be hindered in any way. That it is precious because it can be taken from us faster than we think.” He laughed shortly. “This is also something Sybil would’ve said.”

Cora felt how tears welled up in her eyes but she managed to blink them away. She shook her head. “No, Tom. This is something _you_ said.”

* * *

The afternoon tea was just over and Cora decided to visit the children in the nursery when she heard voices from one of the guest rooms further down the corridor. The door was slightly ajar.

It sounded like Mrs. Carson and Phyllis, probably busy inspecting the guest rooms that would be needed for Friday’s dinner guests.

“But you talked to him didn’t you, Mrs. Carson?” Phyllis said and Cora stopped in the middle of the corridor for a moment. She didn’t want to eavesdrop, but she heard the wariness in Phyllis' voice and wondered why her maid wasn’t on her way to the village like she said she would be in the afternoon. What were the women talking about?

“Of course, I did.” Mrs. Hughes replied a little indignant which was so unusual for the housekeeper that Cora blinked confused. “But he wanted to go anyways. He is convinced that there will be no problem. He thinks they would never do anything in bright day light.”

“I don’t like this, Mrs. Carson. I offered to walk down and post the letters myself but he refused my offer. You know how he is. Said it wouldn’t be a bother and he had to send a letter to his mother anyways. If they suspected anything…”

“They don’t. Not yet at least. And not from him. But either way, I don’t like it, when he goes alone.”

“And what thinks the other party about that?” Phyllis asked.

There was a short pause. “I don’t think he is aware, how dire things are in the village. He wasn’t there himself since that unfortunate incident three weeks ago. Which I am very glad about.”

“So, we should warn him. We can’t let him go down there alone.” Phyllis tone was determined. “They probably won’t do anything, if one of us is with him.”

“I am afraid we can’t depend on that. I would feel better if they both stayed here until things have calmed down a bit. I think I will talk to them tonight.” Cora could hear the frown in Mrs. Carsons voice.

This was the moment when George came around the corner and spotted her. “Grandma!”

She forced herself to smile at him and opened her arms wide so he could embrace her. “Well hello George, what did you do all day?”

* * *

In the evening Cora was in her sitting room, eager to have a few quiet minutes to herself. She sat on a sofa in front of the fire place and held a small green book in her lap.

It was a diary she started after Sybil died. For a long time she had kept all her grieve and anger inside before she decided that she couldn’t go further on this way and started writing everything down.

It helped her find peace in her thoughts. She knew that there were many people that cared for her and would listen, but she didn’t want to burden them with her feelings all the time.

Today’s entry was shorter than usual because not much had happened. That wasn’t new. Cora’s life had been relatively uneventful since the royal visit but she had more and more noticed the small things around her and these were the things she had written down.

_Dear Diary,_

_I was too tired to write anything yesterday but Robert and I talked quite a while in the evening. He seems better and I think it is partly because of Mr.E. I knew it was the right decision to hire the man, not just because I heard praise from several people about him. He helps Robert who needs a bit of normality more than ever right now._

_Unfortunately I heard a few things today that made me worry._

_Tom was upset. Had a conversation with him in the gardens and he told me that he saw something he shouldn’t have seen and was undecided about what to do. Finally he came to the conclusion that he wouldn’t say anything, which is partly because of my dear Sybil._

_I also heard P and Mrs.C talk in one of the guestrooms and they seemed to be quite concerned. I have not yet decided if I will speak to them about it but it’s a troubling thought that they worry so much, when they are so calm and level-headed most of the time. Maybe I have to think about a way to talk to them without frightening them any further._

_And one last incident that happened last night. Mary was behaving strangely. She kept me from going to the servants hall and fabricated a lie story that Mr.E was writing a letter to his sick mother, and we shouldn’t disturb him which is true in general but surly wasn’t the reason in this particular case. I know my daughter and she certainly doesn’t care about disturbing the staff at any time of the day. I didn’t want to argue so I went to bed without confronting her. But I certainly drew my conclusions from Mary’s behaviour._

_This day has shown me more than any other day that noone can keep secrets in Downton Abbey._

* * *

Thomas sat at the servants hall table and played cards with Richard when Mrs. Hughes stepped into the room. They were the only two left, the Bates’, Phyllis and Mrs. Patmore left for their cottages half an hour ago and Andy had gone to bed early tonight.

It was a rare occasion that the two of them had a moment to themselves in the servants hall and they just enjoyed the silent game of cards, exchanging smiles from time to time.

“Mrs. Carson!” Richard said surprised when she walked in. “We didn’t know you were still here.”

Mrs. Hughes didn’t smile back. Instead she took a seat at the other side of the table and looked around. “Is anyone else still downstairs?” she asked.

Thomas frowned at her. Her behaviour was strange considering her usual calmness. He could see that she nervously fidgeted with the sleeve of her dress, which she had never done before in his presence. “They all left. You are apparently the last one.” He replied and placed his cards down on the table to turn to her fully. “Why didn’t you leave yet?”

“I am afraid I have to talk to both of you.” She said.

Thomas and Richard exchanged a wary look. She didn’t look like she really wanted to have this talk. If she would say, that she couldn’t let this pass anymore he would probably faint right here. The dread came over him in waves.

“Of course. What did you want to talk about?” Richard asked politely as ever and in stark contrast to Thomas inner storm of feelings.

Her gaze didn’t meet Thomas’ or Richard’s, instead she looked down at the table. After a moment she seemed to make a decision because she looked up and there was only determination in her eyes.

“I think it would be better if the two of you didn’t leave the grounds of Downton Abbey anymore.” She finally said.

Thomas blinked at her. “Excuse me?”

Richard looked a little bit resigned as if he expected something like this.

“It is not safe in the village. I don’t want that you go there until the situation calmed down a bit.” She said. “Any business you could have there will be taken on gladly by other members of the staff. Phyllis already offered to go, if there is anything you need or any letters you want to send.”

Thomas felt how the anger surged up within him and replaced the fear he felt only seconds ago. How could she dare giving him orders where he should be allowed to go and where not? He was the bloody butler here! His fists clenched on top of the table. “What is this?” he snapped. “Some kind of intervention? Do you think I am still the stupid little boy you can order around? I am the _butler_ of Downton Abbey and I go where I damn well please!”

“Thomas!” Richard said shocked. “She didn’t mean-“

Thomas didn’t let him end his sentence. “Yes she did! I won’t let these people dictate how I should live my life, Richard! And I certainly won’t let you do the same, _Mrs. Carson._ ” He used her married name on purpose, because in this moment she wasn’t the friendly calm Mrs. Hughes anymore. She was Charles Carson’s wife and he needed the reminder.

“You are behaving ridiculous.” Mrs. Carson replied with a stern gaze but she didn’t raise her voice. “We don’t want to dictate your life, we want to help you.”

“Well, I don’t need your help!” Thomas snapped back. “I have everything I need right here and if I want to go to the bloody village, I will go to the bloody village!”

“Thomas, please listen to me.” Richard inserted. “You know that she is right. After all the things that happened in the last weeks…You said yourself that you wouldn’t go to the Downton pub anymore.”

Thomas shot him a hurt gaze. How could he say this in front of Mrs. Carson? How could he take her side. “Why are you with her on this? I thought that we agreed that we could live with the risk when you came here.” he asked bitterly. “You can’t expect that we hole up in this house until the end of days? What if this will never get better?”

“It _will_.” Richard said. “We just have to be patient. And in the mean time you will be safe. They can’t hurt you here.”

Thomas had enough. He got up from his chair and pulled his cigarettes from the inside of his livery jacket. “I don’t care if I am safe here, Richard. I will not sit in this house like a prisoner for the rest of my life! And I am sure you won’t like it either once you realise what this entails. Are you planning on seeing your mother again? Because you would have to go to the station in Downton to do that.”

Richard pressed his lips together. “We will find a way. It is most important that you are safe. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you again.”

“Well, maybe you have to.” Thomas snapped back and turned around. “I go for a smoke, if you two think I am still permitted to do so.”

* * *

Elsie had watched the exchange with a sad gaze until Mr. Barrow stormed out of the back door. She sighed.

“I am sorry, this is not your fault, Mrs. Carson.” Mr. Ellis said quietly and stared at the spot where Thomas had sat not only seconds ago. “I know you are just trying to help. I really appreciate it, but I think Thomas isn’t used to this many people caring for him. He may confuse it with us trying to control him.”

Elsie nodded. “I know what you mean. He doesn’t trust easily and he doesn’t like it if he can’t make his own decisions.” Her eyes met his and the sadness she saw there made her sigh again. “I didn’t mean to cause an argument between you. I feel like _I_ have to apologise.”

Mr. Ellis shook his head. “You did everything right. He just needs time to realise it. I will talk to him.”

She tugged at the sleeve of her dress, which seemed just a little bit too wrinkled in her eyes. “Please do that. Maybe he will be a little bit more prudent if it comes from you. But I can’t stress enough that this wasn’t a request. You both have to stay here. If you think it would help I can talk to his Lordship. Maybe a direct order would be better?”

“I don’t think it would be wise to involve even more people, Mrs. Carson. He already thinks we are intruding in his business.”

“Well, you can’t be intruding, you are part of his business Mr. Ellis.” Elsie said and smiled. It was as close to the truth as she could go without speaking about things no one should. There were still certain boundaries that she couldn’t cross.

A small smile appeared on his face. “Yes, I am apparently…”

* * *

Richard joined Thomas in the back yard not even two minutes later.

“I am sorry.” Thomas said immediately and looked up at the valet. There was regret in his eyes and Richard wanted nothing more than to take the man in his arms.

“Come with me?” he asked without replying and walked past Thomas in the direction of the garage. He heard a sigh from the butler but after a moment the footsteps behind him told him that he was indeed following.

Thomas closed the garage door and turned around, opening his arms wide. “Now you can yell at me.”

Richard shook his head and crossed the distance between them to finally take Thomas in his arms. “You have nothing to apologise for and I am never going to yell at you.” He whispered and felt the tension slowly bleed away from the butlers body.

“Why are you not arguing with me?” Thomas whispered and Richard’s heart nearly broke at the question and the honest surprise behind it. Thomas was apparently not used to people who wouldn’t argue with him.

He took a small step back so he could look into Thomas face but his arms stayed around him. “Because I don’t want to. We have enough pain in our lives without arguing.”

A small but bitter laugh escaped Thomas. “So you will say nothing if I decide to go to the village pub tomorrow?”

“I would come with you.” Richard replied matter-of-factly and Thomas eyes widened.

“No you won’t.” Thomas snapped seconds later. Richard could hear the anger in his voice but he could also hear the fear that he tried to conceal.

“So you want me to stay here? Because you don’t want to see me getting hurt? I wonder where I heard that before.”

The butler opened his mouth but he closed it a second later, realising what Richard had said. “Oh you are bloody hilarious.” He muttered. “Using my own words against me.”

Richard didn’t laugh. Instead he took Thomas’ hand in his and hoped that he could put every comfort he had into that single touch. “I am only human, Thomas. And I am afraid like everybody else. Did I tell you what happened yesterday when I went to the village with Anna?”

Thomas sighed. “You know you did and it was impulsive and stupid of you.”

“The point is that it made me realise you were right when you said it is dangerous here and even though I would do anything to protect you from it I will not keep you back if this is what you really want. But I will not let you face this alone either. If you want to be reckless, let us be reckless together.”

Thomas frowned. “So you would throw away your life, just to prove your point?”

“I would throw it away for you.”

They were silent for a moment. “Just to be clear. If I decide to go along with Mrs. Carson’s ridiculous order you would be perfectly fine with doing nothing and suffer the consequences, but if I do the opposite you are ready to fight and suffer the consequences? Isn’t there any solution where you will not come out on the short end of this, Richard?”

“My mother once said, real love is a chicken-and-egg situation. It means sacrificing everything to protect someone from suffering just to make them suffer from the consequences of this sacrifice.”

Thomas stared at him. “That is a depressing thought.”

Richard smiled. “Yes. But she also said that it is a price that everybody who is in love would gladly pay. Because not paying it would mean being alone.”

He took Thomas face in his hands and looked deep into his eyes. “So it doesn’t matter what decision you make, I will be at your side. Because I love you and I don’t want to be without you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, unfortunately work is still keeping me busy and updates come at the craziest times. If you are in luck I'll be able to post the next chapter this evening but I can't promise it because understandably a defined time schedule is something the public health department simply doesn't have these days.  
> I thank all of you for reading and hope that I can reply to those lovely comments soon :)  
> Stay home and stay safe.


	17. Seating Arrangements

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said 'maybe this evening'.   
> Unfortunately closer to one a.m. but I guess somewhere it's still evening ;)

**Thursday**

The first days back at Downton Abbey had been the hardest. Each time the bells at the board in the servants hall started to ring, John wanted to jump up. And every single time Mr. Ellis gave him an apologising look and went instead.

He couldn’t stand the feeling of being useless but it was the only feeling he had since he got out of the hospital. And he couldn’t even blame the new valet for it. It wasn’t Mr. Ellis’ fault that he got John’s job because he tumbled down the stairs and couldn’t do it anymore. Besides the man was far too likable to be angry with. John didn’t know how anyone could be so good at making friends but Mr. Ellis had certainly perfectionated the skill. Everyone downstairs and upstairs had only good things to say about him.

Even Anna, who sometimes needed a little bit of time before she could trust people, returned a few days ago from a walk to the village with the valet and couldn’t stop talking about the man after that. She didn’t tell anything important, just stories that Ellis told her about the royal household and what he did while helping others with their work and why he was so funny sometimes. If he hadn’t been sure of her love for him, John would’ve gotten jealous.

Mr. Ellis seemed to get along exceptional well with everyone and both maids where flirting continuously with him, but he never made a move. He kept declining any invitations and politely changed the topic whenever the conversation turned to his personal life.

He never mentioned a woman besides his mother which should have sounded a few bells in hindsight. Jimmy, William and Alfred hadn’t spend a single day without talking about women. Thomas was another story, for obvious reasons.

The butler was in a peculiar mood today. He had spent half of the breakfast wincing every time someone spoke to him or made too much noise with the cutlery and when the bells sounded at the board behind him he squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his temples. He also remained seated even when the bells stopped ringing which led to a lot of stares because he was usually the first one getting up and all of the others were waiting for him now.

It wasn’t the old times anymore where no one could leave the table when the butler hadn’t stood up yet, but the staff was still polite enough to at least ask before moving on after a meal. Thomas had never minded, he didn’t care much about Mr. Carson’s former rules.

“Mr. Barrow?” Mrs. Carson asked now with concern in her voice. “Are you not well?”

On the other side of the table Mr. Ellis looked up quickly from his tea cup. His eyes narrowed when he noticed Thomas’s expression and the way he held his head but he didn’t say anything.

Thomas took a deep breath and shook his head which apparently wasn’t a good idea because he turned even paler immediately. “I am well, thank you Mrs. Carson. Only a headache. Everyone to work.” He said and stood up from his chair. Mr. Ellis got up too. There was concern on his face.

John remained seated because he was technically not working here anymore and had only come with Anna to the house because Lord Grantham had expressed a spontaneous wish to talk to him later that day.

“Mr. Barrow!” Daisy gasped suddenly and John looked up quickly. Thomas had managed a few steps away from the table before he began swaying alarmingly.

Several of them moved but Mr. Ellis was the fasted. In a flash he was at Thomas’ side and caught the butler before he could collapse.

“Thomas!” he called and didn’t seem to notice the slip-up. John didn’t even know the two knew each other so well. Apparently they did. “Andy help me with him.” Mr. Ellis said breathlessly and Andy nodded and hurried over to take Thomas’ other arm.

Together both of them put him back in his chair. The other servants looked disturbed at the scene. Mrs. Molesley had put a hand over her mouth.

“I’m good, I’m good…” Thomas snapped and winced a second later. He closed his eyes. “Just a slight headache…”

“You almost collapsed, Mr. Barrow.” Richard Ellis said and was obviously back to formalities now.

Thomas took a shuddering breath and buried his head in his hands. That was the sort of table manner that Mr. Carson would’ve seen as a reason to sack someone or at least as a good sign that the person in question needed more work to do. Fortunately Carson was not here and there weren’t many people left who cared for such nonsense these days.

“You are _not_ well, Mr. Barrow.” Mrs. Carson insisted and under her gaze Thomas sighed. “You should go back up to bed straight away.”

“I just need a moment to sit down…” he muttered. “It’s just a headache. I stood up to fast. No reason to lie in bed all day.”

“Fine. Then you will sit here until it gets better. Mr. Bates will keep you company. I will ask Mrs. Patmore for a tonic. Mr. Ellis, Mrs. Molesley, Mrs. Bates. I believe you are needed upstairs. Andy, Albert, help Daisy with the breakfast preparations. Sarah, Elisabeth to the laundry room.” And with that she disappeared into the kitchen.

Everyone else went to do what she said, only Mr. Ellis hesitated for a second next to the table. “Do you need anything else Mr. Barrow?” he asked and there was real concern in his voice.

Thomas looked up at that and their gazes met for a second before he buried his head in his arms again. “Thank you, Mr. Ellis. I am quite alright here.”

Mr. Ellis nodded slowly before he also went upstairs to help Lord Grantham dress.

A few seconds later the only people left in the room where Thomas and John. The butler had still not looked up. His shoulders were slumped.

“So,” John said after a moment. “Why did you come down today, if the headache is this bad.”

“It wasn’t until now…this bad, I mean…” Thomas muttered exhausted. “I sometimes get these headaches. It gets better when I close my eyes for a minute.”

John leaned back in his chair and sighed. The man obviously was in no mood to talk to him. So he turned back to his own thoughts instead.

John was slowly getting used to sitting around the whole day but that didn’t mean that he liked it. He had spent many days at the cottage to recover from his injuries but after a fortnight he simply couldn’t stand it anymore. So he walked up to the house with Anna in the morning and helped with tasks he could do while sitting at the servants hall table.

He copied the inventory list for Thomas when Albert accidently spilled a cup of tea over it.

He helped Mrs. Patmore with her grocery list and Andy with the silver.

He showed Mr. Ellis what to use as polish for Lord Grantham’s riding boots, which didn’t need quite the intensive care, the king’s boots apparently needed. Something Anna seemed to find strangely funny when he told her about it.

Another reason to like Mr. Ellis was because he didn’t act arrogant just because he worked in the royal household. He listened when somebody told him how things worked at Downton Abbey and he followed these instructions without complaining or thinking he was better than them.

It didn’t matter to John, that he was actually not getting paid to do these things, but he was glad he at least could do something.

Thomas’ groaned into his arms. “This comes at the worst possible time…”

“Aren’t you a bit dramatic?” John snorted. The man was behaving as if he lost an arm. John’s entire leg felt like it was on fire when he didn’t take the pain relive medication Doctor Clarkson ordered him to take. And if he took it he could spent the whole day in bed, because it made him so tired. And of course here was Thomas Barrow complaining about a simple head-ache.

Thomas finally looked up at him but he didn’t look angry because of John’s remark. Just unbelievable tired. And a bit annoyed.

“I’m sorry if I am a bit dramatic Mr. Bates, but are you aware that today is Thursday?”

John arched a brow. “Yes, what has that to do with anything…” he trailed off suddenly realizing what the butler meant. “Tomorrow is Lady Edith’s birthday celebration isn’t it?”

Thomas grimaced, opened his mouth to reply and winced a moment later when a loud noise from the kitchen interrupted him. It sounded like metal hitting stone. Very hard.

“I am soooo sorry, Mrs. Patmore! It’s not broken. It was nothing important, just a pot!”

“Well maybe you want to try cooking without a pot then, Daisy!” Mrs. Patmore bellowed and Daisy muttered something apologising in reply.

“Well good for you, Mr. Bates. You remembered.” Thomas almost snapped at him and there was pain in his voice. “Now you know why I can’t play sick the whole day. You are lucky this doesn’t concern you anymore but I got an awful lot to do before tomorrow. I have no time to sit around twiddling thumbs.” He took another deep breath and wanted to get up from his chair but this was the moment Mrs. Patmore came out of the kitchen.

“ _Sit down,_ Mr. Barrow!” she ordered with the same voice she usually used when Andy and Daisy were flirting instead of working or the poor delivery boy got the order mixed up. Thomas dropped back into his chair with a huff. “Yes, I know you are terribly busy, but it won’t help the Marchioness of Hexham if you faint now and are not able to do your work tomorrow. Now be a good boy and drink your tonic.”

She put a half filled glass in front of him and John was pretty sure that the only reason she didn’t smash it onto the table was because she had scolded Daisy not even seconds ago for almost breaking a pot.

“You know, I am not a boy anymore, Mrs. Patmore.” Thomas muttered but the cook just arched a brow at him.

“I have known you since you were a boy and old habits die hard, Mr. Barrow. So drink up and take a rest, so you don’t keel over tomorrow. Mr. Bates, he is your problem now.” And with that she turned around swiftly and continued snapping at poor Daisy who was still busy preparing the upstairs breakfast.

“She never would’ve talked to Mr. Carson this way.” Thomas said bitterly and John laughed at that.

“Well, that would’ve been an interesting conversation. But I also don’t think that she would’ve worried so much about Mr. Carson’s head-ache.”

“That’s not true.” Thomas said and gulped down the contents of the glass. “She likes Mr. Carson. I sometimes think that she can’t stand it, that I replaced him.”

John shrugged. “You can think what you want. I was just telling you what I noticed. And you are not Mr. Carson’s replacement. You are his successor.”

“What’s even the difference…?” Thomas muttered under his breath and John decided to leave this conversation for another day.

They sat in silence while the butler continued rubbing his temples with closed eyes. “You don’t have to sit here and watch me the whole day. I am a grown man.” He finally mumbled.

John rolled his eyes. “Believe me, I would be sitting here, even if you weren’t suffering from a head-ache right now. I have not much choice in the matter these days. But it’s better than sitting at the cottage all day.”

“The stairs are the problem, aren’t they?” Thomas asked without looking up.

“Mmh.” Mr. Bates replied and rearranged his leg under the table so it wouldn’t get stiff. “Going up is better than going down. Doctor Clarkson says I will have problems for the rest of my life. Unfortunately this is a house full of stairs. I never could’ve stayed Lord Grantham’s valet.”

“I am sorry.” Thomas replied to his surprise.

“It’s not your fault. It was an accident.”

“Maybe if I-“

“No. It was an accident. No maybe there. It is just as little your fault, as it is Master George’s fault.” John interrupted.

After another silent minute Thomas sighed. “Well, I can’t sit here the whole day. I have a dinner with twenty guests to plan.”

“You know Mrs. Carson and Mrs. Patmore wouldn’t be glad to hear that right now.” John replied and frowned slightly.

“All they said was that I should sit down and not do any work. They never said anything about supervising someone else while he is doing my work.” Thomas suddenly looked ten years younger. A smirk was on his face and John immediately knew that the man had one of his famous ideas. He just hoped that it would be one that actually worked out for a change.

John leaned back in his chair. “What do you want to say, Thomas?”

“The question is: What do _you_ say, John? Do you want to be butler for one day?”

* * *

They relocated to the butler’s pantry. Thomas took one of the armchairs in front of the fireplace and John sat down behind the desk for the first time in his life.

“Mr. Carson would throw a fit, if he knew a valet who is not even working here anymore is doing the butlers job.” John said and touched the telephone on the desk. He used one before of course but the one in the butler’s pantry had been guarded by Carson with eagle eyes.

Thomas snorted and rearranged his chair a bit, so he could see the desk better. “Well, Mr. Carson isn’t here, and I am still the butler. You are just assisting. And you are technically getting paid for it even if it is just your pension.”

He had a point, John thought. On top of that he was bored and here was a way out, so why not?

They started with the work. Thomas told him what had to be done, which involved basically everything from deliveries and decoration over guest lists and menu planning up to the seating arrangements and the allocation of the guest rooms.

Almost two hours later John was busy writing down a list of silver they would need for the dinner table when he noticed that Thomas hadn’t said anything for a while. John was so absorbed in the planning that he didn’t realise that the butler had fallen into a deep sleep in his chair. Maybe it was the tonic or the deep exhaustion but even the following three telephone conversations didn’t wake him.

John decided that Thomas could use the break and continued with the list that they had written down in the beginning. It was a very long list. Lady Edith had decided for the first time in years that she wanted to celebrate her birthday at Downton. John assumed it had something to do with the increasing age of the Dowager Countess, who couldn’t travel the long distance to the Hexham estate anymore.

When it was time for lunch Thomas was still sleeping so John limped past him and closed the door quietly behind himself.

The others asked after the butler and he told them that he still needed a little rest at least until it was time for the afternoon tea.

When they had finished their lunch, Anna wanted to know how his day had been and he spent fifteen minutes telling her about all the tasks. She seemed surprised but happy that he had a productive day. She knew that he had missed the work.

After that he wanted to return to the butler’s pantry to finish with the seating arrangements (it was rather easy considering the one and only rule seemed to be that the most annoying guest would sit next to the Dowager and far away from Lord Grantham, who had to avoid getting into a fret at all costs). He noticed that the door was slightly ajar, even though he had closed it before.

Slowly he opened it to see, whether Thomas was awake but he was still sleeping in front of the fireplace. But to his surprise there was another person in the room with him. Mr. Ellis stood next to him and looked down at the butler with a concerned frown on his face. John was good at reading people and the expression on the valets face in this moment told him more than thousand words. There were many feelings one this face but one was crystal clear. The valet cared about Thomas. Deeply. And when the man raised his hand and felt the butlers forehead John wasn’t even surprised anymore.

John made slow steps back into the corridor as quietly as he could. When he was a few feet from the butler’s pantry he let out a loud cough and walked down the corridor again putting his cane hard enough on the floor that it made a _clonk_ with each step. When he opened the door a few seconds later Mr. Ellis was a respectable distance away from Mr. Barrow next to the desk.

“Ah, Mr. Bates.” The valet said with a low voice and looked up with a smile. “I just wanted to see if Mr. Barrow needed anything, but he is still resting. Do you need help with anything?”

John forced his expression to remain neutral. “If you really want to help you could get me these bottles from the wine cellar. I can’t manage the stairs with my leg.” He handed over the list and Mr. Ellis nodded and disappeared to the wine cellar.

John fell heavily into the chair behind the desk. His gaze landed on the sleeping butler on the other side of the room. Thomas looked decades younger in his sleep. A few strands of his hair had lost its product and had fallen over his eyes, taking even more of his usual servants blank from him. The memory of a conversation with a hopeless Thomas, years back, came to his mind. The ordeal with Jimmy and Miss O’Brien seemed so far away all the sudden. And now here was Richard Ellis. John didn’t know how it had happened, although he assumed it had something to do with the royal visit. There were many things that had just become clearer.

A second later Thomas woke with a start and blinked at John. “What happened? What did I miss?” he asked with voice that was still raw from sleep.

“Just lunch.” John replied and when the butler looked alarmed John smiled. “Not to worry. Andy managed the upstairs lunch perfectly well, Daisy saved you a plate if you are hungry and I am almost done with our list.”

Thomas frowned at him. “Almost done?”

John nodded. “I made a few calls and organised everything.”

The butler looked stunned at that.

“Oh, and Mr. Ellis came by. He hopes that you feel better.” John added and lowered his gaze to the list on the desk as if it was more interesting than the butlers reaction. He really wanted to see Thomas face right now, but it would’ve been far too suspicious to show much interest.

“I-That is…polite of him. I think I am already feeling better.” Thomas muttered.

“Wonderful. We have a long day tomorrow.” John said.

“We? Are you after my job, Mr. Bates?”

John looked up but the butler wasn’t looking angry. On the contrary, there was a smirk on his face. A few years back this could have ended in both of them screaming (our throwing a punch) at one another. They were both more composed now. Thomas didn’t think anymore that John was stealing his job and John didn’t think anymore that Thomas was a heartless bastard who did everything out of spite.

“I am offering my help, if you want it. Even the stubborn Thomas Barrow has to admit that he sometimes needs a little assistance.” He paused when Thomas arched a brow at him. “And to be honest, I am bloody bored.”

Thomas laughed. “Well, I think I can take it into consideration, Mr. Bates.”

* * *

There was something in Richard Ellis’ eyes, Beryl thought when she prepared the soup for the upstairs dinner this evening. Something that kept her from thinking of him as a boy and instead let her refer to him as a man.

That was rare because she had reached an age where nearly every other person looked like a boy or a girl in her eyes. It was a natural thing, the distance between her and the modern world kept growing bigger every day.

And nonetheless, here she was, seeing an exhaustion in his eyes that would’ve suited a man who was thirty years older than him.

“Mr. Ellis, you look gloomy today.” She said with an arched brow.

He was standing next to her, cutting vegetables with a kitchen knife. Beryl had decided that she really liked him. Not just because he was fast at his job and often offered to help her when he had a free minute.

She decided that she liked him because he wasn’t above washing dishes or scrubbing pots and pans like an ordinary kitchen maid even though he was the valet of his Lordship and had already worked in the royal household.

He just asked what she needed help with and did everything she told him without complaining. He was a paradigm of politeness and he never seemed to expect any reward for it.

In this he was the complete opposite of one Thomas Barrow who never did anything without a reward or at least a very good reason. Well, at least that _had been_ the case for a very long time. Mr. Ellis seemed to have a good influence on the butler.

The valet smiled a little bit pained. “Oh, it is nothing, Mrs. Patmore. I just haven’t heard from my mother in a few days and I always worry when she doesn’t write back. She is probably just busy, I shouldn’t worry so much.”

Poor man, his mother had been the reason why he came from London to Downton in the first place. Inwardly Mrs. Patmore hoped that his mother would recover from her illness but she also knew that it wasn’t very likely.

“I am sure she is just busy, Mr. Ellis. Mothers often don’t realise how fast their children worry about them and vice versa.” She replied and his smile turned a little bit more genuine.

“I hope you are right Mrs. Patmore. Nonetheless…” He broke off when Thomas entered the kitchen. As usual the valets whole posture changed. His shoulders lost the tension and his face relaxed visibly. Mrs. Patmore was very good at reading a room and the mood in her kitchen just got turned up a few notches.

“How is your head, Thomas?” Beryl asked and eyed his face suspiciously. He had been very pale this morning but he looked better now.

“Better, Mrs. Patmore,” Thomas threw her a quick absent minded look before he focused on Mr. Ellis. “I’m sorry but I need to speak with Mr. Ellis for a few minutes. We have to discuss some of the guest arrangements for tomorrow.”

She saw how Mr. Ellis put down his knife and a small smile appeared on his face that looked very real this time. “Would you excuse me for a moment, Mrs. Patmore?” he asked polite as ever and turned to her.

She rolled her eyes at Thomas. “Stealing my assistant cook again, Mr. Barrow?”

The butler smirked. “Stealing my valet again, Mrs. Patmore?” he asked back quickly before he seemed to realise what he said and the colour drained from his face.

Mrs. Patmore looked from him to Mr. Ellis whose eyes had widened a fraction. She certainly had her suspicions before and they were confirmed in this moment.

The words alone were harmless, but their faces betrayed them. She forced herself to say none of the things that shot through her head in this moment. It was a new experience for her. She usually didn’t hold back with her opinion.

The very first thought was a long lecture about circumspection and how these two fools had to be more careful if they didn’t want that every single person in this house noticed.

The second thought was some snide remark that something like this had no place in her kitchen and they should take their flirting elsewhere. It was the typical thing she would say to Daisy and Andy at least five times on a normal working day, but surly it wouldn’t be wise to repeat it in this situation.

The third was a dark thought, which included informing the family because there were things that simply had no place in a house like this. Not because Beryl thought it should be this way, but because it was what she learned since her childhood. Some things were just drilled into her mind and it was very hard to shake them off, even if she acknowledged that the world was changing every day.

And then Richard Ellis’ ill Mother came to her mind. A woman, sitting at home, not knowing that her son could lose his job right in this moment because of some stupid small mistake. And Thomas Barrow’s family who surely had no idea where he was and who probably also didn’t care very much. Two sides of a medal, two paths created by the decisions of two different families, love and pain, not so different from everything else in life. And yet here she was thinking about exposing a secret that was not hers, arrogating to know how other people should judge the life of two people who didn’t harm anyone with their actions.

She took a deep breath and resolutely turned to her beef again, without letting them know about the tumult inside of her. “Well, it can’t be helped. Take Mr. Ellis and talk to him, but I would be very glad if one of you could find Daisy and tell her she doesn’t get paid to make eyes at the footman. I don’t care if he is her fiancé or not, this is her workplace and I expect her to remember that.”

A quick look over her shoulder showed that they both blinked at her as if she lost her mind but fortunately Mr. Ellis was a quick thinker. “Of course, Mrs. Patmore.” He said softly. “And thank you for your sympathy…” He added. She arched a brow at him. Was he really stupid enough to openly talk about…? “…concerning the wellbeing of my mother.” Aah.

She smiled. “I never had children myself but I know the feeling of worrying about family.” Beryl thought of her poor nephew Archibald and how she fought for his memorial and suddenly she could understand what Thomas must feel when people judged him because they thought what he did was immoral even though all he tried was surviving in a world that wanted to see him dead. The difference to her Archibald was that _his_ war wasn’t one he could run away from.

Thomas still looked pale but he nodded and stepped out of the kitchen followed by Richard Ellis who smiled at her again.

“Please ask if you need anything, Mrs. Patmore.” He said and she snorted.

“If you want to do me a favour, keep Mr. Barrow out of my kitchen. He tends to attract the chaos these days.”

Mr. Ellis bowed in a very elegant manner. “Your wish is my command, Mrs. Patmore.”

Thomas appeared next to his elbow again, his face looking like a dark cloud. He grabbed Mr. Ellis upper arm in a sudden moment of silliness. “Mr. Ellis, I don’t have all day.”

The valet threw him a bright smile and the storm clouds vanished from Thomas’ face in a matter of seconds. He smiled back a little tentatively.

Beryl scoffed loudly and shooed them away with her meat cleaver but she couldn’t suppress the small smile that crossed her face. Sometimes she wished she could be young again. Young and in love.

* * *

**Friday**

It was Friday morning and Robert, Barrow and Andrew were the only ones in the breakfast room. Mary, Cora and Tom had yet to arrive downstairs.

“Barrow?” Robert said suddenly remembering the call he got yesterday late in the evening.

“Yes, Milord?” the butler asked while getting the teapot from the buffet table to pour Robert another cup of tea.

“I am sorry to tell you that there will be a last minute change in the guest list for tonight. I know you planned everything days ahead and hope that it won’t be too much trouble, but Edith called last night and told me, that they had to invite one more person.”

Barrow didn’t seem too concerned about that. “I think we can manage one more, Milord. Can I ask who it will be and when they will arrive?”

“Unfortunately it’s the Duke of Crowborough.” Robert said with a sigh. He didn’t like the man even a little bit but Edith said that her husband had some kind of business relationship with him and they had no other choice but to invite him to the dinner party. She didn’t seem happy about that as well, in hindsight but she seemed content to endure his company if it made her husband happy.

He saw how Barrow flinched from the corner of his eye and a little bit of tea spilled over onto the table cloth.

“Are you quite alright, Barrow?” he asked. The butler had seemed completely normal this morning and he couldn’t remember a single time the man had accidently spilled anything.

Barrow seemed disturbed, but his face closed off a second later and returned to his usual blank expression. “I am very sorry, Milord. I get something to clean it up right away.” And without even waiting for an answer he was out of the room.

Robert turned to Andrew, who was still standing next to the breakfast buffet, looking quite baffled. He wasn’t as good at hiding his emotions as Thomas.

“Do you know what this was about, Andrew?” Robert asked the boy and received only a confused headshake.

“I am afraid, I don’t know your Lordship. But Mr. Barrow will surely be back any minute.”

Robert frowned again but turned back to his bacon, dapped at the table cloth with one of the napkins and wondered why Barrow had to leave the room to get something for the clean-up if he just could’ve done it the same way.

His thoughts were interrupted when his daughter emerged from the main hall with a thunderous look on her face. “Is it true?” she snapped without even saying good morning. “What I heard from Mama? The Duke of Crowborough is coming tonight? Why did no one tell me about this?!”

Robert sighed while Andrew winced slightly probably glad that her ire wasn’t directed at him. “Good morning to you too, Mary. Yes it is true, and you don’t know about it because I got the call last night after you went up and didn’t have any opportunity to tell you. It was a last minute decision by Edith.”

Mary snorted loudly and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “And what exactly has Edith to do with this weasel?”

“Mary, is this kind of tone really necessary?!” Robert said shocked.

“What? Why is she inviting him? We haven’t seen him in years and the last thing he did was pretending to be interested in me until he heard that I wouldn’t inherit anything after which fled like a coward. I don’t see why we should allow him into our home!”

“There is some kind of business relationship between him and Edith’s husband. She didn’t seem happy but I think they had no other choice but to invite him.” Robert replied with a calm voice. He knew that Mary had never really forgiven the Duke for his actions years ago.

“Well, why do we have to pay for their stupid mistakes then? It is our house! We should have the right to uninvite anyone we don’t want to have here!” She said still furious.

“I have agreed to let her host her dinner party here and that includes inviting the people she likes, Mary. Besides it is only one evening and one breakfast. He will be gone by lunch on Saturday.”

“Excuse me, your Lordship.” Barrow had returned without him noticing. He had an identical napkin to the one Robert already used in his hand. His face was also paler than usual and Robert could see a slight tremble in his hand. Something was up with the man. “Should I tell Mrs. Carson to prepare another guest room for the Duke?”

“Yes.” Robert said absentmindedly. “Yes, that would probably be the best, Barrow.”

Mary turned to the butler, apparently sensing a chance. “Barrow, don’t you think it is too much? I would understand it completely if you couldn’t manage this last minute change. We could call Edith and tell her that you already prepared everything and another guest simply wasn’t possible.”

Barrow looked from Robert to Mary with a torn look on his face.

“That’s enough, Mary.” Robert snapped. “Stop dragging the poor man into this! Its Edith’s decision who she wants to invite, and if the Duke of Crowborough is on that list so be it. This is my final word on the matter!”

Mary jumped up from her chair with a furious look on her face. “I am not the little girl you can order around anymore, Papa!”

“No you are not!” Robert snapped back. “You are a grown woman and you should behave like it! When you sit at the dinner table tonight, you will smile and talk to the man as if nothing happened. Insult him in your head if you really want to, but it’s your sisters birthday and you will respect her wishes. Do you know how many times I had to sit through endless dinners with people I loathe? As an adult you sometimes have to just bite your tongue and make polite conversation. Take a page out of your grandmothers book.”

Mary glared daggers at him but she didn’t reply. Instead she looked at Barrow. “I don’t want to sit anywhere near him, Barrow. Make that possible or I consider not attending at all.” And with that she stalked out of the breakfast room.

Andrew’s eyes were big as saucers. Barrow looked exhausted.

“I would apologise for my daughters behaviour but I know that we are all used to it by now. Don’t take it personally.” Robert said to the two servants and rubbed his eyes tiredly.

“It is no trouble, your Lordship. I will look over the seating arrangements as soon as I am downstairs again.”

“It would serve her right to sit next to the Duke, after this sally.” Robert said bitterly.

“I don’t think this would be wise, Milord.” The butler replied.

“No, of course you are right. The evening will not be easy even without Mary insulting a Duke at the dinner table. Just put him next to my mother. She should be able to handle it.”

“Certainly, your Lordship.” 

Robert prayed for strength inwardly. It was his daughter’s birthday and he had to concern himself with the Duke of Crowborough.

Some kind of retirement suddenly seemed quite appealing.

For some reason Barrow looked as if he thought exactly the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *checks imaginary Downton Abbey must-have list*   
> Yes. Here comes the Duke.


	18. It Is Going To Be Fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very sorry for the wait but here are two chapters for you. I hope you forgive me :)

When the family had finally finished their breakfast Thomas was more than ready for a cigarette.

He managed to suppress the desire until he had placed the tray with the used dishes on the table in the servants hall. Then he couldn’t resist anymore.

Andy came downstairs just as he took the first deep drag.

“Mr. Barrow? Are you alright?” There was a frown on the footman’s face. Thomas rarely smoked inside, of course he immediately smelled a rat.

Bates was sitting at the table and lowered his newspaper at the words. He arched a brow when Thomas only took another drag.

Thomas shook his head. “Fine.”

The two of them stared at him. “You don’t look fine.” Bates said and why did he have to be here all the bloody time? He didn’t work at the house anymore. Thomas could really do without a constant spectator in the servants hall. His life was not a bloody theatre play where anyone could put in their tuppence worth.

“Nothing you two have to concern yourselves with.” Thomas said and continued to smoke with gloom.

The news that the Duke would arrive not only hours from now, had put a damper on his mood. For some reason he had looked forward to this dinner party. It was another opportunity for him to prove he could handle this job. He really didn’t need the Duke to cause mayhem because of something that happened twenty years ago.

It looked like Bates and Andy weren’t done with their questions but they were interrupted by Mrs. Patmore who rushed out of the kitchen as if something was on fire, which ironically was the case with Thomas’ cigarette. Richard was right behind her. Thomas could only guess that the valet had been doing everyone else’s job again. If there was one thing this man was really bad at it was doing nothing.

“Mr. Barrow! Are you smoking inside?!” Mrs. Patmore bellowed and swung her cooking spoon. “Get out of here before we all have to endure this infernal stink the rest of the day!”

Thomas looked at her with a tired look.“You don’t need to scream at me. I was already on my way outside when these two decided to mither.” He took the last drag of his cigarette and put it out in a forgotten tea cup (Mrs. Patmores gaze turned scandalised) before he immediately lit the next one. “Excuse me.”

He could feel their confused looks at the back of his head when the back door closed behind him. It didn’t stay close for very long.

Richard was next to him a second later. “What happened, Thomas?” he asked worried. Thomas didn’t know where the man got his patience. No matter what crisis Thomas stumbled into he seemed to be there to deal with the afterpains.

Thomas took another drag from his quickly shrinking cigarette. Bloody hell he had to smoke slower, he had only half a packet left. That would not even get him through the dinner. The thought that he might have a problem occurred as fast as it disappeared again. This was really not the right moment to quit smoking.

“Thomas-”

“There is something I should probably tell you.” Thomas cut him off and he refused to look at the man himself. Instead he let his gaze wander over the tree line at the edge of the estate. Not nearly as striking as Richard but also not as judgmental. He had to get this over with.

Richard was silent. He seemed to have decided to let Thomas set the pace of the conversation.

“Many years ago I had a…relationship with someone. If I think about it probably less than a relationship.” Thomas started and took another drag to gather his courage. “It didn’t end well. There was a lot of ugliness between us. You will probably judge me when I tell you what I did.”

Richard looked around to see if the coast was clear before he squeezed Thomas arm for a second. “I think each one of us has a moment of foolishness once in a while. I would never judge you, Thomas…”

“I tried to blackmail him.” Thomas said. “I didn’t realise back then what a stupid idea that was. He is not a person who is fooled easily.”

“You were young Thomas. We all did stupid things when we were young.”

“So you blackmailed a Duke as well?” Thomas asked bluntly and Richards eyes widened.

“A Duke?!”

Thomas just looked at him with a gaze that hopefully said something around the lines of _told you so._

To his utter surprise Richard only laughed. He looked around to be sure that they were alone. The back door was still firmly closed. “Oh god Thomas, every time I think I can’t love you any more than I already do, you say something that proves me wrong.”

What? Was the man insane?

“What are you talking about?” he asked puzzled.

“I slowly get to know you and I love every part of what you are telling me. Only you would have the courage and the madness to do something like this.” Richard said and laughed again. “Only you.”

Thomas frowned. “Are you saying I am mad?”

“I am saying that you are the bravest man I have ever met and that I will never be able to comprehend how you overcame all the hurt and pain you have been through and are still able to put a smile on my face every day.”

Thomas stared at him for a second before he could comprehend the words and was sure that there was no accusation behind them. “How are you real?” He asked. The man was amazing. He still could not believe that he was here to stay. To stay with him.

Richard squeezed his arm again in comfort. “So what brought this up?”

Thomas sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Guess who Lady Edith decided to invite to her dinner party at the bloody last possible minute.”

Richards eyes widened and his smile vanished. “Oh no.”

“Oh yes.” Thomas replied with bitterness in his voice. “The problem is that I don’t know what to expect from the man. He is…unpredictable. And moody.” He took another drag from his cigarette and for some reason his hand started shaking. Bloody Duke of Crowborough. Years had gone by and he was still haunted by the man. He quickly put out his cigarette and tried to conceal his shaking hands in his pockets so Richard wouldn’t notice.

If the dread on the valets face was any consideration he had not been very successful. “Thomas, what are you not telling me?”

“Nothing.” Thomas replied. “I just don’t want him to make a scene.”

“Do you think he still could have feelings for you?” Richard asked and was that a hint of jealousy in his voice? Thomas would’ve teased him because of it if they weren’t talking about the bloody Duke right now.

Since that was the case he only snorted loudly and tried to keep his anxiety away from his face. “He certainly wasn’t feeling anything the last time we met, but you never know with this man. Like I said, he is whimsical.”

“Why are you afraid, Thomas?” the question was unexpected and exactly the kind of question Thomas didn’t need right now. Was there any chance that Richard would leave this alone if he simply told him he wasn’t afraid? Unfortunately he couldn’t lie to this man, especially not if there was so much honest concern on his face.

So he decided to tell him the part of the truth he could tell without talking about everything else he desperately tried to suppress. “The Duke is a part of my past and I don’t like the man I was back then. I suppose I am afraid that I turn into that person again, when I am in his presence. I don’t want you to see this part of me. It’s…ugly.”

Richard threw all caution to the wind and took Thomas’ hand in his. “Nothing about you could ever be ugly in my eyes, Thomas. Whoever you were back then, it made you who you are today. Your past is a part of you and I would never wish it away because that would mean changing the way you are now.” He took a step closer and they were only inches apart now. Thomas could see the grey spots in his beautiful blue eyes. “And you are perfect the way you are.”

“You still don’t know everything about me. That’s different with him. He knew me back then.”

“So did Phyllis and Mrs. Carson and they would do anything for you today no matter what you did in the past. And I may not have known you all these years ago but I know you now.” Richard replied. “This man won’t be able to change who you are. You are the strongest person I know.”

“I wasn’t so strong last time.” Thomas muttered.

“There is a difference now.” Richard said and his hand was now at the back of Thomas neck so the butler couldn’t look away.

Thomas looked into his eyes and felt more vulnerable than ever. This man seemed to be able to bring out all his emotions and bare them to the world. Apparently that was how love worked. “What’s the difference?” Thomas whispered.

“You do not have to face this alone.”

* * *

“Mary, don’t be ridiculous, of course you have to come with me.” Lady Grantham said a little indignant.

Mary snorted for the umpteenth time and looked up from her book. She was sitting in the library and she didn’t plan to get up any time soon. “Why should I? To greet the husband who hasn’t deemed it necessary to show up more than two times in the past three months? It’s not 1912 anymore, Mama. I am not obliged to welcome him back with a smile like a good wife, when he did something wrong. I have the right to be angry at him.”

Lady Grantham rolled her eyes and Mary was so perplexed that she just stared. She didn’t know that her mother was even capable of that particular facial expression. “Oh please, Mary, darling. Your father has already disappeared somewhere with some poorly thought out excuse and on top of that he is angry at me because I told him he couldn’t drink tonight. You are not this cowardly, are you?”

Mary couldn’t suppress her laugh at that even though her mother had just outmanoeuvred her. “Alright, you succeeded. I will come outside with you. But only to give my husband a piece of my mind as soon as he arrives.” She got out of her armchair with a graceful movement and a smirk. “He will think twice about disappearing to London after I am finished with him.”

“Please have mercy with him, Mary.” Her mother sighed.

“Only if you have mercy with Cousin Isobel.” Mary replied nonchalantly and strode into the main hall. Her mother followed and made an incredulous noise.

“I wouldn’t think of it!” She replied with a sudden stubbornness in her voice and when Mary looked back she saw a sour look on her mothers face. “How dare she outvote my proposition at the hospital’s board?! Has the woman lost all her senses? Of course we need another charge nurse! There is no way she can do it all herself at her age!”

“Well then I guess we will both have a lovely evening, Mama.” Mary said ironically. “I will be busy giving my husband the cold shoulder and avoiding this obnoxious Duke at the same time. And you can discuss with Cousin Isobel how age is _only a number created to silence competent people._ You know, Mama, this could actually be the first time ever that granny and Cousin Isobel agree on something. This is an opposition as fundamental as all the forces of nature combined.”

Her mother sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “I think your father was right, Mary. Maybe we shouldn’t have agreed to host this dinner.”

“Do you want me to cancel it, Milady?” Barrow asked dryly and stepped up to them, after he closed the green baize door behind him.

Mary laughed. “Yes, please do, Barrow. You would do us all an immense favour. But I warn you, you would have to take the blame for it. And Edith will not take kindly to anyone ruining her birthday plans. I have experience with that, believe me.” When they were children it had been Marys favourite past time occupation.

“Then I suppose we will have to endure it.” Barrow replied darkly and Lady Grantham arched a brow at his bluntness.

“Is everything alright Barrow?” she asked.

Barrows face closed off immediately but Mary had seen the anxiety there. Apparently she and her mother weren’t the only ones dreading this dinner. She wondered which guest he couldn’t stand. Or maybe he was having a lovers squabble with Mr. Ellis. The thought was strange and completely ordinary at the same time. They did love like other people, that surely meant that they also argued like other people?

“I apologise Milady. I was out of line.” Barrow said with his servants blank perfectly in place now.

Her mother frowned.

The loud sound of a motorcar outside interrupted them. “He is early.” Mary said with a sigh. She knew this was her husband. She would recognise the infernal noise of his driving style anywhere. They should probably be thankful if there was any gravel left in front of the house after he was done parking the car. Once a racing driver, always a racing driver.

Together they stepped through the front doors and into the sunshine. It were still hours until dinner and Mary was already exhausted. If she wouldn’t have to explain her absence to an annoyingly high number of people she would just have decided to spend the evening with a good book and a hot cup of tea in her room. Let them all argue until late into the night without her.

Henry jumped out of the dark green motorcar, that was definitely brand new and there was a big smile on his face when he came to greet her. Well, that wouldn’t do.

“Mary!” he said. “My dear Mary! I missed you!”

She snorted and took a step to the side when he wanted to kiss her. “You certainly didn’t tell me that before today.” She said and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

He looked dumbfound but it was only for a second. He surely knew that she wouldn’t let him off the hook this easily. “I am very sorry Mary.” He said and had the audacity to grin at her. “But I brought you something that will surely lighten your mood.”

He turned around and went back to the car where he took something from the passenger seat.

Mary rolled her eyes. “Is he trying to buy my forgiveness now?” she asked no one in particular.

“Oh, please hear him out Mary.” Her mother sighed and Barrow made a small noise that was definitely a laugh before he turned it into a cough.

Mary looked at her butler with an arched brow. “Do you have anything to add, Mr. Barrow?”

“No, Milady.” He simply said.

Henry was back in front of her with a small box. Mary eyed it like she would’ve eyed a fat rat.

“What is that supposed to be, Henry? A necklace or another ring? You have to be more creative if you want to placate me.” she said with slight disdain in her voice. She wasn’t this angry with him but she wanted to make him at least feel bad for a little while.

“Just open it please.” He said with a small smile and she couldn’t fathom why he was smiling like this. He should have nothing to smile about at the moment.

She rolled her eyes but she took the small blue velvet box that looked exactly like every jewellery box she had ever seen. If it was another necklace she would strangle him right here with it. She was not so easily bought. She would not wait well-behaved at home while he travelled the world and called once a month.

Mary already thought about all the creative ways someone could get rid of a necklace when she opened the box and frowned. It wasn’t a necklace. Inside of the jewellery box where someone would normally find silver, gold and diamonds there lay two small bronze-coloured keys.

“What is this?” she asked with a frown and looked up at Henry.

He laughed and took a step to the side. “Like I said, a gift that will hopefully lighten your mood.” And he gestured from the keys to the new car in front of them.

Her mother let out a shocked gasp and Barrow didn’t try to conceal his snort this time.

Mary arched a brow at her husband. “You bought me a car?”

He still grinned. “Yes. And with it comes the privilege to drive us anywhere you want.”

Her mother let out a low groan. She was probably still hoping for a necklace.

Mary examined the car a little sceptically. It was beautiful, this much she had to admit. “Are you going to complain about my driving style?” she asked finally.

“How could I, when you never complain about mine?” he asked.

She kept him in suspense for another ten seconds before she smirked. “I suppose it is an adequate apology.”

“Thank god.” He groaned relieved. “You had me wondering there for a moment, Mary.”

“I know.” She smirked before she crossed the distance between them and gave him a long intens kiss.

“Mary…” Lady Grantham cleared her throat but Mary was not deterred in the slightest.

She hadn’t seen her husband in months. Surely her mother could handle seeing a small kiss.

Henry was the one ending it, because he apparently wasn’t as comfortable with the public display as she was. Mary rolled her eyes at him but she stepped back.

Barrow seemed immensely interested in his shoes all the sudden as if he hadn’t done worse with Mr. Ellis probably just last night and her mother looked slightly resigned but she smiled after a moment.

“Welcome back, Henry.”

“Thank you, I am very exited to see everyone at the dinner tonight.” Henry replied and Mary remembered all the sudden what a dreadful night was in waiting for them.

“Don’t remind me.” She said to her husband who looked slightly puzzled.

“Unfortunately the Duke of Crowborough will grace us with his presence tonight.” Lady Grantham explained and Mary was surprised that there was disapproval in her voice. She didn’t know that her mother was also not very fond of the man.

“The Duke of Crowborough?” Henry asked surprised and looked at Mary a little warily.

“The one and only.” She replied with a wrinkled nose and a tone dry as a desert. “You can imagine that we are all pleasantly surprised by this development, isn’t that true Barrow?”

“Certainly Milady. The excitement is beyond any belief.” Her butler said with a voice just as dry as hers and it was one of these moments when she felt a strange spiritual kinship to the man. Their characters where very similar after all.

“And that is to be taken literally. I would not believe it if anyone told me they were excited to see this unbearable twit.” Mary added and shared a grim look with the butler. She didn’t know why but Barrow didn’t seem eager to meet the Duke either. What was the story behind this?

Her mother sighed and Henry looked from her to the butler with a confused look. “Have I missed something?”

“Oh I don’t know. Probably only the past three months.” Mary replied snappy. “But I am sure you will catch up with all the gossip in no time. Now are we going to kick our heels here any longer or can I finally go for a drive?”

* * *

Robert managed to avoid the guests until just before Dinner.

That was when Edith found him in his dressing room where he hid like the coward he was for the past few hours. He could admit to himself that it was rather hypocritical of him when he just told Mary this morning that she should endure the Duke for the sake of her sisters birthday.

Unfortunately that was before he had the argument with Cora. His wife had come to him after breakfast and practically ordered him to refrain from drinking any kind of alcoholic beverage during and after the dinner.

Robert knew that she was right and he would’ve probably done it himself without her insistence but he didn’t like it to be reminded of the fact that he, as the Earl of Grantham couldn’t enjoy a simple glass of brandy anymore.

The prospect of having to face his mother, Cousin Isobel, Mary and the Duke of Crowborough all in the same room without a glass of wine was so frightening that he promptly decided, they could carry out the duty of welcoming their guests without him.

Of course there was still one light at the horizon.

“Papa, I heard you would be up here.” Edith said when she opened the door and Robert had to suppress the shocked look on his face.

She already wore her emerald coloured evening gown but it couldn’t conceal the bulge of her belly that seemed to have grown an astonishing amount in the few months he hadn’t seen her. Mother would probably wrinkle her nose at it. In her opinion pregnant women should disappear as soon as it showed before they could come out of the woodwork nine months later with a child in their Nanny’s arms and absolute no change in their physical appearance.

“Edith!” he said and the sight of her pulled him from his dark thoughts. “Happy Birthday! It has been so long!”

She looked down at her belly. “It has, hasn’t it?”

Robert hugged his daughter, careful not to squeeze too hard. “You have grown so fast. Are you well? And the baby?” He muttered and shook his head disbelievingly.

“Yes, everything is perfect. The doctor says the baby is in good health.”

“I am glad.” Robert replied. There was still a hint of fear at the back of his mind every time he looked at her. The terrible night of his dear Sybils death would never entirely leave his thoughts. He knew that Cora felt the same.

“Why are you hiding up here, Papa?” Edith finally asked and frowned. “Almost all of the guests have arrived. Won’t you join us downstairs?”

He sighed. “You don’t need to concern yourself with me. This evening is for you.”

“And I want my father to be there.” She said seriously. “So will you join me downstairs?”

Her gaze was pleading and Robert simply couldn’t deny his little girl her wishes. “Alright, Let us go face the inevitable, my most darling girl.”

She smiled. “It has been so long since you called me that Papa.”

He hugged her again. “Am I not allowed to miss my beautiful successful daughter?”

She laughed. “You are allowed but only if you mean by successful my journalistic career and not my husband.”

Robert had never understood why she wanted to continue her work for the newspaper but he had the suspicion that it was for the very same reason that Cora was still a member of the hospital’s board and Isobel was working as a nurse.

And deep inside he was proud of his girl because she found something she really liked to do. And of course he also didn’t mind that she had become the Marchioness of Hexham in the process.

“Of course.” He only said. “I read every single one of your articles, my darling. You have an exceptional writing style.”

Now her smile was even brighter. “Thank you, Daddy.”

“Now let us go downstairs and face your guests.” Robert said with a heavy sigh.

“Are you very angry with me, because I invited the Duke of Crowborough?” Edith asked while she took his arm and they went down the stairs.

“I am not, my darling. But I fear your sister is disgruntled.” That was an understatement. He hadn’t seen Mary this angry in months. Edith tended to bring that side of her out. It had been this way since the two of them were still sleeping in the nursery.

Edith snorted. “I already spoke to her. As always she thinks everything centres around her. I can’t believe her stubbornness.”

“Let her hold her grudge. Your sister might be stubborn but she isn’t eager to make a scene. She will keep her thoughts to herself. You should only enjoy the evening.” Robert tried to calm her down.

“Alright, but if she starts shouting at him during dinner I will never invite her to Brancaster Castle again.” Edith crossed her arms in front of her chest. “I am tired of her antics.”

Robert sighed. He hoped that this was only temporary. The relationship between Edith and Mary had improved since Edith moved out and he would like it to stay this way.

How could it be that of all people it was the Duke of Crowborough who had driven a wedge between them again. He had already developed a deep abhorrence of the man and he had not even talked to him.

The two of them arrived in the entrance hall just when the bell at the front door sounded. Robert looked around but Barrow seemed to be downstairs preparing the dinner so he would probably need a minute.

The universe seemed to have sent him a sign so Robert decided to listen to it, resigned to start the evening with whoever was standing in front of this door.

Of course it was the Duke of Crowborough.

Edith’s arm tensed in his, a reaction that made Robert frown immediately. If he recalled she didn’t sound very happy about this particular dinner guest at the telephone either. Maybe this was entirely her husband’s idea? What on earth had Bertie been thinking?

“Your Grace.” Robert said and bowed his head slightly.

He didn’t like it at all that there was a person at his daughter’s birthday dinner that outranked everybody else. This was a family celebration, for god’s sake! What was the man doing here? He would have to talk with Bertie about this. If there wasn’t a very good reason he would give Edith’s husband a piece of his mind, Marquess or not.

“Lord Grantham. It has been a while since we last met.” The man said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. He had not changed much in these past twenty years. There were a few grey strands in his light brown hair and small wrinkles around his eyes but his physique still seemed to be one of a young and healthy man.

“Yes, It has been a while indeed.” Robert replied and managed to keep the disapproval out of his voice.

“And you, My Lady, must be the famous Marchioness of Hexham? I have to say your appearance is even more striking than your husband told me.” He took Edith’s hand in his and kissed it lightly. “Allow me to congratulate you to your birthday and the happy fortune you are expecting.”

Edith did a small curtsey. “Thank you, your Grace. I am certain my husband already told you, we are honoured that you are gracing us with your presence.”

She must’ve been joking but she did it very well.

The Duke nodded with a small smile. “I am honoured to make the acquaintance of all the lovely people in this house again. It has been far too long that I was here and I have only good memories.”

Robert almost snorted. What was this man planning? Only good memories?

“Your Lordship, the dining room is ready, if you-“ Barrow broke off when he saw who was standing next to Robert and Edith and his face closed off with the familiar blankness, that seemed to be his only expression these days. “If you are ready.” He ended his sentence.

There was something in the butlers eyes that Robert couldn’t quite define.

The Duke’s gaze was peculiar as well. For a second it looked like he was agitated in some way, but the feeling was gone as fast as it appeared. “I know your face.” He said slowly and looked at the butler. “Could it be that you were the footman valeting for me all these years ago?”

Was that true? Robert couldn’t remember but then again it was twenty years ago. It was peculiar that the Duke seemed to remember at all.

Barrow’s whole posture was stiff like a board. “Yes, I believe that was the case, your Grace.”

“Well, I see you moved up the ladder. Congratulations.”

Barrow only nodded curtly. “If you allow your Grace, My Lady, your Lordship. The dinner will be ready shortly.” Robert nodded at him and the butler turned around to leave when the Duke spoke again.

“As it happens I don’t have a valet with me tonight. Lord Grantham, might it be possible to trouble your butler for a few minutes later this evening?”

Barrow stopped dead in his tracks, his hand only inches from the green baize door.

Robert frowned at the Duke. On the one hand the man pretended to have the highest standards and continued to act with extreme politeness, on the other hand he had not even the decency to bring his own valet? What kind of Duke travelled like this? And it was certainly not the first time if Barrow had already valeted for him all these years ago. Couldn’t the man bring his own servants instead of making more work for Robert’s?

Well, apparently he had no choice. “Certainly your Grace. Though Mr. Barrow isn’t valeting at the moment. But I am sure Mr. Ellis would be glad to help you.”

Was he imagining the anxious look on Barrows face?

The Duke smiled and for a fraction of a second it seemed feral. It was gone so fast that it had probably only been a trick of the light.

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to impose, your Lordship. Your valet surely has his work cut out. I am perfectly fine with a few minutes of your butlers time.”

Robert almost groaned. Fine. The man would get what he wanted if he just stopped talking to him. What was his problem?

“I am sure Barrow will manage that, won’t you Barrow?” he asked and hoped that this strange discussion was over with that. He had by god better things to do than talking about the staff situation.

“Certainly your Lordship.” The butler said and Robert could’ve sworn that his left hand was shaking. A moment later he had vanished down the stairs.

“Fabulous!” the Duke said with another smile. Why was the man constantly smiling? And why on earth was it so unnerving to watch? “Shall we toast to the occasion? And maybe we can dine after that? I am quite famished!”

And with that the Duke strode through the doors into the dining room where the voices of the other guests were already a distant mumble.

“Edith, my darling.” Robert asked. “I don’t want to insult you or your husband but I am suddenly thinking that Mary might have been right.”

His daughter frowned. “He does seem a little peculiar, doesn’t he?”

“Peculiar?” Robert replied. “He is self-absorbed and unmannered! And whimsical!”

Edith sighed. “I talk to Bertie. Maybe he can keep him busy for a while.”

Robert shook his head, still not able to comprehend why they had to endure the company of a man who arrived late, didn’t bring his own valet and promptly demanded food and wine without taking another look at his hosts.

“Please do, darling. I fear there will be some sort of mayhem otherwise.”

Edith laughed as if she didn’t believe him. “Oh please. What mayhem could one man possibly cause?”

* * *

It became apparent not even 30 minutes later that one man could indeed cause a lot of mayhem if he had access to a few glasses of wine and the unmistakable attributes of someone who spent most of his life as a gold-digger.

“And you are currently residing in London, your Grace?” one of Edith’s friends asked and fluttered her eyelashes at him.

“Yes, though I have already travelled to many faraway places. It is a thrilling experience to live a life such as this.” He smirked and the woman on his left almost swooned in her seat.

“What a twit.” Mary muttered under her breath to Roberts left and he looked over to her. She was inspecting the Duke with a look that would’ve been suitable for a spider but not a human being.

“Mary…” he muttered.

Now she looked at him and her eyes narrowed. “What are you on about, papa? I didn’t say anything.”

Robert sighed but he was comforted by Cora who squeezed his arm from the right. “Is everything alright, Robert?”

He couldn’t answer because the laughter at the other end of the table turned into something close to a screeching. The two women to the Dukes left couldn’t control themselves anymore. “You are hilarious your Grace!” one of them said between gasps.

“Yes, yes, as hilarious as a group of coffin bearers on duty. Will you be quiet now, girl, so I can eat my dinner in peace?” the Dowager Countess snapped with an indignant face. She was sitting on the right side next to the Duke and she didn’t seem happy about that arrangement.

The Duke looked apologising at the old woman. “Forgive me, My Lady. It wasn’t my intention at all to disturb your meal-”

“Well, intention seems to be a fickle occurrence these days. I find myself wondering repeatedly how people are able to do so much with so little of it. Someone might think we live in a world in which every action is just some unpredictable whim of nature.”

“Most people think it is god’s will, that guides us, not nature or our own intention.” The Duke replied with a smile and he didn’t look offended in the least by her statement.

“I will concern myself with god when I die. Until then I prefer to guide myself. In this particular situation towards a hopefully undisturbed dinner.” The Dowager replied dryly before she turned her back to him and continued to eat her smoked salmon. The Dukes expression was priceless.

Mary had to hide her laugh behind her napkin.

“Well done, Mother.” Robert muttered and shared a look with Barrow, who was standing next to the door. The butler nodded shortly and they silently agreed that the seating arrangement was a full success.

Unfortunately this didn’t prevent the Duke from speaking _across_ the table like common folk. “Bertie my friend, we simply have to discuss our business after dinner! There are still so many questions I have thought of.”

Bertie was interrupted mid conversation. Next to him Dickie Merton looked slightly puzzled.

Edith’s husband cleared his throat. “Of course, Philip. But this is surely not table talk. This celebration is about my beautiful wife after all.” He turned to his right and raised his glass at Edith who blushed deeply. “May there still be many years to come for you and our marriage and for all our children.”

The whole table raised their glasses and for a short moment it was peaceful. Of course the Duke had to open his mouth again one second later.

“Marriage is such a beautiful matter, don’t you agree Lady Mary? I can’t imagine a life without it anymore.”

There were several reactions to that statement.

Barrow was directly in Roberts line of sight so he noticed the shocked look that crossed his face.

The two women to the Duke’s left looked suddenly incredibly disappointed.

Mary almost dropped her wine glass and it wobbled alarmingly for a few seconds when she put it back on the table to fast. There was honest surprise on her face.

“I hope at least that decision was intentional.” The Dowager quipped.

The Duke only smiled mildly at her. “Oh, of course it was. I met the woman of my life. How couldn’t I marry her?”

“And where is the happy bride if not at your side?” Violet replied with an arched brow.

There was suddenly sadness on the Dukes face but Robert couldn’t quite determine whether it was honest or feigned.

“Unfortunately she has been ill for quite a while now. I had to leave her in the care of our servants at the estate. I hope she will recover but I fear her illness is quite severe.”

“How unfortunate.” Mary said with narrowed eyes.

The Duke nodded gravely. “It is terrifying to think about what would happen to the estate when she dies. Her father had just left it to her in good faith that she would restore it to its former glory. I feel as if it is my duty to implement this undertaking in her name.”

Mary snorted into her wine glass.

The Duke didn’t seem to hear it. Instead he turned to Edith. “But let us not speak of such dire affairs. What is it you wish for your birthday Lady Edith?”

Robert saw several flaws in the man's story. It only proved Mary right, who had called him a gold digger more times than he could count. Who knew what else had come with the wife and the estate.

He turned to his right and exchanged a gaze with Cora. “Are you thinking the same as I?” he said with a low voice.

His wife immediately knew what he meant. She nodded. “I am very grateful that some greater force prevented this man from becoming our son-in-law twenty years ago.” She whispered quiet enough that only Robert could understand her.

He squeezed her hand. “As always you find the best words to describe what I am feeling.”

The rest of the dinner was a quiet affair only interrupted by a few remarks from the Duke who seemed to enjoy it immensely to make everybody uncomfortable.

He asked Tom what he was thinking about the Irish independence, managed to portray Edith’s newspaper as some kind of pulpy magazine, told Isobel that working women were a passing whim of history instead of a growing movement and interrupted every single conversation at the table at least once.

On top of all of that he continued to speak in a flirtatious tone to the two woman on his left and told the Dowager Countess that drinking too much wasn’t good for her health.

At the end of the dinner Roberts patience was almost non-existent.

The only silver lining in this whole fiasco was Edith’s honest happiness at having her friends and family around her. She didn’t seem to mind the Duke’s peculiar remarks and continued to smile at her husband with so much elation that Robert thought maybe this had been worth it after all.

Bertie was also oblivious to all the antics going on around them. Maybe the evening had been at least a small success.

“Robert.” Henry suddenly spoke from Marys left side. There was a humorous glint in his eye. “Did Mary tell you about the present I gave her today?”

For some unknown reason Cora shook her head at him a little bit frantically. Henry immediately stopped speaking with a frown but Mary only grinned.

“Do you think we still have enough space in the garage, Papa?”

* * *

Thomas looked upon the whole affair like an especially complicated jigsaw puzzle. Unfortunately he was the one who needed to solve it.

Dinner was a terrible experience. After Philip’s casual remark that he had a wife Thomas was pretty much done with the evening. He simply didn’t know what to think about the man.

First he demanded he needed a valet, which sounded like an awfully familiar excuse in Thomas ears. Then he constantly shot the butler flirtatious gazes over the heads of the two women next to him, when no one was looking. Then he continued to talk about his sick wife before he started a heated political discussion with Tom and ignored any snarky comments the Dowager was throwing at him.

If he behaved any stranger Thomas would have no choice but to call Doctor Clarkson. The man had obviously turned mad somewhere in the past twenty years. How could anyone be so erratic?

And now the dinner was over and Thomas was the one picking up the pieces. The women relocated to the drawing room for tea while the man went to the smoking room for cigars and a few glasses of brandy. Later Lady Edith had planned to get the gramophone from the cellar but for now the Marquess and Marchioness of Hexham went for a walk which (in Thomas opinion) was probably just an excuse to mess about with each other.

Thomas and Andy hastened from one room to the other constantly trying to keep the evening civil. Now that the guest of honour had disappeared for a while everybody seemed to forget their manners all the sudden.

He had just offered the Dowager and Lady Merton a cup of tea, which prevented them from starting a heated conversation with Lady Grantham about hospital work, when he returned to the smoking room and found Andy looking slightly terrified.

Five seconds of listening to the conversation showed him why. “Oh so you were the chauffeur before! I thought I recognised you!” the Duke exclaimed with a smile and raised his glass at Tom. “You certainly managed to climb the ladder. Or something else…”

“Excuse me?!” Lord Grantham snapped obviously annoyed that he was the only one without alcohol right now.

“Oh I don’t mean to offend.” The Duke offered apologising. “I just see a few parallels here. I thought you were more concerned about who exactly your daughter's married Lord Grantham? At least that was the impression I got the last time I was here.”

Tom and Lord Grantham looked like they wanted to punch the Duke.

“Please, gentlemen. This is surely not necessary.” Lord Merton said diplomatically and Henry frowned at the display.

“I apologise.” Philip drawled. “I did not know it was a sensible topic for you. After all it is always good to have someone in the family who knows how to repair a car, isn’t that true Henry? I heard you were a racing driver? Such an exciting profession. Tell me, why did you stop? Hopefully not because your wife told you so.”

Thomas already expected a brawl somewhere in the next few minutes so he reacted as quickly as he could. “Your Grace, there is a telephone call for you.” He said and purposely stepped between Philip and Lord Grantham.

The Duke’s eyes wandered away from his current targets and focused entirely on Thomas. It wasn’t a nice feeling to suddenly be the centre of this man’s attention. He had the habit to stare at people as if he could see right into their inner turmoil’s.

“A phone call? Indeed?” he asked with a arched brow.

“It was something urgent, your Grace. I think from London.”

They stared at each other for five whole seconds in a silent battle of will while the family stood there and blinked like a bunch of confused children.

Finally the Duke smiled. “Of course. That must be one of my business partners. Please lead the way Mr. Barrow.”

Thomas nodded. He saw from the corner of his eye how all four men shot him thankful gazes. Maybe they knew he had lied. Maybe they didn’t. Fact was that they didn’t care. What really mattered was that Thomas just defused all the tension that was hanging in the air like thick smoke.

Unfortunately that came with a price.

They had just stepped into the empty main hall when the Duke grabbed Thomas arm. “There is no phone call, isn’t there?” he asked with a smirk.

Thomas turned around to him after making sure that the coast was as clear as it could be. He slowly pulled his arm from the grip. “I don’t know what you mean, your Grace.”

“You can stop with the shenanigans, Thomas. We both know you only did that to get me out of there.”

The man was still smiling in this unnervingly way. How had he never noticed this before?

“I did nothing of the sort, your Grace. Maybe you want to look at the telephone? If you are in luck the caller should still be there.”

“Oh don’t give me that, Thomas. I know exactly what you are trying to achieve here.” Why was he smiling?

Thomas looked around quickly before he gestured at the Duke. “I am trying to achieve nothing here. Not anymore. So if you could be so kind and stop punishing everyone for something I did twenty years ago, maybe we will survive this evening!” he hissed with anger in his voice.

Philip stared at him for a few seconds before he laughed quietly. “Oh, you think I am doing this only because of what you did? Good to see that nothing changed in all those years. You are as self-absorbed as ever. Though I can’t really blame you. If I looked like you I would probably act the same. And you are partly right with your theory.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Thomas snapped at him.

The Duke made a step forward and was suddenly closer than Thomas liked. His lips were only inches from Thomas’ left ear. “You know what I mean.” He whispered. “I can see the desire in your eyes. You still want me.”

Thomas took a big step back. “Are you mad? You are married!” he snapped with a low voice.

“I know marriage is a foreign concept for you Thomas, so let me tell you that not everyone takes it as serious as the people at Downton Abbey. Do you think I married this woman because I loved her? Because I wanted her?” he snorted incredulous as if that was an outrages thought. “She will never be able to give me what I want.”

Thomas didn’t like the sound of that. He suddenly had the feeling that he completely misconstrued the Duke’s reasons for coming here. This wasn’t a simple business affair with the Marquess of Hexham. This wasn’t a visit because of a friends birthday. This wasn’t a revenge act against Lord Grantham or Lady Mary and not even against Thomas himself.

In all his pondering Thomas had never considered the one rather obvious thing the Duke could try to get out of this entire affair.

Him.

“Barrow is everything alright?” Lady Edith’s voice ripped him from his thoughts and he looked up and blinked. She and her husband had suddenly appeared out of thin air.

The Duke had already taken a small step back and nodded as if he had been the one she asked. “Everything is alright, Lady Hexham. It is very kind of you to ask. There was a telephone call for me and Barrow just wanted to show me the way.”

There were a few seconds of silence. The Marquess frowned. “A telephone call, Philip? A business matter?”

“Yes, I believe so. Probably from London.” The Duke replied.

“I will show you where it is.” Lord Hexham immediately offered. “It could concern me as well after all.”

The Duke didn’t seem happy but he nodded not able to refuse this obvious offer. “Of course, Bertie. Please lead the way.”

He shot a last look at Thomas and if the butler would’ve to guess what it meant he would probably say something along the lines of _we are not finished_.

A few seconds later Thomas was alone with Lady Hexham. “Barrow? Are you quite alright?” she asked a little warily.

He didn’t know how much his face showed at the moment so he turned around and rearranged a perfectly straight hanging picture at the wall behind himself.

“Yes, Milady. Thank you for asking. I believe your mother wanted to speak to you.”

When he turned around his servants blank was back in place and Lady Edith looked confused. “Do you know the Duke from somewhere else, Barrow?” she asked.

He almost groaned from frustration. Wasn’t she supposed to be the oblivious member of the family? But then again, they all thought Daisy was the oblivious member of the staff for years and he knew how that ended, didn’t he?

“I met him years back when he came to Downton Abbey the first time My Lady. That is all. He probably remembered me.” He said as emotionless as he could.

She nodded after a moment, content with his reply. “Very well…” she hesitated. “Would you be so kind to get me something to eat? I fear my need for food is a little unpredictable right now.”

Was that a pregnancy matter or a stress matter? Thomas surely didn’t know.

“Of course, My Lady. What can I bring you?” he only asked. And if she demanded an elephant he would’ve probably tried to get one just to end this conversation.

“Ice cream.” She looked a little sheepish. “And bacon.”

Definitely a pregnancy matter.

* * *

Richard hadn’t been this concerned about Thomas since a certain phone call three weeks ago.

The butler had gone upstairs after their conversation and Richard hadn’t heard much from him until the guests arrived.

Then the chaos reigned for the next hour when everyone tried to help with the dinner preparations and Mrs. Patmore tried to keep everyone from helping with the dinner preparations by constantly changing her opinion of what she wanted them to do.

Richard suddenly realised what an incredibly strong and patient person Daisy must be, if she had been able to work next to the cook for such a long time without throwing in the sponge.

The first time he could take a deep breath was when the dinner was already well underway. Andy came downstairs once and reported to them that the Duke was making everybody’s life miserable.

Somehow Richard wasn’t surprised.

After dinner Thomas was in a hurry to clean everything away and had no time to talk.

And then he immediately went back upstairs to the smoking room muttering something about _preventing any potential damage._

Richard had tried to stay calm when Thomas didn’t arrived back downstairs after that. It took two whole hours before the butler emerged again with a strange request for bacon and ice cream. Mrs. Patmore looked at him as if he was crazy but he only told her it was Lady Hexham’s request and the cook seemed to understand immediately. She then proceeded to arrange a tray with a truly terrible combination of food.

The food was delivered and Thomas disappeared for another 30 minutes. Just when Richard couldn’t bear the tension anymore the butler finally made his way down the stairs.

Thomas immediately disappeared into the boot room and Richard didn’t hesitate this time.

“Is it over?” the valet asked when he closed the door behind them.

Thomas looked up from the cupboard he had just opened. For some reason there was a pair of cufflinks in his hand that he was turning absentmindly between his fingers. “Almost.” He said.

Richard frowned. What was that in his voice?

He made a few steps until he stood directly in front of the butler. “What happened? Are you alright?”

Thomas’ gaze was directed at some spot over Richards left shoulder. “I will be fine. I just have to do one more thing.”

“What do you mean?” Richard asked warily. That didn’t sound good at all.

Thomas shook himself from his stupor and kissed Richard without warning. There was a desperation in this kiss that Richard couldn’t explain. “Everything will be alright.” the butler said seriously.

And then Thomas stepped back and a small smile appeared on his face. “Wait for me? It won’t take long.”

“What will not take long?” Richard asked confused but Thomas only shook his head and there was this indescribable look in his eyes again. Where had he seen this before?

“I love you.” Thomas only said and turned around to leave.

“I love you too.” Richard whispered at the butlers retreating back and asked himself what had just happened.

* * *

Richard had been pacing restlessly in the servants hall since then.

He could admit to himself that he had felt a stab of jealousy when Thomas told him about the Duke a few hours ago. Everyone would’ve felt this way when the love of their life told them that they had to compete with a Duke.

He hadn’t seen the man yet but he would definitely not be ugly. And he probably had more money than Richard could ever make, even if he was ‘broke’.

So yes, he had been jealous.

But what he felt didn’t matter right now. Something was wrong.

Thomas had seemed strange when he told him about the Duke. Richard was sure that he had left something out and he really wanted to know what it was.

Additionally it was not like Thomas to show his fear so openly but the valet had seen it in his gaze this morning and it had frightened him. Something was amiss here…

“Will you stop pacing, Mr. Ellis? You are making me nervous.” Mr. Bates was reading his paper at the table in the servants hall and Richard didn’t know how he could still find anything interesting in it when he had already read it twice today. Now the former valet looked at Richard over the brim of his new reading glasses. “Will you sit down?”

Richard sighed deeply before he let himself fall into one of the wooden chairs at the other side of the table. “I am sorry.” He said and buried his head in his hands.

He heard how Mr. Bates folded his paper and stowed it away in the inner pocket of his jacket. “What are you so worried about?” he asked then.

Richard looked up and blinked at the man. Well, what on earth should he reply to that question? He surely couldn’t simply say ‘Thomas’.

“I don’t really know.” He said instead. “I think I just have a bad feeling.”

Mr. Bates didn’t react like he expected. Richard would’ve thought that the man would either shrug and laugh or tell him that it was probably nothing. Instead he leaned forward in his chair and narrowed his eyes.

“What is it telling you? This bad feeling?”

“Mr. Bates.” Richard said a little warily at the sudden attention. “Why are you asking that?”

“I have a lot of experience with bad feelings. Sometimes it is wrong to ignore them. You should determine what it is telling you and find out whether you should act because of it.”

Richard stared at him with an open mouth. He would’ve never expected this from the man. To be honest the two of them had never really talked about anything important. They were polite to each other but there hadn’t been any reason to share their thoughts beyond that.

Now Richard hesitated. Somehow he had the feeling that the man was right.

“I think it is telling me that I overlooked something.” He replied nervously. “Something important.”

Bates nodded. “That’s a start. Now think about what you saw.”

“What do you mean?” Richard asked puzzled.

“To determine what you missed you have to contemplate the things you didn’t miss from a far. Take a mental step back and look at them. That’s the only way you will be able to see a gap.”

Richard didn’t see the logic behind it but he tried to do it none the less.

Thomas had seemed stressed and on edge the whole day. Thomas had told him about his relationship with the Duke and how he tried to blackmail the man years ago. Thomas had told him that he was afraid he would turn into this person again. That he was afraid Richard would see him this way. Thomas had said he didn’t think the Duke had feelings for him anymore.

So what did Richard miss? Where was the gap?

“Oh god.” Richard said when it finally occurred to him.

What was missing in this whole picture, in this story, was the Duke.

Everything Richard knew came from Thomas, everything he had been told was a product of the butlers mind and experience. And he knew Thomas well enough to realise that his past had left deep scars. He was still feeling unfathomable doubts and self-hatred. That he was still blaming himself for parts of his past that weren’t his fault. Every story Thomas told had only one villain. Thomas.

But that was not how the real world worked, wasn’t it? It was never only one person’s fault. And Richard had never met the Duke. The only picture he had of the man was the one painted by Thomas.

And as long as Richard had only heard Thomas’ part of the story he had never thought about the missing part. What if Thomas had done exactly what he did so often when bad things happened to him? Blaming himself and building walls to shut out the world.

Telling Richard that everything would be alright and he would be fine.

“Do you see it now?” Bates asked and Richard nodded dumbfounded.

A moment later he gasped when he realised what was really happening here. Thomas wasn’t the villain. Thomas was in danger. There was only one person this danger could come from right now.

“He is not going to be fine.” Richard whispered horrified and stared into Bates’ eyes. In this moment he didn’t care what the man would do with that cryptic information.

Bates’ eyes widened a fraction as if these words had some deeper meaning for him. “Go! Now!” he commanded loudly. “Before it’s too late!”

And Richard got out of his chair and ran as fast as he could.


	19. The Past That Still Haunts Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First: I am very sorry. Please don't hate me. It will get better. Eventually.  
> Second: You might want to read the tags again. (If you want to skip, don't read the part between the hashtags)

Thomas reluctantly opened the door to the guest room and found the Duke of Crowborough standing in front of the window already waiting for him.

“Your Grace. I came to talk.” Thomas asked stiffly and remained standing in the door. He was determined to keep this conversation professional.

The Duke turned around at that and a smile appearred on his face. “Come inside and close the door, would you?”

There was something dangerous in his gaze but Thomas had no other choice if he didn’t want anyone to hear the conversation so he stepped inside and closed the door. He remained standing where he was though and didn’t approach the Duke.

The man made a few steps into his direction. He still had this unnerving smile on his face. “Please, Thomas. I think we know each other better than that, don’t you think you should call me Philip?”

“With all due respect, I don’t think I want to do that, _your Grace_.” Thomas replied coldly. He came here to end this, it was time that the man understood that.

The Duke made another step. Now there were just a few feet between them. He looked Thomas up and down openly for the first time this evening. Many years ago Thomas would’ve liked being examined in this way by the man, but now a shiver ran down his spine and all he felt was nausea.

“Look at you, you still are gorgeous after all this years.” The man said approvingly and Thomas wanted nothing more than to turn around to avoid the eyes on his body.

He took a deep breath. “I came to tell you that it’s over. I know what you were trying to do downstairs after the dinner, but I have to decline your offer. Even if I wanted to after our last meeting, I would decline it. That’s not me anymore.” Now the words were out.

He felt relief. This was what he had wanted to say. The only reason why he had come upstairs was to finally end this. For Richard.

The Duke seemed surprised for a second before he laughed. “You are not serious are you? Last time we met here you were eager to get a piece of me. And now when I offer you refuse?”

“I changed since then. A lot actually. I am not the same man anymore. That is the end of it.”

Philip arched a brow. “Oh, is it?” He took another step in Thomas direction and Thomas took a step back until his back hit the wall next to the door.

###

“I don’t think that I will accept that as a reason. You have to come up with something a little bit more believable.” Another step and he was right in front of Thomas, only inches away. Their breathes mingled. “I know you Thomas. You could never resist an opportunity to get onto your knees for me.”

Thomas put a hand on Philips chest and pushed him away. The Duke stumbled a few steps back. “I _am_ serious. I don’t want this anymore. You didn’t care about me for the past twenty years so why start now? Only because I’m available? Because it’s convenient for you? I don’t think so. You can find someone else to distract you from your wife.”

Philip seemed truly surprised for a second but this time he didn’t laugh. Instead there was a flash of anger in his eyes.

“Why the sudden change of mind? Is there maybe another man that I don’t know about? Did you become someone else’s little play thing while I was away?” His voice was cold like ice and Thomas breath hitched. He sounded not entirely lucid anymore. Well, he had never sounded lucid if Thomas thought about it.

“I will go now.” Thomas stated and turned his back to Philip to open the door.

In a flash Philip had thrown out his hand and held the door closed, so that Thomas couldn’t pull it open. His other hand was suddenly on the back of Thomas neck, pressing him against the wall next to the door with a force that made Thomas gasp in pain. His right cheek got pressed painfully against the wood.

“I am not finished with you yet, Thomas.” Philip whispered in his left ear.

A shudder ran down Thomas spine again. He struggled against Philip’s grip but the man had the advantage that Thomas’ back was to him. He took his second hand from the door and it wandered over Thomas’ thigh.

Thomas wanted to shout but before he could Philip had pulled him back from the wall against his chest, one hand at his throat, the other pressing down onto his mouth, preventing the sound from coming out.

“Not a word, darling.” He hissed softly. “We don’t want anyone to come running, don’t we? What would they say if they find you in a guest room assaulting a Duke? Who would they believe, knowing about your preferences? What do you think they would do to your lover, if they find him? I would certainly make my story believable. At least I have a wife to show.”

Thomas breathed in and out through his nose far too fast. The thoughts were racing through his head. Who would they believe, indeed? All of them knew about who he was and even though they didn’t know the Duke, and didn’t like him very much, they wouldn’t be able to trust Thomas’ word over that of a Duke.

He closed his eyes for a second, willing the tears back behind them. It was the same as all these years ago. He didn’t even know anymore how it started with Philip and if he had any choice in it. He was so young and naïve he didn’t even notice that the Duke was just manipulating and using him. Just to throw him away when he was finished. And now here he was again, not able to move a muscle because he was a servant and the man holding him was a guest of this house. He had no choice. He just prayed that Richard would forgive him for this.

“Will you be quiet? You know what happens if you are not.” The Duke whispered in his ear, his breath was hot and made his skin crawl.

Thomas opened his eyes and couldn’t hold back the single tear that escaped his left eye. He nodded.

“Good boy.” Philip said and took the hand from his mouth but left the one at his throat, still pressing him against his chest.

“I will make you pay for this.” Thomas said with a raw voice.

Philips laugh was featherlight against his neck. “I don’t think that you will get the opportunity.” the hand that was not at his throat wandered down to his chest and began unbuttoning his vest and shirt. A second later Philip’s hand was under his undershirt, touching bare skin. “You are still well-built I see.” Philip muttered.

Thomas closed his eyes but the hands vanished a second later, when Philip turned them around and pushed Thomas on the ground in front of the bed. “Get out of your clothes.” He ordered, standing above Thomas.

“Go fuck yourself.” Thomas replied with an angry stare and Philip backhanded him across the face for that. He fell over onto his hands and knees. His cheek burned like fire and he gasped for breath.

“That’s not nice, Thomas. You don’t speak like this with a Duke. Now take off your clothes or I help you with it.”

Thomas shuddered. The thought of this man’s hands undressing him was simply too nauseating, so he began slowly taking his livery jacket and vest off.

“The rest too.” Philip said with a low voice, filled with lust. He watched intensely.

Thomas directed his gaze to the carpet and took slow shuddering breaths while he got rid of the rest of his clothes until he was naked. He wouldn’t give the Duke the satisfaction of seeing him cry. He simply couldn’t stand the thought. When he was finished, the man in front of him was breathing faster.

“You are an absolute feast for the eyes, Thomas. I waited far too long to come back here.” Thomas said nothing. He just continued staring at the carpet. Philip let out an angry huff. “Get on your feet.”

Thomas slowly stood up.

“Look at me.” A hand grabbed his chin and turned his head around. “I want you to look me into the eyes while I speak with you. That’s only polite.”

Thomas forced himself not to move when Philips hungry gaze wandered down his body, resting on his glove for a moment. “Take that off, I want to see all of you.”

“No.” Thomas said.

Philip’s grip on his chin got stronger until it hurt. “Take. It. Off.” Every word an order.

Thomas pressed his lips together before answering. “No.” He didn’t want Philip to see the scar. This was too personal. Richard was the only one he had shown it voluntary.

Philip grabbed his wrist and pulled the glove off so fast that it ripped along the seams. Thomas froze when Philip yanked at it and noticed the scars at his wrists in the same moment.

“Well, what do we have here? The hand is a war wound, obviously. But what are the others? Were you so desperate, Thomas? Why would you disfigure your perfect body like this?” His finger stroked down the scarred skin at Thomas’ wrist.

Thomas didn’t answer at first. Instead he pulled the hand from Philips grip. “I don’t owe you an explanation. Just get it over with.” He snapped at the Duke.

Philip looked like he wanted to say more about the scars but he seemed to change his mind after a second. Instead he pulled Thomas to his chest and kissed him roughly, claiming his mouth. It was more a show of strength and possession than anything else. Thomas bit his lip. Hard.

Philip pulled back instantly and slapped him across the face again. Thomas stumbled, lost his balance and landed face down on the bed. One of his arms hit a lamp that was standing on a small side table and sent it flying to the ground. It broke with a crash. Before he could sit up the Duke was over him, with his hands on his shoulders, pressing him into the mattress. His voice was loud in Thomas's left ear. “You are very impertinent today, Thomas. I think I have to show you how to act around a Duke. You seem to have forgotten your manners.”

Thomas closed his eyes when he heard Philip taking off his belt.

“I don’t want you. I don’t care about you. You are _nothing_ to me.” Thomas said louder than he probably should have.

A hand grabbed his hair and yanked his head back until his neck was painfully strained. “I will teach you respect, Thomas. You may thank me on your feet for it later. If you are still able to stand of course.”

###

The door flew open. “Good Lord!” Lord Grantham shouted.

“Thomas!” Oh god. Richard. What was he doing here? He couldn’t see him this way!

“What-?” The Duke exclaimed surprised but he couldn’t say more than that. A second later the hands on Thomas hair and shoulder had disappeared and there was a crash next to the bed, when Richard smashed the Duke of Crowborough back first into the nightstand.

Thomas scrambled away to the other end of the bed, frantically pulling the blankets to his chest to cover himself. He was gasping for breath, watching with wide eyes how Richard reached back and bashed his fist into Philips face. Blood ran out of the Duke’s nose in a matter of seconds.

“You _filthy_ piece of garbage! How dare you lay your hands on him?!” The valet growled and the fury in his voice sounded as if it came straight out of hell. “You bloody _pile_ of human _scum_!”

Thomas looked over to Lord Grantham who’s expression was a mixture of horror and disbelieve. He was frozen to his spot by the door, not seeming able to do anything. They were far too loud. Someone else could show up any minute now.

“Lord Grantham!” Philip stuttered and brought a small distance between him and the furious valet by stumbling back. “First your degenerate butler _assaulted_ me and now this madman wants to do the same! Help me!”

Richard looked as if he wanted to punch the Duke again but before he could raise his arm Thomas had scrambled off the bed, still clutching the blanket. “Richard, don’t!” he gasped and held the valet back with an tight grip on his upper arm. He heard how his voice shook but he didn’t care about that. He needed to defuse the situation somehow. Richard couldn’t be dragged into this. He could already go to prison for punching a Duke.

“ _You!”_ Philip snarled and wiped the blood from his nose, which only let to him smearing it all over his face making him appear even more insane. “You must be Lord Grantham’s valet! I see now what is happening here…You and this valet! You are _buggering_ Lord Grantham’s valet!”

Richard wanted to jump at Philip again but Lord Grantham finally woke from his stupor. “Enough!” he hissed barely loud enough to be heard over the ragged breathing of the three other men but his tone of voice was enough to make everyone look at him. He turned around, closed the door firmly and pulled at the calling cord that would ring the bell in the servants hall. After that he strode over and positioned himself between his staff members and the Duke.

Thomas dragged a still struggling Richard back a few steps while the Duke of Crowborough looked up at Lord Grantham, blinking confused. The Earl’s gaze was ice cold when he looked at the Duke. “I want you out of my house. _Now._ ”

Richard and Thomas watched with wide eyes how the Duke opened his mouth in protest but Lord Grantham didn’t give him any chance to speak. “You will not sleep under this roof. You will not speak to any member of my family or staff. Take your belongings, leave this house quietly and never return if your freedom and reputation are of any value to you.” He grabbed the Dukes dinner jacket from the back of a chair and threw it in the man’s direction. “ _Now.”_

There was a knock at the door and everyone froze. Lord Grantham stepped over and opened it, blocking the view into the room with his body.

“Ah, Andrew. Please make sure that the Duke's car is ready. He got an urgent call and has to leave immediately. You don’t need to wait downstairs, he insisted he would find his own way once the car is out front.”

Andy replied something affirmative that Thomas couldn’t hear and the Earl of Grantham closed the door again.

Philip’s face was white as a sheet. With shaking hands he took the jacket. His gaze found Thomas’. “This isn’t over.” He said angrily and made a step forward. Richard’s protecting grip around Thomas tightened.

Lord Grantham was in front of him faster than someone would’ve thought him capable, blocking the path. “You will _not_ under any circumstance speak another word to my staff!” he growled. “Now _leave._ ”

The Dukes gaze was furious as he pulled the dinner jacket over his shoulders. “If you throw me out now, it will have grave consequences for you Lord Grantham. I am a _Duke_ and a guest in your house! I would’ve expected more hospitality from you.”

“My hospitality ends, when a guest assaults my butler under my roof, _your Grace_.” Lord Grantham growled and the title sounded like an insult.

The Duke of Crowborough laughed in a sudden outburst of insanity. His gaze met Thomas’. “Oh, please. I didn’t assault him. He wanted this. And it isn’t as if this hasn’t happened before. There were times when it was self-evident that a house of good standard offered certain ‘amusements’ to high ranking guests. I don’t know why you would be so appalled by it all the sudden.”

“ _Get out!_ ” Lord Grantham snarled but his face had gone paler at the words and his gaze flickered to Thomas for a second as if he couldn’t believe what he heard. Thomas averted his gaze. He felt a slight tremble in Richard’s arms and when he looked into the valets face he saw that his eyes flashed full with anger.

Finally the Duke grabbed his two valises and made his way to the door. In front of it he hesitated one last time and turned around. “It could’ve been like before.” He said and threw a last longing gaze at Thomas.

“No,” Thomas replied and now his voice was steady. “You know why? You don’t matter anymore. When I think about it, you never did.”

The Duke’s expression turned painful for a moment before it morphed into fury but he just turned around and left the room. The door closed behind him and Thomas, Richard and Lord Grantham were the only ones left in the room.

Thomas legs couldn’t hold him anymore. He sagged against Richard who put his arms around him and just held him close. Tremors ran through Thomas’ body and he buried his face in the valets neck.

“Everything will be fine. You are safe now…” Richard muttered.

Thomas felt how the tears started running down his face. It was just now that his body realised what had happened, what had almost happened if Richard and Lord Grantham hadn’t shown up. Richard’s grip tightened around him. “You are safe. He didn’t do anything, did he?” his voice trembled a bit as if he was afraid of the answer.

Thomas shook his head. “Not really. Didn’t get to it fast enough.” He replied bitterly.

“Barrow…”

Thomas flinched back violently out of Richard’s arms. He had completely forgotten that Lord Grantham was still standing a few feet away from them. Thomas stumbled back trying not to let go of the blanket. He collided with the second nightstand before his back hit the wall, his legs gave away and he slid down at it to the floor. Sitting there he turned his head away and closed his eyes, wishing that the floor would swallow him whole. It was over. This was it. Lord Grantham would sack them both, and they would be lucky if he didn’t call the police on top of that. Finally something the Earl could use to get rid of Thomas.

“Lord Grantham…” he heard Richard’s voice somewhere over him. “Please…it wasn’t his fault.”

Thomas opened his eyes. Richard’s back was to him and he faced the Earl who looked rather uncomfortable in his skin. Probably not used to naked grown man breaking down in front of him. He seemed completely speechless.

“I will take responsibility for this.” Richard continued. “It wasn’t Thomas fault. You can sack me, but please don’t go to the police. I will go tonight if necessary. Thomas doesn’t deserve to suffer for this. He has been working here for twenty years. Please.” Richard pleaded and Thomas heard fear in his voice. Fear and determination.

Lord Grantham turned to the door and Thomas thought he would just leave but he only went over to the pile of Thomas’ clothes, picked them up and handed them over to Richard, who accepted them with a confused look on his face. “Help him dress and bring him back downstairs. I will go and make sure that the Duke is gone and no one heard the tumult.”

“What…” Richard began but the Earl held up a hand.

“Nobody is getting sacked or arrested tonight. I need time to think about this. I will come looking for you tomorrow. It’s of utter importance now that you both get back to the servants quarters without waking anyone. _Nobody_ can know about this.”

A wave of relief came over Thomas, even though he knew that it was just a reprieve. They had until tomorrow. It let Thomas hope that he at least wouldn’t call the police on them. Maybe they had to leave the house and get a job elsewhere, probably without a reference, but they wouldn’t go to prison for this. It was not much but it was better than nothing.

Richard nodded. “Thank you, your Lordship.”

Lord Grantham nodded still a little bit red in the face after his argument with the Duke. He turned to the door where he stopped as if he wanted to say something else to the two men but he didn’t seem to get the words out so he just nodded. “Right. I’ll go then.”

And the door closed behind him.

Richard immediately turned to him and his expression was devastated.

“Thomas…”

“Can you give me a minute?” Thomas replied with gritted teeth and a still heaving chest. He needed time. He needed to think about what happened. What almost happened…What the bloody hell was Richard even doing here?

“I can’t-“ Thomas began and the last word was choked off. What was happening with him? His heart beat was drumming in his ears, his body started to shake uncontrollably and he couldn’t get a word out. “I-“

Richard was next to him in a flash. “Thomas, listen to my voice.” He said and it didn’t help that it was shaking. “Listen to my words. You are safe. He is gone. Nothing will happen anymore. I am here. I will protect you. Please. Please believe me. I am here. You are safe...”

The words came out in a constant stream and Thomas soaked them all up like a sponge. Richards voice was like a constant stream of water. Like a light drizzle on a warm summer day. Like the last sun rays reflecting on the surface of a glistening lake. Like a comforting embrace.

His breaths came slower now and he managed to sink back against the wall after a moment. His body lost all it’s tension and all that was left was exhaustion. He closed his eyes.

“Thomas. Can I touch you?” Richards voice cut through the haze that was his mind.

Thomas nodded and his head felt as if it was weighing a hundred pounds.

A warm hand hesitantly touched his naked shoulder and he couldn’t keep himself from flinching back. “I am sorry!” Richard said fast and pulled back his hand.

Thomas shook his head and gritted his teeth. “Don’t be stupid. It’s not your fault.”

“It’s not your fault either.”

Thomas said nothing. He only lifted his arm with a great amount of effort and took Richards hand in his. “I don’t want to argue right now.”

Richard nodded with teary eyes but he also smiled. “I understand the feeling.”

“Good.” Thomas said and sat up a little bit. The blanket fell down to his hips. “Then for god’s sake get me out of here. But first, come here.” He pulled at Richards lapels and the valet had to support himself with one hand against the wall or he would’ve fallen on top of Thomas.

Thomas didn’t care. He snaked his arms around Richards waist and buried his head in the man's chest. Richard wasn’t moving for the first few seconds but when he realised that Thomas initiated the hug he slowly put his arms around the butlers still shaking shoulders.

As soon as he felt the support Thomas sank fully into the embrace and closed his eyes. Richard’s familiar smell comforted him more than any words could ever have.

“Stay with me?” he whispered against the valets chest.

Richard took a shuddering breath and placed a small kiss on the top of Thomas’ head.

“Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to not use an archive warning for this because it is a very short non-graphic scene of an attempt and I am sometimes not sure how to use the warnings. I instead wrote it in the tags. If anyone thinks it should be an archive warning please tell me.
> 
> And now I will go to sleep because I spent the whole night on these two chapters again.  
> I hope I manage the next chapter tomorrow.  
> Until then you can yell at me.


	20. In The Line Of Duty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! :)

Robert closed the door to the guest room and stood in the corridor for about twenty silent seconds. He felt lightheaded and nauseated. What he had seen when he stepped into this room was worse than anything he could’ve imagined when he opened the door. Questions raced through his brain.

And to think, that he let this monster into the house where his family lived…Oh god, he could still see Barrow’s expression when he realized that Robert had witnessed the scene. He could still hear the Duke’s laugh when he said, that this kind of…incident…had happened before under this roof. How often had something like this happened to Robert’s servants without him noticing? Why had nobody ever come to him about it?

And Mr. Ellis…Robert had wondered what the man was hiding, having left one of the best jobs in the country for Downton Abbey, but the extent of what it was, baffled him. Barrow and Ellis. How long had this been going on? Who else knew about it? What the bloody hell should he do now? He couldn’t let them do as they pleased in his house, could he?

Steps at the other end of the corridor interrupted his line of thoughts. Cora, Henry and Mary rounded the corner and Robert supressed a groan. Why them? How should he explain what had happened? If it were some other guests, maybe he could have told them a lie story, but his family? They would certainly see through it.

They were in their dressing gowns. No wonder it was already late. Robert had just been about to go to bed himself when he had met Ellis in the corridor.

Before the valet could explain what he was doing upstairs (Robert hadn’t called him yet) they heard the noise of something falling to the floor in one of the guest rooms. Ellis had looked alarmed. In hindsight he had probably suspected something about the Duke and had followed Barrow upstairs. It took a moment to figure out which room the noise had come from and they established that it was the Duke’s guest room. When they stood right in front of it they heard Thomas’ words and the Duke’s reply and Robert couldn’t keep the valet from basically kicking the door in after that. He had seen a side of Ellis he didn’t know even existed.

“Robert? We heard loud voices. Did something happen?” Cora asked concerned. The three of them were hopefully the only ones who heard the tumult. All other people in the house where sleeping too far away and many left after dinner.

Robert made a step away from the guest room door and took Cora’s arm. He knew that he would tell his wife later about this because he simply couldn’t keep it to himself, but he didn’t want that Mary or Henry suspected anything. “Everything is alright. Just a minor incident with the Duke. He got an urgent call from London and had to leave rather abruptly. I told Andrew to get the car out front.”

“Someone was shouting, Papa.” Mary said frowning.

Robert nodded calmly. “He was rather outraged. Apparently some major setback for one of his business projects in London. He didn’t explain the details but he seemed furious on the phone.”

“Are you sure, Robert?” Henry asked. “The voices weren’t coming from downstairs.” Mary’s husband looked around Roberts shoulder to the doors of the guest bedrooms. “And he already left so quickly?”

“Yes.” Robert said shortly. “You should go back to bed. There is really nothing to worry about.”

They seemed a little bit confused but Mary snorted after a second. “Well it has the advantage that I don’t have to see him again tomorrow. The man was getting on my nerves the whole evening… One ought to think that he would have something interesting to say, working in London with many international companies, but all he did was pestering me with questions about the _staff_ and flirting with Edith’s friends. And he has a wife!”

Cora arched a brow at her daughter. “How peculiar, he asked me about the staff as well after dinner. I first thought he was just polite but he seemed a little bit too interested in it.”

Robert winced inwardly and wanted to change the topic but Henry was faster. “I saw him talking to Barrow.”

Now it was Mary’s turn again. “I remember that he was awfully interested in the servants quarters last time he was here, years ago. It seems a little peculiar for a Duke to concern himself so much with the servants.”

There were a few seconds of silence in which they exchanged confused glances before they all looked at Robert. He tried to make a neutral face but something must’ve shown on his expression because Cora looked suspicious.

“Robert…” she said slowly. “What are you not telling us.”

And because fate seemed to have a certain humour Andrew came racing up the main stairs in this moment, looking quite out of breath.

“Your Lordship! I am sorry to disturb, but the police are at the front door asking about Mr. Barrow and Mr. Ellis!” His face was pale and there was sweat on his brow.

For a second no one said anything. Cora’s eyes were wide and terrified. Mary looked stunned, Henry confused. “ _Bloody hell._ ” Robert got out and his wife gasped.

“The bastard must’ve called from our phone in the main hall, before he drove away!”

“The Duke?” Cora asked. “Why would he…”

“Andrew you didn’t see him leave?” Robert asked.

Andrew got even paler. “You told me not to, your Lordship. I just made sure the car was ready.”

“Papa what is going _on_ here?” Mary snarled.

“I can’t explain it right now. You have to trust me and do exactly what I say. We have to get rid of the police.” Robert snapped.

Henry took a step forward. “What do you want me to do?”

Robert looked at him thankful. At least one person who could focus on the important things. “You and I go downstairs and distract them as long as we can. We tell them some lie story, to throw them off.”

“And you want Mama and me to stay here? What if they decide to question us? We can’t help you, if you won’t tell us what happened, Papa!” Mary said indignant. “What exactly is your plan here?”

Robert rubbed his temples for a moment. “Alright. The Duke assaulted Barrow, Ellis and I heard the commotion and went to the guest room. Ellis punched the Duke in the face and I threw him out of the house. It is very likely that he told the police _he_ was assaulted by my valet and that they are looking for him because of that.”

“He assaulted Barrow?” Cora asked with big eyes. “How?”

Robert shook his head. “That is not important right now. But there is a high possibility that the Duke accused Barrow and Ellis of something else.” He didn’t want to say anything about that, but they needed to be prepared when they dealt with the police.

What Mary said next was a shock. “Oh, you mean their relationship?”

His mouth opened and closed but nothing came out.

Henry’s eyes grew comically large. Andrew gasped.

Cora turned to her daughter. “So I was right. You knew about this?”

Mary arched a brow at her mother. “ _You_ knew about it as well?”

“Yes. Practically since the beginning. It is rather obvious.” His wife replied.

“Daisy said that too…” muttered Andrew and clapped his hand over his mouth as soon as the words got out. Everyone stared at the footman. Alright, so the footman and the kitchen maid knew as well. Robert wondered if he was the last one hearing about this.

Henry seemed to be wondering the same. “Am I the only one who doesn’t know what is happening in this house?!” he asked with an entirely inappropriate amount of amusement in his voice. He didn’t seem to care about the information itself, just about not receiving it earlier.

“Well, you spent more time in London than here in the past three months. No wonder you haven’t heard the newest downstairs gossip.” Mary replied flippantly and Henry rolled his eyes, obviously already tired of this specific accusation, because Mary had reminded him of it at least ten times since he stepped through the door prior lunch this day.

“It doesn’t matter right now!” said Robert and forced himself to think. “We have to keep Barrow and Ellis out of sight until the police are gone.”

Ironically this was the moment Barrow and Ellis stepped out of the guest room behind him. Barrow was dressed but he still seemed shaken. His hair was out of order, where the Duke had grabbed it. The right side of his face showed the beginning of an ugly bruise and he was visibly trembling. Ellis (all sunburned skin on a good day) looked terribly pale.

They stopped at the end of the corridor when they caught sight of the group around Robert.

Mary threw one look at the butler and grabbed Henry’s arm. “Good god! Go downstairs and distract them. Tell them some lie story. We take care of this, Papa.” She looked at the footman who seemed frozen on the spot, staring at the butler. “Andrew, you go with Papa and Henry. If they want to question one of us, you run back up and tell us exactly, what we need to say.”

“Yes, Milady.” Andrew said after a deep breath and the three hurried down the stairs.

* * *

Now the only ones left in the corridor were Mary, her mother, Barrow and Ellis.

Cora made a step in the two men’s direction. “Thomas, are you alright?” she asked slowly.

The butler blinked at her. “Your Ladyship. I am sorry, we were just…” he broke off with a choked noise. He simply didn’t seem to have any strength left.

Ellis wanted to begin with some other explanation. “We-“

“No need to explain.” Cora interrupted. “Let’s get you somewhere safe, while Robert talks to the police.”

Richard’s face got even paler. Thomas made an involuntary step back. “The police!” Ellis exclaimed. He shot a frightened look at Barrow. “His Lordship said he wouldn’t do anything until tomorrow!”

“We didn’t call them, Ellis. It was the Duke.” Mary said impatiently. “Now if you would stop arguing and follow us we may still be able to resolve this unfortunate situation without too much trouble.”

Ellis pressed his lips together and exchanged a gaze with Barrow. “We don’t have a choice, do we?” Barrow said quietly but not quiet enough.

“Exactly.” Mary agreed.

“Mary!” Cora said reproachful.

Mary didn’t listen. She turned around and strode down the corridors.

The others followed with hesitating steps.

* * *

Robert and Henry met the police in the library. Before they stepped through the doors he turned around to his son-in-law and his footman. “Follow my lead.” He whispered and both of them nodded.

The first thing Robert noticed was that he didn’t know the two men that where standing in front of the fireplace. They were younger than Sergeant Willis and Inspector Vyner, who he had met a few times over the years, never in good spirits. If he tried to recall how many times the police had been here he came up empty-handed.

How could it be that this kind of visit kept happening at Downton Abbey?

Robert took a step forward and shook the first man’s hand. “Gentlemen! What a surprise. What can we do for you at this late hour?”

The first, a tall one with a beaked nose, auburn hair and metal-rimmed glasses nodded at him. “Lord Grantham. I am Constable Blakely and this is Constable Garvin. We got a telephone call from your house line half an hour ago.”

Robert arched a brow in surprise. “You did?” he didn’t offer more than that. If he was in luck the two of them were wet enough behind the ears to tell him their side of the story first. He didn’t know what the Duke told them after all.

“Yes.” replied Constable Blakely slowly. “It was a man who said he was the _Duke of Crowborough_ and he was attacked in this house.”

He said the Duke’s name like someone would say _King of England._ Robert suppressed a snort. They were definitely new in the village or they would know that it was not unusual to find people of a certain rank at Downton Abbey. They had once dined with the king after all!

Fortunately the Constable wasn’t done telling him the whole story. He pulled a battered black notepad from his uniform pocket and opened it with a frown. “He said that two men…Mr. Barrow and Mr. Ellis...attacked him.”

Robert let out an incredulous laugh and exchanged a look with Henry before he looked at Andrew. “Oh Andrew, I told you it was too much wine! Look what comes by that! The poor constables were called the whole way up here just because one of our guests couldn’t behave.”

“I am sorry, your Lordship.” Andrew muttered very convincing.

Constable Blakely opened his notepad and fished a dark green pen out of his jacket. “So the Duke of Crowborough _was_ here?”

Robert snorted. “I am afraid my daughter made the wrong choices with her guest list. It is her birthday you know? I don’t want to speak ill of the Duke but he behaved rather disrespectful the whole evening. You see, he drank quite a lot. The phone call is probably only a unfortunate result of this drunkenness.”

“So why did he tell us he was attacked?” Constable Blakely dug deeper.

“My butler, Mr. Barrow that is, had to admonish him quiet a few times because of his behaviour. It could very well be that he was angered because of that.” Robert replied. He looked at Henry. “You saw him leave didn’t you?”

Henry nodded with a sigh. “I feel guilty because I couldn’t stop him from driving off. The poor man was rather drunk but he insisted that he needed to be back in London in the morning. I fear the wine didn't agree with him.”

Constable Blakely nodded thoughtful and scribbled something into his notepad. “Mmh. And who is Mr. Ellis?”

Bloody hell. Robert thought. He had forgotten about Ellis. How should he explain that a Duke was angry at a valet he didn't even meet this evening?

He tried to come up with some excuse but there was nothing. Henry seemed equally undecisive. Before he could begin to stutter Andrew saved all of them.

“If you allow, your Lordship.” The footman said and looked questioning at Robert. Robert managed a affirmative gesture with his hand. Thank god…

“I was clearing away the dishes from the dinner when the Duke appeared in the servants hall. He was looking for another bottle of wine. He was already drunk, that is why I told him it would be better if he stopped with the wine. I know I might have overstepped with this because he got very angry. Mr. Ellis, Lord Grantham’s valet, was in the servants hall and helped me to placate him. He left but he was still very agitated.”

Blakely scribbled something else. Then he looked up. “Well, the Duke isn’t here anymore so he can’t comment on that story. Maybe you should try to control your guests next time you host a dinner.”

He looked at the other Constable who hadn’t said anything until now. He was a chubby man with dark hair and a thoughtful look on his face. His uniform seemed a little too tight in some places and he kept looking around the room as if he was mentally cataloguing every small detail. That was unnerving.

“Do you have anything to add Garvin?”

Constable Garvin looked up and directly into Roberts eyes. “Yes.” He said with a completely calm voice. “How do you explain that the Duke called your butler and your valet a pair of queers?”

One could have heard a pin drop in the following silence. Robert swore inwardly. Bloody hell. What should he do?

“The words of a drunk man!” Henry said with a disgusted laugh. “You think they would still be here if any of that was true? This is a respectable house!”

“Is it? You had a few incidents here in the past, am I not right?” Garvin said with a arched brow. “I recall reading something about two murder investigations and several small offenses. I believe there was even a diplomat who died in his bed here.”

“None of that is relevant for this!” Robert said indignant. “These incidents were years ago and your murder investigations were targeting two innocent people! All of this has been resolved. We are talking because a drunk man made a midnight phone call after my butler told him he had enough wine! This is ludicrous!”

“So it isn’t true that Barrow was accused of indecent behaviour in 1920 by a footman named Alfred?”

Robert snorted but inwardly he was swearing again. Who was this man and why did he know so much? “Oh that old story? That was another drunk incident. Said footman had too much wine and misinterpreted something he saw. And I should probably add that we resolved this eight years ago.”

“There seem to be an awful lot of drunk people at Downton Abbey. Drunk people who have the habit of calling the police about your butlers dubious personality.” Garvin said with narrowed eyes. Constable Barkely blinked confused as if he had no idea that his colleague had planned to start this kind of argument.

“This is ridiculous.” Henry replied angered. “The man has been working here for twenty years. You think he would still work here if what you said was true?”

“Maybe it is time that we ask him ourselves.” Garvin said.

Barkely frowned. “Yes, Lord Grantham. I agree with Constable Garvin. We would like to speak to the man.”

No they couldn’t. Not when Barrow was still in his current condition. What should he do? He couldn’t tell them that it wasn’t possible. He couldn’t tell them to leave. There was only one solution. Letting them talk to Barrow. And he couldn't do that. It was a vicious circle.

Henry suddenly stepped over to the library window and looked out of it. “Is this really the kind of car they let you drive?” he asked with an arched brow.

Garvin turned around with a frown and he seemed annoyed. “What has that to do with anything?” he asked.

“Well, it is a shame. Such competent policeman like you, some might think you deserve better means of transportation. And you only get this car? Your occupation is vital. What you do should be appreciated more.”

Robert stared at Marys husband. What on earth was he doing?

“I don’t see how this is relevant.” Garvin said angrily but Barkely nodded suddenly.

“It is far too slow. If we get a call it takes an eternity until we are at the scene!” he said enraged.

“Mmh.” Henry said with feigned thoughtfulness. “Someone should do something about that. It is not right that you should be hindered in fullfilling your duty in such a humiliating way.”

“Are you trying to bribe us?” Garvin snapped and Barkely blinked as if he hadn't even considered that a possibility. He obviously wasn't the brains of the team.

Henry arched a brow. “Is it bribing if I support my king and country and the brave men who give their lifes for it each day? Can’t I show my thankfulness? You are working long hours and sacrificing your time and safety for all the humble people. You protect the innocents. Should you really be here at twelve in the night and concern yourself with the ramblings of a drunk man when you could do so much more important deeds?”

“What are you saying?” Garvin asked and now he looked indecisive as if all the praise had done something to him. This was a man who believed in the sacredness of his duty. One who was living his life by living his job. But he was still a man. And if Robert learned one thing in all his time as the Earl of Grantham it was that every single man could be bribed.

Henry took a small blue velvet box out of his pocket. “I want to make a donation.”

* * *

Robert returned to the room in good spirits. He successfully managed to throw off the police once again. He knew he shouldn’t be so enthusiastic about breaking the law but he couldn’t prevent the slight feeling of satisfaction that came with doing something illegal. He would’ve never told Cora, but he felt very dangerous.

After Henry had convinced both of the constables that he would ‘donate’ the motorcar to _all the brave policeman_ Barkely had been keen as mustard and Garvin had turned around and looked into Roberts eyes with a warning look. “If there is any reason for us to believe it is necessary to come here again, we will not be so lenient anymore. Your butler is lucky tonight. We have no evidence to prove the Duke of Crowborough’s accusation. But should I find any evidence, and I assure you Lord Grantham, I will _look for it,_ I will knock at your door in the middle of the night and you will not be able to placate me with praise or money. I will drag your butler out of this house and if it is the last thing I do.”

Robert smiled but he knew that it didn’t reach his eyes. “I thank you for the incredible work you do. And I assure you, you will have no reason return. This is a respectable house. We have a reputation to uphold. Anything you heard from the Duke were lies and wrongful accusations.”

“If there was one matter that became abundantly clear since I came to Downton it is that _this house_ is anything but respectable.” And with that the two Constables finally left.

Henry had turned around to Robert and Andrew and there was terror on his face. “Do you think you could break it gently to Mary that I just gave away her car?”

Robert laughed at the thought. Mary would probably strangle her husband. “I fear you have to do that yourself.”

Of course there was nothing to laugh about in their current situation. Neither Barrow nor Ellis had anything to laugh about. And Robert was now standing in front of one of the hardest decisions of his entire life.

And he had no idea what to do.

He took another deep breath and composed himself before entering the room he was standing in front of now.

Cora and Mary had brought the two men into Roberts dressing room, probably because it was a known environment and not entirely inappropriate for the butler and a valet to be in. It also had the benefit of a big fireplace and a few comfortable chairs.

Barrow, Cora and Ellis sat in the chairs in front of the fireplace and Mary had taken the chaise lounge next to the windows.

As soon as Robert stepped in the two men began to stand up but Robert gestured to them to remain seated. They would need to sit for the following conversation.

“The police are gone. For now.” Robert said and a deep exhale of relief went through the whole room. “We could convince them to leave this alone but they won’t be so easily fended off next time. I can’t stress enough that under no circumstances we should give them _any_ reason to return.”

His gaze found Barrow’s and Ellis’ and both men looked down at the carpet.

“Well,” Robert said after a few seconds of silence and looked at his daughter. “Mary, I think you should go to bed now. It is very late. Henry should be upstairs in a minute.”

Mary arched a brow as if she wasn’t sure he really was serious. “Oh please, Papa. You don’t really think that I will leave _now_? When it’s just getting exciting?”

“Mary, watch your tone! Nothing about this is exciting!” He shot Barrow another wary gaze who still looked quite shaken and Mary seemed to be a little bit ashamed for a second before she snorted.

“I didn’t mean to offend anyone. I’m just saying that this is concerning me the same amount as it is concerning you and Mama. We are all responsible for what is happening in this house.”

“Mary, what we are going to talk about isn’t for your ears…” Robert tried to convince her but as usual she was stubborn.

“Well, do you mean it isn’t for a woman’s ears? Because then you can throw Mama out as well and deal with this alone. You wouldn’t want to deal with this alone, would you, Papa?” Mary snapped back.

She was of course right with her assumption. He couldn’t do this without Cora.

“Mary, please.” Cora said tiredly.

Mary simply ignored her. “This is concerning Barrow and Ellis. If they want me to leave, I will gladly leave.” And with the audacity of a fourteen-year old girl she looked at his staff instead of him for an opinion.

“I don’t think it really matters anymore, Milady.” Barrow muttered after a second but Ellis looked undecided.

“You don’t have to do this.” He said and looked at the butler.

Barrow shook his head. “Yes I do. I will tell them anything they want to know.” And he at least had the sense to look at Robert when he finished his sentence. “You can ask me anything you want, Milord. We already owe you our lives, it doesn’t matter anymore.”

Robert took a deep breath and decided to just get it over with. He asked the first question that came to mind.

“How many times?”

Barrow seemed confused. “Excuse me, your Lordship. What are you referring to?”

Well it seemed like he really had to spell it out for them. “How many times did a guest of my house approach you to demand these…kinds of services…?”

Barrow flinched and seemed to have to think about it for a minute. Robert didn’t like it that the answer wasn’t a simple ‘not a single time’.

“Maybe a dozen times over the years…I didn’t really count.” Barrow replied thoughtful and Cora gasped at this.

“And how many times had you any chance of refusing?” Robert dared to ask next even though he already knew the answer.

“I used to pretend I could refuse but in hindsight that probably wasn’t really the case.” Barrow said and his voice sounded hollow as if he had to distant himself from what he was saying.

Ellis did a really stupid thing and took the butlers hand but Robert was too concerned with the answer to notice.

“Under my roof…” he hissed and felt how anger boiled up inside. “This can’t be…”

Barrow looked surprised at that. “I thought you knew, your Lordship. This is how every big house operated back in the days. The wishes of the guest come always first. No matter what.”

“Thomas…” Ellis muttered with wide eyes. “This isn’t normal. It really isn’t.”

Thomas stared at him. “What? Are you saying you never had to…”

Ellis shook his head. “Some of them tried, sure. But I never gave in and they accepted that decision.”

“So you say it’s my fault?!” Barrow snapped back with narrowed eyes.

The valet shook his head. “It is not your fault, Thomas. But you have to understand that this isn’t _normal_. It isn’t your duty to do something like this. It isn’t their right to demand such a thing.”

“So I should have refused them? I don’t think they would’ve liked that very much. Somehow they all knew what I was. Most of them threatened to say something if I didn’t…” He stopped, glanced over at the women and didn’t finish his sentence. Instead he turned his head away, closing his eyes tightly, as if trying to ignore them all.

Robert realised in this very moment how much damage could be hidden behind the so called servants blank. He would never look at his staff the same. How much had they suffered without his knowledge? How much hurt could Barrow hide behind this façade? How many times had he been screaming inwardly while he poured the family a cup of tea? How much had Robert overseen over the span of all these years, only because he saw them as people who would come running at his every whim. He had refused to see that they had desires and pain and suffering that was entirely their own.

They didn’t stop just because he looked away.

Ellis squeezed the butlers hand, oblivious to the other three people in the room. “It is _not_ your fault, Thomas. They were bad people.”

And Robert didn’t know what to say to this.

Cora’s eyes were wide with shock. “Please tell me you really hear this for the first time Robert. You didn’t know about this, did you?”

Robert looked at her with hurt in his eyes. How could she think that he would’ve allowed something like this?

“Of course, I didn’t know!” he barked and felt bad immediately when his wife flinched.

“No reason to yell, Papa.” Mary inserted sharply but she still seemed confused. “Besides you all speak in riddles. What exactly are we talking about here? Why is it, that still no one told me _how_ the Duke assaulted you, Barrow?”

And now the men all looked at the floor, not able to say anything to that. His daughter shouldn’t think about things like that. She shouldn’t know that something like that could happen in this house. _Did_ happen. He wanted to open his mouth to send Mary away but his wife was faster.

“Oh for the love of god…” Cora said and looked at Mary. “Since none of the men seem to think you are able to handle this I will tell you. Please prove them wrong, darling. The Duke apparently is a man like Mr. Barrow and Mr. Ellis, though that is subsidiary here. He made advances this evening and Mr. Barrow refused him but after dinner he decided he wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

“He is like them?” Mary seemed baffled and as usual took only the information from the explanation that directly concerned her. “But he…courted me? Back then…He has a wife!”

“It might surprise you Milady, but it isn’t necessarily a decision of ‘either-or’ for some people, even if it might be a simple lie in this case.” Barrow said and everyone in the room stared at him unbelievingly. He blinked as if he just realized who he was talking to. “I apologise, Milady. This wasn’t appropriate. I was out of line.” He muttered.

Mary laughed loudly. “Oh no need to apologise, you opened my eyes, Barrow.”

“What is that supposed to mean, Mary?” Robert asked perplex but his daughter only smirked.

Robert couldn’t fathom what she was implying but frankly, he also had no patience to think about it at the moment.

Cora sighed. “This is not the time. It is important that we decide what we will do now.”

And suddenly no one seemed to know what to say.

“Why do we _have_ to do anything right now?” Mary asked after a moment and looked at her parents. “The police are gone, you tossed this lying piece of garbage out and no one except our family has noticed anything about this.” Robert blinked at her. Why was his daughter so composed? Didn’t she know that the fate of Downton Abbey was on the line here?

“Because _this_ can’t just go on, Mary. Even you should see that.” Robert replied and gestured between Barrow and Ellis.

“Robert!” Cora inserted and Robert whirled around to her.

“What? What is it Cora?! Tell me what are you expecting from me here? What should I do in this impossible situation?!”

“Well, start with lowering your voice, Robert. There are still people sleeping on this floor. And there is no need to be rude to anyone.” His wife replied.

“Oh this is fabulous.” Mary snorted. “None of you know what to do next, do you?”

“Mary, go to bed. I am serious.” Robert hissed. His patience was running extremely low right now. He just wanted to speak to Cora alone for a minute even though she didn’t seem like she had the answers, which was a new experience for both of them. She was usually the level-headed calmness he needed in situations like this. He needed space and he needed his wife’s guidance and he needed silence. And a bloody cigarette together with a glass of Brandy…

Barrow looked like he really wanted a cigarette too and additionally to be anywhere else right now. His face was still deadly pale and his hands trembled.

Ellis also seemed to have reached his limit for tonight. “Excuse me, Milord but can I ask a favour of you?” he asked and his usual friendly tone had been replaced by something dangerously close to a snarl.

Robert blinked at the man. “A favour…?” Hadn’t Robert already done enough for these two men tonight? By god he lied to the police for them and risked the reputation of his whole family. And Ellis wanted a favour?

“We are completely at your mercy here. I already begged you to let Thomas stay. I will leave in the morning if you want me to and if you really decide to throw us both out, it is well within your right to do so as Earl of Grantham, no matter how many times I stress that all what happened was entirely my fault. Whatever you will decide, we have to accept it, but I beg you to end this discussion here and now. This evening was horrible enough and I fear that we can’t take more at this point.” His gaze was desperate and Robert saw how he shot a side look at Barrow and he suddenly knew that he had been extremely ignorant. The butler looked like he would keel over any moment. He didn’t even react to Ellis’ speech.

Cora and Mary looked guilty too, which made him feel a little better. He obviously wasn’t the only one who couldn’t read the room.

“Of course, I apologize, Ellis. Please help Barrow back to the servants quarters. We discuss this in the morning.” In his defense, he had said exactly the same before the police decided to appear but he had gotten quite distracted by the sudden danger.

“Thank you, Milord.” Ellis said and stood up.

“Do you need help?” Cora asked. “Should I call Andrew upstairs again?”

Ellis shook his head. “No, thank you Milady. We’ll manage.” He crouched down in front of the butler and lowered his voice. “Thomas. Come on, time to go.”

Barrow blinked at him and took a deep breath. “I don’t know if I…” he began but didn’t finish the sentence.

Ellis took his arm. “Here, let me help you.” And then even quieter. “Nothing bad is going to happen to you anymore. Trust me.”

The butlers voice was barely a whisper. His gaze met the valet’s. “Promise?”

The other man smiled. “I promise.”

And finally the butler stood up with shaking legs, one arm draped over Ellis’ shoulders. Robert would have been shocked by the display but if he was honest he couldn’t care less right now. And they probably didn’t too. Everyone in the room knew anyways.

It took a few minutes until they were gone and Robert took the time to look intensely at the floor.

“Well. That is that, I guess. What will you do now, Papa?” Mary asked as soon as the door had closed behind them.

Robert looked at his wife, but Cora seemed to wait for his response as well. He sighed. “I will go to bed.”

“What do you mean?” Mary asked.

“I mean that I am tired and I would like to go to bed. I think about this in the morning.”

Cora smiled at him as if his words had some sort of hidden meaning. “I think that is a very good idea, Robert. I am sure in the light of day the world won’t look so bleak anymore.”

Mary narrowed her eyes at them. “What are you not telling me?”

“Nothing, dear. I think it is best if we decide anything else in the morning.” Cora replied.

His daughter stood up from the chaise lounge with a snort. “Well, I guess you can do with your valet what you want, Papa, but I hope you won’t decide to dismiss the butler without asking me first. After all _I_ am the one who will live in this house for the next decades after you are both gone and I would like to have a say in who is in charge of the staff.”

“Mary, this is no way to talk in front of your mother!” Robert said shocked. She was talking about their deaths as if they were just a mere inconvenience for her. He knew his daughter was sometimes tactless and hard on the outside, but he also knew that much of that was just a front she put up to hide her real feelings. None the less, it wasn’t appropriate at times.

“Calm down, Papa. I was only joking. I will go to bed now. But seriously. Don’t you dare sack the butler.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I try to start with the comfort in the next chapter ;)  
> Should be posted on Sunday, if nothing else comes up.


	21. Change?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now look at that, I read all the lovely comments and immediately decided to write the chapter I originally wanted to write tomorrow. Here you are, all credit belongs to you ;)  
> I am apparently still not done with the hurt but there is also hope in this.  
> If someone needs a soundtrack I recommend "Dumbledore's Farewell" from the Harry Potter 6 OST. I wrote the first part of this chapter listening to that song, which is probably why it is what it is. You have been warned.

Richard led Thomas back down the stairs and through the green baize door. Behind it he stopped and his grip around Thomas shoulders tightened for a moment.

“Ready?” he asked and he wished there was some way for Thomas to get to his room without having to walk through the servants hall. Especially when there were so many people who could still be there.

It was very late but at least Mr. and Mrs. Bates and Phyllis were still around somewhere. The lady’s maids had decided to stay until the dinner party was over and Mr. Bates was staying because he didn’t want them to walk home alone in the dark. Mrs. Carson had left after the dinner and Albert had gone upstairs as soon as it looked like he wasn't needed anymore. It had been an exhausting evening and they all deserved some sleep.

“No. But I can’t sleep here, can I?” Thomas replied tiredly. He hadn’t said much since they left Lord Grantham’s dressing room. The butler looked exhausted and slightly ill.

Richard touched his cheek tenderly, careful not to hurt him. “Do you want me to go down and throw them out? I would definitely do that.”

Thomas looked like he would’ve laughed if he wasn’t so shaken. Instead he only shook his head and gestured to the bruise that was forming on his face. “They will notice. And Andy probably already told them everything.”

“You don’t have to talk to them tonight.” Richard replied determined. “And if you don’t want to you don’t have to talk to them at all.”

“What does it matter? He is going to sack us tomorrow anyways.”

Richard didn’t have to ask who he meant with _he._

“You don’t know that.” He replied but he couldn’t make himself believe his own words.

Thomas seemed to see right through it. “Yes I do. There is no way he will overlook this. It is simply too much out in the open. He will have no choice, even if he wasn’t so uncomfortable with the entire concept of people like us.”

Richard sighed. “I don’t want to talk about that right now, Thomas. Can we pretend that this isn’t looming ahead at least for tonight?”

The butler closed his eyes for a moment. “Fine.” He finally said. “I won’t mention it again.”

Richard pulled him into his arms. “Just let me be here for you. We deal with everything else tomorrow. You need to rest.” And then he stepped back and reluctantly put a respectable distance between them. “Do you want me to talk?” he asked.

Thomas looked into his eyes and they showed him so much tiredness that Richard suddenly felt like crying. But he couldn’t. He had to be strong for Thomas who looked like he wanted to refuse the offer for a second. In the end he didn’t. He only nodded.

That small nod showed Richard more than anything what the last hour had done to the man he loved. Something was broken. Richard didn’t know if he would be able to help him heal.

“Alright.” He whispered and squeezed Thomas hand a last time. It was his left hand, the one with the scars. The one that was missing the glove at the moment. He wanted to let go but the butler didn’t allow it.

“Does it really matter?” he asked. Well, he was right. It really didn’t matter anymore.

Richard laughed shakily. “So the world has to end before I am allowed to hold your hand in public. How can that be fair?”

“It isn’t but the world is seldom fair.” Thomas replied.

Richard only nodded with a deep breath. But he held onto Thomas hand and covered the scars with his own hand, so Thomas at least didn’t have to show them to everyone downstairs. Together they went down the stairs into the servants hall.

As expected the Bateses and Phyllis were still there at the servants hall table and Andy was pacing restlessly from the kitchen to the back door and back.

“Thomas!” Phyllis gasped as soon as they rounded the corner and Thomas stopped dead in his tracks. Maybe he hadn’t expected all of them here. Maybe he was suddenly confronted with the knowledge of what it meant having to talk to them.

Richard didn’t know what it was. He only felt how Thomas hand started to shake in his own and he instinctely made a step forward to shield him even though he knew that no danger would come from the people in this room.

“Phyllis.” Richard said and held up the hand that was not holding Thomas’ to stop her from coming over.

Phyllis froze on her spot and their was a mixture of fear and confusion on her face. Andy apparently couldn’t tell them the whole story. He hadn’t seen Thomas in the Duke’s room. He couldn’t know what had happened. What had almost happened. A small mercy. At least downstairs Thomas could still choose who he told about it.

“Not tonight.” Richard only said and looked at every single one of them with an expression that hopefully told them that it would have no point to argue or ask questions.

Anna had jumped up when they entered and Mr. Bates was frowning as if he was trying to solve an especially complicated crossword puzzle.

Andy had stopped pacing and looked like he wanted to ask at least twenty questions.

“But-“ Phyllis began but to Richards surprise Mr. Bates intervened.

“I think this can wait until tomorrow, Mrs. Molesley.” He said and he looked past Richard at Thomas, who still hadn’t moved. “Let them go for now.”

Richard stared at him. Did he know? Why wasn’t he saying anything about their joined hands? And what about Andy? Had he known as well or did he only find out about them when the police arrived?

It didn’t matter right now. The only thing that mattered was Thomas. He had to get Thomas out of here.

He turned around to the butler and squeezed his hand to ground him. “Thomas.” He said quietly. “Let’s go.”

It took him a few seconds but finally he seemed to wake from his trance and nodded.

Richard pulled him past a pale Phyllis, a concerned Anna and a confused Andy. Bates was the only one who seemed to be calm.

“We take care of everything else until tomorrow.” He said and apparently meant their duties with that.

“Thank you.” Richard replied.

And then they were on the stairs to the servants quarters. Richard pulled Thomas into his room without hesitating for one second. He didn’t want Thomas to get any bad memories from his own room. Who knew what could cause another panic attack.

Thomas slowly sat down on the edge of Richards bed as soon as the door closed behind them. Richard put a chair under the handle to barricade it. That had two reasons. He didn’t want anyone to come in and he wanted Thomas to feel safe.

The butler hadn’t moved since he sat down on the bed. Richard carefully approached him and crouched down in front of him. He gently touched his cheek again. “Are you here with me? You are safe. I will not let anyone hurt you again.” He muttered.

Thomas closed his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You don’t have to. But when you are ready I will listen.” Richard replied gently.

“Tell me how it felt to punch him.”

Richard almost laughed. Oh god, this man. Even in the darkest hour he was still able to put a smile on his face. “Amazing.” He said and smiled through his tears. “I can still feel his nose break under my fist. I can still see his blood running down his face. He looked terrified.”

Thomas smiled shakily. “For a very good reason.”

They were silent for a few seconds. Finally Thomas took a deep breath. “You know what was the worst part of it?”

“You don’t have to talk about it.” Richard immediately replied. It wasn’t entirely selfless. He didn’t know if he would be able to control himself. “You really don’t have to-“

“I would’ve let him do it.”

The words came out entirely emotionless as if Thomas was only stating a fact. Richards heart broke at it. He couldn’t answer. He could only hang on to the hand he was holding.

“I had accepted the fact that I had no other choice. Right before you kicked in the door I had decided I wouldn’t fight back anymore. I was simply too tired.” He closed his eyes. “I would’ve let him do it. You can judge me as much as you want. I wasn’t strong enough to fight back anymore. I was just so bloody tired. It reminded me of the- the…that.” He turned over his hand and rolled up his left shirt sleeve to show Richard the scars on his wrist.

Richard couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. He knew that he had to remain calm and level-headed for Thomas. He knew that he was the only thing still keeping the butler together. And in the same moment in which he realised that he couldn’t do that, the tears began to stream down his face and he finally broke down.

He turned away from Thomas and sat down on the floor where he immediately began to sob violently. His breaths came ragged and he couldn’t get enough air into his lungs.

“Richard! Richard, calm down!” Thomas said desperately and then he was sitting next to him on the floor and his arms were around him and he was sobbing as well.

Richard didn’t know how long they were sitting there clinging to each other like two people who were afraid of being ripped apart. The only thing he knew was that somewhere between all the tears and the fear and the pain their lips found each other’s and they didn’t let go. The kiss was more comfort and less desire and it didn’t seem to end.

Richards hands touched Thomas’ shoulders and waist and back and arms, frantically looking for an injury that wasn’t there. At least not physically. Thomas was doing the same. His hands gripped Richards fist and he kissed the bloody knuckles gently.

“I love you. I will always love you.” The butler choked out and pressed the hand he was holding to his heart.

“I love you too. You are the only thing that keeps the world from falling apart around me.” Richard replied.

“You are so cheesy, you should write a penny dreadful.” Thomas laughed and the tears were still streaming down his face.

And suddenly Richard was laughing as well. “Sometimes I feel like my life is like one of those.”

“Does that mean that we get a happy end?” Thomas asked and now there was honest hope in his voice.

Richard kissed him again and a smile spread over his face. “It means, no matter what happens tomorrow, we stay together and we fight for it.”

* * *

After a restless night and a few tiring discussions with Cora in the early morning hours, Robert found himself at the breakfast table in the dining room with his wife, Mary and Henry.

It was time to decide what he had dreaded and pondered the whole night.

“Cora?” he looked at her questioningly. He needed her approval. Otherwise he couldn’t do this.

“I don’t think this is the right decision, Robert, but if you think you have to do it I will support you.” His wife replied. “Though I really wish you would’ve decided differently.” Robert sighed. He was afraid that would be her answer.

He looked at Mary. “What do you think, Mary?”

Mary’s face was completely blank, he couldn’t fathom what she was thinking in the least. “You have to do, what you have to do, Papa.” She was probably glad that he decided to keep Barrow employed even if it meant letting Ellis go.

“Henry?” Robert asked next.

The man looked up surprised. “I don’t think it is my place to make a decision here, Robert.” He said.

“You are part of this family. I want to hear your opinion.” Henry was his son in law and would play a major role in this house’s future. He deserved an opinion.

“I think it is your valet, so it is your decision Robert.” He replied and looked into his tea cup. For whatever reason he seemed a little torn. Mary rolled her eyes. Maybe they had an argument last night? It really wasn’t Robert’s place to wonder but if he had to guess he would say Mary was still angered that he gave away her car.

“Yes.” Robert said. “You are right. My valet, my decision.” It was true. He _was_ the one who should decide this and if he thought the continuation of Barrow’s and Elli’s relationship under his roof was a risk too great for his family and the house, this was what he would decide. And that didn’t mean that Ellis would be banned from the house entirely. He and Barrow could continue writing letters and meet on their half days, Ellis could even visit as far as he was concerned. He wasn’t cruel. Robert was just aware of the risk and it forced him to let the valet go. Maybe it was for the best, if he moved to York to his sick mother. He could take better care of her there and meet Barrow in York from time to time. These were all pretty good reasons. Robert thought he had made the right decision for all of them.

“I believe we should get on with it.” He pulled the cord that would ring the bell in the servants hall.

A few minutes later Barrow and Ellis entered.

They both greeted them. Barrow was still pale. Ellis didn’t show any of his feelings.

“I hope you feel better this morning, Mr. Barrow?” Cora asked, ever the most sensible person in the room.

“Yes, thank you, Milady.” Barrow replied stiffly and stared at the carpet.

A few seconds of silence.

Robert took a deep breath.

“Well, I won’t keep you in suspense any longer. I am very sorry, but under the current circumstances I can’t keep you as my valet, Mr. Ellis.”

“Milord-“ Barrow began but a look from Ellis and a slight head shake made him stop.

Ellis pressed his lips together but nodded. “I understand Milord.”

“You will be given an excellent reference of course, but I simply can’t let you stay here.”

Cora didn’t look happy but she also didn’t interfere with his decision. For whatever reason Mary had a light smirk on her face. Robert threw her a disapproving look. What exactly was funny about the situation? Why was she so tactless sometimes?

“I will give you as much time as you need to find a new position, and I wish you the very best. You are an excellent valet and will surely find another respectable household. But you have to understand that I can’t risk my family or this house, no matter how much I wished I could decide differently.” Robert meant every word he said. If times were different he wouldn’t have thought twice about keeping Ellis as his valet. He had never met a person that was more qualified to do this job. He even had admitted to himself recently that Ellis had done it better than John, even though John was one of his oldest friends.

“Thank you Milord. That is very kind of you. I understand your decision.” Ellis replied completely calm.

Barrow looked like he wanted to say something but held himself back in the last moment. His lips were pressed together.

“As for you, Barrow.” Robert replied and he took a deep breath because this was the hard part. He had never openly spoken to the butler about this. This wasn’t something any English man should talk about so he directed his gaze to the carpet. “I think we all know that I would never dismiss you for being who you are. We all knew about this years ago, and there were many times when I decided to overlook it. This won’t be the reason why you leave this house. But you have to be more careful. I won’t be able to protect you if you give the police any reason to get suspicious about you again. I am also very sorry about what happened to you under my roof and I hope that you know that you can come to me if you ever experience something like this again. I won’t stand by while my staff gets threatened. I also hope that you understand that I had to make this decision.” He finally looked up to see how Barrow was reacting.

For a few seconds the butler did nothing but stare at him. He seemed to experience some sort of inner conflict. Ellis looked warily at him but didn’t dare to say anything.

“Can I speak frankly, your Lordship?” Barrow asked finally through gritted teeth.

“By all means, I think it hardly matters at this point.” Robert said sighing and he had the feeling that he had just signed his own death warrant. Barrow looked suddenly furious.

“I can’t blame you, your Lordship. You have done more for me than I could’ve ever expected. None the less I don’t understand why in your book it is completely fine for Mr. and Mrs. Carson to be married. For Mrs. Molesley and Mr. Molesley and Mr. and Mrs. Bates to be married. Even for Andy and Daisy to court openly in the servants hall. And for whatever reason it is _not_ fine for us. I keep thinking it isn’t your fault, keep hearing that apparently it isn’t anyone’s fault. I tell myself that this is just how the world is and I don’t know why. Just because some people decided a long time ago what is proper and what is not I have to spend my life in the shadows. It is completely irrational in my eyes and nobody can give me an answer, why we should believe in something that makes no sense at all. Hundreds of years ago people believed the earth was flat until no one believed it anymore because the opposite was proven. How do we know what is right or wrong when everything that seems to be cast into stone can be debunked so easily? So forgive me if I don’t understand your decision. I have to accept it, yes. But I will _never_ in my whole live _understand it._ And I hope _you know_ that whatever reasons you find to justify your decision, they are all just excuses because someone told you years ago how the world should be and frankly, you are too scared to try and look at it any other way.”

Barrow looked into his eyes the whole time and Robert had the feeling that he just met a man for the first time, who he had seen almost every day for the past twenty years.

Robert didn’t know what to say to that. He simply sat there with an open mouth and blinked. By god, Barrow was right. He was right, wasn’t he? All the reasons Robert had listed in his head, all the ‘for-the-better-of-somebody’s’ and ‘Avoid-scandal’s’ and ‘have-to-do’s’, all the elusions and pretences where just that. Pretences. Not because he wanted to avoid conflict or because he was afraid what would happen to his house or family. They were just pretences because he didn’t want to admit to himself that deep inside he didn’t think it was right for Ellis and Barrow to be together. That he had a problem with the two men being together. And if he thought about it, he didn’t even know _why._ Barrow was perfectly right: _This was just how the world was working._

“You are right. And I am not proud of it.” Robert said and Cora’s eyes widened. “But I fear my decision stands. What I have done is as much help as I can give you. I can’t change the world, Barrow. I wish I could, but I can’t.”

Barrow’s shoulders tensed but he looked resigned. “It’s not the world that needs changing, Milord. It’s the people. And they decide for themselves.”

There were another few seconds of silence before Ellis spoke up. “If you excuse me, Milord? I should start looking for another position as soon as I can.” He seemed to be shaken by Barrow’s words and probably wanted to get out and speak to the butler as soon as he could.

Robert nodded and wanted to dismiss him, but this was the moment Mary decided to speak up.

“Not so fast.” She said and when Robert turned to her with a frown she still had this strange smirk on her face. “We wouldn’t want Mr. Ellis’ to waste his energy if there already is a perfectly good job offer at hand.”

Ellis looked confused. “Milady?”

“What is the meaning of this Mary?” Robert asked suspiciously but Mary didn’t answer. Instead she looked at her husband.

Henry finally looked up from his tea cup and threw Robert an apologising gaze. “I decided to hire a valet.” He muttered and Mary smirked pleased. It seemed like this wasn’t Henry’s decision at all.

“You what-?!” Robert gasped and looked at his daughter. “Mary, was this your idea?!”

Mary grinned now, showing her teeth. It was entirely unladylike. “How did granny say once? A woman is not entitled to an opinion until she is married. And then her husband will tell her what her opinions are. Do you really think I would dare dictate my _husband’s_ actions, Papa?”

Oh she absolutely would, Robert thought bitterly. And the poor man probably had no say in the matter.

“You said you agreed with my decision!” Robert snapped at his daughter.

Mary’s facial expression was completely innocent now. She didn’t fool him. “I didn’t say I agreed, Papa. I said you could do with your valet, as you please.” Her grin returned. “Just as Henry can hire whatever available valet he wants to hire. His valet, his decision.”

Robert was speechless. She couldn’t, could she? This was his bloody house! He decided what was happening here, she couldn’t just revoke his decision by letting Henry hire the man he just dismissed. Who did she think she was?!

“So, Ellis, do you want to be Henry’s valet?” Mary asked Ellis, who looked downright panicky now. Barrow just seemed too dazed to say anything.

“Mary, you have no right to do this! I am still the Earl of Grantham! I decide who is living in my house!” Robert hissed at his daughter.

“Oh, do you?” Mary snapped back. “Who hired the governess? Well, maybe not the best example but it was Mama and I for your information. Who hired Mrs. Molesley? Carson did and you know why? Because Mr. Barrow here recommended her. Who hired Andrew? Carson did, because again: Barrow recommended him! How did Ellis come here in the first place? Mrs. Molesley had a hand in convincing Barrow and I am sure George and Sybbie somehow convinced _you_ to take him on. _I_ met with Mrs. Carson and hired the two maids who do our laundry every day. And if I remember it right hiring Anna and Daisy was Mama’s idea. My point is, you are rarely responsible for any decisions concerning the staff in this house. Who knows who would be here if you _were_ responsible for them. Who knows how many secrets or scandals would’ve gotten out over the years if it wasn’t for our ability to hire the right people. My son is going to become the Earl of Grantham someday. He needs a butler he can trust, who doesn’t loathe the whole world and he will also need a valet he can trust, who understands what it means to keep secrets. And if Ellis wants to be Henry’s valet until George has reached the right age so be it. So yes, I have every right to do this. And I intent to do it.”

“Milady.” Ellis said before Robert could think about something to say to this. His expression was torn. “I couldn’t possibly stay if it meant driving a wedge between you and your father. I don’t want to cause any trouble in this house and certainly not in your family.”

“You wouldn’t.” Mary replied determined. “Because Papa will agree with me as soon as he realises that I just saved him from making a very hard decision that he will regret for the rest of his life. I offered a way out. This won’t be your responsibility anymore, Papa. My son is the future Earl so I decide how I plan to run this house in the future. The responsibility is with me. You can hire a new valet for yourself and don’t need to concern yourself with the, in your eyes, immoral choices, of Henry’s.” She looked at her husband with a lovingly gaze. “We are not so biased, are we, Henry?”

The man dared to smile at her before he looked at Robert. “I don’t mean to offend you, Robert. We don’t want to act behind your back here. I hope you know that. But I would really like to give Mr. Ellis a chance. I think this world is bad enough. If there is any chance to do some good, I want to take it.”

Robert looked from his son-in-law to his daughter and didn’t know what to do. Should he listen to the voice in his head, that told him to put his foot down about this? Otherwise why did he bother so much about this? Technically Mary had been responsible for the house for years now. He liked leaving it to her. He couldn’t take all the stress anymore. He just wanted to spend his declining years with his wife without having to worry about scandals and the thoughts of dinner guests. He was tired.

So he did what he usually did in situations like these. He looked at his wife. Cora had a strange look on her face. She seemed torn between supporting Robert’s decision no matter what, and speaking up for her daughter.

“Cora, tell me what you think. What you really think.” Robert said quietly.

A small sad smile spread over his wife’s face. “I think Mary and Barrow are right, Robert.” She simply replied. “If we don’t start to change our actions, how can society ever change?”

He took a deep breath and looked at Ellis and Barrow who both looked like they couldn’t comprehend what was happening. “It seems I have been outvoted. Henry, you got yourself a new valet. If he accepts of course. But I have to be clear, that I won’t be able to keep the police away if they decide to take an interest again.”

“Thank you your Lordship.” Ellis said after a moment and looked as if he couldn’t believe it. He looked at Henry. “I would love to accept your offer, Milord.”

Henry grinned a little ashamed. “I am glad to hear that, but you should know that I have not the slightest idea what it means to have a valet.”

Robert sighed at Henry’s confession. “I knew this was your idea, Mary.”

Mary smirked. “Only the best ones are, Papa.”

He had never heard a more ridiculous statement.

* * *

“What did you do to the Duke of Crowborough, Papa?” Edith demanded to know when she walked into the breakfast room.

They had already finished most of their food after Barrow and Ellis left.

Her father had excused the butler who had to deal with his shock, so Andrew was the only servant left.

Mary had just finished her tea and waited for Henry to do the same. They wanted to drive to the village today and she would take George with them to spend the day in the nature. Her son could use a little break after all the trouble. He also hadn’t been part of the dinner last night and Mary knew that he was still a little cross with her because of that.

Mary would’ve liked it to drive there in her new car but unfortunately Henry had used it to bribe the incapable police force of Downton. She knew it was necessary, she just didn’t understand why it had to be _her_ car. When he hesitantly told her about it last night she gave him a piece of her mind for ten whole minutes before she told him if he wanted to make up for it he had to help her with her plan. Of course he also had to buy her a new car. That was self-evident.

And her plan had worked like a charm. Barrow and Ellis were still here and her father would get over it before long.

During the breakfast her parents had remained mostly silent, her father still agitated because Mary had revoked his decision to sack his valet, her mother torn between her husband and her daughter.

Tom had yet to make an appearance after a few too many drinks last night. He also completely missed the whole chaos, lucky oblivious fool that he was.

So it was Mary who answered when Edith burst into the room. “He left abruptly last night. Apparently he got an urgent phone call and had to leave for London. It couldn’t even wait until the morning.” She drawled and used the story her father had fabricated last night. Edith surely didn’t need to know the truth. She was not a part of their household anymore.

Bertie who was close behind his wife frowned at that. “Are you sure? He left a message that there would be no further business relationships between us. Something must’ve happened last night after the dinner. He seemed normal to me when I last saw him and the phone call he got while I was there was not really important.”

Mary arched a brow. “I don’t know more about it. It has surely something to do with his London contacts and the call he got later in the night, don’t you think?”

Bertie opened his mouth but Edith was faster. “I don’t believe you Mary.” Edith said indignantly and stemmed her hands into her hips. “You didn’t want him to come in the first place, I know that you don’t like him! What did you say to him? And did you drag Barrow into this? I saw him talking to the Duke. Something was obviously wrong there!“

“Oh of course now you say it’s my fault!” Mary laughed bitterly. “It’s always my fault in your eyes, isn’t it? It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that the man is an unbearable arsehole and probably hasn’t made a single decent decision in his whole life.”

“Mary!” Cora said horrified

Henry sighed next to her. “Here we go…” he muttered.

“It is so typical for you to make everything about yourself, Mary! You can’t give me _one_ evening, without ruining it with your egoistic behaviour. Must you really argue about something that happened more than _fifteen_ years ago? Just because he dropped you like a hot potato when he realised you wouldn’t inherit any money?”

Mary rolled her eyes at that. “As much as I like making _everything_ about myself, believe me, for a change this has absolutely nothing to do with me.”

Edith shot her a poisonous look but Bertie stepped beside her and laid a comforting hand on her arm. “I would really like to know how this happened. I just lost a major opportunity, that I worked on for months. I don’t want to believe that one of you did anything to cause this, but I also can’t see how one phone call in the middle of the night could’ve changed his mind the way it seemingly did. I would really like our business relationship to continue.”

“Let me give you an advice.” Her father said from across the table and it were the first words he spoke since they started eating. “Don’t continue any business with this man.”

Bertie stared at him like he had just grown a second head.

Mary was equally surprised. She had just been about to say the same but for some reason her father had been faster. She didn’t think that he would say anything about this given his determination to keep out of the whole business from now on.

“Why are you telling me that? I heard not a single bad word about the Duke since I started working with him.” Bertie replied confused.

“You probably asked the wrong people.” Mary said with a snort. His wife maybe would’ve been the better informant in this case.

“Just believe me.” Robert muttered and said no more. Instead he continued staring into his teacup.

“This is ridiculous!” Edith snapped. “What on earth is going on here? What happened last night?”

Mary sighed. Maybe there was no way around this. They _were_ family after all and she knew her sister wouldn’t give up so easily. She was annoying enough that she surely would pester Mary with questions and accusations for the next few months if she didn’t tell her the truth and Mary could really do without that. She also knew that Bertie had sympathies for people like Barrow.

“Andrew, would you leave us alone for a minute?” Mary asked and the footman nodded while looking warily but he left the room after a moment.

“Mary this really isn’t for open discussion. Edith, dear. I think you should leave this alone.” Their mother spoke for the first time. She seemed concerned, which was basically her only emotion these days. It was time that Mary took over this house if only to take the burden away from her parents.

“I won’t.” Edith said and crossed her arms in front of her chest, looking like the stubborn child she once was.

“Fine.” Mary snapped. “If you really want to know, the Duke is a homosexual and-“

Several gasps followed her bluntness, but Bertie interrupted her before she could continue. “What?!” he got out and his cheeks turned red. “Leaving aside the fact that I highly doubt this, are you seriously telling me to end my business relationship because of something like that? I hadn’t thought you were this shallow, Mary!”

“-if I could get to the end of this you would see that I am the least shallow person in this room!” she snapped back completely ignoring the fact that she was talking to a Marquess.

Bertie’s mouth snapped shut again, obviously not used to being talked to in this way anymore.

“He asked about the staff the whole evening, pestering us all with questions. Then he made advances to Barrow who declined which led to the Duke assaulting him in his room after dinner. Ellis, Papa’s new valet, who is apparently in a relationship with Barrow heard the commotion and punched him in the face after which Papa threw the bastard out of our house and the Duke called the police on Barrow and Ellis. We managed to fend them off and the bastard crawled back to where he came from.” She took a deep breath. “If you really want to continue making deals with a man like that after what I told you I clearly overestimated your common sense. And as you can see, Edith. It’s for a change not about me.”

Her speech was followed by a few beats of silence. Her parents looked resigned, Henry took a slow sip from his tea and both Edith and Bertie stared at her with open mouths.

“Barrow…” Bertie said slowly. “Is he alright?”

“He will live.” Mary drawled. “You can imagine that he is quite shaken. Especially after Papa fired Ellis this morning.”

“You did what?” Bertie asked incredulous and looked at Robert with disappointment clearly written over his face.

Robert threw Mary a tired look before he looked back at Edith’s husband. “I did what I had to do. But you don’t need to start arguing in his favour. I know how you feel about the topic because of your cousin. Mary stepped in and made Henry hire him back immediately. It seems I have lost my authority entirely in this house. Decisions are not made by me these days.”

“You really did that, Mary?” Edith asked and suddenly her voice was soft.

Mary snorted. “Oh what do you think? I couldn’t very well let Papa fire the man. Barrow would have been insufferable vindictive for the rest of his life and I am planning to keep him as butler. George has taken quite a liking to him. Hiring a new butler these days is far too much trouble. And you all know as well as I what he has seen in this house, if we sack him or give him reason to leave we could as well publish all our secrets in your newspaper.”

Of course she had played it down a bit. These weren’t the real reasons why she did it, but it were the reasons why everyone, except maybe Henry, expected she had done it. That had to be enough. Mary had learned a long time ago that people were less likely to ask annoying questions when she simply met their expectations.

“Oh of course.” Edith snorted. “And again you just do what is best for you, Mary. Not even an ounce of concern about the men’s lives, which could’ve been destroyed because of this. No, you simply are too lazy to hire a new butler.”

Bertie didn’t seem to care about her motives. “I think it was the right decision, Mary. I have to apologize for calling you shallow before. You clearly have a generous streak to you.”

“I think I have to insist that you take that back immediately. I have to uphold the reputation of an ice cold woman with no heart.” Mary replied but the corners of her mouth twitched.

For some reason she liked Edith’s husband. Maybe it was because he didn’t behave like he was above them all even though he clearly was considering his rank and title. And because he was, like her own husband, one of the few people who saw _what_ she did instead of constantly complaining about _how_ she did it.

A short silence followed after that conversation in which Henry finally managed to finish his cup of tea.

“So you won’t do anything about Barrow and your valet?” Bertie finally asked Robert and there was something in his gaze that was somewhere between careful hope and determination.

Her father snorted. “It seems I have no choice in the matter. Don’t understand this wrong, I have no problem with this. What I fear is what trouble it could cause for them and for us. They are walking on very thin ice here. It doesn’t take much and Downton police can arrest them both.” Mary didn’t miss how he looked at the carpet when he said he didn’t have a problem with it. She immediately remembered Barrow’s words. There was apparently some truth to them.

“I really hope that it won’t come to this.” Bertie replied with a frown. “I am glad that they found a place where they are relatively safe. It shows great courage that your family decided to do this.”

Her father seemed surprised by his words, as if he didn’t even think about what all of this meant until now.

Surprisingly it was Henry who answered, throwing a look at Mary. “Look at us, advocates of the oppressed. Defying the law. Who would’ve thought that a few years back?”

Mary shrugged. “To be honest I never really played by the rules. And whoever made some of them clearly didn’t expect people like us.”

“Well we may still all go to hell for that…” her father muttered but he didn’t seem to be entirely convinced of his own words.

“Oh that’s ridiculous, Papa.” Edith snorted. “Hell wouldn’t last a single day with Mary there.”

* * *

Thomas and Richard were in the butler’s pantry taking a cup of tea, still recovering from the shock.

“Are you alright?” Thomas asked the valet over his teacup. Richard hadn’t said much since they came down here.

Richard smiled hesitantly as if he still couldn’t grasp what had happened. “More than alright.”

“And you don’t care that you are no longer his Lordships valet?”

“As far as I have understood it I will be again in a few years. A different Lordship and hopefully still many years down the road, but still. Until then I think I can manage Mr. Talbot just fine. It is probably a lot less work.”

Thomas smirked at him and it was the first time he felt like laughing since last night. It was shaky but it was there. “That will be the real punishment for you, wont it?”

The expression on Richards face turned playfully hurt. “How could you say something like that? I am laziness itself!”

“I know you.” Thomas replied with a smile and took another long sip of his tea. The hot beverage was exactly what he needed right now. He still hadn’t really managed to chase the memories of the Duke and last night’s shock away. Richard had been exactly what he had needed last night but he knew that there was still much to think about. He had also avoided every other person downstairs since he got up today. Fortunately they seemed to understand that he needed time. For the moment he was glad that the two of them didn’t have to look for another job. Everything else would come later.

“I am so sorry…” Richard muttered quietly after a few moments of silence and his eyes were deeply sad. Thomas immediately knew that the valets thoughts had drifted in the same direction.

“Whatever for?” Thomas asked with a raised brow because he had really now idea what Richard could be apologising for this time.

“For not being there earlier. For not realizing what was happening. For not punching this bastard to a bloody pulp. For breaking down in front of you when I should’ve been the strong one.” His voice shook slightly but Thomas couldn’t say if it was because of anger or regret.

“We broke down together. And to be fair, you _did_ punch him.” Thomas replied.

Richard sighed. “Not nearly as hard and as often as I wanted to.”

Thomas looked at the door quickly but it was still closed. He took Richards hand in his and squeezed it tightly. “You saved me, Richard. I think we both know…what would’ve happened if you hadn’t been there…I know you don’t see it like this and I am not always good at accepting help but you where there. You have to stop blaming yourself.”

The valet closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. “He should go to prison for this. But we can’t even talk to the damn police without risking exposing ourselves.”

“Let’s just forget this happened.” Thomas said. “You are here, everything is going to be fine. He can’t hurt us anymore.” He pulled the man into a quick hug.

“I should be the one comforting you, not the other way around.” Richard muttered against his shoulder.

“You already comforted me last night. Now it’s my turn.” Thomas replied.

Before Richard could reply to that there was a knock at the door.

They immediately separated and managed to smooth down their clothes.

“Come in.” Thomas said after a few seconds.

To his surprise none other than the Marquess and the Marchioness of Hexham stepped into the room.

Thomas and Richard immediately jumped to their feet as if their seats had suddenly caught fire.

“Lord Hexham, Lady Hexham!” Thomas said surprised while Richard somehow managed to let their teacup’s disappear into nothingness. “What can we do for you?”

“Please don’t be so formal, Barrow.” The Marchioness of Hexham said. “I am still Lady Edith in this house and Bertie couldn’t care less about the titles.”

Thomas had never understood how most of the rich people he knew on the one hand cared so much about title and status and on the other hand constantly refused being addressed in the correct way. As soon as they exchanged two words with each other they offered their Christian names. Granted this was a different situation but he had watched enough dinner parties to know he was right. The only exception was probably the Dowager.

“We just came to have a quick word. Please don’t feel obligated to do anything for us.” The Marquess added and Thomas and Richard avoided each other’s look both probably thinking what on earth a man of this rank could want from them.

“We don’t want to frighten you any further, but we heard what happened last night.” Lady Edith continued and now they finished each other’s sentences like some sickly sweet newlywed couple.

“And it made us think.”

“And we simply had to talk to you.” Lord Hexham continued. “I know that this is probably inappropriate but I simply had to talk to you. You surly know that I had a cousin who died in Tangiers. This was a great shock for me and I never quite managed to leave it behind, especially when everybody in my family still likes to pretend he never existed. It made me incredibly angry so I swore to myself that I never would make the same mistake. That I never would become such a person.”

Thomas blinked at him, why exactly was he telling them this…Ah…Tangiers. He remembered the stories.

Now it was Lady Edith’s turn again. “We heard that Mary resolved the situation with her usual bluntness but we would nonetheless like to offer our help.”

“If you should ever need a place to go to or see yourself confronted with the need of a new position far away from here, please don’t hesitate to contact us. There will always be a place at the Hexham estate. For both of you.”

“And Marigold would be happy to see you again, Barrow.” Edith concluded their speech.

What was left was silence. Thomas avoided Richards gaze which was surely as puzzled as his own. He really didn’t know where this had come from. He never really liked Lady Edith and she surly didn’t like him very much. They were just two people living under same roof, divided by money, upbringing and title. The only moment when he had done more for her than bringing her the morning tea or the post, was when he saved her from this fire in her room. He never even thought about it. It had just been the right thing to do back then.

“That is very generous of you, Lord Hexham. I am really sorry about what happened to your cousin.” Thomas felt the need to reply before he turned to Edith. “Forgive me My Lady but I don’t quite understand what brought this up.”

She smiled sadly. “Please don’t understand this wrong Barrow. I didn’t offer this out of some kind of obligation, even though you saved me from this fire years ago and I never even thanked you for it. It’s not to pay a debt back, I know you wouldn’t want that. I simply thought this was the right thing to do. And I completely trust Bertie. If he wants to help I will stand by him.”

“I cannot say how much this means. I never met you before Milord, Milady but I wish you only good fortune and we will gladly remember your offer.” Richard said and there was true gratefulness in his eyes.

Bertie Pelham nodded and smiled a little sadly. “I hope you never need to leave Downton. I know that you worked here for a long time, Barrow. And I really don’t want to steal Mary’s butler from under her nose. Just know that it can be an option if you are ever in need of protection. I like to give the servants in my house the opportunity to be themselves completely.”

“Thank you. We will remember this.” Thomas managed to get out. “I hope that you will greet Miss Marigold from me, if it isn’t too much to ask?” he asked Lady Edith and she smiled.

“I will, of course. And I think she would very much like to hear from you if you want to write her a letter. You know, she started talking a while ago and somehow she managed to remember your name, even though you didn’t see her for over a year.”

A warm feeling spread through Thomas chest and when he looked at Richard he saw him smile. “I will write her. Thank you for telling me this.” He replied with a slightly raw voice, full of emotion.

Edith smiled even brighter. “She will be delighted.” Then she turned to her husband. “I am afraid we have to take our leave now but I am glad that we talked.”

Thomas and Richard asked them if they needed anything else which they declined and the two of them turned to the door.

“Oh one more matter, Barrow.” Lord Hexham said and turned around one last time. “I wanted to tell you that I will not do any more business with the Duke of Crowborough. I ended any cooperation I had with him with immediate effect.”

Thomas somehow couldn’t say anything to that. He just stared at the man fearing that his voice would break if he tried to reply. The name immediately brought back all the memories. They threatened to drown him.

Fortunately Richard seemed to feel that there was something wrong because he made a seemingly random step to place the tea cups he suddenly had in his hands again onto the butlers desk which brought him nearer to Thomas and slightly in front of him so he was between him and the Lord Hexham.

It was so subtle that Thomas was sure Lord Hexham couldn’t have noticed anything but he was not sure. Edith’s gaze turned into something he couldn’t interpret quite right. It wasn’t exactly pity, which he really didn’t need right now. It rather looked like some kind of sad realization.

“Thank you.” Richard simply said and there was something dangerous in his voice as if he was daring the Marquess to ask further questions which would upset Thomas. With a sudden realization of his own, Thomas knew that Richard would do anything to protect him from further harm. It was a strange feeling to have someone who cared this much about him.

Bertie Pelham seemed to get the message. He made a step back and nodded shortly with a silent apology in his gaze when he looked from Richard to Thomas. “Right.” He said and Edith softly laid her hand on his arm.

“Please stay safe. Both of you.” She said and Richard’s shoulders lost their tension a bit.

“Thank you.” Thomas managed to get out.

They nodded, turned around and left.

Thomas looked at Richard with an incredulous look on his face. “Did I just dream that conversation?” he asked and Richard looked as confused as he felt.

“No, I heard it as well.”

“So what happened?” Thomas gestured at the closed door of the butlers pantry. “What the bloody hell was that?”

A big incredulous smile slowly spread over Richards face.

“Change.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry to say that my planned chapters are almost entirely exhausted. That could mean that the next chapter takes a little longer because I have to make a plan for the rest of the story first.   
> But because I know myself it could also mean that I will read the comments and immediately start writing just as excessively as before. You never know ;)


	22. Crumbling Walls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a plan! Yay! Sort of...Well, maybe 12 percent of a plan. ;)  
> Let's see how long it will take me to write the next chapter but for now I am glad that I managed to post this one.  
> Also: I feel like I have to voice a general warning. Thomas is still dealing with the things that happened with the Duke, so be aware that there still might be a few unsettling scenes to come. I'm talking flashbacks and panics attacks. If you don't want to read that stop at the hashtags.

Edith and her husband left two hours later.

The atmosphere was a little bit gloomy. Robert had just seen them off in front of the house. Together with Cora he watched their motorcar disappear behind the curve of the road.

Cora sighed. “Do you think we will see her again before the baby arrives?” she asked and there was a deep sadness in her voice.

Robert squeezed her arm. “I think we can never know. Life is unpredictable. And if not, we can look forward to another grandchild.”

“I hope it will be a boy. George could use the company.” Cora said with a smile.

Robert snorted. “Maybe our grandchildren manage something that we couldn’t for the last twenty years. Bringing Mary and Edith together without a constant argument.”

They stared into the distance for a few seconds. The past few days had still be warm but they were slowly approaching October and soon they wouldn’t be able to take their tea on the terrace anymore. Robert liked the winter months when the sun wasn’t so strong, there was not much to do on the estate and he could spend his days in front of the fireplace with a good book. It was as if Downton Abbey turned into a warm and sheltered cocoon where no one could intrude.

He had the feeling that this year would be different.

The past night had shown him that his carefully constructed safe haven could fall apart rather easily. It took only one single man and his butler was traumatised, he had to sack his valet, Edith and Mary screamed at each other, his mother left fuming and the police was knocking at his door in the middle of the night.

There was nothing sacred and safe about his house anymore. Something had changed last night. There were suddenly cracks in the ancient stone walls that had not been there before. Or maybe, he simply hadn’t noticed them before. He had only seen his perfect home, in which he grew up and learned to live. He had seen the house he had studied in, where he found love and a family and it never occurred to him that other people might not see the unblemished façade he had seen for years.

Carson would understand. He had seen what Robert had seen during all those years. He saw the unfathomable glory of the good old days, the grandeur, the dignity and the grace with which old houses like this endured centuries of change.

Barrow surely couldn’t see it. Not after all the hurt and pain he had apparently experienced in all the years he had been here. And Robert had noticed only a fraction of it.

“Are you alright Robert?” Cora asked quietly. His wife looked tired and he knew that it was partly his fault. The wrinkles on her face were deeper than the day before. There was a tension around her mouth that was new. He could see that she had been as shocked by Barrows story as he. They both had no idea what had happened in their own house.

He decided to reply truthfully. “I have no answer to that question.”

“Tell me what you think, Robert.”

Teo chose this moment to appear to his right side. As always his dog knew when he needed comfort. He crouched down next to her and stroked the soft fur behind her ears. Robert had never envied her this much. She would never know about the struggles of life.

“How could we not notice?” Robert said finally and Cora closed her eyes in defeat.

“How could we have known?” she replied.

“Somehow.” He replied. “There must’ve been signs, what was happening. Maybe I ignored them…”

Cora’s hand squeezed his shoulder. “Robert please don’t blame yourself. It is terrible but we had no idea.”

“Do we not have some kind of responsibility for the people who work for us?” he asked. Did they not have an obligation to protect everyone who sought shelter in their house? How could they have been so blind all those years?

“You cannot see everything. This is a big house.” Cora tried to convince him but she couldn’t. He wasn’t able to shake the feeling that he missed this. For years.

“No, I know.” he replied. “But if we had done everything in our power, he would’ve come to us sooner. But he didn’t. Do you know why?”

She looked resigned but she shook her head. “Tell me.”

“There are walls. I know that I am partly responsible for building them. I was told in my youth that there could never be any kind of empathy between employer and employee. I was told that there always needed to be a distance. I was born and raised in this house amidst walls of stone, ignoring the people behind them. Stone was all I could see. The very same stone that threatens to crumble down on top of me now.”

“You have no fault here, Robert.” Cora repeated but she looked so sad that he knew she was only saying it to comfort him.

“Yes I have. And I will regret that for the rest of my life.”

“If you really think so, why did you decide to let Ellis go this morning?” Cora asked after a moment.

Teo let out a small noise that was almost a whine. She seemed to ask him as well.

Robert looked down at his dog because she at least couldn’t judge him for what he was going to say next.

“I think I am afraid.” He said quietly.

“Afraid of what?” Cora whispered.

He shook his head with a frown. “I cannot describe it…It is just a feeling. I do not know why.”

“Well, it will come to you in time, I think. Just know that I will always be here for you if you are ready to talk.”

He stroked Teo’s fur a last time before he got up to his feet and took his wife into his arms. “I don’t know what I would do without you, my beautiful wife.”

She laughed. “But I know. You would drown in your Britishness.”

* * *

Daisy cornered him short after the guests had left. Lunch was only an hour away and she apparently had nothing important to do. “Can I talk to you, Mr. Barrow?” She asked and joined him in the back yard where he had hidden since Lady Edith had left.

The conversation with Richard was an ever-present thought in Thomas head. He still couldn’t quite believe what Lord and Lady Hexham had offered them. Richard had called it Change. Thomas called it Suspicious.

Maybe Lady Edith wanted to compete with her sister and had only offered her help because she felt like she had to win some kind of argument?

He knew that Richard thought it had been empathy but Thomas wasn’t as optimistic.

He could admit to himself that he didn’t trust the peace and quiet with which the family had taken the news. This had been far too easy. Lady Grantham had defended his words in front of everybody else. Lady Edith offered a safe haven for Richard and him. Lady Mary had worked out a plan with her husband to safe Richards job and even Lord Grantham seemed resigned to let them stay and go on with their relationship under his roof.

This couldn’t be real, could it? There had to be some kind of hitch somewhere.

The other option was of course that it was pity. They were simply feeling sorry for him after what happened with…

He still couldn’t think the name. Why couldn’t he think the name? He was feeling better, wasn’t he? Richard had been there for him and that was exactly the comfort he had needed. So why was he still feeling this fear every time he thought of… _him?_ Thomas should be feeling better, but he wasn’t.

The hand that was holding the cigarette began to shake. He stared down at it and willed it to stop. Of course it didn’t work. It was the hand with the scars. His glove was gone so he wore a simple black leather glove until he got a new one. It was uncomfortably warm but it had to be. He couldn’t walk around with his scars out in the open.

The hand was still shaking like a leaf. His fingers spasmed when he remembered how Ph…how _he_ had touched the scars there. As if he had any right touching them.

Thomas swore when he dropped the cigarette a second later. He flexed his fingers as if that would ease the muscles there. The only thing it did was making him flinch when a sharp pain shot from his fingertips up into his wrist.

“Thomas?” Daisy’s voice ripped him from his thoughts.

He turned around.

The kitchen maid was standing in front of the back door with her hand still on the handle. She looked at him with a wariness in her eyes that told him that he again, managed to almost break down in front of Daisy Mason.

Why did it always have to be her?

“Yes?” he asked as calmly as he could but he was still staring at his hand. It was hurting like hell now and he suddenly realised that he had neglected the muscle exercises Doctor Clarkson had ordered him to do every evening.

There were by god more important things to think about last night.

And if he thought about it he hadn’t done them regularly since Richard moved to Downton Abbey. Richard had always been there in the evening and Thomas didn’t want to bother him with these scars. The valet shouldn’t need to look at them. They were ugly enough for Thomas to look at.

So he had only done the exercises once every few days when he found the time after getting up in the morning. And only when he was alone.

Apparently this had a rather side negative effect. _This couldn’t have come at a better time,_ he thought ironically.

“What happened to your hand?” Daisy asked and looked down at it. The upside was that she seemed to have forgotten completely what she came to talk to him about. The downside was everything else.

He flexed it again and grimaced at the pain. “I got shot.”

She sighed. “Thomas.”

“Mr. Barrow.”

“Alright.” She said and never lost her soft tone. She sounded like she was speaking to a child or a skittish animal. He was neither. “Mr. Barrow. Do you want me to ask Mrs. Patmore for a tonic or some oil to massage it?”

He still didn’t look at her. Instead he turned his hand around and bent the fingers in the other direction. It didn’t help in the slightest. Why was it hurting so much?

The only good thing was that his thoughts were occupied more with the physical pain and less with last night’s events now.

Thomas shook his head. “No. Thank you, Daisy. I am fine.” Maybe he would do something about it this evening but he really didn’t have the time now. There were so many things that had to be done after the dinner. The pantry had to be restocked. The wine had to be catalogued. The silver had to be stored away. The maids had to clean the…guestrooms.

Bloody hell, not again.

Thomas flexed his hand again before his thoughts could continued to drift in the direction of the guestrooms and fortunately the pain was enough to get him back. At least one thing his damn hand was still good for.

“Are you sure?” she asked. “It would be no trouble to ask.”

He shook his head. “I’m fine.”

She looked like she wanted to argue but distraction came surprisingly in form of Lady Mary.

“Milady.” He said and wondered why the Earls daughter was approaching from the garage’s direction.

Daisy made a curtsey before she excused herself and quickly hurried back inside and Thomas was left with an even more awkward conversation partner.

“Barrow, I wanted to speak to you before I leave with George and Henry.”

Ah, that was right. The three of them wanted to make some sort of family trip to the village today. Thomas was glad that George would get out for a change. Since the whole incident with Bates the boy had changed. He wasn’t so adventures anymore and Thomas feared that he was still blaming himself. Maybe a little time away from Downton Abbey would do him good.

“Of course, Milady.” Thomas replied and already dreaded what she had to say. Was there anything more embarrassing that could happen right now? Well she could notice his hand. He immediately hid it behind his back and hoped that she wouldn’t be as observant as everybody else.

She hesitated and he immediately tried to remember if he had ever seen Lady Mary hesitating. Probably not. If she had something to say she would usually say it.

“I feel like I owe you and Mr. Ellis an apology.” She said and he stared at her incredulously. _She_ wanted to apologise? If anything he should thank her for what she had done for Richard even if he still couldn’t quite believe that it had been entirely out of generosity.

“I am afraid, I do not understand, Milady.” He replied because he really didn’t. What was she on about?

She took a deep breath and what she said next seemed to take a lot of effort. “I shouldn’t have told Edith. I have to apologise for that. It wasn’t my place to tell her anything. Neither about last nights events nor about you and Ellis.”

Thomas still stared at her. Who was she? As far as he could remember Lady Mary had never apologised for anything in her life. Why start now?

She seemed to take his silence for what it was because she laughed a little ironically.

“Well, you must think me silly. I know I am usually not the person to apologise. That doesn’t mean that I do not regret anything.”

Thomas frowned. “That was not what I wanted to say, Milady. I only wondered why you would apologise to me of all people.”

That seemed to surprise her. “Why wouldn’t I? I treated your secret like gossip and not just in front of Edith, in front of Henry as well. I had a few hours to think about it. It wasn’t right.”

“I can’t blame you for doing what everybody else has done all my life, Milady.” Thomas said. His secret had never been more than gossip to other people. Except Richard of course but only because it concerned him as well.

Gossip that could be whispered from one person to the next in the shadows but never spoken aloud in the daylight.

“Then I will be the first person to apologise for something that should be self-evident.” Lady Mary replied and smirked. “Besides, it is more common knowledge than gossip by now. I do not know if there is still a person left in this house who doesn’t know.”

Thomas paled at that and she immediately rowed back.

“You know they would never tell, Barrow.” She said and apparently he was supposed to answer in the affirmative to that. Did he know that?

It took a lot to nod. “Thank you, Milady.” She had done more for him than anyone else in the family. He decided to get it over and done with. “And I have to thank you for what you did this morning. We are deeply indebted to you.”

There it was. He said it. Richard would probably be proud of him.

To his surprise Lady Mary didn’t seem satisfied with that. On the contrary she looked like she would very much like this conversation to end now.

“No you are not, Barrow. I told you once, I simply cannot understand why everybody is so angry if it is none of their concern.”

And now he simply had to ask. He couldn’t stand it if it was only pity. He didn’t need their pity.

“Why did you do it, Milady?” he asked. “Because I do not want to stay if it is only out of guilt or pity.”

She laughed. “Guilt or pity? By god, have you met me, Barrow? You should know that I only do what I want to do.”

“Then what was the real reason behind this, if I may ask?” He was really curious what let her to this altruistic decision.

Lady Mary’s grin turned wolfish. “I hate people who tell me what to do. I did it out of sheer spite.”

Thomas couldn’t suppress his own smirk. “Out of spite?”

There was a strange moment of affinity between employer and employee all the sudden. It wasn’t the same as it had been with Lady Sybil, who had almost become something close to a friend in the end but it was more than they ever had before.

No, in this moment they were simply two people who shared a common loathing for the world in general. And it had turned them into allies.

Lady Mary returned the smirk. “I thought you would like that.”

* * *

“And where did you put Mary’s new car?” Tom asked Henry when they went to the garage together. Henry wanted to get a car for his trip with Mary and George and Tom was the one knowing which one he could take without trouble.

Henry bit his lower lip in a rare show of nervousness. “I used it to bribe the police.”

Tom laughed before he realised that Henry wasn’t joking. “Really? How come?”

Henry sighed. “I cannot really tell you. There is a lot on the line.”

The former chauffeur wondered what that was about. He admittedly still had a splitting head ache from last nights drinks but he wasn’t so confused that he didn’t notice that something bad had happened.

When he had arrived in the dining room breakfast had already been over, the atmosphere had been tense and Edith and her husband were in the middle of their departure. On top of that there was no sign of Thomas and Mary had apparently lost her new car only a few hours after she got it. Something had happened here and Henry didn’t want to tell him.

“Well, it seems to have been an interesting night…” Tom muttered and thought back to the dinner.

It would’ve been a full success if not for one guest. He could still not believe how someone who was so far above Tom in rank and title could have so little manners at the same time. _Raised in a barn_ was apparently not true in every case. Even people raised in a castle could apparently be impolite arseholes.

“You don’t know the half of it.” Henry replied and grimaced.

“At least this terrible Duke didn’t stay for breakfast.” Tom said. “He didn’t, did he?”

Henry only shook his head apparently not very talkative today. Tom didn’t care. He could talk to himself if he had to. He had the nervous habit to do just that.

“Well, thank god for Thomas. He managed to put out some fires before they even started. I think he got this dinner about right. Imagine how it would’ve turned out if he hadn’t intervened in the smoking room. Someone could’ve ended with a broken nose again.” He laughed. His own nose was completely healed by now and he could still remember the pain. He wasn’t eager to repeat the experience anytime soon.

The only good thing had been that Sybbie had fussed about him for over a week after it. He loved having his daughter around, she always managed to put a smile on his face.

Unfortunately she was getting older and was more and more playing with George somewhere on the estate. These days he rarely knew where she was. Nanny looked a little desperate and exhausted each time he saw her in the house but Tom tried to comfort her that this was simply how kids were when they grew up. At least he knew that George and Sybbie would be together somewhere. When one got hurt the other could call help. In the beginning Mary had tried to keep them in the house but she had quickly realised that it wouldn’t be possible to control the two little troublemakers.

For some reason Henry looked a little green around his own nose now.

“Are you alright?” he asked Mary’s husband and received a short nod.

Tom sighed. “You know sooner or later I am going to find out what happened.”

“I don’t think you want that, Tom.” Henry said darkly.

They had reached the garage now and Tom opened the door suddenly remembering a dark night with a bright moon and two men breathing heavily, their faces only inches apart.

His cheeks immediately turned red. By god, he would never forget that, would he? Couldn’t they have gone to some other place? Now he would think about that every time he entered the garage.

To their surprise George was already waiting for them. “Where is mum’s new car?!” he asked immediately and hopped down from the wooden crate he had been sitting on.

“What are you doing here George?” Henry asked with a smile.

George crossed his arms in front of his chest. “What do you think? Waiting for you and mum! So where is the car?”

“Your stepfather gave it away.” Tom said when Henry only sighed.

George’s eyes got big. “Gave it away? To who?”

“To whom, George.” Mary’s voice came from the door and Tom and Henry turned around to her.

George pouted. “That is the same word!” he said.

“I agree with you, George.” Tom said. There was still so much he had to learn about the conventions of the upper class but there would always be some things he simply couldn’t understand.

Mary rolled her eyes. “Yes, Tom, we all know your knowledge of English grammar is terrible.”

“But where is the car?!” George whined, angry that no one answered his question.

“You don’t have to think about that, George. We take another car.” Mary replied.

George sighed loudly. “Fine. I ask Mr. Barrow or Mr. Ellis later.” He muttered barely audible.

That got him three confused gazes. “Mr. Ellis?” Mary asked with an arched brow. “Why him?”

George shrugged and climbed into the backseat of one of Downton Abbeys cars. “I like him.”

“That is new.” Mary said and Henry shot her a questioning gaze. Tom frowned. George apparently took a liking to the new valet. He had seen them together a few times in the last weeks but he had never thought that the valet would be on a par with Thomas. The boy idolised Thomas.

“It’s not new.” George said still with a pout on his face. “He came here because Mr. Barrow likes him very much, so I like him too. And he always reads me stories if I ask him.”

A short silence followed. George didn’t seem to realise what he just said. He leant forward into the front seat of the car and began to push random buttons on the dashboard.

It was a very peculiar silence in which the three adults exchanged quick but intense gazes.

Henry and Mary looked at Tom as if they feared what he would do and Tom looked at them trying to figure out a way how he could distract them.

A second later the penny dropped. “You know, don’t you?” Tom replied incredulously.

Henry’s eyes grew comically large but Mary only snorted. “ _You_ know?”

Tom sighed and looked quickly at George to see if the boy was listening. He wasn’t. Tom’s ears turned red. “I caught them in here once.”

If Henry’s eyes got any bigger they would surely fall out of his head.

“And you?” Tom asked.

Mary shrugged. “I notice things. I basically knew from the beginning.”

The look Henry shot her showed Tom that this was apparently not the whole true. “I only found out last night.” The former racing driver said.

Tom shook his head. “They are really bad at this, aren’t they?”

Mary smirked. “I couldn’t say. I recently decided that gossiping is a waste of time.”

* * *

Mr. Talbot, Richard noticed, had really no idea what it meant to have a valet. The former racing driver opened the door to his room after dinner and promptly declared that he would need no help with dressing or undressing. Richard asked him what he wanted him to do then and at that Henry (who insisted to be called Henry) laughed and said they would surely find something, to keep up pretences. Somehow they ended up playing chess.

Now he was back in the servants hall with Mr. Talbot’s suit and shoes, glad that he at least had something to do. He just brought the shoes to the boot room when he was stopped by Mrs. Carson.

“Mr. Ellis. A word?” she looked wary.

He sighed. He had dreaded this conversation but better him than Thomas.

“Of course Mrs. Carson. I join you in a minute.”

He took care of the suit before he knocked on the door to the sitting room. Thomas was nowhere in sight. As usual he had seen only short glimpses of the butler over the day.

Whenever he had a moment alone with him Richard had squeezed his hand in comfort. He didn’t know if it had helped, but Thomas had at least smiled reassuring at him a few times. He knew that they would need to talk again tonight. Thomas couldn’t pretend that he was alright only after one day. Richard knew that the butler didn’t like people to fuss but that didn’t mean that he was recovering faster after such a trauma. He simply had to be there for Thomas and he had to show the man he loved that it was alright to take his time.

Now he entered Mrs. Carson’s dressing room. He wasn’t surprised when he saw Phyllis pacing up and down in front of the fireplace. He turned around and closed the door behind himself and she immediately stopped pacing and looked at him with narrowed eyes.

Mrs. Carson was sitting in a wooden chair next to the small table and had a cup of tea in her hands.

“Richard.” Phyllis said immediately and she wrang her hands concerned. “What happened last night? I don’t understand…I heard you are Mr. Talbot’s valet now.”

Richard looked from her to Mrs. Carson who only arched a brow at him. “I am as curious as her.” She said. “Usually I am the one knowing what is going on in this house but I have the feeling that things are happening when I am not here, more often than not now. Would you care to enlighten us? Thomas looked unsettled the whole day and I think we have all seen his face.”

Why did he have to be the person to speak to them? It should be Thomas’ choice what he was telling them. Richard simply couldn’t take that from him. If the butler wasn’t ready to talk he couldn’t force him.

So what should he do? The answer was easy. He would stick to the general facts and only tell them what they already knew.

“The family knows about Thomas and me.” Richard said and both of them gasped. “A few of them already knew, others found out last night. Lord Grantham was one of them. He decided this morning that he couldn’t keep me as his valet. Fortunately Lady Mary intervened and convinced Mr. Talbot.”

There. Now they knew everything they needed to know about last night. There was no reason to tell them anything about the Duke.

Phyllis eyes were still wide. “And they let you both stay?” she said it as if she couldn’t believe it and Richard understood the feeling.

He was still not entirely sure how they could’ve been this fortunate. During his time in London he had met many people like Thomas and himself and many that were working in service and had to leave their positions after their secret had been exposed to their employers. And that had been the lesser evil for them.

He had never heard of a house where someone like him would’ve been accepted in the way Thomas had been accepted all these years. It had been reluctantly and not nearly enough but the family had never been a danger to him, even though all of them seemed to know.

And now they even accepted Richard here, right in front of their eyes? Well not all of them. He had seen the look in Lord Grantham’s eyes. The Earl was saying that he could not care less but Richard had seen his gaze. He was struggling with the concept. He wasn’t comfortable and he was clearly not agreeing with it. But even he was reluctantly accepting them. How could they be so lucky? Maybe the world _was_ slowly changing?

“Yes. I still can’t quite believe it myself.” Richard replied to Phyllis question.

“Something else happened last night, didn’t it?” Mrs. Carson stated and Richard looked at her with a pleading gaze.

“I cannot tell you. Thomas wouldn’t want me to.” He said.

Mrs. Carson pressed her lip together and shook her head as if she couldn’t understand.

“We worry for him.” Phyllis said quietly. “I don’t know if he told you about the incident last year…”

Richard knew immediately what she was talking about. The faded scares on Thomas wrists appeared in his mind. The first time he had seen them he had nearly cried. From sadness because Thomas had to go through this alone and from happiness that he was still on this world. If Thomas had not been saved by some lucky twist of fate on this day he would’ve never met him.

“I know.” Richard said curtly and cleared his throat. Phyllis must’ve seen the look on his face because she looked like she regretted bringing it up.

“I am sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I am only telling you because we worry every time Thomas experiences pain. We fear that someday it could be too much for him and…he could try it again.” Phyllis shuddered.

“When he gets hurt he is hurting in a very deep way.” Mrs. Carson added. “We don’t want him to break down again. If there is something we should know…”

“No.” Richard said because suddenly he was incredibly angry. It surprised him how fiercely he felt the need to protect Thomas each time someone wronged him. He apparently loved this man with every fibre of his being and he simply couldn’t stand it if any injustice was done to him.

He knew they meant only well, but they did not understand Thomas at all. They were talking about him as if he was some kind of mental patient that had to be observed in case he had a relapse again. And that was apparently the place his anger came from right now.

“You are wrong.” Richard said as calmly as he could but he saw in their confused faces that they had noticed his mood change. “If you are concerned about Thomas you should talk to him and be there for him, but all you do is ask me behind his back. He is _not_ weak. He will not break if you talk to him. And he doesn’t need someone to watch him in case he tries to hurt himself again. What he needs is support and understanding and a good perspective. It is not wrong that he feels this way. In my eyes it is completely understandable. He experienced only hurt in his life. I would be as tired of it as him if this were my life. I at least had my parents. He had nothing. This is not about preventing him from doing something again. This is about showing him that life is worth living so he can decide for himself. Only if you think like that you will be able to help him. But as long as you only see him as someone who could break down every second, he will never trust you entirely.”

Richard stopped speaking and took a deep breath. Where had that come from? He didn’t even know, the words had just come out like water out of a fountain and he couldn’t stop them. But they were true.

Maybe he had been to hard on them. He knew both Phyllis and Mrs. Carson had shown Thomas more kindness than anyone else. But he also knew that Thomas was still not entirely comfortable talking to them.

This was the reason. He couldn’t open himself to them because he feared they would immediately call Doctor Clarkson at the first sign of an emotional break down even though sometimes the only thing he needed was a shoulder to cry on.

So yes, Phyllis and Mrs. Carson had to know what they were doing wrong. Richard was only sorry that he had to be the one to tell them.

They still stared at him.

It took five seconds before Mrs. Carson opened her mouth. “I see.” She only said and her gaze turned even sadder.

Phyllis wiped away a tear that had escaped her left eye. “I am sorry.” She said. “I did not know…”

Richard sighed. “I am sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I know you care for him.”

Phyllis shook her head now. “But you were right. I think I was just afraid, that he would do it again and I would do everything to prevent it. I never thought of showing him why he shouldn’t do it in the first place.”

“You did.” Richard reminded her. “Even if it was subconsciously. You brought me here.”

She smiled tentatively. “That was probably the best I could’ve ever done for Thomas. I see the benefits of it right now. He obviously loves you very much.”

Richard immediately looked at Mrs. Carson who cleared her throat and looked at the closed door with a pointed gaze. “Lower your voice, Mrs. Molesley. It might not seem like it but there are still people in this house who don’t know about this.” Then she looked at Richard. “But I have to agree with Phyllis, you couldn’t have arrived at a more ideal time, Mr. Ellis.”

He smiled a little sadly. “I only hope that I didn’t make matters worse for Thomas.”

Phyllis shook her head. “You could never do that. I am so glad he has you. And if he doesn’t want to talk to us at least we know that he talks to you. He trusts you because you understand him on a level we never could.”

“Will you tell him that he can come to us any time he wants?” Mrs. Carson asked. “I think both Mrs. Molesley and I have learned a few things today.”

“I think it has to come from you.” Richard replied. “But I am sure he will listen if he thinks you are not just trying to help out of pity.”

Phyllis nodded. “I can do that. But for now I trust you. You won’t let anything happen to him, will you?”

“Never.” Richard replied with the greatest conviction and they both looked satisfied with that answer even if they all knew that he wouldn’t be able to prevent any harm form coming to Thomas. But he would certainly try.

There was a knock at the door and after Mrs. Carson’s nod Richard stepped over to open it.

To his surprise is was Daisy. “I wanted to talk to you and Andy said you would be in here, Mr. Ellis.” the kitchen maid said and shot a curious look over his shoulder obviously wondering what was so important that Phyllis, Mrs. Carson and Richard had to discuss it behind closed doors.

“Of course, I believe we were done here?” he looked back at Mrs. Carson who nodded.

“Yes, Mr. Ellis. Thank you for the insight. Please go on.”

“Thank you.” Phyllis said as well and her gaze was soft.

Richard smiled and followed a still curious Daisy out into the servants hall.

“What did you want to talk about, Daisy?” he asked as soon as they stood next to the table.

Daisy pulled something out of her apron’s pocket and held it out to him. Richard took it with a confused look. It was a small brown vial with a clear liquid. It looked viscid when he shook it.

“What is that?” he asked.

“It’s olive oil. For Thomas.” She said and pointed to the vial.

Richard blinked at her dumbfounded. “For Thomas…?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yes. For his hand. I saw him this morning in the back yard. It is hurting him again and Doctor Clarkson said massaging it with oil would help.”

A warm feeling spread through his entire chest. Oh thank god for Daisy. Thank god for this house. It never ceased to amaze him these days.

“It must cost a lot. Are you sure?” He said hesitantly and eyed the vial. He knew that the people in London had olive oil but he never heard that you could buy it in York or anywhere else up north.

Daisy snorted. “No one will notice. Teo broke a whole bottle last week and we didn’t realise until days after. We only need it for the salad and the family doesn’t even like salad this much.”

“Thank you.” Richard said truthfully. “But why didn’t you give it to him?”

She looked at him as if that was a stupid question. “You think he would listen to me, the stubborn twit? Be a dear and tell him to take better care of himself. He will listen to you.”

Richard stared at her a little warily. It was difficult to remember who did and who did not know about Thomas and him these days but he was pretty sure that Daisy wasn’t on the list of people in the know.

“I will give it to him.” He said carefully.

The kitchen maid rolled her eyes at him. “Oh please. We both know you will do more than that.”

He didn’t manage a reply to that. Daisy didn’t seem to mind. She _winked_ at him and turned around to leave for the kitchen. “Just don’t spill any. It is a terrible labour to get oil out of any fabric.”

* * *

Thomas returned to his room later in the evening. He had just helped Lord Grantham upstairs, which had been a very uncomfortable experience after everything that happened last night.

He needed to find a new valet as soon as possible.

His hand was also still hurting. Fortunately the Earl had been to busy avoiding every look at Thomas to notice it. The butler had successfully managed to get through the day and no one had noticed. Of course like so often that statement was a tad premature.

Richard was waiting in his room. The valet was sitting on the edge of Thomas bed and he had something small in his hands that he fidgeted with nervously.

“Richard!” Thomas hissed and quickly closed the door behind himself. “Just because the whole house knows about us we don’t have to be careless.”

Richard looked up at him and Thomas immediately forgot his previous sentence. There was so much love in the man’s gaze that Thomas could’ve stood there for the rest of his life bathing in the shine of it.

“How are you?” Richard asked. “After Lord Grantham, I mean.”

Thomas sighed. “It was awkward but I really don’t want to talk about him right now. How was Mr. Talbot?”

“Equally awkward.” Richard laughed. “We played chess.”

Thomas narrowed his eyes at him. “I thought you were good at doing your job, Mr. Ellis.”

“Apparently not.”

“Well I hope we do not only pay you to play chess. One could think you slothful and you could lose your perfect image.” Thomas added.

Richard shook his head fondly but his mind didn’t seem to be entirely in it. His gaze turned serious a second later. He held up the thing he was holding. It looked like a vial with some sort of liquid.

“Daisy gave me that. It’s oil. For your hand.” His look drifted down to Thomas gloved hand and the butler had to keep himself from hiding it behind his back. It was too late anyways.

“That is kind of her.” He said honestly but also surprised. He had completely forgotten that Daisy had noticed. She apparently cared enough to remember it. “But I am fine.”

Richard shook his head sadly. “Thomas…please don’t. I have seen you today. You are hurting.”

Thomas looked at the ceiling and sighed deeply. “Very well. Leave it here, I take care of it later.”

And of course that was still not enough for the valet. Richard got up from the bed and walked over to him. “Let me.” He said. “I want to help you.”

“I don’t need help.” Thomas said. Richard didn’t have to do this. He shouldn’t look at these ugly scars.

“I know.” Richard said. “But I love you, and I can’t stand it to see you hurting. Please? For me?”

They stared at each other for a few silent seconds. “You don’t have to do this.”

“But I want to.”

“Are you sure?” Thomas asked and lifted his gloved hand. “It is not pretty.”

“I have seen it before, Thomas. I don’t care. It is a part of you.” Richards voice was full of determination and that was enough to convince Thomas.

“Fine.” He said and tried to pull the glove from his hand. The pain, that shot through the cramped muscles was enough to let him gasp.

“Sit down?” Richard said and pointed to the bed.

Thomas reluctantly sat down at the edge of the bed and Richard joined him after a moment. “May I?” he asked and pointed to Thomas hand.

Thomas nodded. Well, there was no way out of it now. He closed his eyes and felt Richards hands on his a seconds later. The valet carefully pulled off the glove and he managed to do it so gently that it almost didn’t hurt.

As soon as the glove was off Thomas tried to flex his hand but the fingers were stiff and cramped from the unusual hard glove and from the missing exercise.

“Please let me?” Richard asked and took his hand again.

“Do your worst.” Thomas said resigned and let his head fall against the wall behind him. His eyes were still closed. He braced himself for the pain when Richard opened the vial and rubbed a little bit of the oil between his hands to warm it up.

And then he took Thomas hand in his as gentle as he could and to Thomas surprise there was no pain.

Richard started at the wrist and slowly massaged circles into the skin, careful not to press to hard or touch the other scars on his arm. The oil was warm and had a comforting smell and Thomas body slowly relaxed.

He felt his shoulders loosen when Richard started to work his way slowly from his wrist over his palm to his fingertips. It took a few minutes but finally he could feel how his fingers relaxed. There was still tension left but it wasn’t hurting anymore.

Thomas let out a relived sigh.

“Better?” Richard asked and when Thomas opened his eyes the man he loved was looking at him with a small smile, while he continued to massage the scarred hand. He marvelled at the warmth he saw in these blue eyes.

Thomas nodded. “Don’t stop doing that.” He said.

Richard leaned forward and gave Thomas a deep kiss. “Thank you for letting me do this.” He whispered as soon as they parted again. “I know this must be hard for you.”

Thomas closed his eyes again. “I thought you wouldn’t want to see the scars any more than absolutely necessary.”

“I know.” Richard replied. “But I told you how I think. You could never be ugly in my eyes.”

They sat there for a few minutes in comfortable silence while Thomas whole body relaxed and the pain in his hand disappeared completely. When Richard was done he was feeling so good that he laughed. “Can you please do that again some time?”

“Every evening, if you want to.” Richard said with a smile. “If Daisy wants to keep stealing oil.”

Thomas arched a brow at him. “She stole it?”

Richard nodded with a frown. “Yes. And she told me that I shouldn’t spill any because it is impossible to get it out of fabric. And then she _winked_ at me.”

The two of them stared at each other for a few seconds, both with frowns on their faces.

“Do you think she could know as well?” Thomas finally asked.

“I think there is a high possibility.” Richard said dryly and then they were both laughing.

It took them a minute to calm down again and they only managed that because Richard kissed Thomas and they had better things to do than laugh after that.

Thomas ended up on his back with Richard on top of him.

“I love you.” The valet whispered between kisses and stroked with his fingers over Thomas cheek.

“I love you too.” Thomas replied and then they were kissing again.

Thomas completely lost himself in the feeling. It was exciting and desperate but also gentle and soft. He could’ve continued with this for hours. Richard managed to get Thomas shirt open and then his hand was suddenly on Thomas bare skin right over his heart.

###

And something was changing. He wasn’t in his room anymore. He was in a guestroom upstairs. And the man on top of him wasn’t Richard. It was Philip. And he was not feeling loved and safe. He was feeling terrified and vulnerable.

Thomas’ whole body tensed and his breath came as fast gasps all the sudden.

Richard immediately froze on top of him, his hand was still lying on Thomas chest. “Thomas?”

He was safe. This was alright. This was Richard and he trusted Richard. The rational part of his mind knew that.

His subconscious part screamed at him to run.

Not again. This could not be happening again.

Thomas suddenly couldn’t breath anymore. His throat felt constricted as if there were hands squeezing it. His lungs expanded but he couldn’t get the air out anymore.

“Thomas!” Richard’s voice was full of panic now. The hand on his chest was suddenly gone and seconds later the weight on top of him vanished as well. But he still couldn’t breathe.

“Listen to me, Thomas. You are safe. I am here. You are safe. Nothing can happen to you. I am here with you. Try to breathe. Listen to my breathing. Slowly. In and out. In and out...”

Thomas heard the voice next to his ear and he tried to hold onto it in his panic. He tried to do what the voice was telling him. Even when black spots appeared in his vision he listened to the voice.

And suddenly he couldn’t feel the strange ghost hands on his body anymore. The only thing he could feel was the warmth in this voice. He clung to it like he would cling to a rope hanging at the edge of an abyss.

He managed to take the first gasping breath.

“Good.” The voice said. “Keep trying. Keep breathing. In and out…In and out…”

Slowly he resurfaced from the haze. More air was streaming in and out of his lungs and the black spots slowly disappeared from his vision.

And then he blinked and noticed his surroundings. He frowned.

Richard was sitting on the floor next to Thomas bed near his head. Tears were running down the valets face and he looked paler than he ever had before. His hand was inches from Thomas face but he didn’t dare to touch. His fingers were shaking.

Thomas slowly sat up and he felt as if a train had run him over. His lungs hurt and a headache was slowly making itself noticeable behind his temples. His back hit the wall behind him and he turned his head to press his face against the cool surface. His eyes closed on their own. “I am sorry.” He whispered.

“What…?” Richard said barely loud enough to hear.

“I think I need time.” Thomas admitted. “I am sorry.”

“Don’t you dare apologise.” There was an ire in Richards voice that made Thomas look up. The valet’s voice shook with emotion. “Don’t you dare apologise _for that._ ”

Thomas sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. “You shouldn’t have to deal with something like this.”

“I am not _dealing with anything_.” Richard hissed. “You are not _something,_ Thomas. You are a human being and you were hurt and it is absolutely normal that you need time. If anyone should apologise it should be me. I didn’t think…I shouldn’t have…it’s too soon. Please forgive me.” His voice was pleading now.

“There is nothing to forgive.” Thomas replied slowly and took another deep breath because now he could. Now that Richard wasn’t touching him anymore. Would he ever be normal again?

“Please tell me what I can do?” Richard asked and his hand was still laying on the bed where it had fallen down. The man himself didn’t seem able to get up from the floor. Or maybe he just didn’t want to look threatening, looming over Thomas. That was what it had come to. Richard was afraid of standing up.

“I don’t know.” Thomas replied with a slight panic to his voice.

“Thomas.” Richard said immediately. “That’s alright. You don’t have to know. I will just be here for you. I will not do anything you are uncomfortable with. I hope you know that.”

Thomas nodded. Of course he knew. “It is not you. It’s _him._ ” He shuddered. He still couldn’t think the name.

“I am here.” Richard said with conviction. “And he is gone.” And then he held out his hand in a silent offering.

Thomas stared at it for a few seconds before he slowly took it into his own. Richard waited until he had initiated the contact before he squeezed back. The grip was solid and warm and nothing like _his_ hands. It was soothing him. Thomas leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes again. For a moment he was content to simply sit there and get comfort out of this simple touch.

“Please do not frighten me like this again.” Richard whispered into the silence after a moment. “I have never been this terrified in my whole life.”

Unfortunately this was a promise Thomas simply couldn’t give. “I’ll try…” he said instead.

He could practically hear Richards heartbeat in the following silence. When he squeezed hard enough he could also feel it in the hand he was holding.

“I am here for you.” Richard repeated.

The last thought Thomas had before he drifted into a restless sleep was that they would never get the oil out of the sheets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said I have maybe 12 percent of a plan. For now that means dealing with the aftermath and a lot of talking but I am working towards something else, so don't worry. I still have a few boxes to check on my 'DowntonAbbey-MustHave-List'.


End file.
